What is the current thinking of psychologists/doctors now in regard to homeschooling?

[Plucky]

I recently took one of my kids in to see our pediatrician because of some LDs and anxiety issues. I was surprised that my pediatrician was concerned so much with our socialization. She asked questions like, "Do you get invited to birthday parties?" "Do your friends call you up to get together?"

 

Luckily for us he is invited to birthday parties and gets together often with friends. He's only 9 and so it is just recently that he's started to have a social life. I told her all the activities we have - we are way over busy for homeschoolers - I admit that. So we met her standard of "good homeschooler."

 

Here we are in 2008 and I know that many people still don't understand homeschooling but I though my pediatrician would get it. One of her colleagues' in-laws homeschool. In my area homeschoolers are everywhere.

 

Now I'm concerned that I will meet a bias with the really great child psychologist we are scheduled to see. When I talked to him on the phone he was reticent about homeschooling until I told him of my kid's activities. Then he cheered up about it. I'm kind of resentful that I have to defend and prove myself when it comes to homeschooling.

 

I am going to call and ask the psychologist about his views on homeschooling and if he feels he can support us without any biases. I plan on doing this professionally and tactfully but I kind of resent that I have to do this at all.

 

Is it more common for psychologists and doctors to have biases against homeschooling than not?

[Josie]

Just like in the general population...some people applaud homeschooling and some hate it. Docs are the same. I always shop around until I find one that doesn't look at me like I have three heads.

[Plucky]

Yes, I've experienced others' biased about homeschooling. I used to be one of them. I guess I thought the more educated professionals that are dealing with kids from all walks of life were starting to get it. Perhaps not. It really limits their ability though to meet their patients needs when they cannot think outside the standard institutional setting.

[Michelle T]

on the individual, at least in my experience. I've encountered both doctors and psychologists who were very pro homeschool, and some who weren't.

 

I ask right up front what they think of homeschool before using the services of a new ped, or a psychologist. DS just finished extensive testing with an educational psychologist, and I made sure she was cool before starting.

Michelle T

[Jann in TX]

My dd was on grade level (PS)--but we held her back in 1st grade due to a BAD teacher (don't let me go there) and dd's 'immature' social skills. DD also has a late August birthday so even with being held back she is still age-appropriate.

 

Academically DD was in the above average part of her class. Socially she was YEARS behind. It turns out that DD has some learning 'differences'. She is NOT ADD or ADHD but it better described as in the high end of the autistic spectrum. She is her 'own bird'.

 

After 2nd grade her Psychiatrist --a man known to not like home schooling--suggested that bringing her home would foster her education more than staying in a PS environment where she was VISIBILY and PAINFULLY behind socially. Her PS teacher even agreed!

 

I think that many Dr's and psychologists have seen the 'bad end' of homeschooling. They have treated children who have been 'socially neglected' and they are very cautious. DD's Drs have all been pleasantly surprised on how well she has done without the stress of the classroom--and also how much progress she has made socially without the 'help' of formal school.

[Alice]

I'm a pediatrician, but can't speak for all of my profession. Obviously..I'm pro-homeschooling. :) I do think most of my partners and the people I work with view it as an odd choice. But then so do many people I meet not in the medical world.

[Myrtle]

I recently took one of my kids in to see our pediatrician because of some LDs and anxiety issues. I was surprised that my pediatrician was concerned so much with our socialization. She asked questions like, "Do you get invited to birthday parties?" "Do your friends call you up to get together?"

 

Luckily for us he is invited to birthday parties and gets together often with friends. He's only 9 and so it is just recently that he's started to have a social life. I told her all the activities we have - we are way over busy for homeschoolers - I admit that. So we met her standard of "good homeschooler."

 

Here we are in 2008 and I know that many people still don't understand homeschooling but I though my pediatrician would get it. One of her colleagues' in-laws homeschool. In my area homeschoolers are everywhere.

 

Now I'm concerned that I will meet a bias with the really great child psychologist we are scheduled to see. When I talked to him on the phone he was reticent about homeschooling until I told him of my kid's activities. Then he cheered up about it. I'm kind of resentful that I have to defend and prove myself when it comes to homeschooling.

 

I am going to call and ask the psychologist about his views on homeschooling and if he feels he can support us without any biases. I plan on doing this professionally and tactfully but I kind of resent that I have to do this at all.

 

Is it more common for psychologists and doctors to have biases against homeschooling than not?

 

 

I asked this question in advance of a speech therapist and she said she was very supportive of homeschooling. We paid her a lot of money to do an evaluation of our son and she wrote in the evaluation as part of her professional opinion that he should enroll in public school! In the end, that is what she focused on. We had more information about her opinion of his social situation than on the actual diagnosis and prognosis.

 

I have had at least two other physicians tell me up front, after being asked, that they don't discriminate against homeschoolers in any way and by the end of the appointment they start in with the accusatory and prying questions that had nothing to do with getting antibiotics, eyes checked or vaccinations....a third if I include my personal physician who asked me, "So, what do you do?"

 

"I homeschool my kids."

 

"This is not always a good idea you know...blah blah"

 

My guess is that they are explicitly trained in medical school to be accepting of other people's cultures and religious beliefs and they try to pay lip service to this. (Just think about how stupid you'd feel over the phone telling a future patient "No, actually I don't like Mormons, homeschoolers, or vegans, I suspect they starve/beat/mistreat their children" Of course almost everyone says they are tolerant, accepting and open minded, but it's hard to maintain that when it counts the most...when it's no longer about food, clothes, and music and becomes about ideology that they may perceive as criticizing the institutions that made them wildly successful.

[Plucky]

I asked this question in advance of a speech therapist and she said she was very supportive of homeschooling. We paid her a lot of money to do an evaluation of our son and she wrote in the evaluation as part of her professional opinion that he should enroll in public school! In the end, that is what she focused on. We had more information about her opinion of his social situation than on the actual diagnosis and prognosis.

 

I have had at least two other physicians tell me up front, after being asked, that they don't discriminate against homeschoolers in any way and by the end of the appointment they start in with the accusatory and prying questions that had nothing to do with getting antibiotics, eyes checked or vaccinations....a third if I include my personal physician who asked me, "So, what do you do?"

 

"I homeschool my kids."

 

"This is not always a good idea you know...blah blah"

 

My guess is that they are explicitly trained in medical school to be accepting of other people's cultures and religious beliefs and they try to pay lip service to this. (Just think about how stupid you'd feel over the phone telling a future patient "No, actually I don't like Mormons, homeschoolers, or vegans, I suspect they starve/beat/mistreat their children" Of course almost everyone says they are tolerant, accepting and open minded, but it's hard to maintain that when it counts the most...when it's no longer about food, clothes, and music and becomes about ideology that they may perceive as criticizing the institutions that made them wildly successful.

 

 

 

You're right. I know this. I do. I just keep hoping I'll get some caregivers that really do get homeschooling. It's very frustrating. I will still call the psychologist but I guess I have to remain strong in my beliefs and keep advocating for my son. It's a little scary when I fell like I'm entering into new territory with him. I could really use expert help in this and not just someone using my money and time trying to get us into ps.

 

My kiddo has been in special ed ps. I want us to experience actual progress and not just the appearance of progress. :(

[Plucky]

I've experienced some good support before,too. I know it's out there that's why some of the silly questions surprise me. To base someone's idea of good socialization on birthday parties is a shallow assessment. Plus, I love my pediatrician. Our kids are in the same community choir. I though she knew I was a good parent already. shrug.

[Plucky]

Yes, I know there are some great pediatricians/doctors and probably some child psychologists as well that get homeschooling. I thought my pediatrician was completely on board, too, but she surprised me. This country needs more homeschooling families that are doctors and psychologists.

[Nestof3]

I'd love to know who started this, "and what about socialization" :001_rolleyes: question.

 

Why do homeschoolers always have to whip out the day planner to prove to people that their children are okay? It's as if homeschooling and closet-confinement go hand-in-hand! :smash:

[Nestof3]

Oh, and I'll never forget the time I took my boys (5 and 7 then) for a check-up and immunizations.

 

There was this magnet maze on the wall with red and white balls and a magnetic pen. The pen was used to pull the balls through the maze.

 

When the pediatrician came in, my 7 year old son said, "I know why this maze is here. The red balls are the red blood cells and the white balls are the white blood cells." He then proceeded to rattle on about hemoglobin.

 

Thankfully I never sensed any negativity toward our homeschooling from him, because if I had, I swear it would have been difficult NOT to stick my tongue out at him and say, "Hhmmph! So, there."

[Jennifer in MI]

I'm a pediatrician, but can't speak for all of my profession. Obviously..I'm pro-homeschooling. :) I do think most of my partners and the people I work with view it as an odd choice. But then so do many people I meet not in the medical world.

 

 

So, I think we all need to find out where Alice lives and go to her!! Whadya' say Alice? An all-homeschooled practice??? :lol:

[HollyinNNV]

DH is a Dr. and we are not the only medical family/homeschoolers in our area. Our ped said, "Oh, hsers-cool!" So, I think that there is no real "formal training" in how to treat hsers.

Holly

[Kelli in TN]

Our ped. is so-so on the homeschooling thing, but I respect her medical knowledge and I know how to roll my eyes when she gives opinions on things not medical.

 

But I want to share some good experiences we have had with professionals.

 

The first is a counselor that one of my children saw for awhile. This child was diagnosed with panic disorder and social anxiety disorder. I just knew that this was going to be blamed on homeschooling, so I braced myself and brought it up first. I just asked outright, "Do you think going to school would help?" And the therapists response was "Oh good heavens no! If she homeschools she can keep up with her studies while we help her conquer this. When this hits kids who are in school their grades usually drop significantly because they can't focus."

 

The second story is about the developmental peds. at a clinic in Memphis. They said that what they prefer to recommend for children with learning disabilities similar to my son's is intensive one-on-one tutoring. But they knew that whenever they say that they already know that the school is not going to have the resources to implement that. They were pleased that I was already committed to homeschooling and experienced as a homeschooler. Their advice was to do all I did with my other kids, but slower. And come back in a few years for a new evaluation so they could help me customize his education.

 

The third story is ongoing. Our wonderful, wonderful speech therapist is so very supportive of homeschooling and so wonderful to my children. She is helping to try to fight my way through the system to get some of the money that is rumored to be available to homeschoolers to help offset the cost of private speech therapy.

 

So, there are professionals out there that understand why we do what we do and are willing to help us keep on doing it!

[Plucky]

That is wonderful, Kelli. I hope I can find a good psychologist like that. We only have 20 mental health visits a year. Not a lot of visits to find out someone isn't really on our side. But I will stay hopeful. Thanks.

[angela in ohio]

I would assume that if a child is having difficulty, they would ask question like those two even of a public school child. It would help determine if that child was having trouble making friends and might help screen for depression and the like. Did she say anything specifically about homeschooling?

[Joanne]

My personal and third party experience:

 

My therapist, whom I started seeing in an attempt to save my first marriage, was OK with homeschooling. But not a knowledgeable advocate. My life at the time was stressful, I was in an abusive marriage, under treated for clinical depression. She did, at one point, mention "put the kids in school and they'll be fine."

 

I confronted her during our next session that:

 

1) It was not homeschooling that was my issue; it was running a daycare and the marriage.

 

2) My perspective and thinking at the time would "taint" any income generating work I had. Would she recommend I give whatever that would be up, too?

 

3) I told her that her evaluation of my "kids being fine" in public school was subjective and unsubstantiated.

 

She thanked me for being direct. She shared that she "heard" my stress and immediately assumed not having the kids around "all day" would alleviate that. She had not "heard" that homeschooling was a positive but the other parts of life were not.

 

Later, she asked me to "put together a flyer" because she could definitely see the need to have a competent person available to assist with homeschooling other people's children who had to leave the PS system for one reason or another. She had a couple of clients in mind for me. I never did get any of her clients, but I did end up generating my income that way after the daycare closed.

 

One of my new homeschool clients son was in professional therapy with a Psychiatrist. He homeschooled (well, his wife) his own dd so he was thrilled with her choice, even though she's "homeschooling" once removed!

 

There are many homeschoolers in this part of Texas; I think that helps represent a more accurate spectrum of homeschoolers.

[Jean in Wisc]

He and his wife started homeschooling a year ago as a trial--and he has no intention of looking back. When I told him my dd was bored, bored, bored in college, he made a reference to the "dumbing down" of America's education system...and how frustrated he is with college expectations.

 

My last doctor (he moved) always supported us too. Every time a kid came into his office, he asked what the last book was that they read--and he'd tell the high schoolers that Dr. Seuss did not count. LOL! He always got a kick out of my kids' answers to that question. Not too many answering Song of Roland and Oedipus Rex I guess.

 

There are supporters of homeschooling out there. Honestly, though, I'd guess the majority really do not know enough about homeschooling to know how to react. They've heard the rhetoric about the negative side of homeschooling. It is up to us to education them when we can; sometimes, however, it is just time to find another doctor.

 

J

[chiguirre]

My kiddo has been in special ed ps. I want us to experience actual progress and not just the appearance of progress. :(

 

If you've tried the ps and know that's not a good choice, say that to any doctor or psychologist who gives you a hard time. No professional has ever said anything to me about hsing and I think part of that is because I always say upfront we hs because of a disastrous experience with ps. I'd rather put my energy into hsing rather than fighting my ISD. If they still don't get it after you tell them that, dump them! They may be experts in some areas, but a lot of doctors are pretty clueless about actual day to day parenting of special needs kids.

 

Good luck!

[Stacy in NJ]

It's a territorial and defensive thing, as well. Professionials tend to think that only other professionals are qualified to provide "services" to their clients (your children). If they come to the conclusion that being a qualifed professionial in one field (education, especially with special needs kids) isn't necessary, then what is the value of their own expertise?

 

Homeschooling, at it's heart, is a rejection of the consensus of the group. This tends to threaten those that rely on this consensus to earn their living and provide a life's purpose.

 

You're saying, that his attitude is that as long as you're following a more socially acceptable "program" for socialization (lots of outside activites), then he's willing to accept that YOU are doing a "good job" for your kids.

I think the way to counter this is to just explain that while you do do alot of outside stuff, you don't necessarily accept that these activities, or any activities, are necessary for a properly "socialized" child. If the doctor disagrees with you, then you'll know that you have a fundamental philosophical disagreement with him/her, and that he might not be the appropriate professional to consult regarding your child.

[Josie]

If they still don't get it after you tell them that, dump them! They may be experts in some areas, but a lot of doctors are pretty clueless about actual day to day parenting of special needs kids.

 

Good luck!

 

LOL Some docs are clueless about raising ANY child. We have a friend who is a pediatrician. She became a pediatrician before she had children--hence not having a clue how to raise a child. She later married another doc who had three children. (The children's mom had died, so our friend was now the only mom in the lives of the children.) A few months after they married I asked her if raising children was harder than she thought. She sighed a big, "YES!" I told her that I thought she might think that. She and I had some discussion about raising children prior to her becoming a mom, so I knew she had a very simplistic view of it. Sorry, but reading about child development in some book just doesn't qualify you to give advice. She realizes this now. We laugh about it! She is a VERY good mom, btw.

[Plucky]

Thank you to everyone who has posted in this thread. I've read everything and taken it to heart. I haven't responded and probably won't because I don't really want to talk a lot about it right now or debate any issues. I'm kind of in a sensitive/vulnerable place with this topic and tomorrow I call the psychologist and ask some more questions before our appt. this week. Thanks again for all the replies.

[*LC]

Elaine,

 

I just wanted to chime in & add that having a psychologist that doesn't support homeschooling may not be a deal-killer. If this Dr. comes highly recommended, I wouldn't necessarily let his/her answers to your questions make you change gears. I don't want you to waste your visits either, but I just don't think you can know until you get there.

 

Some of my kids have seen a psychologist since my husband died last year. Folks all recommended a man, who admitted that he was not in favor of homeschooling. (His wife is a school principal, so I figure he has to be that way.) Having said that I was nervous when he asked my 12 DD and I to meet with him together last summer. She has never liked homeschooling and does not like things related to homeschooling. She is very vocal on this issue, but I've always said it is not up to her. Anyway, he just had us talk about some things -- such as where she sits in car. Finally, he asked, "Do you always talk so well together?" We replied, "yes, unless it is about homeschooling." He laughed, but didn't recommend I stop homeschooling her just to make her happy. I think that disappointed her, and she hasn't been back. She is doing fine in handling everything, and we talk all the time.

 

He has recommended putting one of my younger boys in school, because he think that child senses when I'm upset and it makes him upset & mad. This is my high-energy kid, and he does admit not every teacher would be a good fit for him. The kids were basically finished seeing the doctor until this son started acting up again.

 

He has been helpful with their grief and this son's acting out.

 

Good luck.

 

LC

[abbeyej]

I think sometimes doctors are just "information gathering" and it can *sound* like criticism to us, without actually *being* criticism. I know my pediatrician will ask the kids about their activities, their friends, what they like to do, who they hang out with, etc... On the one hand, he's just getting to know them (and now that he knows them a little better, he'll ask specifically how dance is going, or how the latest Lego robotics tournament went or if ds has played chess lately), and on the other, sure, he's feeling out any concerns (just as when he asks about diet and sleep and physical activity).

 

And especially if you take a child in for "anxiety", I'd absolutely expect questions about socialization -- no matter where the child went to school! They want to know how the child relates to other kids: is he withdrawn? is he being bullied? is the anxiety a result of some experience, or is the anxiety preventing normal childhood experiences? (And yes, when ds had PANDAS he had severe anxiety and was seeing a psychiatrist who wanted to know all about these things -- and how they changed when the PANDAS symptoms appeared...) Actually, we changed pediatricians in part because our old one didn't take seriously ds' sudden and radical personality change and she didn't make any attempt to figure out what was going on with him. (She also had multiple physical symptoms which she ignored or discounted.)

 

But don't assume that a doctor "disapproves" just because he or she asks many questions -- especially when you have a psychological concern with a particular child. It would be irresponsible for them not to try to find out what's going on in the child's life as they try to feel out what's wrong -- and school or home schooling are *big* aspects of a kid's life...

 

On a related/side note:

The family doctor I see has positively *grilled* me on home schooling the two times in 4 years that I've gone in to see her, lol. Buuuut, come to the end of those conversations, she made it clear that she was actually really interested in home schooling her own son (who is a year older than mine)! I don't think she ever will -- she has a really busy work schedule and she's intimidated by the idea, questions her patience with her son, etc, etc. But apparently her office manager home schooled her own kids for many years... But the questions she threw at me so fast and furious, lol, were a bit overwhelming, and I didn't realize until the end of the conversation that she was really, genuinely, *personally* interested in what it was like to home school! ;)

[Apiphobic]

Thank you to everyone who has posted in this thread. I've read everything and taken it to heart. I haven't responded and probably won't because I don't really want to talk a lot about it right now or debate any issues. I'm kind of in a sensitive/vulnerable place with this topic and tomorrow I call the psychologist and ask some more questions before our appt. this week. Thanks again for all the replies.

 

I didn't reply to this thread earlier because you'd gotten a lot of responses already. But this post just makes me want to reach out and hug you.

 

You're right. You shouldn't have to defend your decision to homeschool your child/ren. I know it's easy to get suckered into rattling off all the positives of homeschooling in an effort to educate the "nonbelievers." I know it gets tiring when it seems like you're being grilled yet again. And I know it's easy to assume that "experts" working with children really should be more aware of the intricacies of homeschooling.

 

I don't know how long you've been homeschooling, but I hope you can take solace in the fact that this whole homeschooling adventure does work for thousands of families. This board is living proof. Sometimes there are some wonderful AHA! moments when a previous doubter can see or hear your child/ren and realize this homeschooling thing may actually work. And then there may be some wonderful AHA! moments when the doubter can see it but yet still refuse to see it. You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink.

 

Don't waste your time and energy banging your head against the wall. Don't try to convert everyone and prove to them that you're right. I would even say don't worry so much about it. If the professional is good at what he or she does, hopefully, with time, he/she will see that this works for you and your family. There may be moments when you'll cringe and think, "Oooh, that didn't really sell homeschooling very well, did it?" And then there are other times you'll see it as a bright light shining through the rainstorm. Maybe they'll get it and maybe they won't. It's not up to you.

 

You have to trust yourself more and know that it's worked for thousands of other families and it's working for your family. Now I hear Dory singing, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming ..."

 

I didn't mean to for this to get so long. Originally I was just going to put the group hug icon on, but I wanted to explain why I wished I could hug you.

 

FWIW, my youngest has been seeing a speech therapist for over a year now. The therapist has met all my children. My kids actually came in and played games with the therapist and dd one day, and the therapist occasionally will chat with them if they come to the session with us. Time and casual conversation has opened her eyes a lot to the world of homeschooling. Plus she sees us as a family, and that gives her more information than I could ever give her with my laundry list of "Why We Homeschool."

 

Good luck to you! I hope you find someone open-minded, caring and professional. I hope you also find peace with your decision. :grouphug:

[Reya]

I'm a total jerk to people who are nasty about homeschooling. Acting as sweet as I possibly can, I put my 5-y-o through his social and academic paces. If they aren't bubbling in amazement how advanced he is in EVERY realm, they're biting their tongues bloody by the end.

 

The funny thing is that they never know I'm being a jerk. :-) So, oddly enough, many people who go into a conversation bashing homeschooling blindly are blurting out how much they wish they could do that, and maybe if they just shuffled their schedules a little or tightened their belts to live on one income....

 

*g*