playing at other's houses etiquette question

[momofkhm]

Say you have 3 children, the youngest is not yet old enough to stay home alone. The youngest child is playing over at a friend's house. You have to leave and take one of the older two somewhere but leave the other home. The one at home is old enough to leave in charge of the youngest.

 

Do you call friend and let them know that you are leaving? Or do you just leave knowing that (a) youngest can come home if needed and (b) you won't be gone long anyway?

[Mrs Mungo]

I would let the other mom know I was leaving, but the older child would take charge of the younger.

[Parrothead]

It would depend on who is bringing your youngest home. If you are supposed to pick him up and will be late then call the mom to let her know. If she is dropping him off at the time you won't be home, call and let her know your middle child has permission to look after the youngest.

 

If you have to leave and the youngest is not due home for an hour or more, just go. Take your cell with you. If your middle child is old enough to baby sit, he/she is old enough to contact you and relay a message if needed.

[Mom2J112903]

Call and let the parent know you are going out and for how long, give your cell number and tell them that your eldest is staying at home.

 

I could never leave J somewhere and not let the parent know where I would be, even if that ment a call or two.

[Gwenhwyfar]

i don't know...i don't think it's really necessary to call the other mom, especially if this is a normal situation (older minding younger) in your home.

 

now if there are extenuating circumstances - if she was planning to send her kiddo over with yours later or something... that's diff. ;)

 

would you call her if your dh was minding the kids? or their grandmother? aunt? uncle? not really a difference to me if it's an older sibling.

[Mrs Mungo]

It would depend on who is bringing your youngest home. If you are supposed to pick him up and will be late then call the mom to let her know. If she is dropping him off at the time you won't be home, call and let her know your middle child has permission to look after the youngest.

 

If you have to leave and the youngest is not due home for an hour or more, just go. Take your cell with you. If your middle child is old enough to baby sit, he/she is old enough to contact you and relay a message if needed.

 

The only reason I would suggest letting the other mom know, is that my younger kids have some friends without older siblings. Some of those moms are surprised that I leave my kids home alone sometimes. (!?) So, just to be on the safe side I would call and say "hey, I have to take Suzy to soccer, but Jane is there to babysit if you drop Bobby off while I'm gone."

[DarlaS]

Say you have 3 children, the youngest is not yet old enough to stay home alone. The youngest child is playing over at a friend's house. You have to leave and take one of the older two somewhere but leave the other home. The one at home is old enough to leave in charge of the youngest.

 

Do you call friend and let them know that you are leaving? Or do you just leave knowing that (a) youngest can come home if needed and (b) you won't be gone long anyway?

 

Are you talking about a neighbor or someone who would be dropping your child off while you're not home?

 

I'd probably give her a heads-up in either case. If she may be dropping your child off while you're not there, she'd want to know that was okay (since the older child was there).

 

If it was a neighbor, she'd want to know an adult was not there so if the whole gang wandered back over to your house, she'd know who's in charge (and who's not).

[freetobeme]

when this first started happening in our neighborhood, i called the other mom when my dc were at her home and one of my olders was at my home. after a few months of this, i don't worry about it so much.

[momofkhm]

It's amazing how much you think is there cause you know the situation!

 

It's a neighbor and ds would walk home. You can easily see each house from the other. The boys go back and forth all the time without anyone watching them.

 

And I've done it both ways. I've just left. And I've called her first. Oh, and this is also her youngest.

[Mrs Mungo]

It's amazing how much you think is there cause you know the situation!

 

It's a neighbor and ds would walk home. You can easily see each house from the other. The boys go back and forth all the time without anyone watching them.

 

And I've done it both ways. I've just left. And I've called her first. Oh, and this is also her youngest.

 

If there is a chance of the boys coming over to your house to play, then I would definitely give a heads-up call to let her know.

[DarlaS]

It's amazing how much you think is there cause you know the situation!

 

It's a neighbor and ds would walk home. You can easily see each house from the other. The boys go back and forth all the time without anyone watching them.

 

And I've done it both ways. I've just left. And I've called her first. Oh, and this is also her youngest.

 

I would probably just make sure she's okay with a teen being in charge. One conversation should do it--not a call every time. If she was fine with it, I'd never give it another thought.

 

In my case, neighbor kiddos are 4 and 7. Their mom appreciates knowing when I'm not home. I can see it changing & being less of a concern as all the kids get older.

[Danestress]

I always called when one of my younger two were with a neighbor and my older child (ten years older than them) was home. For one thing, before he had a car, I was afraid they might think no one was home if I left. I also just always thought it was best for them to know that I was fine with the younger child being with the older, and to let them know they could end the play date when it was convenient for them without worrying about whether I was home or not.

[Parrothead]

The only reason I would suggest letting the other mom know, is that my younger kids have some friends without older siblings. Some of those moms are surprised that I leave my kids home alone sometimes. (!?) So, just to be on the safe side I would call and say "hey, I have to take Suzy to soccer, but Jane is there to babysit if you drop Bobby off while I'm gone."

I'd do that if I had no idea what time Other Mom was bringing dd home. But if I knew I had an hour or more to run a 5 minute errand I probably wouldn't call. Unless of course I had a mishap and would be late getting home.

[Gooblink]

If someone left their child in my care, I'd definitely feel an obligation to get her permission. As an earlier pp said, a one-time call should be all that's required, but I would not feel free to leave without the other mom's knowledge. Even for a little while.

[Parrothead]

It's amazing how much you think is there cause you know the situation!

 

It's a neighbor and ds would walk home. You can easily see each house from the other. The boys go back and forth all the time without anyone watching them.

 

And I've done it both ways. I've just left. And I've called her first. Oh, and this is also her youngest.

In this case I'd call the youngest and let him/her know when he is to be home, tell him his friend is not allowed over at this time and that his older sibling would be watching him when he got home.

[Mrs Mungo]

I'd do that if I had no idea what time Other Mom was bringing dd home. But if I knew I had an hour or more to run a 5 minute errand I probably wouldn't call. Unless of course I had a mishap and would be late getting home.

 

 

Maybe that's the problem. I seem to be mishap-laden. Plus, traffic here is *horrible*, there is no such thing as a 5 minute errand.:tongue_smilie::D

[Lolly]

Kind of depends. If youngest is "officially" playing at the other house, I would call and let the mother know. If he is just hanging out but not really invited over, you know more like playing in the neighborhood but happens to be at T's house, then I wouldn't call before I left. If neighborhood kid comes home with Y, I would expect my kids to let T know that Mom isn't here so he can't stay to play in the house.

[MBM]

I would call the mother, let her know what I was doing and ask her if that would be okay.

[HeidiKC]

The only reason I would suggest letting the other mom know, is that my younger kids have some friends without older siblings. Some of those moms are surprised that I leave my kids home alone sometimes. (!?) So, just to be on the safe side I would call and say "hey, I have to take Suzy to soccer, but Jane is there to babysit if you drop Bobby off while I'm gone."

 

:iagree:

 

And then it may not be necessary to do it in the future, once she knows you feel comfortable leaving Jane to babysit .

[Laurie4b]

Don't think it matters. You are talking about your own child taking care of your other child at your own house, right? And your child at home would know how to reach you in case of emergency, right?

Edited October 18, 2010 by Laurie4b

[Gwenhwyfar]

If someone left their child in my care, I'd definitely feel an obligation to get her permission. As an earlier pp said, a one-time call should be all that's required, but I would not feel free to leave without the other mom's knowledge. Even for a little while.

 

I would call the mother, let her know what I was doing and ask her if that would be okay.

 

i think some people are getting it turned around?

 

the OP is talking about *her own child* ...ie, the little is at friend's place and will be coming home to the older.

 

nobody else's kids are at the OP's house.

 

the OP does not need "permission" to allow her older kids (or husband or granny or anyone else) take care of HER OWN young kids.

[elfgivas]

i'd err on the side of communication. it takes 2 minutes to call. if it were me, i'd appreciate knowing what was going on, whether or not it mattered to me. i often end up with other people's kids, and i would not drop one of them off with another child unless i knew beforehand that it was okay with the mom.

 

fwiw,

ann

[Parrothead]

Maybe that's the problem. I seem to be mishap-laden. Plus, traffic here is *horrible*, there is no such thing as a 5 minute errand.:tongue_smilie::D

Ahh, see, I took dd to dance, went to the post office to mail a package and was back within 15 minutes. :auto:

[Mrs Mungo]

i think some people are getting it turned around?

 

the OP is talking about *her own child* ...ie, the little is at friend's place and will be coming home to the older.

 

nobody else's kids are at the OP's house.

 

the OP does not need "permission" to allow her older kids (or husband or granny or anyone else) take care of HER OWN young kids.

 

She said the boys go back and forth between houses, without necessarily asking. That is why I would give a heads-up that I was leaving. That's not the same as asking permission.

 

Chucki, it takes me 40 minutes to get to soccer, an hour to get to drama. It is *ridiculous*!

Edited October 19, 2010 by Mrs Mungo

[Gwenhwyfar]

i often end up with other people's kids, and i would not drop one of them off with another child unless i knew beforehand that it was okay with the mom.

 

 

would you not take the word of the young adult (we're not talking about little kids) that they were babysitting?

 

looking at the ages in the OP's sig, we seem to be talking about a 9 year old being returned home to either his 13 or 16 year old sibling... plenty old enough to tell you "yes, my mother is out running errands and i'm babysitting my brother."

 

of course, i'm assuming a normal situation ... if the music is blasting and you get knocked over by a cloud of sweetly scented smoke as the door opens... :tongue_smilie:

[mytwomonkeys]

i'd call. it would only take a second. no reason for the older child to explain it.

[Laurie4b]

She said the boys go back and forth between houses, without necessarily asking. That is why I would give a heads-up that I was leaving. !

 

I agree that I would tell another mom that it was my older kid who would be home, not me, if they come and go at will. But I would tend to ask a more general question so that I didn't have to do that each and every time. I now know which friends are okay with their kids being at my house when I'm gone, for instance. In that case, I don't ask every time.

[Gooblink]

i think some people are getting it turned around?

 

the OP is talking about *her own child* ...ie, the little is at friend's place and will be coming home to the older.

 

nobody else's kids are at the OP's house.

 

the OP does not need "permission" to allow her older kids (or husband or granny or anyone else) take care of HER OWN young kids.

 

You're right, I mis-read the OP. I'd still call and give the other mom a head's up, in case she needed to reach me.

[NanceXToo]

I would let the other mom know I was leaving, but the older child would take charge of the younger.

 

Yes, I'd call the other mom and say "I just wanted to let you know that I will be running out for a few minutes to drop so and so off at such and such, but if you need youngest to head home, feel free as oldest is here to watch him."

[jentancalann]

Say you have 3 children, the youngest is not yet old enough to stay home alone. The youngest child is playing over at a friend's house. You have to leave and take one of the older two somewhere but leave the other home. The one at home is old enough to leave in charge of the youngest.

 

Do you call friend and let them know that you are leaving? Or do you just leave knowing that (a) youngest can come home if needed and (b) you won't be gone long anyway?

 

 

I had this exact same situation last week. When I left to take ds9 to the gym, I sent my daughter's friend home (across the street), and she asked if dd could stay w/ her. I probably should have called her parent's, but blew it off by telling dd just to come home when she wanted, as her brother was home. I did feel a bit bad about it, and will more than likely call next time.

[K&Rs Mom]

I've been on the other end of this, and appreciated the info. Neighbor's 6yo was over, and dad had to run out for a bit. He came over & told me he was going out, but that it was fine to send 6yo home whenever because older dd was going to be there. I did call 6yo down to say bye to her dad, and told her it was fine if she wanted to stay. If I had seen dad leaving (or no car there when it was time to send her home) but not known older sis was home, I would've felt like I was left to babysit without notice.

[elfgivas]

would you not take the word of the young adult (we're not talking about little kids) that they were babysitting?

 

looking at the ages in the OP's sig, we seem to be talking about a 9 year old being returned home to either his 13 or 16 year old sibling... plenty old enough to tell you "yes, my mother is out running errands and i'm babysitting my brother."

:tongue_smilie:

 

i've done youth ministry for enough years that no, i wouldn't necessarily believe a teen that it was okay. i've done enough shared custody battles that i wouldn't necessarily believe the non-custodial parent, either.

 

for every 199 that are okay, there is the 200th time...