how do you cope with the stress of your children's needs?

[cathmom]

what do you do when you feel like you're at the end of your rope but are still facing at least a year or two more of multiple children and multiple therapies? And continuing to accomodate ones that won't go away?

[suzziesnowflake]

I don't have any good answers. I just wanted to say that I think you're a Saint!:grouphug:

[cathmom]

Thanks! I know I don't have it as bad as some on here, but I really really really feel drained.

[Guest]

:grouphug:

 

It is really, really difficult. I've noticed a few things: first, the feeling that I am at the end of what I can mange seems to be cyclical. When it hits, it's awful, but I have gone through it enough to know that it's (relatively) temporary. Knowing this sometimes keeps me from spiraling further.

 

And second, I think the isolation and sense that you're in it alone can be the worst, and for this reason the wider your support network, the more escape valves you can put into your routine and your life, the better! Sometimes not a lot is possible, and it's then that things look darkest for me. When you hit a rough patch, call on friends, church members, formal support groups, babysitters, family members, a good psychologist.

 

And last, if it's possible, call a therapy break. Giving yourself -- and your kids -- a break from the constant rounds can sometimes be what you need to regain your will to enter the fray once more.

[merry gardens]

what do you do when you feel like you're at the end of your rope but are still facing at least a year or two more of multiple children and multiple therapies? And continuing to accomodate ones that won't go away?

I sit in front of the computer and try a virtual escape. :tongue_smilie:I write a long new thread or make some comments on other peoples threads that I never post. I happily read about others with similar struggles because it makes me feel less alone. I start to think that maybe what I've learned to help my own child might help others. I have a pity party and wonder "Why him? Why me?" I pray. I pull myself together and wonder "Why not him? Why not me?" I look at others who have it worse off and think, "There, but for the grace of God, go I. (and my children.)"

 

And I eat chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate. And I drink coffee. Much too much coffee. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I yell. Sometimes I get angry. Sometimes I am the mean teacher that Renee wrote about earlier this year--the one that blames the homeschool mom for her children's dyslexia and academic failures.

 

I climb up the end of my rope. I fall back down and hang on by a thread. I crawl up that rope again. And sometimes I remember the words to a song, "You can hold to a thread at the end of a rope, but if you hold onto Jesus you are holding onto hope." And I pray again. And I cry. And I sit in front of the computer.

[Dobela]

I can agree with the person that says she sits in front of the computer. I do that as well. I have a great dh and he makes sure I have time out and away at least a couple of hours a week now. Monday night is my knitting night. And if my knitting group is not meeting. I still leave the house for 2 or 3 hours. Often I go to the library and force myself to read magazines that have little to do with parenting or children. I have taken myself to the movies. Or to the java shop with my knitting and enough money for the never ending cup. Or to the mall where I just wear my sneakers and walk, walk, walk.

 

Each night I also make sure I get time alone. After the first child is in bed I go to my room and dh is in charge of the second. Right now I am either listening to jazz or classical music while reading. I read a little from my Bible and then whatever else I have chosen. Right now it is a history of women in the Antebellum period.

 

I have had to let parts of the house slide. I don't cover every possible subject every year. When ds was not reading, and we were just beginning VT and specialized tutoring I only did reading, math, and grammar.

 

Soon we will be moving and I hope to add gardening to 'my time'.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

:grouphug: hang in there....I know I feel overwhelmed dealing with my one son and his list of issues.......

[mykdsmomy]

:grouphug: Everyone here has great suggestions! I think finding what helps and relaxes you is important. We all have different coping strategies. I had to give up the chocolate because it was killing my stomach but I still go to Starbucks every morning :) (it's my one thing I do faithfully and it helps me get through the day).

Find your happy place and use it often! ;)

[razorbackmama]

We aren't even to the therapy phase of things, and I'm about to lose my ever-lovin' mind.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Dobela]

We aren't even to the therapy phase of things, and I'm about to lose my ever-lovin' mind.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

:grouphug: I will have to say that looking back some of the most stressful times were those when I was trying to get referrals, get the evals, and following up with it all. Once we made it thru that and therapies are scheduled, it is at least a little easier because I can follow a real schedule. Not to mention we know what we are looking at and have a much better idea of what we need to be doing. Of course now my schedule is a pain and not working well. That is a different stress though.

[razorbackmama]

:grouphug: I will have to say that looking back some of the most stressful times were those when I was trying to get referrals, get the evals, and following up with it all. Once we made it thru that and therapies are scheduled, it is at least a little easier because I can follow a real schedule. Not to mention we know what we are looking at and have a much better idea of what we need to be doing. Of course now my schedule is a pain and not working well. That is a different stress though.

 

Yes, I do have to say that is one of my biggest stressors right now. Especially since I just found out that while our insurance will cover the developmental evaluation, they won't cover any test that they deem is "educational" in nature. So the psychologist recommended that I call my local public school to see if they'll do certain cognitive tests. That phone call resulted in a huge reinforcement in my decision to homeschool - my school district will only do testing on children who are not progressing AT ALL. Since my son is progressing (she thought it was AWESOME that he reads at a 5th-6th grade level even though he's in 8th grade:001_huh: ), he wouldn't get anything (even if he were enrolled in the school, and since he's not he wouldn't get anything anyway).

 

So now I guess we get to pay $436/hour to the psychologist to do these cognitive tests she's wanting.

 

Meanwhile, ultimately I don't think he has PDD-NOS at ALL - all of their concerns can be directly traced to his Mixed Receptive-Expressive Language Disorder.:banghead: (I know they sometimes go hand-in-hand, but it's hard for him to answer the questions on a questionnaire or to respond to a conversation if he doesn't understand the words being used.)

 

Anyway...yeah. All the red tape is really getting on my last nerve. (Not to mention all the stress involved in convincing my dh that there is something wrong...he thinks ds just isn't trying hard enough. I finally began to just ignore him and started doing what I feel is necessary.:blushing:

[siloam]

what do you do when you feel like you're at the end of your rope but are still facing at least a year or two more of multiple children and multiple therapies? And continuing to accomodate ones that won't go away?

Mostly I stay focused on now and not the future. By nature I am someone who wants to see the future, but I have had to learn to disconnect that and focus on succeeding today.

 

Dh and I also sat down and talked goals, and decided what was the minimum to have a good day. I needed his no-nonsense perspective because my list would be much longer, the ideal, not the practical.

 

Around here I always focus on the oldest first, because I have the least amount of time left with them. For example right now my oldest is going through AAS at a quick pace, only taking two days to do each "step" (lesson) in a book. She is old enough to handle the pace and making good progress. My younger kids do one sub topic in a step a day covering one step over a week or longer. Eventually they will get their day when I focus on them, but for now I just do the minimum with them.

 

I also delay topics like art, music, and foreign language till they can do them independently. Then I start them on a program and they do a little piece at a time. Like my 2nd dd (5th grade) will start Lively Latin this year and do just one page per day. Even through she is dyslexic this won't overwhelm her. Later this year or next year she will start Artistic Pursuits K-3 (yes the low level book) and do one project per week. I start with the low level books becuase my kids are dysgraphic and starting any higher would end in frustration because their work looks like the K-3 samples, KWIM?

 

Here are my major issues right now: My oldest dd's math in particular. The younger two have their days but are more dyslexic, my oldest is more dyscalculic. She will have days she does the oddest things, forgets how to do the work, and makes a ton of miscellaneous errors, so when I review her math it isn't a quick thing. She gets frustrated if I just mark it wrong, and my agreement with her is if she shows her work I will review it to tell her if it is done wrong or just a math error. As a typical dyscaculic she struggles to write out her work so it is only fair that if she works hard I do so, but it can easily take me an 30 mins a day to correct just her math, and at times longer. But there is no avoiding this, I just have to keep on swimming... My 2nd dd is pretty set right now (yea! The last couple of years have been rough with her, so it is wonderful that she has hit this plateau.), I just have to keep cheering her on because she is quite the Eeyore by nature. My 3rd dd should be starting CW writing this year, but she isn't ready becuase I forgot to get her ready. :001_huh: I was so focused on doing Spectrum practice tests at the end of last year for her required testing I just didn't think of it. Now I need to regroup and form a plan and just haven't had the time yet. My ds delayed in learning to read, so he is 2nd grade and still not doing grammar or writing because he just really needs to learn to read. He is making progress, but it is also obviously going to still be a while before he is ready to read independently and start grammar and writing. The only reason why I care is becuase of that end of 3rd grade test that we are required to do. :glare:

 

I told my dh the other day that I do really love my life, I know the kids wouldn't do half as well in PS, nor would I like the lifestyle, but I am a wee bit lazy. I never would have chosen to work this hard if I could have gotten away with it. Essentially I am working roughly 30 hours a week on hs (if not more), I have a part time job on top of the house and mom and wife. At this stage dh has more free time than I do. But I keep reminding myself it is a season. It will pass, and rather quickly once it starts, then I will have a more sedate life, a season of rest before I start the next stage. Remembering this too will end helps me keep running the race now.

 

Heather

Edited October 13, 2010 by siloam

[cathmom]

Thanks for all the ideas! I'm really thinking them through.

 

All of my 6 dc at home currently have some kind of issue.

 

Child # 1. Dyslexia - we are no longer doing tutoring for this, but I am working through Explode the Code with her at home. She is 9th grade this year, so in order for her to do grade level work, I have to be quite involved. Therefore I can't just hand her books and do whatever with the younger ones.

 

Child #2 has severe issues with math. No diagnosis, but that is coming to a head. She is just starting 7th grade and just finishing 3rd grade math. yes, really. *bangs head*

 

Child #3 is currently receiving OT for writing and to strengthen his core. He may start doing the V & V program as well. He just graduated from speech therapy.

 

Children # 4 and 5 are identical twins who have a severe speech delay - they are 5 and I cannot understand them about 50% of the time still. They get speech at home 2-3 times a week.

 

Child #6 is also receiving speech therapy.

[rieshy]

I had to laugh when I read the comment saying, "I sit in front of the computer....," because that's exactly why I'm sitting in front of the computer right now:)

 

My two childrens' chronic illness means I rarely get more than 3 hours sleep at a stretch, so I too drink a boat-load of coffee!

 

Writing/blogging has really helped.

 

An online parent-group for my sons' disorder has helped.

 

Chocolate has helped.

 

Walking helps.

 

Laughing at everything helps.

 

Loving on my husband helps.

 

Can I say coffee twice?

 

A few close friends whom I can occasionally whine to and who pray for me helps.

 

Sometimes just crying in the shower really helps.

 

In the end, I'm only still sane by the grace and power of God!

[Tokyomarie]

Are there any other options for a good tester? $436/hour sounds awfully high! We paid just a smidge more than half that, and I thought that was high, but we had a very good tester, so I believe it was worth it.

 

Also, have you checked with any LD advocates in your area to find out if it's really true that the PS won't test? I personally prefer not to deal with the schools, but somehow it doesn't seem right that the school can deny you an assessment since most insurances will not pay for an "educational assessment."

[razorbackmama]

Are there any other options for a good tester? $436/hour sounds awfully high! We paid just a smidge more than half that, and I thought that was high, but we had a very good tester, so I believe it was worth it.

 

Well, she's a clinical psychologist in the developmental clinic of our local children's hospital. Honestly, the more we get involved, the less I want to have to do with them at all. I think they completely misdiagnosed my ds.

 

Also, have you checked with any LD advocates in your area to find out if it's really true that the PS won't test? I personally prefer not to deal with the schools, but somehow it doesn't seem right that the school can deny you an assessment since most insurances will not pay for an "educational assessment."

 

I did get the name of a group locally that are advocates. I just haven't had a chance to mess with it yet. I'm pondering whether I should just scrap everything (except the language stuff) that we've done and go to a neuropsych. The whole thing is pretty ridiculous.

[Renee in NC]

Well, she's a clinical psychologist in the developmental clinic of our local children's hospital. Honestly, the more we get involved, the less I want to have to do with them at all. I think they completely misdiagnosed my ds.

 

 

 

I did get the name of a group locally that are advocates. I just haven't had a chance to mess with it yet. I'm pondering whether I should just scrap everything (except the language stuff) that we've done and go to a neuropsych. The whole thing is pretty ridiculous.

 

Check local universities as well (or even not so local ones.) Often they will do the educational tests for a much lower rate. Our boys' tests were $300 each (for IQ and achievement.)

[razorbackmama]

Check local universities as well (or even not so local ones.) Often they will do the educational tests for a much lower rate. Our boys' tests were $300 each (for IQ and achievement.)

 

Thanks, Renee!

 

What department would do that sort of thing?

[cathmom]

Dh and I went out to dinner tonight and he brought up some of this stuff. He doesn't think I can do it all and wants to help!

[Renee in NC]

Thanks, Renee!

 

What department would do that sort of thing?

 

It's usually the graduate psychology department.

[Renee in NC]

Dh and I went out to dinner tonight and he brought up some of this stuff. He doesn't think I can do it all and wants to help!

 

GOOD!!!!!!!!:D

[Dobela]

It's usually the graduate psychology department.

The graduate department of education often has qualified persons as well.

[razorbackmama]

Thanks!

 

I may just skip it all since I think the root of his problems are language-based. But who knows. We'll see once I get all the reports in to see what all they've tested already and such.