Move to be close to parents, or close to oppurtunities?

[cajunrose]

I have a HUGE decision awaiting me. We are moving SOMEWHERE in the next few months..I'm thinking 9-12 months.

 

My husband has been working up in PA for a few weeks and fell in love with it. He keeps telling me all of the neat things about it. He is used to climate similar to theirs (he is from the north). It is absolutely beautiful...etc etc etc. He hinted to wanting to live up there. I'm super excited about the idea now. There is SO much available education wise for us.

 

The other option is Eastern Oklahoma. That is where my mom and dad will live. They aren't there now, but they will be soon. They will still live 2-4 hours away from us, but still driving distance. There is no redeeming qualities for us in OK other than family and politics. We are not in love with anything about it. The towns there are in the middle of nowhere...no shopping, not much of anything. Like I said, my mom and dad would be close enough to drive to..that's about it.

 

One thing....no matter where we live, my MIL (I absolutely adore her) will move to be closer to us...so I'll have 'help' no matter where I live. That was a big concern of mine..not having a support system...but I will.

 

The other big problem is the weather. I live in South Louisiana right now....never snows...have 2 seasons....hot and not quite as hot. My husband won't be home all of the time...he will be gone approximately 2 weeks to a month at a time...all the time, not just occasionally. He would be home 2 weeks and gone 2 weeks...or a month..whichever shift he has. I'm worried about the snow...getting snowed in...snow shoveling, etc. I have NO idea how any of that works. I have seen snow 5 times in my life...rofl

 

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the idea of PA. It sounds perfect for our family. My husband loves it, my MIL will love it a LOT more than OK. My mom and dad have lived away from us for 2.5 years. I have done just fine without my mom...but it was always a temporary move with the notion that they would be back. Now I'm talking about moving their grandchild thousands of miles away for good. *sigh* I just don't know.

 

I have lived in this house for 10 years...in this town for 32. It's a big step. We have to move somewhere..I can't stay here anymore. I have severe hurricane anxiety and my daughter is severely allergic to sugar cane smoke which they burn here for 4 months a year.

 

My husband can work anywhere in the united states with his job. He will just travel where he needs to work.

 

What are your thoughts? I need guidance...lol

[Belacqua]

Is it absolutely certain that your parents will move to Oklahoma?

[cajunrose]

Yes....not necessarily in the next couple of years, but very very soon. My grandma lives there and her health is getting bad. They want to live close to her to help her. All of my other family lives there too...but nobody i'm close to (due to my parents moving me away from family at a very very young age..rofl)

[newbie]

Changing a drivers license sux.

 

But,if you live in a town, it is nice. I was born here and just moved back after forty years.

 

It is beautiful, the colors are starting to come in and I love the architecture.

 

I dont know about ed., I think hsing is tough, but colleges are ideal.

[justasque]

I'm in PA - I just want to say don't let the homeschooling law in PA scare you. It sounds dreadful at first, but, especially for someone doing more-or-less WTM, it should be routine paperwork after your first time.

 

There are some forms to fill in up-front (easy-peasy), some stuff to hand in at the end (a few samples of work), and an evaluation - basically a meeting with (typically) another homeschooling mom (who has the required credentials - there are tons to choose from) who will fill out a form for you.

 

Three times during K-12 you'll have to do standardized testing, and you'll probably agonize the first time, but after that it'll be no sweat and you'll wonder why you worried about it.

 

I know that sounds like a lot, but once you get the hang of it you really only pay attention once a year, around May, when you do the end-of-year stuff for the past year and the beginning-of-year forms for the next.

 

Problems that arise are almost always because school district employees aren't familiar with the law; it's easy to clear things up with a quick phone call to the Pa Dept of Ed, where there is a home education liaison.

 

It's all elaborate security theater, and if you think of it that way, you'll be fine.

[JoyfulMama]

If it were *me* I'd want a place that is convenient for things when dh isn't around. That for me would be a place "in town", preferably a condo complex, in which I am not responsible for shoveling much or much exterior maintenance (mowing the grass), with a neighborhood park.

 

Also, if it wouldn't matter where I lived, I might be swayed to live closer to family, thinking it would give me a better automatic support system. (I would love to live closer to my parents or my brothers, but that's not going to happen.) However years ago I did move close to extended family, and never made a real connection with them. I only saw them when my folks were in town, much as it was when I was growing up. We now live about 2 hrs away from dh's family and my extended family. We make an effort to see his parents and my grandmother, but it is hard to work out schedules, and a 2 hr drive to dinner, then home again makes for a long day, but good for some holidays.

 

I have learned that I can create my own support system better than I can create resources.

 

That said, dh and I know that if we ever announce we are moving out of PA again, we better be prepared for MIL to: :scared: :svengo:

[journeytolily]

Well, this is certainly YOUR decision, but I personally would go to PA. If you are anything like me, you'll find it's not that easy to visit someone who's 2-4 hrs away on a regular basis. But if you like to be on the road, or your parents do, then you might see them pretty often.

 

I understand your worry about dealing with winter weather while DH is away. We moved to MI from SC (and I am actually a Miami girl!) this past December. I'll admit - it was quite a shock to the system! My DH ended up having to go back to SC for a week shortly after we moved north, and I just thought I'd never survive it! LOL! But I did, and now I feel pretty confident about dealing with things. Snow shoveling, for example, I leave to some neighborhood boys!

 

You could try to find a townhouse, or condo (as someone else mentioned) where you wouldn't have to worry about the outside maintenance.

 

Good luck in your decision!

[FeFe]

I say go where the opportunity is best for your immediate family. If it ends up being in a climate that you're not used to just be sure your within city limits that gets regular snow plowing and is not far from the things you need to get to. I was like you, grew up in a place that got very little snow fall and if it did the whole place shut down. Two years ago we moved to a region that gets several inches a year and life goes on. Bizarre and hard to get used to but you learn! Good luck with the decision. We are 10 hours away from any family and it's been tough but it's an adventure too. Go with what is best for your family, especially financially.

[elfgivas]

what an adventure!

 

i lived in ottawa canada for 8 years. its snowed a lot. you just get used to the routine of shovelling, and the children shovelled alongside me. mostly, it was fun. i have fabulous childhood memories of shovelling snow with my dad in the silent dark of a winter's night. so do not let that stop you! if you want, there are almost always neighbourhood kids who love to earn extra money shovelling for you, or even a company that will just automatically come and plow your drive for you (for a price).

 

i would move to four seasons in a heartbeat.

 

and if it doesn't work, you can always try oklahoma... but i'm thinking they have pretty horrific tornadoes, and that would trouble me way more than snow! (and plans change. people get sick. how would you feel if you were in oklahoma all by yourself?).

 

:grouphug::grouphug: its hard deciding!

ann

[athena1277]

If it were me, I would go to OK. I grew up in S LA and then lived in central AL for 10 years. About 1.5 years ago we moved to N VA. DH's brother lives nearby, but no other family within a 2 days drive. Yes, there are all kinds of great hs'ing opportunities around here, but I would really, really rather be within a day's drive to our parents. We also have gotten our fill of snow/winter. I miss having summer for 9 months. :D We didn't think the change would be as hard as it has been.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[cajunrose]

Thanks for the advice. When we move, it will be to a farm in the country so we won't have the city stuff to help out with the snow. My husband will equip me with the tools to help myself though and yes, I'm not past paying somebody...rofl

 

I love the idea of PA....it sounds perfect for our family. My husband is leaning toward OK b/c he wants me close to my family...though where they are wanting to move in OK is NOT where I want to live (They want to live in the dry flat part of OK, I want to live in the mountains there if that's what we do.)

[Dobela]

We were faced with a similar choice a few years ago and chose family. Honestly, there are times I wish we had made the other choice as my family isn't always the easiest to get along with. OTOH, when my mom became unexpectedly seriously ill a few years ago (in her 50s), I liked being close enough to assist. My son has developed an amazing, wonderful relationship with my dad that would have never happened if we had been further away. I have been able to help care for grandparents. My children are close to cousins. Our community is not very child/family friendly but we have found that we make most of our own opportunities anyway.

 

To contrast this is my dh's family which is 2000 miles away. We rarely communicate, see every few years or more...Due to distance

[cajunrose]

We were faced with a similar choice a few years ago and chose family. Honestly, there are times I wish we had made the other choice as my family isn't always the easiest to get along with. OTOH, when my mom became unexpectedly seriously ill a few years ago (in her 50s), I liked being close enough to assist. My son has developed an amazing, wonderful relationship with my dad that would have never happened if we had been further away. I have been able to help care for grandparents. My children are close to cousins. Our community is not very child/family friendly but we have found that we make most of our own opportunities anyway.

 

To contrast this is my dh's family which is 2000 miles away. We rarely communicate, see every few years or more...Due to distance

 

 

You see...that's part of what's driving me to NOT move close to my parents. She (my daughter) will have no cousins close. Yes, most of my family lives in OK, but it's all super extended family (great aunts and uncles, great grand parents). Anybody with younger kids all live else wear. Really, the only reason TO live close...family wise...is my parents. Everybody else is so dysfunctional I don't want to be associated with them for the most part.

[mcconnellboys]

I think you need to go where opportunities are better for all of you and that sounds like PA. You will get used to the weather; we did.

 

We moved up here from Baton Rouge and that first winter was one of the worst they've had since we moved here, LOL. We've made it through two different ice storm winters (one was really bad; the damage looked like Baton Rouge after Andrew).

 

You will have your MIL there to help you, too, so you won't be all alone in making decisions, etc. when your husband is away.

 

We have enjoyed summer vacations in the northern US since moving here. We wouldn't mind having a place somewhere around the Great Lakes. You get used to the cooler summers pretty quickly and having four seasons is wonderful. Yes, the winter snow can be worse for you than it generally is for us here. But you can get used to hibernating, too, LOL....

[Chris in VA]

I'd rather have winter in PA than winter in OK, personally.

 

Where do you want your kids to call home? I'd rather be more centrally located (and OK, while in the center of the US, doesn't seem centrally located to me--I always think of East Coast! lol) b/c it's more likely my kids would live closer to me--more options. That's why I don't want to live on a peninsula, like FL, or even in the N Neck of VA (where we have a house) when we retire, 'cause it takes so long to drive anywhere else.

 

If you needed to, you could always bring your parents close to you if they get infirm as they age. There are more places to do that in PA, probably.

[cin]

I'd go where it is best for my children and that would be someplace where my DH could be with us more. Of course, my parents and I didn't have a good relationship, so I'm not sure if I'm the best one to be giving advice :)

[gingersmom]

The only consideration I thought of was cost of living. Without a doubt Pennsylvania will be more expensive than Oklahoma.

 

As a single parent for many many years I have managed to deal with snow and other inconveniences without the help of a significant other. Snow is a pain but there is always someone looking to make some $$$ who is willing to help out. My kids think it is fun to shovel the snow.

[cajunrose]

I think you need to go where opportunities are better for all of you and that sounds like PA. You will get used to the weather; we did.

 

We moved up here from Baton Rouge and that first winter was one of the worst they've had since we moved here, LOL. We've made it through two different ice storm winters (one was really bad; the damage looked like Baton Rouge after Andrew).

 

You will have your MIL there to help you, too, so you won't be all alone in making decisions, etc. when your husband is away.

 

We have enjoyed summer vacations in the northern US since moving here. We wouldn't mind having a place somewhere around the Great Lakes. You get used to the cooler summers pretty quickly and having four seasons is wonderful. Yes, the winter snow can be worse for you than it generally is for us here. But you can get used to hibernating, too, LOL....

 

Thanks for offering up your advice...being that you know what it's like down here, it helps huge.

 

Hurricane Andrew is precicely why I need to get out of here. I was a teen and we lived in Morgan City (where it hit). We stayed home (didn't evacuate)...we lost our home and everything in it. I have some pretty severe PTSD issues from it.

 

I think I could probably get used to the snow and even like it...being that I have never really been around it before.

 

I can't have a home where my husband would be home more...with the nature of his job, he will always be away from us for 2-4 weeks at a time every month. I have dealt with it for 10 years...I am used to it by now...but it definitely factors in to where we will live.

[cajunrose]

The only consideration I thought of was cost of living. Without a doubt Pennsylvania will be more expensive than Oklahoma.

 

As a single parent for many many years I have managed to deal with snow and other inconveniences without the help of a significant other. Snow is a pain but there is always someone looking to make some $$$ who is willing to help out. My kids think it is fun to shovel the snow.

 

 

You know though...the rural area's of PA aren't all that different than OK from what we have seen. I have looked at properties in both and it's a little higher in PA, but not shockingly so. It surprised me that they were fairly competitive. My husband said that the day to day things were even about what we pay here and would pay there (gas, food, etc). Our added expense (both states) would be farm equipment and feed.

[cajunrose]

I'd rather have winter in PA than winter in OK, personally.

 

Where do you want your kids to call home? I'd rather be more centrally located (and OK, while in the center of the US, doesn't seem centrally located to me--I always think of East Coast! lol) b/c it's more likely my kids would live closer to me--more options. That's why I don't want to live on a peninsula, like FL, or even in the N Neck of VA (where we have a house) when we retire, 'cause it takes so long to drive anywhere else.

 

If you needed to, you could always bring your parents close to you if they get infirm as they age. There are more places to do that in PA, probably.

 

 

That's a good point. I don't see my daughter every living in OK for her whole life. My mom WANTS me to love OK, but I don't. I can see the same thing happening with her.

[RanchGirl]

I would definitely move for the opportunities, especially if your husband is loving the place. With email, cell phones, and skyping, you can easily stay in close contact with your relatives.

 

Now having the MIL move with you.... sounds like you are fine with that, personally I wouldn't be but you didn't ask about that one! :)

[cajunrose]

I would definitely move for the opportunities, especially if your husband is loving the place. With email, cell phones, and skyping, you can easily stay in close contact with your relatives.

 

Now having the MIL move with you.... sounds like you are fine with that, personally I wouldn't be but you didn't ask about that one! :)

 

 

ROFL My MIL is a wonderful lady and I would love having her close. The most problems she would cause is making me loose my mind with her cleaning. EVERY time she is here, she won't.stop.cleaning. I can put a glass in the sink and she will get up to wash it...lol

 

My MIL died 2 years ago and she's lonely. She has missed too much of my DD's life she said...she is ready to be a part of her every day life. I'm ok with that thankfully!

[ChristineW]

I have a HUGE decision awaiting me. We are moving SOMEWHERE in the next few months..I'm thinking 9-12 months.

 

My husband has been working up in PA for a few weeks and fell in love with it. He keeps telling me all of the neat things about it. He is used to climate similar to theirs (he is from the north). It is absolutely beautiful...etc etc etc. He hinted to wanting to live up there. I'm super excited about the idea now. There is SO much available education wise for us.

 

The other option is Eastern Oklahoma. That is where my mom and dad will live. They aren't there now, but they will be soon. They will still live 2-4 hours away from us, but still driving distance. There is no redeeming qualities for us in OK other than family and politics. We are not in love with anything about it. The towns there are in the middle of nowhere...no shopping, not much of anything. Like I said, my mom and dad would be close enough to drive to..that's about it.

 

One thing....no matter where we live, my MIL (I absolutely adore her) will move to be closer to us...so I'll have 'help' no matter where I live. That was a big concern of mine..not having a support system...but I will.

 

The other big problem is the weather. I live in South Louisiana right now....never snows...have 2 seasons....hot and not quite as hot. My husband won't be home all of the time...he will be gone approximately 2 weeks to a month at a time...all the time, not just occasionally. He would be home 2 weeks and gone 2 weeks...or a month..whichever shift he has. I'm worried about the snow...getting snowed in...snow shoveling, etc. I have NO idea how any of that works. I have seen snow 5 times in my life...rofl

 

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the idea of PA. It sounds perfect for our family. My husband loves it, my MIL will love it a LOT more than OK. My mom and dad have lived away from us for 2.5 years. I have done just fine without my mom...but it was always a temporary move with the notion that they would be back. Now I'm talking about moving their grandchild thousands of miles away for good. *sigh* I just don't know.

 

I have lived in this house for 10 years...in this town for 32. It's a big step. We have to move somewhere..I can't stay here anymore. I have severe hurricane anxiety and my daughter is severely allergic to sugar cane smoke which they burn here for 4 months a year.

 

My husband can work anywhere in the united states with his job. He will just travel where he needs to work.

 

What are your thoughts? I need guidance...lol

 

Where in OK? My uncle is in Norman (near Oklahoma City) and we love visiting him. Its a typical college town but you only have to drive a couple miles and its completely rural. On the other hand, its only a short drive to OKC for pretty much anything. Neighbors check in on each other too.

 

If you have Ptsd from the hurricanes, Oklahoma might not be your best bet as tornadoes are pretty common. I remember this year, a twister hit near campus during finals and OU wouldn't let students reschedule their exams even if their off campus housing had taken a direct hit. My cousin was really mad b/c he'd spent the morning helping his best friend salvage what was left of the friend's childhood home and then they both had finals in the afternoon. The other cousin joked about sitting on his porch and watching three twisters go by-this was a particularly bad year though.

 

It sounds like you know OK, and don't like it. And that's fine. I am definitely not an East Coast girl. I am a midwestern gal living on the West Coast. SF was ok but I would never be happy in the Northeast.

[cajunrose]

My parents would move to someplace around Weatherford. It's about an hour and 15 minutes west of OKC. I don't like that area at all....it's try and just has no character IMO. We would move somewhere in East OKC...in the mountain area. Not sure that they get hit by tornadoes as much as the mid and western side. Definitely something to think about though

[Alyce]

Living where you want is great and if your parents health is good. I don't like a lot of snow but I've heard PA is beautiful and my BIL lived there for several years. I would have trouble saying I'll live there forever. When Dh and I got married I loved where we lived and had no thoughts of moving but then his father got sick, my mom and dad got sick and have both since died. All three of them needed a lot of help and it just wasn't something that could be done long distance. My Dh father had lung cancer and was on oxygen. Dh is only male in family and now does alot of the repairs and such for his mother. If we hadn't move to be down here with them it would be very hard. My mothers death was sudden so it wasn't a problem. My father on the other hand developed dementia and had several strokes. He was one of those dementia patients that obsessed over things. My sister lived in the same city as he did and we weren't far away (about 1 1/2 hrs). It was so hard on my sister and at least I was there to relieve her some. If we hadn't moved to be near our families the situation would have been a mess. I know one friend has a mom and Dad whose health is deteriorating and they won't follow Dr's orders. It took her over a year to get parents to agree to assisted living and actually had to trick them into. She is still having problems. It is hard for her because she homeschools and has 4 kids. Her parents live across the country from her and she is often having to fly to take care of legal issues etc. It has been very stressful for her. PA sounds great and I'd move there unless parents have health issues but would be prepared to move to OK if their health begins to deteriorate.

[Catwoman]

PA is a large state -- what area are you considering?

 

Cat

[cajunrose]

We are looking at the Towanda area. My husband loves that little town.

[Parrothead]

Snow removal is not too bad if one owns one of these or these. Removing snow with one of these can be done, but don't expect it to be done quickly. I find these hard to use because they get heavy when fully loaded.

[Mom2J112903]

Opportunities, no questions about it.

 

We actuallly moved *away* from both sets of parents and have been pleased. Life is just too much for *us* to be living near family.

[DaffodilDreams]

My husband is leaning toward OK b/c he wants me close to my family...though where they are wanting to move in OK is NOT where I want to live (They want to live in the dry flat part of OK, I want to live in the mountains there if that's what we do.)

 

Do you feel comfy sharing the name of the town in OK where you might move? I'm from Poteau. We will more than likely also be moving w/in a year, and we thought about moving back to Monroe/Poteau to be near my family (extended family - not parents), but while the countryside and simple living appeal very much to us, the general mindset there is a huge drawback for our multi-cultural family. We're leaning towards a small town in MI instead - near dh's extended family.

 

If you're considering the Poteau area, I'm happy to answer questions off list. Just PM me. It's a great small town. We just need "more". I do love and miss the mountains, though!

[CalicoKat]

we're currently making a similar plan. For us the opportunity is near the folks, but if there was no opportunity we wouldn't be able to consider it. So my vote is go where there is opportunity. Sounds like your folks might be able to change their original plans and move near you.