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What to do with a 11 yo who refuses to work independently


mommy4ever
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I can't sit beside her the whole day. I have toddlers and a younger child doing school too. She is MORE than capable of working independently. She is NOW saying it's too hard and she will not work independently.

 

I am so ready to put her in school.... it's a battle each and every day. She had all of last week off, this week was a holiday monday, and Tuesday was outside activities. She did a little yesterday with a lot of fuss. She will soon be way behind if she keeps it up.

 

If I sit with her, she doesn't do anything. It's all I don't know, I don't know. So it's frustrating. IF she would just take a few moments to read and reread, she will usually get it it. Right now though it's a batttle to get her to even try on her own.

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I know this isn't what you'd like to hear - but the truth is that not all children this age are capable of independent work, for a variety of reasons.

 

Sometimes it has to do with learning styles and other times it has to do with emotional and educational maturity. I had one kid who absolutely was able to do this and did so quite naturally with no prodding from me. It was his preferred style of learning. I had two others who did not reach this capability until high school and even then, I had to do quite a bit of teaching (on how to study, how to find an answer when help was not available, how to stay focused, etc...) to get them to that point.

 

Unfortuntely, in the homeschool sector many people assume that kids should be able to work independently, just because it would be easier for the adults. (I too had young children and infants to handle while schooling my olders.) It was quite stressful to work through, but it wasn't my older children's fault. It was what it was. My children needed to be taught. And I was their teacher.

 

It was really hard work and was stressful and not all the children got equal time. That's okay. We are a family and families stick together no matter what. We lay our lives down for each other. It is a growing process.

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I'm mean, I guess. I would make her sit there till she got it done and she wouldn't get up till she was done except for meals and bathroom.

If she got something wrong she'd have to redo it till it was right, especially if I knew she was capable.

If it took 3 days on playing, no tv, no anything till the work got done, so be it.

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Do math (Math Doesn't Suck/timed worksheets) and English (MCT) with her.

 

Let her read and/or watch science and history. These are icing on the cake. (Really, how much history and science do you remember from 5th grade? I couldn't even begin to tell you what I "learned" in either in elementary school.) The math and English, she will need later. If she has the math and English, she will be able to do the science and history in high school.

 

Assign free reading time (not necessarily books - just dedicated time when she can do nothing else. Remove distractions - cat, dog, toddler, etc but still be able to keep an eye on her.)

 

Memorize stuff in the car.

 

HTH

 

(BTW, we still do a lot together but it's not as frustrating and dd (almost 14) is starting to become more independent. A lot of it is personality. Her older sister would rather work totally independently. There's a downside to that too.)

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I can't sit beside her the whole day. I have toddlers and a younger child doing school too. She is MORE than capable of working independently. She is NOW saying it's too hard and she will not work independently.

 

I am so ready to put her in school.... it's a battle each and every day. She had all of last week off, this week was a holiday monday, and Tuesday was outside activities. She did a little yesterday with a lot of fuss. She will soon be way behind if she keeps it up.

 

If I sit with her, she doesn't do anything. It's all I don't know, I don't know. So it's frustrating. IF she would just take a few moments to read and reread, she will usually get it it. Right now though it's a batttle to get her to even try on her own.

Been going through the same thing with ds11. I sent him to dh often recently with his homework. Dh helped me to see that he's just not ready to be independent. DH said - he needs to sit with someone at least 2-3 hours each day.

 

I also have been encouraging him more. When he does something right, even the littlest thing, I have been telling him - see you DO know it, just like I told you, you keep getting these right. This is fraction addition, subtraction and multiplication. In fact you are doing so well you might even finish this book before Thanksgiving!

 

Mine is a perfectionist and Singapore Math was easy for him most of the time. Now he finally has to actually put in effort and learn, and he realizes it's hard and his brain hurts doing it. So his "I don't knows" are real to him. He doesn't know immediately, and he does have to put in effort which he didn't have to do before. He thinks this means he is dumb, but I've told him, the only thing that would be dumb is not putting in the effort and learning it. So he is finally learning how to learn, as painful as it is to me thinking he should be able to do it himself.

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I was just talking last night with a homeschool friend whose 11yo ds was driving her nuts, too. I realized as we talked that I had blocked out much of that homeschooling phase now that my kids are long past it!

 

I'm not a strict disciplinarian, but that stage required me to get a stronger spine! I had incentive charts with a list of chores and assignments. For each thing finished, they earned a sticker, and "x" number of stickers meant they could pick out a video at Blockbuster on Friday night. If they simply didn't do what was expected of them, then electronics -- gameboy, computer, television -- started getting taken away. This didn't solve everything, but made the rules and consequences clear cut and we got through this stage. You can give stickers for good attitude, but be specific about attitude such as no whining "I don't know how".

 

I would add that an 11yo really can't homeschool independently. You might want to streamline whatever seat work you have for her, verbally tell her what she is supposed to do, what you specifically you expect. Have her repeat the instructions to you if need be. Limit the amount of seat work, too, to just math, grammar and one other subject. Everything else can be a combination of read alouds or independent reading. You could be doing lots of crafts, or lap books, or projects with all your kids for history and science -- the older the child the more complex the project might be, but having an older child help a younger is a valid way of reinforcing skills and content. Math is getting harder at this age -- do you do lessons together then have her do problems?

 

In other words, chose you battles. Some subjects can be done independently, some can't. Some subjects can be done as family read alouds or projects. Tweak your expectations, then stick to your guns.

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I'm mean, I guess. I would make her sit there till she got it done and she wouldn't get up till she was done except for meals and bathroom.

If she got something wrong she'd have to redo it till it was right, especially if I knew she was capable.

If it took 3 days on playing, no tv, no anything till the work got done, so be it.

 

I had what you'd call "strong-willed children." They'd see this as a challenge. Dragging out one math lesson for three days would not be a problem. Then, another three days for an English lesson. Ad nauseum.

 

It's a great way to get years behind in your schoolwork!

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But the thing is SHE CAN work independently!!!

 

She HAS done it.

 

She just wants ME to do it! Yes, she wants ME to do it.

 

She sees me with dd6. Where, yes, in truth, I am helping her get to each and every answer most of the time, lots of hints, lots of direction. To dd11, dd6 has it easy.

 

She is way more capable than she is behaving right now.

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But the thing is SHE CAN work independently!!!

 

She HAS done it.

 

She just wants ME to do it! Yes, she wants ME to do it.

 

She sees me with dd6. Where, yes, in truth, I am helping her get to each and every answer most of the time, lots of hints, lots of direction. To dd11, dd6 has it easy.

 

She is way more capable than she is behaving right now.

 

 

We don't do everything independently but there are a couple of things I require of my 7y/o and they are things that I know he can do. Just yesterday we had major dawdling, whining, and "its too hard". When it started I assumed he just needed a bit of reassurance and hand holding, but after a bit I realized that he was just plain trying to get out of doing his tasks. When he does that, the consequence is that he doesn't get to go out and play later when the kids in the neighborhood are home. I also stop working with him because I explain that my time is valuable to me and I don't have enough of it to waste. Later when I am ready, and he would prefer to do something else, I have the time. It was horrible at first, and was a power struggle. But now he stays on task and works independently when I need him to. Mainly when I am working with the 4y/o.

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But the thing is SHE CAN work independently!!!

 

She HAS done it.

 

She just wants ME to do it! Yes, she wants ME to do it.

 

She sees me with dd6. Where, yes, in truth, I am helping her get to each and every answer most of the time, lots of hints, lots of direction. To dd11, dd6 has it easy.

 

She is way more capable than she is behaving right now.

Is she wanting you to work with her as you work with the 6yo? SHe's wanting that kind of help/time with you?

 

Maybe, then, you CAN help her. I wouldn't do it all, but I'd treat her, in all aspects, like you treat the 6yo, including bedtime, less privileges, etc.

 

 

OR............. Maybe she just needs some special time with mom. No pressure, just some one-on-one time where she has all your attention. You could go to a movie with just her, or go to the mall with just her, and give her your undivided attention. Smile. Laugh. Let her see you enjoy her, and now that she is getting older, she gets more privileges and more "grown up" time with mom.

 

 

Do you know her learning style? Maybe what she's using grates on the kind of learning she'd do best at?

 

 

My oldest was very independent. My middle guy was more "needy" with me. However, we were able to turn it into a fun time. He's a silly/goofy one, so we'd do or say silly things to try to help concepts or terminology to stick. Sometimes we laughed so hard the other two would come to see what was going on! :D I learned some, but I REALLY ENJOYED that time with him! When I was smiling and laughing with him (the results were proven that he did much better when we worked together on certain things, even through age 15 or so) he remembered things better, and had a more positive attitude. When I was frustrated with him, and basically gritting my teeth through the process of helping him, it just went downhill! We found a common ground (humor), and worked with it.

 

My youngest is quite independent, which in a way is nice, but I actually miss that fun time with my middle one now!

 

What about her schooling time--is it when she's at her best? Has she had enough exercise?

 

 

Just some thoughts.......points to ponder. :001_smile:

 

Best wishes!

Edited by Brindee
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I didn't read all your responses, so forgive me if I repeat. Maybe you could try giving her a certain amount of your time each day. (say 30 min) depending on how much time you normally spend going over things with her. During this time she may ask you anything, have you work with her on anything... let her choose how to use the 30 min. (or however long you choose). Set a timer, when the timer goes off you are done with her for the day. The other times she must work independently, unless she honestly has questions she can't answer herself. Just a thought...:001_smile:

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I haven't read all the replies, but if you think she is capable of doing the work, I would give her a checklist and tell her to get it done. She doesn't get to do anything else until it is done even if it takes all day. I would also probably try to just stick with the basics or cut back to a couple of subjects until she was successfully completing those and then slowly add in other things. Unless there is some sort of disability, I think 11 is old enough to do some independent work. Do you spend some time with her before she starts her work and go over her lessons with her so she knows what is expected?

 

Now, I totally take back everything I said if you think she might have ADD. In that case, I would seek treatment because you will not be likely to get her to work well if she has untreated ADD.

 

Lisa

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I haven't read all the replies, but if you think she is capable of doing the work, I would give her a checklist and tell her to get it done. She doesn't get to do anything else until it is done even if it takes all day. I would also probably try to just stick with the basics or cut back to a couple of subjects until she was successfully completing those and then slowly add in other things. Unless there is some sort of disability, I think 11 is old enough to do some independent work. Do you spend some time with her before she starts her work and go over her lessons with her so she knows what is expected?

 

Now, I totally take back everything I said if you think she might have ADD. In that case, I would seek treatment because you will not be likely to get her to work well if she has untreated ADD.

 

Lisa

 

I agree with this. If she really is capable like you say and there is no learning disability, then she is being defiant. She'll start getting the work done if she can't do anything else until it's finished.

 

I'm not advocating having her do everything by herself, but once you've gone over the lesson and given the assignment, then she should be able to work on her own. Have her mark questions or problems she is struggling with and skip them until the next time you are available to work with her. Don't let her stop working just because one problem stumps her.

 

Goodluck!

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I know this isn't what you'd like to hear - but the truth is that not all children this age are capable of independent work, for a variety of reasons.

 

Sometimes it has to do with learning styles and other times it has to do with emotional and educational maturity. I had one kid who absolutely was able to do this and did so quite naturally with no prodding from me. It was his preferred style of learning. I had two others who did not reach this capability until high school and even then, I had to do quite a bit of teaching (on how to study, how to find an answer when help was not available, how to stay focused, etc...) to get them to that point.

 

Unfortuntely, in the homeschool sector many people assume that kids should be able to work independently, just because it would be easier for the adults. (I too had young children and infants to handle while schooling my olders.) It was quite stressful to work through, but it wasn't my older children's fault. It was what it was. My children needed to be taught. And I was their teacher.

 

It was really hard work and was stressful and not all the children got equal time. That's okay. We are a family and families stick together no matter what. We lay our lives down for each other. It is a growing process.

 

:iagree:

 

This is exactly what I was going to say. Thank you Yvonne, for saying it so eloquently.

 

I have high schoolers and evensome of my freshman college students need extra help AND a teacher....

 

Faithe

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I had what you'd call "strong-willed children." They'd see this as a challenge. Dragging out one math lesson for three days would not be a problem. Then, another three days for an English lesson. Ad nauseum.

 

It's a great way to get years behind in your schoolwork!

 

Yes. In fact my 11 year old simply wouldn't sit there. He'd just get up and walk off. He has had everything removed for two weeks and is still refusing to do much of anything. He has no fear of consequences, he'd rather be grounded from -everything- than do any school work. It is very frutstrating!

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Well, I sometimes have problems with my 10yo. I've done several things. First I set a timer and see if she can beat the time -- this is always set with way more than enough time.

 

Next I've told her to go to the bathroom and then sit in the chair until her math and grammar is done completely and correctly. Any missed problems (as in skipped because she is rushing through it, not as in wrong) would result in more work.

 

No whining or complaining was allowed and would result in more work for the day.

 

Also I would rotate your 11yo with your 6yo. Do some things with one, then some things with the other, then back to the first one.

 

Also if she wants the work of a 6yo, then give her the privileges of a 6yo. But if she wants the privileges of an 11yo, she needs to be able to do things without you right there!

 

Yes, some kids need more handholding than others, but at 11 most any child should be able to do some gammar and math work on their own.

 

Linda

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It sounds to me like she needs a "grown up" kind of chat about how you feel bad you can't spend more time with her because of the littles, and how you need her to work at specific things independently so you can work with the others, then explain your plan for fitting one on one time with her.

 

Obviously mine are little, so we haven't got to this stage yet, but we went through a phase with my elder where she couldn't get enough attention through the day and would behave like a little feral. If I co-slept with her, she'd be fine. The over night contact was enough to fill her little love tank so she could deal with the baby getting most of my energy during the day. Now I'm not suggesting you co-sleep with an 11 year old, (:eek: they are too big!) but perhaps it's the same sort of issue.

 

Rosie

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My 11 yo ds is giving me fits... this is his first year hsing, so that may be part of it... he's very verbal, strong willed and doesn't think his mom is capable of teaching HIM (oh yeah, oozing pride)... despite the fact that Mom was a secondary teacher before said ds was around! His attitude is so stinky and although I have OFTEN seen him do things independently..he's very able, but he tries the "I can't" and "I need help" alot of times when he's really trying to dawdle and waste a little more time.

 

I do think part of it is seeing me help the other youngers, so we started a few weeks ago working together one on one for 1-2 hours doing all the language arts stuff. I think that is helping a bit, but the attitude is still there... anyone with answers to that, let me know... I'm willing to pay good money!!:bigear:

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I can't sit beside her the whole day. I have toddlers and a younger child doing school too. She is MORE than capable of working independently. She is NOW saying it's too hard and she will not work independently.

 

 

I have told my son a whole bunch of goodies, like a computer for himself, will come his way when he does half his work independently. I told him it would tell me his brain was mature enough for these luxuries. I'm estimating somewhere in 5th or 6th grade, but I can certainly see him working toward this.

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It sounds to me like she needs a "grown up" kind of chat about how you feel bad you can't spend more time with her because of the littles, and how you need her to work at specific things independently so you can work with the others, then explain your plan for fitting one on one time with her.

 

:iagree: I would be more likely to do this then to take any other action. I have found 11 to be very hard for my daughter, and she really needs a good deal of my time right now. She likes to shadow me all day long, and she does better when I let her.

 

 

I have found that if we spend quality time together, one-on-one, then she is able to do more things independently.

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I haven't read all of the responses, but I have a just turned ten year old with whom I sit during most of his work. Part of that is the curriculum we use, but some of it is just his needs. If I think he can do it and want him to try, I might say, "Oh, I need to go to the bathroom/deal with the laundry/get a drink. I'll be back." and then let him move forward on his own. Maybe a subtle approach like that would work. It sounds like you are in a battle of wills, and those aren't too fun.

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I had what you'd call "strong-willed children." They'd see this as a challenge. Dragging out one math lesson for three days would not be a problem. Then, another three days for an English lesson. Ad nauseum.

 

It's a great way to get years behind in your schoolwork!

 

 

I have those too. My current 4 yo took 3 days to count 7 blocks. She KNOWS how to do this, it is flat-out refusal and a discipline issue. She will learn that i am the parent and if I tell her to count 7 blocks then that's what will be done.

This child is MORE than capable of doing this. She has done this before.

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Yes. In fact my 11 year old simply wouldn't sit there. He'd just get up and walk off. He has had everything removed for two weeks and is still refusing to do much of anything. He has no fear of consequences, he'd rather be grounded from -everything- than do any school work. It is very frutstrating!

 

 

I see in your siggy that your 11 yo lives for Karate and soccer. Those would be the first things I would take away if it were one of my children.

I have a 15 yo dd that rides horses and has ridden competativly. Recently, her daddy and I told her that if her attitude didn't change about spanish (which she hates and has NO desire to learn) then all riding lessons would be stopped until the attitude improved. She knows we mean what we say.

Life isn't always fair and IMO, children need to learn that they have jobs and responsibilities they have to do. And if they make a bad choice, consequences will follow.

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But the thing is SHE CAN work independently!!!

 

She HAS done it.

 

She just wants ME to do it! Yes, she wants ME to do it.

 

She sees me with dd6. Where, yes, in truth, I am helping her get to each and every answer most of the time, lots of hints, lots of direction. To dd11, dd6 has it easy.

 

She is way more capable than she is behaving right now.

 

Someone said spend more time with her doing other things, maybe have a once a week "date" with just the 2 of you, if possible and IF she gets all her school work done.

Or you could try going all the way in the other extreme and give her the 6 yo work and treat her like the 6 yo. I'm assuming she has other interests and things that the 6 yo can't do.

I totally disagree that 11 yos can't work independantly UNLESS they have a LD or some other reason. Once they know what to DO for each lesson, IMO and only IMO, there is no need to sit right by them while they are doing the school work.

I have alreayd started tarining my 8 and 6 yo boys to work on their own. Their school desks are in another room from where I am while school is happening and I have them come to me fpor directions, etc. then they go to their desks and do the work. FTR, my 6 can't read but he is capable of remembering his directions for Explode the Code or whatever.

The reason i am doing this is because I have 7 kids altogether and I am only one person. They outnumber me! lol So, they have to learn to be somewhat independant, all depending on their capabilities and age.

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Yes. In fact my 11 year old simply wouldn't sit there. He'd just get up and walk off. He has had everything removed for two weeks and is still refusing to do much of anything. He has no fear of consequences, he'd rather be grounded from -everything- than do any school work. It is very frutstrating!
Very frustrating! Have you tried taking away the things your sig. line says he lives for: Karate, soccer and Legos? If he's THAT adamant about refusing, you may need to REALLY "hit him where it's at", which sounds like those 3 things. I wouldn't pay for him to go to Karate, where he should be learning discipline and obedience if he's acting that way about schoolwork! :glare: Just sayin'.....

 

 

Oh, oops, Tammy, above, said the same idea. So, I agree with what she said, and above is why! :D

Edited by Brindee
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I have those too. My current 4 yo took 3 days to count 7 blocks. She KNOWS how to do this, it is flat-out refusal and a discipline issue. She will learn that i am the parent and if I tell her to count 7 blocks then that's what will be done.

This child is MORE than capable of doing this. She has done this before.

I"m not trying to be rude, I'm just curious: Why does a 4yo HAVE to count 7 blocks? :001_huh: If she's not wanting to do school stuff yet, why force it? Seems like it'd cause her to dislike school/learning....at only 4yo!!! She's got a lot of years ahead of her to go to school, no need to force stuff now!

 

Maybe if she CHOOSES to do it and you encourage her in her choice, it'd help her enjoy learning more! (NOT saying to let her do whatever she wants! Just saying at that age she should be cultivating a LOVE of learning, not a distaste for it...)

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"OR............. Maybe she just needs some special time with mom. No pressure, just some one-on-one time where she has all your attention. You could go to a movie with just her, or go to the mall with just her, and give her your undivided attention. Smile. Laugh. Let her see you enjoy her, and now that she is getting older, she gets more privileges and more "grown up" time with mom." Brindee

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

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He is a perfectionist and afraid to get the wrong answer so he would want me to sit with him and catch him before he'd make a wrong answer. Well. . . as you can see by my signature, that is not an option in my house.

 

This is how we've handled it. . . I would tell him that he cannot talk to me until he has made an attempt at every problem. Often he would come to me with only 5- 7 out of 20 problems done correctly at first. However, I would praise him for attempting all of them and getting some of them right. I also gave him a formula sheet so he wouldn't have to recall all the formulas ad a definition sheet for grammar. THis was the end of last year. By the 6th week this year he was only coming for help on 1 or 2 problems per subject and working up in his room 90 % independently. He is now 12 1/2 and in 7th grade. He has made a big jump maturity wise and his confidence has grown exponentailly. I would say be firm but hang on. Her time is coming.

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I see in your siggy that your 11 yo lives for Karate and soccer. Those would be the first things I would take away if it were one of my children.

I have a 15 yo dd that rides horses and has ridden competativly. Recently, her daddy and I told her that if her attitude didn't change about spanish (which she hates and has NO desire to learn) then all riding lessons would be stopped until the attitude improved. She knows we mean what we say.

Life isn't always fair and IMO, children need to learn that they have jobs and responsibilities they have to do. And if they make a bad choice, consequences will follow.

 

Absolutely! Those were the FIRST to go! Followed by ALL electronics and then ALL snack foods. It has become like prison, which eventually works as a temporary fix. He is currently doing his work though he is stretching it out over 8-10 hours a day just to maintain his control over the situation. It is simply a power issue with this child, he'd rather have nothing and do nothing (gives him something to be angry and morose about) than do work of *any* kind. He is a tough child(Has a Diagnosis of Asperger's syndrome) and is going to have a tough adulthood to be sure if he doesn't get with the program.

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I don't have time right now to read all the posts; we're about to go to the commissary. Have you taught her HOW to work independently?

 

I don't think most kids just start working on their own; I think parents have to foster the skills.

 

I wrote a blog piece on it, after having a couple of conversations on the topic. My kids both do about 50% of their work independently. Fostering independence in Homeschooling

 

I'll come back to this post when I get home and read the rest of the thread.

 

Kris

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Absolutely! Those were the FIRST to go! Followed by ALL electronics and then ALL snack foods. It has become like prison, which eventually works as a temporary fix. He is currently doing his work though he is stretching it out over 8-10 hours a day just to maintain his control over the situation. It is simply a power issue with this child, he'd rather have nothing and do nothing (gives him something to be angry and morose about) than do work of *any* kind. He is a tough child(Has a Diagnosis of Asperger's syndrome) and is going to have a tough adulthood to be sure if he doesn't get with the program.
Maybe start in with yard work or window washing or other legit. chores that need to be done. Give him a generous amount of time (though not as generous amount as he's taking now! ;)) to complete certain schoolwork. If it's not done, then he needs to do the chores for 15 minutes. Then go back to schoolwork and a certain amount of time for certain amount of schoolwork. If not done, then he needs to do 30 minutes of chores.....

 

:001_huh: I dunno, just a thought... :001_smile:

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I had what you'd call "strong-willed children." They'd see this as a challenge. Dragging out one math lesson for three days would not be a problem. Then, another three days for an English lesson. Ad nauseum.

 

It's a great way to get years behind in your schoolwork!

 

:iagree::iagree:

 

Don't die on that hill, it's not worth it.

 

But the thing is SHE CAN work independently!!!

 

She HAS done it.

 

She just wants ME to do it! Yes, she wants ME to do it.

 

She sees me with dd6. Where, yes, in truth, I am helping her get to each and every answer most of the time, lots of hints, lots of direction. To dd11, dd6 has it easy.

 

She is way more capable than she is behaving right now.

 

That's just the basic sibling thing. The olders look back at that 'easy' work wistfully. Keep reminding her how much she had to work at it back then and it's only easier now because she knows it.

 

I'm reading this great book right now, http://www.amazon.com/Teach-Like-Champion-Techniques-Students/dp/0470550473/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1287693876&sr=8-1

 

Teach Like a Champoin. Yes, it's for Public school teacher, but the techniques are easily used by homeschoolers. There's one in there that you need to use for your daughter-they call it No Opt Out.

 

Key Idea:

 

No Opt Out

 

A sequence that begins with a student unable to answer a question should end with the student answering that question as often as possible.

 

pg 28

 

It's the first technique in the book and rightly so. It's powerful. And it tackles the problem you were thinking about dying on the hill over, without grabbing the bull by the horns.

 

say you ask her what 4x 4 is and she says she doesn't know. There's no other student to ask for the correct answer, so grab some manipulative and ask her to process out 4x4, then ask her to answer it. Then ask again, what's 4x4 and she should answer, then ask it once more. (this is much easier for me because I have three in the same grade and someone always knows the right answer).

 

Look, it's going to take some time from you, but this all takes time from you. And if you do it for 2 months and she begins to realize that you are not letting her take the easy way our by answering for her, and in fact it's getting harder because you're making her work harder for her answer, she'll stop.

 

And, in the technique, you can hint at an answer, but in the end, she has to get the rest of it herself, period.

 

I wouldn't let her out of her extra curric obligations because she's made a commitment to the class and she needs to follow through with them but at the resigning I might take her actions into consideration.

Edited by justamouse
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