Jump to content

Menu

Warning: CC...Lost my motivation/desire to attend church.


Recommended Posts

I hope it's okay to post this here. Here is the short of it: We attended a church I LOVED for almost 6 years. I was on the worship team, directed the nursery, LOVED everything about it. Then, pastor leaves and appoints (big mistake #1) another pastor (a guy who was ordained and left the church to start his own just a year or so before this all took place). Things started falling apart under his "leadership". Young pastor, highly reliant on his mother (very unGodly woman) and other family who attended the church, refused to listen to elders, etc. After a series of really, really bad decisions...we left. After months of church shopping we landed at a church we had visited a year back. Probably 1/4 of our old church congregation was also attending. When we left our old church...it was right before a "mass exodus" due to the poor leadership of this new Pastor. So, we all decided to stick w/ this church for now. I joined the hs co-op (HATE it!) and as I got to know a bunch of the women better...I'm not so sure I really "fit in". I haven't been to church with my family in over a month now. I explain it to my husband that I'm just so focused on having this baby that I can't/don't want to be around people. Well, that's not all of it. I'm just not interested in going anymore. What do I do? I haven't lost my faith. I'm still a believer and follower of Christ as best I can be. But, I have noticed my demeanor has changed (and it's not all due to hormones!). I'm not reading my Word as much. Tomorrow, I'm not going to church. Honestly, it is extremely uncomfortable for me riding in our 15 pass. van and it's a 35 min. trip (okay, poor excuse). I suppose once baby comes, I'll start going back. BUT, I just don't know how "into it" I'll be. Any suggestions on how to "get back into the swing" of going to church? I'm still grieving the "loss" of my old church and the fellowship w/ friends (my really good friends left, too, but we all attend different churches now!). Sorry to ramble, but it's been bothering me for some time now. I must go back, but I really have no desire. :001_huh:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know a lot of people that are going through big transitions like this right now. Our family has just done something similar too. It's as though there's a big re-positioning going on, some being good and yet so much of it is hard on individuals and families. If you like to pm me to talk more, I'd love to help encourage you. Please don't give up.

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

Link to comment
Share on other sites

How does your hubby feel? If he feels the same way, maybe you need to church shop again? We left our home church of 15 years, started attending a smaller church w/ some families we knew for about a year, I HATED it, it was to small for me, and I dreaded going, it was non stimulating, if just didn't convict or motivate me in any way, I finally talked to my hubby and he agreed, just didn't know I felt that way, so we started church shopping again, we were concerned for our then 3 children , and finding a church family where they could find lasting friendships. We visited about 3 churches, and our family all agreed on 1, the same one! We've been there for 13 years now, and it is " our church home" we love it. It's the people there we love so much.

hope this helps

kim

Link to comment
Share on other sites

How does your hubby feel? If he feels the same way, maybe you need to church shop again? We left our home church of 15 years, started attending a smaller church w/ some families we knew for about a year, I HATED it, it was to small for me, and I dreaded going, it was non stimulating, if just didn't convict or motivate me in any way, I finally talked to my hubby and he agreed, just didn't know I felt that way, so we started church shopping again, we were concerned for our then 3 children , and finding a church family where they could find lasting friendships. We visited about 3 churches, and our family all agreed on 1, the same one! We've been there for 13 years now, and it is " our church home" we love it. It's the people there we love so much.

hope this helps

kim

 

:iagree: We're "between" churches right now and it's hard.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

:grouphug:

I'm so sorry!!! I have been through a very similar situation (but not quite as bad). We left a church that I really loved and had been extremely involved in about 3.5 years ago. We are at a church right now (after trying many churches in our area) that is just all right. It doesn't feel like home, there are preference things that I don't love, but they preach the gospel and people are coming to Christ and growing, so I stay.

 

I don't have any words of great wisdom other than to say what you already know. Staying connected and challenged by other believers is a vital part of the Christian life. I don't believe it absolutely has to be in a church, but it should happen somewhere (don't forsake gathering together...). It is hard and I believe one of Satan's greatest successes is dividing churches. It is so painful.

 

I know you probably won't be able to do it right away with the baby coming, but can you get involved in some of the things you loved before? It really helped me to join the worship team in our new church. It has helped me feel a part of something, even though I don't like the music quite as well here, they at least do it well. :001_smile:

 

I am praying for you!! Really, I know the pain you have been through. Please feel free to pm if you need to talk.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

And I want to be gentle here...but, seemingly the whole focus of your post was on *you*. I wouldn't expect a near the end pregnant mom to be otherwise honestly, it takes so much to just have a baby, and at the end of things we're gearing up for the delivery.

 

That being said, before things at your old church went south with the pastor it sounded like you were in a serving capacity. You were on the worship team (did I read that right) and pleased with how things were going. Then enter ugly time with new pastor and all of the emotions that go along with being rent from a body of believers.

 

Now you're in a new church and from what I gather not finding your niche. Perhaps instead of focusing so much on how you feel about the place, make yourself spend some time on doing something for another church member. Write some thank-you notes to somebody who has been extra nice to you. It sounds like part of your issue is that you need to turn your focus outward and perhaps find a place you could be of service.

 

For the homeschooling mom this is not easy though, and especially since you're about to have a wee one. Even sending birthday cards or calling somebody when they are sick are some things to get yourself out of the funk that church has seemed to bring to you. Part of being a Christian is being of service to the body. Don't grow wearing in well-doing, but remember that in doing for others (even when it's hard and seemingly unfruitful at the time), we're still doing those things that God would have us do.

 

Perhaps instead of focusing on how you feel about it all, just do what God would have you do. We're command to not forsake gathering together. When I fall into a situation like this I usually try to do what is commanded, and even if I don't feel like at the time, God usually blesses me with contentment later.

 

I'm sorry if this is long and rambly, but I've recently been in a situation what made me want to put my head in the sand. However, I was made to see many times in the past few months that it's not all about me, but God's glory.

 

Good luck with your baby, and blessings to your house!

 

Erin

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My hubby likes it okay as do my kids. When we first left our old church, we had all decided to attend this church 10 min. from our house. I hated it from the get go...dh took longer to realize it wasn't the right "fit". That's when we heard about the mass exodus from our old church and how 1/4 or more of the congregation had landed at the church we attend now. I'm just not sure what my problem is! Part of it is my "angst" over the co-op...so many of the women are just so different there than on a Sunday morning, KWIM? True colors show forth vibrantly when you are not in "church clothes". It's disturbing. Anyway...perhaps I'll feel differently when I have this baby.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Feel free to stay home for a short season.

Do some stuff as a family.

 

Invite a good friend over to read and discuss.

Pick a really hot doctrinal topic and research it online via specific denominational forums.

 

See how fast y'all can memorize a 30-verse passage of scripture as a family. Ok, maybe just 15...;)

 

Do some hymns at home w/ boxes of macaroni and cheese for rhythm instruments. Don't forget coffee can drums.

 

Back to my opening line:

A change doesn't have to be permanent: pick a board buddy here that will email you once a month to keep you accountable.

 

After you have your baby [HOW long after is up to you], feel free to visit some closer congregations.

Or you might end up back at that same church.

 

Or you might decide you like taking some time off and worshipping as a family :D

 

good luck!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

First, I wouldn't underestimate the pg hormones. 15 pass van for 35 min when you're overdue? Nope, sorry. That's a *good* excuse!

 

<<Totally got interrupted by baby & forgot I was in the middle of this!!>>

 

Second, there will be pp hormones, too, so I figure it could be a good 6 mos before you really know if you like the church or not.

 

HOWEVER, not liking the church is not a pill to be swallowed. I don't really see why you *need* to stay w this new church if you're not happy there. I mean, I think I'd give it a month or two at least, just so that you're actually up to visiting new places before you try that. And if you then decide the new place is fine, you haven't lost anything, right?

 

Ftr, 35 min is far. I don't remember if you're in a rural area that would necessitate such a drive or not, but...I think *in general* it's better to go to a church close enough to really be involved in the lives of the people there, kwim? Otherwise, it's really hard to get past the superficial Sunday mornings.

 

((Sue)) No more big decisions until baby comes. Take it easy on yourself!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My hubby likes it okay as do my kids. When we first left our old church, we had all decided to attend this church 10 min. from our house. I hated it from the get go...dh took longer to realize it wasn't the right "fit". That's when we heard about the mass exodus from our old church and how 1/4 or more of the congregation had landed at the church we attend now. I'm just not sure what my problem is! Part of it is my "angst" over the co-op...so many of the women are just so different there than on a Sunday morning, KWIM? True colors show forth vibrantly when you are not in "church clothes". It's disturbing. Anyway...perhaps I'll feel differently when I have this baby.

 

That change in attitude would bother me, and would be enough to keep me away as well. It is difficult to deal with.

 

To me, it comes across that you are attending the wrong place.

 

I'm in the same faith, and have attended the same church type all my life. I wouldn't go anywhere else based on the doctrines we teach and ones others do or don't teach. I am non-denominational, Plymouth Brethern if you care to look it up.

 

I think it's a personal matter between you and the Lord. Coming to your knees, and listening to Him. Allow Him to direct where you should attend, and where your faith should lead you.

 

And, even though it is hard, if that is the right place for you to be according to your faith, etc...you attend for Him, and not for the people. Be the shining example to them, and perhaps they will follow your lead.

 

I hope you find peace with this soon...it's a stressful thing to deal with.

 

Tab

Link to comment
Share on other sites

From a fellow uninterested party here I literally am forcing myself to go to church every week at this point.

 

I have been hyperinvolved for years at our church and have recently cut back due to going back to work. Since that time I feel pressured to take on more responsibilites like before and at the same time I feel ostracized for not being more involved.

 

I seriously have to fight not leaving on a regular basis. My kids have left our Youth Group due to no kids their ages and the leader, they attend my SS class that I teach for Youth and go to Church and are involved in other activities......but I am sad they are not part of a youth group.

 

I almost feel like I would like to just take a break..........not leave persay........maybe just tell the pastor, hey we won't be here for the next month or 2 or 3........but we'll be back. I wouldn't mind going to the big church across the street where we can just come and go and no one will pressure us for more and maybe get our kids hooked into their Youth Group...........but then I feel like a traitor........

 

Anyway, this was your problem, not mine........so I'm sorry I've digressed on my own issue............I say feel free to make the choices that fit you for now, you don't have to make a permanent decision right now........take a break, wait......and see.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

First, I wouldn't underestimate the pg hormones. 15 pass van for 35 min when you're overdue? Nope, sorry. That's a *good* excuse!

 

<<Totally got interrupted by baby & forgot I was in the middle of this!!>>

 

Second, there will be pp hormones, too, so I figure it could be a good 6 mos before you really know if you like the church or not.

 

HOWEVER, not liking the church is not a pill to be swallowed. I don't really see why you *need* to stay w this new church if you're not happy there. I mean, I think I'd give it a month or two at least, just so that you're actually up to visiting new places before you try that. And if you then decide the new place is fine, you haven't lost anything, right?

 

Ftr, 35 min is far. I don't remember if you're in a rural area that would necessitate such a drive or not, but...I think *in general* it's better to go to a church close enough to really be involved in the lives of the people there, kwim? Otherwise, it's really hard to get past the superficial Sunday mornings.

 

 

((Sue)) No more big decisions until baby comes. Take it easy on yourself!!!

 

We've shopped around so much and tried so many churches...I just can't do it anymore. This place is as good as it is going to get, really. I'm just not 100% satisfied b/c I'm comparing it to the "good ol days" at my old church, KWIM? We tried a church 10min. from our home (yes, we live in a pretty rural area) and it was NOT a good fit, at.all. Our old church was 40 min. away and this one is actually closer. We don't mind the drive so much...just not at 41 1/2 wks preg.!

 

Thanks...I'll try not to make any more big decisions....but what else do I have to do? :D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We've shopped around so much and tried so many churches...I just can't do it anymore. This place is as good as it is going to get, really. I'm just not 100% satisfied b/c I'm comparing it to the "good ol days" at my old church, KWIM? We tried a church 10min. from our home (yes, we live in a pretty rural area) and it was NOT a good fit, at.all. Our old church was 40 min. away and this one is actually closer. We don't mind the drive so much...just not at 41 1/2 wks preg.!

 

Thanks...I'll try not to make any more big decisions....but what else do I have to do? :D

 

Got to go to bed, but just wanted to say, dh & I have spent our entire marriage looking for a church. We loved the one we met in, & eventually, we started going back there, even though it was an hr away.

 

Then they had a huge church split, & I started my first year of highschool teaching. We just couldn't do the drive any more. We borrowed mil's car so we could split up on Sundays & cover more churches--up to 3 or 4 in one Sun. morning. We decided to widen our denominational horizons, to no avail.

 

Finally, we picked a mega church & started our own home group, & that worked well enough for a year or two. We really didn't like it, but our dc did, sort-of, & they were getting old enough they needed to be *somewhere.*

 

Since we've moved here, we've found a place we love (so far). It's funny--it's a denomination we'd *never* tried, lol, but almost EXACTLY what we believe, & it turns out that except for the MOST central doctrines, what this denomination believes varies from church to church. So there may have been plenty of good churches where we came from, for all I know.

 

I'm not saying to try different denominations, though. I guess mostly I'm saying I understand, & I think you're being too hard on yourself. I find myself quite dismayed with the state of the church when I'm visiting around like that. Then I feel guilty, like I'm going from church to church, judging. Then I try to just pick something & *make* it work. Then I get frustrated & quit trying at all, & the cycle begins again.

 

What about this? Try to get together w some friends from your old church for a very small, informal Bible study or prayer group. Or just sewing & talking. Until you've had your baby & are back on your feet, it's so hard to know what you're feeling or how to deal w/ it.

 

I think I had a point there, but dh just gave up on me & went back to bed alone, so I've really gotta go. Baby first, church issues second. Okay? ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Faith has its ups and downs. You don't seem to be questioning your relationship with God, but a church in which to find home. That's understandable and normal.

I took a year hiatus from church. It began to feel pushy and wrong. Some of the people in charge were judgmental of our family choices and I needed a break. We'll begin to attend church next week as a family (DH is still out of country). While I know it's not been a positive family separation from church, I was afraid if I was 'forced' to go (guilt), then I would rebel against everything I believed.

 

Give yourself permission to take a break from the mess. Encourage DH to find the right church for you--or return to your former church if leadership changes--and take care of yourself and the baby.

 

God Bless,

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I went through this 12 years ago when my home church went through a major split. We attended four different churches over the next several years, each time trying very hard to get involved, and each time experiencing the kind of burnout you describe. All I can tell you is that we finally found a church that "fit", and my spiritual life was revived. Perhaps you are suffering burnout and just need some more time (and that's okay -- God is SO gracious!), or perhaps He has just not led you yet to the place He wants you to be. Rest in God's grace and heal, trusting Him to lead you. Don't worry if you are not "feeling" it right now -- He is still there, you still belong to Him, and He will provide a place for you. In the meantime, He will not leave you nor forsake you. Blessings and peace, Katherine

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I went through this 12 years ago when my home church went through a major split. We attended four different churches over the next several years, each time trying very hard to get involved, and each time experiencing the kind of burnout you describe.

 

All I can tell you is that we finally found a church that "fit", and my spiritual life was revived. Remember, you are GRIEVING, and that takes time to process. (It took me nearly five years to recover from the loss of my church and church family.) You are probably also suffering burnout, and that, too, requires time to heal (and that's okay -- God is SO gracious!). Or perhaps God has just not led you yet to the place He wants you to be.

 

In any case, rest in God's grace and heal, trusting Him to lead you. Don't worry if you are not "feeling" it right now -- He is still there, you still belong to Him, and He will provide a place for you. He is patient, kind, and tender to the brokenhearted. He will not leave you nor forsake you, and in time, you will feel His presence in your life again.

 

Blessings and peace,

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I LOVE my church. I love my church family, I love 100% of our staff (and it is a pretty big staff), I love how we worship, I love our diversity. It is a great church.

 

But I skipped church today. I have been skipping church a bit more often than usual lately. I am not mad at anyone, I am just so overwhelmed. I am suffering from major burnout from a number of things in my life and this is spilling out and causing more than my normal share of personal space issues. So I am staying home by myself because right now that is more restorative than going to church. It is a passing thing and I have given myself permission to do what I need to do to feed my own soul. God is not keeping attendance records.

 

So, as Aubrey so aptly put it....baby first, church second. Just give yourself permission to not deal with this for this season, have your baby, close yourself off in the pink bubble of postpartum bliss, deal with your church situation later.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You are not alone apparently, and I am glad to see it. We are in a similar situation. We moved a couple of years ago. I had served in our previous church, worship team, helping with anything worship related, even teaching classes. Our homeschool support group even met at the church, so there was a period of time I was 4 or 5 days a week.

 

Since we moved to a different region it has been hard to find a church. Like someone else mentioned I like to serve and I walk into a church with those "where can I serve" eyes. I'm also very particular about worship and the teaching, I have to feel challenged. We just haven't found that here. And all the churches in our area are small, I hate standing out as that new person. We haven't been to church in at least 6 months. We just keep saying next week we'll try a new one. :grouphug:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow, I had no idea so many others are in a similar situation. My daughters and I have been staying home more and more often. Actually we're home this morning but this time I have a valid reason, my 7 yo is sick. We're Anglican now after most of members of our local church split from the Episcopal Church. I agree with the reason we split and still agree with the leadership of this church in doctrinal matters but just don't want to go. This is a bit embarrassing but I feel that I'm one of two "poor" families there, one of two single moms of younger children. Almost all of the other families are truly affluent. Our priest during a stewardship sermon mentioned that the average income in our area was $50,000 but among Episcopalians / Anglicans in this area the average income is closer to $100,000. We don't fall in either category, not even close. The Lord is meeting all our needs; we have enough but I have to be careful and frugal. When I'm around many church members, I am so aware of how tight my budget is. I work from a home office and homeschool as a single mom. When Sunday rolls around, I'm truly tired. Also many of the activities such as mom's night out don't have child care. I can't afford a babysitter and don't always have friends who can watch my girls at the time the activity is scheduled. Everybody (including me) stays too busy these days. Anyway, I guess this is more of a vent but much thanks to the OP. I suppose it shouldn't be but it is reassuring that there are others who for one reason or another are trying to find another church home. I laughingly told a friend we're going to start visiting poor churches so we would fit in better but the routine of finding a new church home is hard.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

WOW! I never dreamed this was such a wide spread burden? that is church shopping, and finding the "Church Home" and Church Family! One thing I did when we left our original church of 15 years, and we found our now Church Family, I made myself w/ Hubby's Blessing; that I would not become as involved, but Let GOD direct me to where HE was wanting me to serve! I did too much before, and for the wrong reasons! It took a lot of the pressure off of Attending Regularly!

i agree w/ the above ladies, sometimes a break and some down time is just great, especially for homeschool moms!

kim

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think you've gotten a lot of good perspective. One thing that I would contribute is that you are grieving. You are grieving the loss of many relationships at your old church, AND the loss of a spiritual environment where you "fit." You may have to fully grieve first before you can re-commit.

 

There is a bit of common wisdom in church circles for a situation the reverse of your own: when a popular pastor leaves, the next one hired "takes the bullet." The second one is the one who will be able to stick. The reason for "the bullet" is the congregation is grieving their former pastor and aren't really able to accept another. Some denominations deal with this by appointing an "interim pastor" who will be there for a year, and then move on. The congregation by that time, can often hire well. You are kind of in the reverse situation: missing your old church, you may need quite a period of time before things feel "right" just because you're grieving the old one.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am glad to have seen this thread and am encouraged by how many have replied with words of encouragement! I agree/resonate so much with the replies, there is hardly anything new to add. Just that, I can understand. We are "between" churches too, and I'm not sure if that will change as long as we are living where we are. I do believe you are going through a grieving process, and it may take time to go through that process.

 

Right now we are doing a "house" church. We all sleep in, and make Sunday our lazy morning. After we are up and eat breakfast, my hubbie will lead us in a little service. We all share/participate in the discussion and then the kids are free to lead something. Daisy loves to play the piano. Forest one time taught the whole bible study and had us do a craft to remember the point. Right now, in this in between time, we are just enjoying taking a day to rest, relax, and enjoy one another. Sometimes we'll go for a hike in the park, stopping every so often just to enjoy the warmth of the sun on our face. We LOVE to enjoy God's creation in the spring! These are just some thought/ideas for you, to maybe have your whole family step back and be home together. Turn on your favorite christian music and dance! Read books, whatever!

 

As far as feeling dry in your walk, that is normal too. We all go through stages where we have highs and lows. I do not know what kind of tradition you come from but some books that made me re-think my relationship with God and faith are:

 

Sacred Pathways by Gary Thomas

Generous Orthodoxy by Brian McLaren

Divine Intervention by Tony Jones

Flirting with Monasticism by Karen E. Sloan

 

The latter two are books of how to instill traditional worship practices in your personal devotional life. Karen's book is her road to incorporating catholic traditions in her life, although she isn't catholic.

 

As I look at other traditions that I did not grow up in, or read about other perspectives, I tend to be challenged and in turn my faith gets renewed and rejuvenated.

 

Hugs. :grouphug:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...