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Anyone keep homeschooling a "secret" from particular people in your life?


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Such as, particular family members or your DH's work colleagues/clients, who may have a negative view?

 

And if so, how do you accomplish this? Lots of passing of the bean dip when someone, usually the wife, asks directly about school?

 

Sorry for the weird question.

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Not at this point, no. There was a time when my oldest was my only, ages 2/3/4, that we demurred on the point of school. "No, there's no preschool nearby that's a good fit at this time, but we do fun things and learn stuff," rather than get into the fact that we were going to homeschool. Once she was five, though, it would have been difficult at best to hide that we were homeschooling.

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when we start a new activity like 4h I usually don't tell people right away unless they ask. I just think it's weird to announce it. I mean the other parents aren't walking up to me and announcing they use public school.

 

I also like to let them get to know us first so they can be less biased once they do find out.

 

We don't keep it a secret though.

 

Shannon

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I actually do hide it from one person in my life, but that person is a friend who lives 2000 miles away from where I live, so it's not awkward like it would be if we lived close together! When she asked about the first day of school or homework (via email), I just kind of skipped over that part when replying. If she actually lived near me, I'd have to tell her.

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As my oldest daughter is only 2, I deliberately don't mention it to most people. When I have in the past, they just sort of look at me like, "yeah right, you're so naive if you think you're going to want to do that when she's older." I hate it when people treat me like that, so I don't bring it up. I imagine when my daughters are older, though, we will probably keep it to ourselves unless specifically asked. It's just our way and no one else's business.

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I'll admit to it.

 

When I was a teenager, I was an exchange student and lived for a year in Denmark. My family was great, but my host mom was not the most flexible person. There's a right way (the Danish way) to do something, and there's a wrong way, and she will tell you the difference! Her ill health also sometimes makes her cranky, and at times she can really go off on me (all by mail, of course).

 

When I got married, she didn't like how we did it and I got a scathing letter, I think she was upset about not being able to come herself and she was sick.

 

I don't let it bother me, but I also don't go out of my way to tell her things I know she'll disapprove of. To me it's not worth the hassle. So I have never told her that we homeschool! I know exactly what she would think of it, and none of it would be good or supportive. Why bother?

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My husbands parents know (they don't live in the same country as me) but we never, ever mention it. We hear all about the cousins and how they're doing at school (often hilariously different from how their parents, dh's sister and hubby, tell about it) but they never ask and we never say. As we only see them about once every 3 years it is not a big problem.

 

I don't think we would actually hide it from a family member or friend but there are those I would not 'flaunt' it in front of either!

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Well..... Sorta.

 

DS started using the virtual academy at the very end of Oct in 7th grade. We stuck with it til Dec of 8th grade (btw, great situation for us; but unnecessary for our circumstances and we wanted to go back to homeschooling independently which is what I had done with both kids all along). Anyway, I did not tell my mother that we had stopped the program as I knew she wouldn't agree.

 

BTW, she still doesn't know we have this dog either. Sometimes she handles things better later rather than sooner.

 

However, we'd always answer her truthfully. If she had asked anything that the right answer would have been, "oh, we went ahead and stopped using the program" or "yeah, we got a dog in the beginning of July" we'd most certainly give the answer.

Edited by 2J5M9K
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Such as, particular family members or your DH's work colleagues/clients, who may have a negative view?

 

And if so, how do you accomplish this? Lots of passing of the bean dip when someone, usually the wife, asks directly about school?

 

Sorry for the weird question.

 

No, I wouldn't do this. I don't bring it up to those I know might be hostile to it, but if I am asked I tell the truth. There isn't anything to be ashamed of. My dh is very proud of what we do here and he doesn't hide it from his work associates. I would have to wonder why you feel pressure from this person to the point you want to conform to their views on this issue.

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Guest momk2000

No.

If someone has a problem with it, I see it as their problem not mine. HSing is no different than choosing between Public and Private school. We choose Homeschool.

My sil has a problem with it, but doesn't come right out and say she's against it, I can tell just by the questions/remarks. I just don't say too much and let it be her problem . We love what we do, the kids are happy, and that is what matters to me. :001_smile:

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No, but I don't automatically volunteer the information.

 

That's us. We've been at this for a while. It's just our life now: the good and the bad of it. I don't feel all bubbly about it anymore (though I do love it and wouldn't trade it). I also don't feel defensive about it like I used to. If someone asks or it feels like it should be said, I'll say it, but otherwise I don't offer it up. I can usually "feel" now if it would be a can of worms I don't want to open in a given conversation.

 

I went to planning dinner with some people from our children's ministry at a church we were in a few years ago. At the table was a youngish public school teacher mom with a 1yo baby. Someone else brought up, in a positive way, that we homeschool. You'd have thought I had grown a second head by the way she looked at me. She quickly told me that she didn't agree with homeschooling. The rest of the dinner was spent with her making little jabs. She went on and on and on about how grateful she was that her 1yo was able to socialize with other children at daycare and how the teachers in his class had taught him to start drinking from a sippy and get off the bottle. She said she didn't know if she could have done it. :lol: Yeah, that is one of the major difficulties in raising children when viewing the years from birth to adulthood...that bottle to sippy cup transition!!! :001_huh: I figured out fairly quickly why she was going down that road and spent the dinner just smiling at her and being as kind as possible. It was a learning experience...be careful who you share it with. Even if you could care less what their opinion is, they can get really annoying!!! :lol:

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I have never had to do this. But, I have a friend who has. Her husband is a PS high school math teacher and two years ago, the school district got a new superintendent. This person was a rabid homeschool hating fanatic. He announced at the first board meeting that when budget cuts came and teacher positions were eliminated he'd be firing first any teacher whose children were homeschooled and second, any teacher who enrolled their children in a private school.

 

It isn't legal to discriminate in that way, but on the other hand, the MEA (Michigan Education Association that represents the teachers' union) is rabidly anti-homeschooling and the local office has made many diatribes against teachers homeschooling. So, he knew he'd have a fight on his hands and incur a good bit of legal costs to fight an unlawful dismissal. The school board attorney is also so anti-homeschool that I swear she actually foams at the mouth and is a carrier of rabies!!

 

He is a very private guy and never discusses his wife or children at work. Most of his collegues do not even know how many children he has and so he asked his wife to not attend any school events, shop in the town where he works, and to refuse to ask any questions about their children's education posed by anyone but their family and friends. They kept their homeschooling successfully underground.

 

They have a knew school superintendent and he's a really nice man with a pretty good heart. Some homeschoolers are happily taking band and choir at the PS and have been welcomed with open arms. This super is really lifting a lot of the stress that the faculty and staff used to function under and he's definitely a more open mind. So, recently, this family has "come out of the closet" so to speak.

 

It's definitely not an ideal.

 

Oh, Dh did once keep this information from a manager at work. But, then he was keeping all of his private life from this manager who was a nut case and quite instrusive. Thankfully, she was moved to a different project after only a few months.

 

Faith

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No, I don't deliberately hide it from anyone, but I don't volunteer it either. Some people look negatively at homeschoolers, so I don't bring it up to people unless they ask and/or I've gotten to know them a bit first. But otherwise, everyone who "knows" me, know that we homeschool.

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Well, we're not homeschooling yet, and before my oldest daughter reaches school age we're going to have to tell my in-laws about it, but I'm putting that off for as long as possible! Both to minimize the number of years that I will have to listen to arguments against it, and because because I don't really want my husband hearing those arguments for the next few years--It took nearly a year for him to agree that I could homeschool them through elementary, and only if I agreed that they would attend some kind of school in the high school years. I want him to have as long as possible to get comfortable with the idea of homeschooling before the undermining begins.

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