My brother's homeschooling experience

[Daisy]

I don't know how many of you remember that I asked for question ideas for interviewing my brother about homeschooling. Well, I got a not-so-nice surprise when I send him the questions.

 

While he attempted to sound balanced on the issue his anti-homeschooling bias came shining through. A bias that frankly, I didn't know existed prior to this.

 

When asked if he would ever homeschool his daughter he replied with...

 

Not a chance—I lack the patience and we have some excellent private schools locally.

 

He also went on to spout very common homeschooling myths such as

 

Their fears are not without merit. Many home schoolers are over sheltered and do not have the proper exposure to social organization and interaction.

 

He goes on to say that parents who aren't smart enough shouldn't bother even trying to homeschool.

 

He feels his worldview, his values, his preparedness for his career are all because of his own personality and have nothing to do with homeschooling (I'd agree with him if didn't sound like a chip off the old block, kwim? Obviously some rubbing off happened).

 

I'm so totally FRUSTRATED right now. Who would have thought that a kid homeschooled from 8th-graduation would have such a negative view of homeschooling?

 

I'm telling myself it is because he is still in the jack@ss stage. :glare:

[Renee in NC]

Maybe he just didn't like being homeschooled? I wouldn't take it personally. He's an adult who is entitled to his opinions. It isn't a reflection on you or your mother or anything else - simply something that he doesn't want to do with his own child.

 

I imagine he isn't the only homeschooled now-adult who wishes they hadn't been homeschooled.

 

:grouphug:

[jentancalann]

I never saw your previous thread, but just wondering how old is your brother? What age bracket? just curious.

[Daisy]

Maybe he just didn't like being homeschooled? I wouldn't take it personally. He's an adult who is entitled to his opinions. It isn't a reflection on you or your mother or anything else - simply something that he doesn't want to do with his own child.

 

I imagine he isn't the only homeschooled now-adult who wishes they hadn't been homeschooled.

 

:grouphug:

 

I understand that and I won't attempt to change his opinion. I just wish his opinion had sounded nicer. :lol:

 

He is glad he was homeschooled but from a purely academic viewpoint. He feels he was smart enough and motivated enough to have excelled in any educational environment so he is glad he didn't have to waste his time in traditional school.

 

He just doesn't "get it". I just thought he would. So I guess I'm disappointed more than anything.

 

But the bigger thing is do I want to print this on my blog? THAT was my whole reason for doing it. I don't want to start a riot on my blog. Frankly the answers to the questions sound like a commercial for why my barely 31yo brother thinks he is so great and has very little to do with homeschooling. I was doing it to maybe throw some hits his way to his professional site, but I'm thinking his answers are going to backfire on him at least with the homeschooling community.

Edited October 22, 2010 by Daisy

[abbeyej]

Well, I was home schooled k-8 and I have a very different view. Overall home schooling was very positive for me, and I'm very grateful to have the opportunity to home school my own kiddos. I also know a number of other formerly home schooled adults who have wide ranging views on home schooling. As they do about most things...

 

In some ways I *do* find myself playing devil's advocate about home schooling some times. Many "new converts" to the idea want to think that there are never problems with social awkwardness or academically unprepared children in home schooled families, etc, etc. They want to think that just keeping their kids at home will make them academically superior and make their family closer and prevent any future problems and... And obviously those views are nonsense. ;) Just like the view that home schooled children are always social misfits and that no one without an education degree can possibly teach a child effectively, etc, etc.

 

The truth, as is generally the case, is somewhere in the middle. Some home schooled kids excel academically and some are woefully unprepared and even suffer educational neglect. As do children in public and even in private schools. Some home schooled kids find themselves at perfect ease in social situations and comfortably take on leadership roles. Others are socially awkward in the myriad ways that's possible.

 

I do find that home schooling often magnifies the issues -- positive and negative -- within an individual family. This can be a great blessing, or it can be something to watch carefully and perhaps even make an effort to counteract.

 

If your brother has specific criticisms, it might be worth considering whether there's any truth to them. Why does he think the things he does, and could or should it impact the things you choose to do? ... But if his complaints are mostly wild generalizations? Maybe he's just a brat. ;)

[Daisy]

I never saw your previous thread, but just wondering how old is your brother? What age bracket? just curious.

 

Oops I was wrong in my previous thread. He is 32. He is self-employed, married, and has a 3yo daughter.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I don't know how many of you remember that I asked for question ideas for interviewing my brother about homeschooling. Well, I got a not-so-nice surprise when I send him the questions.

 

While he attempted to sound balanced on the issue his anti-homeschooling bias came shining through. A bias that frankly, I didn't know existed prior to this.

 

When asked if he would ever homeschool his daughter he replied with...

 

 

 

He also went on to spout very common homeschooling myths such as

 

 

 

He goes on to say that parents who aren't smart enough shouldn't bother even trying to homeschool.

 

He feels his worldview, his values, his preparedness for his career are all because of his own personality and have nothing to do with homeschooling (I'd agree with him if didn't sound like a chip off the old block, kwim? Obviously some rubbing off happened).

 

I'm so totally FRUSTRATED right now. Who would have thought that a kid homeschooled from 8th-graduation would have such a negative view of homeschooling?

 

I'm telling myself it is because he is still in the jack@ss stage. :glare:

 

Well, if he follows the demographics of most homeschoolers, he wouldn't be the primary homeschooling parent. Hopefully he will marry (if he hasn't already) someone with more patience than he is but also the brains that he thinks he has.

 

His answers should have been more directed to his own experience. Unless he's done extensive research, he would not know how sheltered most homeschoolers are or aren't.

 

Did you ask him if he took logic?:lol:

[Daisy]

If your brother has specific criticisms, it might be worth considering whether there's any truth to them. Why does he think the things he does, and could or should it impact the things you choose to do? ... But if his complaints are mostly wild generalizations? Maybe he's just a brat. ;)

 

He lives on the other side of the country so of course none of his comments were directed at our homeschooling. He hasn't a clue what we do.

 

He admits he rarely interacts with homeschoolers because he is an extrovert and finds them socially introverted most of the time.

 

He has a very forceful personality and is very blunt, and I'm probably just taking him too seriously.

 

Oddly enough while he asserts that my parents had very little influence on him, I'm laughing my head off because he SOUNDS just like my Dad. Maybe I should make him the poster child for homeschoolers adopting their parents worldviews and personalities.

[Daisy]

Well, if he follows the demographics of most homeschoolers, he wouldn't be the primary homeschooling parent. Hopefully he will marry (if he hasn't already) someone with more patience than he is but also the brains that he thinks he has.

 

His answers should have been more directed to his own experience. Unless he's done extensive research, he would not know how sheltered most homeschoolers are or aren't.

 

Did you ask him if he took logic?:lol:

 

Actually he married a girl who went to public school. Here was his response to that...

My wife is a prime example of how someone who has been in the standard system of education, has evolved in much of the same way as what homes schoolers like to feel as unique.

 

Ahhh, well, thanks for letting me blow off steam. I would never say any of this to him. I do love the lughead.

Edited October 22, 2010 by Daisy

[abbeyej]

He lives on the other side of the country so of course none of his comments were directed at our homeschooling. He hasn't a clue what we do.

 

Actually, I meant regarding his own experiences! ... Since you grew up in the same family culture (I'm assuming?), his insights about his own experience might provide interesting food for thought. If he can be specific and not just bratty. ;)

 

He has a very forceful personality and is very blunt, and I'm probably just taking him too seriously.

Amazing how quickly even adult siblings can get under our skin, huh?!? My little brother is on my good side right now, lol, but it doesn't take much... ;)

[Tree House Academy]

How old is your brother? If you are about to say 18-24, yep...I believe it.

[Daisy]

Actually, I meant regarding his own experiences! ... Since you grew up in the same family culture (I'm assuming?), his insights about his own experience might provide interesting food for thought. If he can be specific and not just bratty. ;)

 

 

 

Ahhh, yes, it did provide insight into his own experiences. I think it was a rough time for him. My parents had just moved to take care of my grandma. My sister and I were already gone from the home.

 

Glad you mentioned it. He is probably speaking out of his own limited experience. I'm feeling less inclined to smack him upside the head now.

[Renee in NC]

Ahhh, yes, it did provide insight into his own experiences. I think it was a rough time for him. My parents had just moved to take care of my grandma. My sister and I were already gone from the home.

 

Glad you mentioned it. He is probably speaking out of his own limited experience. I'm feeling less inclined to smack him upside the head now.

 

I can imagine that an extroverted child, left at home after the other siblings have moved out, at a time of great stress in the family might feel the way he does.

 

Or maybe he just needs that smack!:lol:

[joannqn]

He admits he rarely interacts with homeschoolers because he is an extrovert and finds them socially introverted most of the time.

:lol:

 

My daughter and I are about as extroverted as you can get. Perhaps, I should explain to her that we are suppose to be socially introverted and stop trying to spend as much time with friends as possible.

[Lolly]

Oops I was wrong in my previous thread. He is 32. He is self-employed, married, and has a 3yo daughter.

 

So, he hasn't actually experienced having a child in school yet. He may change his tune; then again, he may not.

[Daisy]

I can imagine that an extroverted child, left at home after the other siblings have moved out, at a time of great stress in the family might feel the way he does.

 

Or maybe he just needs that smack!:lol:

 

I think the desire to smack him comes from the overwhelming EGO presented in the question & answer email.

 

Seriously, I think I'm just reacting to the tone.

 

I'm in a bit of a jam, ladies. Do I post it on my blog and just let the chips fall where they may? Or do I tell him I'm not going to post it.

 

I've already warned him that his bias shows and that I don't really think it is going to be much of an encouragement to the homeschool community.

 

What I didn't say to him is that I think he sounds smart but incredibly self-absorbed in the responses.

[abbeyej]

...I think it was a rough time for him. My parents had just moved to take care of my grandma...

 

It's interesting... I had a FB exchange recently with a couple of former coworkers of dh's -- so people I knew, but not well. One is considering home schooling her own preschooler, and the other was very negative about home schooling based on his own experiences. And his story was somewhat similar -- very bright kid, pulled out of school when his family moved, and the new place was relatively isolating... He really *did* feel like he missed out on a lot of social experiences and even academic ones. There was also a switch to a more conservative religious practice (by his parents) around that time. ... And it was clear that those things *really* colored his view of home schooling.

 

I've seen it play out similarly a few other times. ... And I think it's a lot harder for older kids who feel like they've been yanked from everything they know at a very sensitive time in life and plunged into something new and unwanted. Especially when that comes with isolation. And it's something to be wary of with older kids who are at an age when they *should* be able to have *some* say in their education...

 

Anyway, just interesting to consider... Both in understanding your brother and in thinking, "Okay, what are the things that can make the home schooling experience more and less positive for my own kids in the long term"...

[Daisy]

So, he hasn't actually experienced having a child in school yet. He may change his tune; then again, he may not.

 

Well, technically he would say he does have a child in school. They've sent her to daycare from the beginning and she is now in a very traditional start them early and start them hard preschool program.

[abbeyej]

Maybe you can find other adults who were home schooled through high school and post several different survey responses together to give a range of views?

[Daisy]

Well, never mind. I tried to be understanding of his position and he just ripped into me. I'm done.

 

I'm not posting his responses. If I did I think it would make me want to give up on homeschooling.

 

Maybe one day he'll grow up and see what the benefits were to his being homeschooled.

 

I hope my children think it was worth it one day. :sad:

[Jean in Newcastle]

Well, never mind. I tried to be understanding of his position and he just ripped into me. I'm done.

 

I'm not posting his responses. If I did I think it would make me want to give up on homeschooling.

 

Maybe one day he'll grow up and see what the benefits were to his being homeschooled.

 

I hope my children think it was worth it one day. :sad:

 

:grouphug: I'm sorry, Daisy.

[at the beach]

Well, technically he would say he does have a child in school. They've sent her to daycare from the beginning and she is now in a very traditional start them early and start them hard preschool program.

 

Ah well, are you sure he's not just making sure that he and his wife are on the same page with their decisions regarding child-rearing? Has he expressed displeasure all along about homeschooling? Or is this something that has come to be only since his marriage and birth of his child? Also, if the child has been in daycare all along, then the wife must have her own career and if it's a very full-time one, then it would be hard to homeschool anyway, perhaps? And if there's no way that they are going to homeschool, they probably aren't going to sing the praises of homeschooling, either. Just my opinion.

[stephanier.1765]

Maybe it's a guy thing. All 3 of my sons who have been homeschooled at some point in their lives (oldest for 2 years, middle for 6 and youngest his whole life) say they will not homeschool their kids. They may change their minds later when they have kids but for now that's their stance.

[MIch elle]

Maybe it's a guy thing.

 

Looking back he says he's grateful that he was homeschooled k-8 and wouldn't change it. He attended public school band in grades 5-7 and saw a bit of what it was like in our system and didn't want to attend full-time. But he did want to attend high school. He's a junior at a private high school.

 

Did the dc have a choice in homeschooling or not? Maybe that's the difference - choice. From about 5th grade, I gave my dc the choice to homeschool or attend school.

 

I'm not sure my boys would homeschool their dc. That's a WHOLE 'nother thing! ;)

[Scarlett]

Well, never mind. I tried to be understanding of his position and he just ripped into me. I'm done.

 

I think his anger speaks volumes. He sounded on edge and contrary in the comments of his you posted....and then got angry at you when you want to reason out those comments.

[engu]

Sorry wrong post.

Edited October 22, 2010 by engu

[cathmom]

I can imagine that an extroverted child, left at home after the other siblings have moved out, at a time of great stress in the family might feel the way he does.

 

Or maybe he just needs that smack!:lol:

 

I agree - it does sound like it wasn't the best situation for him.

[Parrothead]

He sounds like a very arrogant man. I've got a brother that turned out that way too. All you can do is shake you head at their attitude and pass the bean dip. Otherwise it will drive you crazy, and they will never know or admit they had anything to do with it.

 

:grouphug:

[LibraryLover]

I am not justifying or excusing your brother's not-great communication skills, but a person is allowed to feel how they feel about their childhood. You asked him, right? He didn't volunteer the information out of the blue? Wasn't looking to 'get you'? (At least I hope not!)

 

You don't like what he has to say about his experience. Yet it is his. Yours was different. That's how it is for sibs. I don't know what he said to you later that you felt ripped into...that's too bad, and he should probably have held his tongue. He may be hurt and/or angry; he may be thinking you are telling him his feelings are wrong or that he's mis-remembering his own life. I don't know. I do come from a large family, and we sibs all have particular memories of particular situtaions...and very often they do not match in any way! lol

 

As an outsider, I don't see anything in your OP that sounds so terrible. He's expressing what he thinks.. He doesn't seem he is telling you that you're doing a bad job hsing or are wrong to do so.

 

This is really about him, I think, and not you. His hs experience sounds far different from your own. That's OK. That's how it is. He feels how he feels about his childhood, and you feel how you feel. You're both right about your own expereinces.

 

I am glad you love your brother, the lunkhead. lol

Edited October 22, 2010 by LibraryLover

[cathmom]

To the OP: Were you homeschooled, or was this something that started just for him in 8th grade?

[SailorMom]

You know - just from the quotes that were posted - he didn't sound so much negative as just honest. Homeschooling isn't for everyone, and I've met a lot of sheltered, socially awkward homeschoolers. (The same can be said for PS'ers as well, though).... Most of the people I know would never consider homeschooling, and I do not have any close friends who do so. In fact - most of my friends are PS teachers!

Many people do not support our family's decision to homeschool - and I think they are always waiting to see us fail- it helps them feel better about their decisions I guess.

The best way to prove him (them) wrong is to do a wonderful job :)

[NineChoirs]

Here is an issue I am very familiar with. First of all as much as you may or may not have liked his opinion, when you decide to interview somebody because of an experience they have had, the honest thing to do is accept the answers. By not posting them on your blog you are dodging the elephant in the room and presenting a rose colored view of homeschooling. The fact is there are socialization issues. Educational neglect can be found in homeschooling families. Homeschooling is not the perfect answer to education. It is however an option, and a good one. And socialization problems and educational neglect can happen in any academic setting. The right thing to do is look at and consider all your options and decide what you think will work best in your situation. The most important thing is that whatever option parents choose, they remain the primary educators of their children. This is possible even when the kids go to a school outside of the home.

 

The reason I am so familiar with this issue is because I am in my 30's and was homeschooled myself. Half of my second grade year and all of my third were spent in a co-op homeschool. After that fell apart, my parents started homeschooling full time. I was homeschooled for the rest of my school years except for half of my junior year of high school which was spent in a private school.

 

Not so long ago had you asked me my opinions on homeschooling, they would have closely matched your brother's. I even shared that opinion with families who homeschooled if they asked me. And I was equally as vehement. This came as a shock to people because I am fairly quiet and I think they always expected me to give positive answers.

 

When my kids started school, things went well but we switched school districts. We started having alot of problems with the schools there. So we switched them to a private school. The private school was horrible, the kids hated it and it seemed like our family was having a complete break down. We finally had to seriously consider homeschooling. I knew other families who homeschooled and their experiences seemed to differ from mine.

 

Except for math (I used Saxon), I was pretty much unschooled. We traveled alot and did the whole "living history" thing. Sounds great and it was fun, but it was lonely. I read alot and even learned alot. And in some ways I feel I was much more advanced academically than my peers. But, college was not a possibility for me. As I quickly learned in my brief time in school in my junior year, I had some serious educational flaws. I couldn't learn from a teacher. If I didn't read it from a book, or figure it out on my own, I didn't retain it. Science? A joke. I looked at chemistry like someone had plopped me into a fifth year language class for a language that I had never even heard of. Then there was art, government, world geography, world history.... I was the smartest dumb kid in class.

 

As for a 9 to 5 job grind? Well that wasn't going to happen either. I had never been made to get up and be ready and accountable to a schedule. I was able to dodge structure and responsibility while I was growing up so I never learned how to conform. So suddenly I was a fiercely independent adult who had no idea how to stand on my own two feet.

 

In the end it all worked out, but barely. I wouldn't wish my early adult years on anyone. It was like being thrown into a stormy ocean and told to learn how to swim.

 

These friends of ours had much more structured homeschools though. And there were so many books! And science, history, geography were all taken seriously. So I decided to give it a shot. And it went well for the past four years. I enjoyed being with my kids more. My husband helps out by teaching latin, art, music, and religion on the weekends. My kids learned more from home than they would have at an elite private school.. And we had structure, a strict schedule and they have to be dressed and ready at a certain time.

 

We have since moved to a great school district and my boys have chosen to go back to school. My oldest is in ninth, he needed to be able to get out there and not be around mom so much. He is in all the AP classes and plays soccer. He is doing great and really enjoys it. He has alot of friends and is very happy. He liked the educational aspect of homeschooling but he did miss having so many friends. He is a very smart kid who is college bound and I trust his opinion. The socialization thing is something I wish people who homeschool were more open to discuss so that we could maybe figure out some better answers for it. Denying it exists is unhelpful.

 

My youngest son is in 6th, he went back to school because he wanted to play sports more competitively. He is very active and a natural athlete. He did great in homeschooling and I think it really helped him mature. Now he is in school and doing great. He is really enjoying it. He is doing well academically and is very active in their athletic programs. He also said that he enjoyed being homeschooled. His complaint was the lack of physical activity, and also the lack of having very many friends.

 

My daughter wanted to remain homeschooled and so she did. She is currently in 7th grade. It is actually going super well. Her and I are very close and I feel like I can teach her to become a woman. Our homeschool group has alot of girls and my daughter is very outgoing. For her socialization isn't as much of a problem. But we are still looking for things to get her involved in so that she can get out and meet new people. The house is quiet during the day which is really helping us get through some pretty tough study work. At this time we are planning on her being homeschooled all the way through high school. I do plan to enroll with a homeschool service in high school for a diploma, transcript and college guidance.

 

My husband still teaches all of them on the weekends. And we both stay actively involved in what the boys are learning at school. Things may change in the future, but for now this is what's working for us.

 

So just wanted to suggest that you not be too upset with your brother. Homeschooling is a valid option, but it isn't perfect and comes with it's own issues. Your brother is just stating the way he feels about it. In the future he may see that other types of education are also flawed, and understand that the most important thing is that parents make the best possible choices for their children.

 

If you try to find someone who had a positive experience with being homeschool you could offer opposing viewpoints on your blog and open up the door for hopefully an open and honest dialogue with the various pros and cons of the different educational choices. You could also go a step further and find people who have had various experiences with other types of education as well (private/public/co-op). Maybe there will never be a "perfect" type of education, but if people were more open to honest discussion maybe we could take steps to make all of them better.

 

 

Sorry for the long post!

[Daisy]

I am not justifying or excusing your brother's not-great communication skills, but a person is allowed to feel how they feel about their childhood. You asked him, right? He didn't volunteer the information out of the blue? Wasn't looking to 'get you'? (At least I hope not!)...

 

This is really about him, I think, and not you. His hs experience sounds far different from your own. That's OK. That's how it is. He feels how he feels about his childhood, and you feel how you feel. You're both right about your own expereinces.

 

I am glad you love your brother, the lunkhead. lol

 

I understand what you are saying. Of course he is entitled to his own experiences & I assured him of that from the beginning. This was intended to be a mutually beneficial interview. This wasn't an informal chit-chat.

 

We thought it was going to be a positive experience. Perhaps we just had different expectations. He was going to share his homeschooling thoughts (which he assured me where positive) and how it shaped his formation with my blog readers. That was the positive for me. The positive for him would be that he is a respected graphic designer and it would give him greater exposure and a personal side.

 

I think he tackled it like it was a personal resume trying to convince me of how great he was in spite of homeschooling. His tone through-out the question/answer email (which was 20+ questions long & I wouldn't reprint here everything he said without his permission) is very condescending towards homeschoolers. Not at all what I was looking for. When I tried to explain that I was hoping for some encouraging words for homeschoolers without negating his personal experiences, he became angry. I don't know why he just didn't spit all that out at the beginning. We wouldn't have done the exercise.

 

Perhaps answering the questions brought up unpleasant feelings for him. Perhaps he has embraced the very arguments used against homeschooling as a sort of emotional buffer, but regardless the interview is unusable at this point. I'm not going to subject my readers to a homeschool graduate's rant against homeschooling especially when that rant simply mimics the stereotypical responses homeschoolers get when standing in line at the grocery store.

Edited October 22, 2010 by Daisy

[mommaduck]

The thing is, those that are introverted, awkward homeschoolers would probably be the introverted, awkward public or private schoolers as well. Heaven help him if his dd turns out to be introverted or awkward.

[Daisy]

Here is an issue I am very familiar with. First of all as much as you may or may not have liked his opinion, when you decide to interview somebody because of an experience they have had, the honest thing to do is accept the answers. By not posting them on your blog you are dodging the elephant in the room and presenting a rose colored view of homeschooling....

 

Sorry for the long post!

 

You mistake the purpose of my blog. It isn't not informational. It is a not a non-biased news source. I am not in any way trying to present a balanced view of education. If I was going to do that I'd post about my husband's job on my blog. I have no desire to do that.

 

I simply want to share encouragement with homeschoolers and talk about our journey with homeschooling. This would not have fit the bill and frankly, my brother knows that.

 

I was also very clear in the beginning about my expectations in regards to the editing and publishing of said interview. He was in complete agreement so it is not in the least bit unethical for me to withdraw my offer to publish it.

 

The matter is resolved. My brother & I have emailed. While still working through our feelings, we have acknowledged the issue is tabled. It was an ill-conceived idea. I just needed a place to work though my feelings.

Edited October 22, 2010 by Daisy

[emubird]

The thing is, those that are introverted, awkward homeschoolers would probably be the introverted, awkward public or private schoolers as well. Heaven help him if his dd turns out to be introverted or awkward.

 

Yep. In fact, that was one of the reasons we gave up on public school -- so my introverted, awkward kid could learn how to not be awkward in a supportive environment. She's still not one of those in your face extroverts, but honestly, now that she's in college majoring in theater, it would be difficult to call her an introvert (and difficult to call her uneducated as she's also double majoring in physics).

 

BTW -- as far being sheltered -- yes, she was home most of the time, but we did let her out of her cage on occasion. Something must have sunk in. This week, her acting class went to a play that turned out to be very experimental, violent, shocking, etc. The professor who took them later confided that she was sorry she'd taken them. She hadn't known it was going to be quite that, um, challenging. So which were the kids in the class who were most shocked by it all? Not my homeschooled daughter. It was all the public school kids who had a problem with it.

[NineChoirs]

Obviously it is your blog and your decision. But in order to support homeschoolers it is helpful to understand the mistakes that should be avoided.

 

There were only two things I liked about being homeschooled, Saxon math, and reading so many books. I used these two things and built from them. All the mistakes that were made in my own experience with being homeschooled I was able to correct. That made me a better homeschooler, and what can be more encouraging than that?

 

I noticed you never said whether or not you yourself were homeschooled. If you were and it was pleasant you could always just post your own experience. If you weren't, maybe your brother feels defensive because he doesn't think you understand.

[stephanier.1765]

Did the dc have a choice in homeschooling or not?

 

 

Yep, they knew they could go back at any time. Since this is my youngest's first year of high school, I even gave him an extra push towards PS just to make sure that homeschooling was what he still wanted and it was/is. Maybe they just realize what a pain in the butt they can be sometimes and don't want to deal with their own children being such pains. :lol:

[Daisy]

Obviously it is your blog and your decision. But in order to support homeschoolers it is helpful to understand the mistakes that should be avoided.

 

There were only two things I liked about being homeschooled, Saxon math, and reading so many books. I used these two things and built from them. All the mistakes that were made in my own experience with being homeschooled I was able to correct. That made me a better homeschooler, and what can be more encouraging than that?

 

I noticed you never said whether or not you yourself were homeschooled. If you were and it was pleasant you could always just post your own experience. If you weren't, maybe your brother feels defensive because he doesn't think you understand.

 

 

NineChoirs, I appreciate that you are trying to take my brother's side. That's nice and I really did learn a lot about my brother's homeschooling experience. No, I wasn't homeschooled. I went to private school. Generally, my brother is a pretty nice guy. He is intense type-A, a hard-worker, dedicated, and a wonderful father. He had no problems in college & has a wonderful career. I thought he'd be a great example of a well-adjusted homeschooled graduate who is making his mark in the world. I'm very proud of him.

Edited October 22, 2010 by Daisy
to say less.

[pdalley]

 

 

 

Except for math (I used Saxon), I was pretty much unschooled. We traveled alot and did the whole "living history" thing. Sounds great and it was fun, but it was lonely. I read alot and even learned alot. And in some ways I feel I was much more advanced academically than my peers. But, college was not a possibility for me. As I quickly learned in my brief time in school in my junior year, I had some serious educational flaws. I couldn't learn from a teacher. If I didn't read it from a book, or figure it out on my own, I didn't retain it. Science? A joke. I looked at chemistry like someone had plopped me into a fifth year language class for a language that I had never even heard of. Then there was art, government, world geography, world history.... I was the smartest dumb kid in class.

 

As for a 9 to 5 job grind? Well that wasn't going to happen either. I had never been made to get up and be ready and accountable to a schedule. I was able to dodge structure and responsibility while I was growing up so I never learned how to conform. So suddenly I was a fiercely independent adult who had no idea how to stand on my own two feet.

 

In the end it all worked out, but barely. I wouldn't wish my early adult years on anyone. It was like being thrown into a stormy ocean and told to learn how to swim.

 

 

 

 

I'm not trying to argue - truly - but I could have written the above and was entirely public schooled. In my case it was the parenting - or lack thereof -and possibly some executive function/ADD/autism issues. But hindsight is 20/20.

 

I learned NOTHING in public school. I had no idea of how to study, to stick to a schedule, learn from a teacher. I used to be horribly disorganized. It wasn't until I had kids that I learned to be organized - out of self preservation if nothing else. I barely scraped through Algebra I and it took me two years. Again, I was entirely public schooled since K.

 

My children were and would be - socially awkward - in any school setting. I was - my brother was and it nearly drove him to suicide in a middle school bathroom. It's more of a personality trait IME than a school setting thing.

 

I think it's true what they say - the grass is always greener from the other side.

 

Back to the OP - it seems she made it clear to her brother what she was looking for - he agreed to it and it's not what they agreed to. She didn't pay him for the interview and since this is a personal blog I don't think she's under any obligation to share it. It's not hiding or refusing to see anything. There are drawbacks to any education model. I've never seen anyone on this board deny that.

 

I would have loved to have been home schooled but I probably would have learned nothing for the same reasons that I learned little in public school. This is why my boys are taught with structure and taught how to follow a schedule and the like. Well that and they're Aspies. I don't want my kids to waste their twenties - like me - trying to learn things they should have been taught when they were young.

[NineChoirs]

Daisy,

I am not trying to take anyone's side, just pointing out that there are in fact many sides to this and any issue for that matter.

 

 

Pdall,

 

I agree, which I pointed out in the first paragraph of my first post. There are similar problems with every type of education. And the biggest problem of all is when parents fail to give everything they have (whatever that may be) to ensure their kids are properly prepared for the future.

 

 

I would also like to point out that I learned my negative views on homeschooling were wrong. I am not sure if it was clear in my post. I realized that it wasn't homeschooling that was the problem but rather the way my homeschooling was handled. My parents homeschooled me because it was easier for them. We traveled because they wanted to travel. They never actually taught me anything, everything I learned I learned on my own. Obviously I have since learned that there are better and more effective ways of homeschooling.

[BarbecueMom]

He feels his worldview, his values, his preparedness for his career are all because of his own personality and have nothing to do with homeschooling (I'd agree with him if didn't sound like a chip off the old block, kwim? Obviously some rubbing off happened).

 

...

 

I'm telling myself it is because he is still in the jack@ss stage. :glare:

 

 

My brother is 19, so smack in the middle of that stage. He has always, since day one, taken the opposite view of whatever issue we're discussing. I played a lot of sports until high school, then was heavily involved in music. Not interested in "cool clothes" or whatnot. He played zero sports UNTIL high school, still thinks anyone with a creative interest is a dork, and only wears name-brand clothes that look like the dryer ate them.

 

I think he does this to avoid living in my shadow. He grew up hearing from teachers, "Oh, you're BarbecueMom's brother! I expect an A in this class from you!" Then he'd fail the class, likely on purpose.

 

We were both public schooled, but I seriously doubt my brother would EVER consider homeschooling simply because I am. I can't fault him completely for acting this way... I do the same thing with my mother. :tongue_smilie:

[pdalley]

 

Pdall,

 

I agree, which I pointed out in the first paragraph of my first post. There are similar problems with every type of education. And the biggest problem of all is when parents fail to give everything they have (whatever that may be) to ensure their kids are properly prepared for the future.

 

 

.

 

 

I just found it really interesting that you and I had similar struggles in the short run (cause the long run is now to my way of thinking ;) ) and came from completely different education models. You put into words a lot of the problems I had but we were in different situations. I just think that's interesting.

 

And I agree - parents need to give it all for their kids education - regardless of what education model they choose for their kids.

[leann_in_tx]

There's not really much to add to this discussion - but I can't help myself:) I was public schooled throughout, (including state university), and have always been introverted, was socially awkward throughout school, and when I finally left academia I was completely clueless and felt lost for a long time. I don't have any one thing to blame for this. Personality, family, school environment all contributed. I think mostly I was someone who needed to be pushed in particular ways, and just wasn't. I'm a bit of a dreamer, and no one knew how to wake me up, you know?

 

I am looking forward to homeschooling my kiddos, (only 2 and 4 right now) and have assumed that socialization would be no big deal, and maybe it won't be. Public school definitely made my issues worse. But I appreciate people pointing out that it really does take some effort in that area.

 

Still, I really dislike the idea of extrovert being the only definition of socialization. (Not blaming anyone here, it's a common attitude.) I think the best kind of socialization encourages young people to converse with people of all different kinds, with charity. A lot of extroverts just don't know what to do with me. Growing into an adult and meeting people who are willing and able to talk with both the out going and reserved has been a big help to me. It's hard for kids of either bent to see that kind of thing I think, and takes maturity and practice. Daisy's brother may think he is capable socially, but if he disdains introverts, is he really?

 

When I tell people I'm planning to homeschool, (because they politely ask if my son is in school), they often start suggesting ways for him to get time with other kids. (you could sign him up for T-ball!) I understand - I used to think homeschooling was bizarre and unnatural until I met people actually doing it, some better than others. I think it's just hard to imagine that kids don't need to be in a room full of other kids all the time when that's what everybody else is doing. And there's a lot of pressure to think that way in our society.

 

And I think the real fear for any homeschooler who hears comments like these, is the fear that our own children are going to feel the same way. I suppose they might do so. It's a good thing to keep in mind I guess. Although children sometimes don't really like what's good for them:) I guess the best we can do is to give them the best we can.

 

Maybe Daisy's brother should read some John Taylor Gatto. Now THAT would be interesting.

[Danestress]

If you interviewed your brother about marriage and he had recently ended a bad one, would you be frustrated by that and worried about whether you should have gotten married?

[smrtmama]

I think the desire to smack him comes from the overwhelming EGO presented in the question & answer email.

 

Seriously, I think I'm just reacting to the tone.

 

I'm in a bit of a jam, ladies. Do I post it on my blog and just let the chips fall where they may? Or do I tell him I'm not going to post it.

 

I've already warned him that his bias shows and that I don't really think it is going to be much of an encouragement to the homeschool community.

 

What I didn't say to him is that I think he sounds smart but incredibly self-absorbed in the responses.

 

 

POST IT!

[PollyOR]

I've only skimmed the replies.

 

Daisy, my oldest dd chose to homeschool for 8th, 11th, and 12th grades. She unschooled since she wasn't cooperative. I strongly encouraged her to start community college in January of her "senior" year. She did great (4.0)!

 

Now, all I hear are negative remarks about homeschool and....she blames me :confused:. Um, whose idea was it?

 

I have to let it roll off my back.

[Ellie]

He just doesn't "get it". I just thought he would. So I guess I'm disappointed more than anything.

I hsed my dds who are now 32 and 35. I'm not sure that either of them get it. One is a little bitter. I'm sort of disappointed, too, but then maybe my grandparents were disappointed that I didn't put my dc in public school, kwim?

But the bigger thing is do I want to print this on my blog? THAT was my whole reason for doing it. I don't want to start a riot on my blog. Frankly the answers to the questions sound like a commercial for why my barely 31yo brother thinks he is so great and has very little to do with homeschooling. I was doing it to maybe throw some hits his way to his professional site, but I'm thinking his answers are going to backfire on him at least with the homeschooling community.

Be careful what you put on your blog. If it's possible for it to come back and bite you, it will.