Screaming three year old -- any advice?

[mommyto4]

Our 3.5 year old son is right now screaming and kicking up in his room. We put him to sleep almost two hours ago and he woke up just screaming. He is awake... he can say a few words like drink and mommy. He will do this for up to an hour.

 

He has been doing this since he was about 18 months old. We have taken him to a psychologist, pediatrician, naturopath, family doctor, and a sleep clinic. We have been told it is night terrors. Up until a year ago, he would wake up one or two times each night, screaming for up to an hour. Nothing would calm him, until he seemed to come out of it. He also can do this during the day, especially after naps or when he is tired. He does remember the episodes and talks about the "screams".

 

We were so glad to see this decrease last year to just a couple times a month, but we are now seeing it increase again. It seems to build up in him over a few days, and then the screaming comes.

 

Does anyone have any ideas? Our son is very bright, social, communicates extremely well, and loves to play on his own and with others. He pushes boundaries, but we have perhaps let him have fewer limits because we are so exhausted from the screaming. He goes to bed easily at night, and rarely does he have a nap.

 

It is emotionally draining to watch him go through the screaming episodes. He seems to want to stop but can't.

 

Thanks,

julie

[Starr]

:grouphug: It must be so difficult for you.

[Oops, duplicate account :/]

:grouphug: mama. Have you tried putting him to sleep in/by your bed and letting him cosleep? I find that my boys felt very comforted by this and often would wake up over and over again when they were sick and in there own room, but if we brought them to bed they would often sleep the night through! It got to where we just tucked them in bed with us when a cold was coming on by symptoms like fussiness, runny nose, fever. Just a thought.

[simka2]

First of all, :grouphug:. This is hard, and very difficult to watch them go thru. DD is 9 and now only has the occasional whimper. They did seem to crop back up if she was overstimulated or severly out of routine.

 

The only thing that helped was asking concrete, but strange questions. Things like "is you kitty purple?" or "can spiderman eat 50 cakes?" Sometimes, I would have to ask a few different ones, in between calming and sootheing her.

 

Also, if we could get her to go to the bathroom or something else concrete it seemed to help.

 

Examples would be, "are mommies pajama's funny?" With lots of giggles and laughter.

[2squared]

My 4yo has cried out in his sleep since he was a baby. Fortunately, he doesn't scream, but if he is in an episode, he has trouble getting out. Like a pp said, he usually has to wake up or do something to get out of it. We do let him co-sleep if he needs to or dh will go to his bed. The last bad night he had he was in and out of sleep for hours whimpering and crying out even though dh was sleeping with him. Dh finally told him to think about a white bunny and he finally fell into a deep, peaceful sleep.

[Oops, duplicate account :/]

Oh, and I wanted to add that I have a friend whose son did this and she finally linked it to red dye. Children's Tylenol (not the dye-free version) even did this to him.

 

:grouphug: again. Hope he's settled down and sleeping okay now.

[Snowfall]

I agree that it's probably night terrors. I used to get them as a kid and my 6 month old has already had one. Now I just sleepwalk, which isn't much better for me, as I do odd things like hide my kid under the bed in the middle of the night. :blink:(I think I was hiding her from the Gestapo, as I'd just read a book about the Holocaust before bed that night.) I know my sleepwalking is worse when I am exhausted or stressed out, and they say the same is true of night terrors. Could it be that he needs more sleep? I know that you've probably read all about night terrors by now and already knew that, but I just wanted to say how much of a difference getting adequate sleep makes for me. It's big enough that on the nights I don't get to bed in time, I actually have trouble falling asleep because I'm worried about what crazy thing I'll do once I actually do fall asleep.

[mamananci]

OK....I didn't read the other replies.

 

This was my dd to a "t".

Started at 18 months....would wake at night or from nap. Screaming and looking like she was "possessed". Would go on for hours!!!! I would have to lock myself in the bathroom and count to 100. This went on daily!!! for years. I too, went to many people and nobody could help. It was Horrible. I feel your pain right now.

 

I'm new here, but wanted to reach out and tell you our story. My dd is gifted and such a wonderful girl. She is 14 now. This lasted from 18 months til about 10 or 11. The research that I have done suggests that this "screaming" is a sign of bi polar in kids...something they haven't diagnosed til kids are older. I don't know, I don't think my dd is bipolar. :001_smile:

 

BUT, it was rough. The worst part is trying to prevent these tantrums the older they get....like you are walking on eggshells b/c you don't want to go thru it. The BEST advice I got was to "LOVE them THRU it".....from a very Christian woman.

 

My dd eventually started having severe anxiety at 5 and we put her on meds at 9....it has CHANGED her life!!!! :)

 

Just know I am praying for you and surrounding you and your little one with love. I am always just a pm away!!!!

[mamananci]

Oh, I wanted to add....it's worse with kids that don't get enough sleep or are getting sick....that is when it was the worst!

 

AND, after my dd was done screaming, she was calm. Said she "didn't want to talk about it" and that "she didn't remember".

[Julie in CA]

From age 4 or so, all the way to around age 12. Nothing we did made as much of a difference as increasing the amount of sleep ds got. Even after we contained the problem by increasing his sleep, if he had a late night due to a family occasion or holiday, I could count on a horrible, scary, screaming night either that night or the one after. It was traumatic for the whole family.

 

A couple of things you wrote in your original post caught my attention. The fact that it can build over a couple of days, and that your ds goes to bed easily, and does not nap, make me wonder if over-tiredness might be exacerbating the problem.

 

You may have already tried it, but if you haven't, maybe try an earlier bedtime (or later rising in the morning), or adding a nap. My ds needed help to get more sleep, and his doc endorsed the use of a little bit of Benadryl or melatonin, whatever was necessary to help him get a bit more rest. It didn't eliminate the problem, but it definitely helped, and gave us a measure of control we hadn't felt before. Amazing to me that such a small change made such a difference for our family. I would not have said that ds was overtired, because it seemed like he was getting enough sleep. It made a world of difference though. :grouphug:

[Plink]

Julie, Have you had your son tested for allergies?

 

My nephew went through YEARS of night terrors until his mom finally realized that they seemed to flux with the seasons. He was diagnosed with an allergy to corn (the dust in the air from harvesting being done on farms miles away) in addition to several other environmental allergies. He was placed on some pretty strong meds for the first year, but his night terrors went away fairly quickly. He is now able to take simple OTC medication and save the prescriptions for when the allergen count it is at it's worst.

 

As others have said, sleep deprivation seems to create a horrible cycle of tiredness & inability to sleep well. I'm sorry your family is stuck in this terrible spiral. :grouphug:

[Jean in Newcastle]

Night terrors are related to sleepwalking because it is an interruption to the sleep cycle. Unless he wakes himself up while having the night terrors, he should not be able to remember them. Yes, overtiredness can exacerbate them. Usually - they are supposed to out-grow them by around age 3. (But my dd8 had them until she was around 6 years old).

[mommyto4]

Thanks for all of our replies... it means so much to know others have been through this! My little guy calmed down eventually -- my dh started playing with his cars in his room and he stopped screaming to watch.

 

I agree that maybe he does need more sleep, but it's so hard to give him a nap as then he is awake until 9pm and still wakes up at 7:30am. My DH and I will try putting him to bed earilier.

 

Thanks again! I plan to print off the replies and put them in my Bible on my night table. I just need encouragement some time and especially from people who have been where we are.

[Guest mrsjamiesouth]

I wanted to chime in too. I still have night terrors in my 30's, and so does my 10yo and my 2yo(she just started.) This website had the best ideas and info for me: http://www.nightterrors.org/

I actually talk, walk, and scream. My dh and I ended up in seperate beds because he has restless leg syndrome and it would cause a night terror in me if he accidently bumped into me. One night when his dad was staying with us this happened, and I went screaming through the house while running. :lol::lol: It is not really funny, but telling it to you reminds me of what his dad's face looked like when I came to. :lol: I found myself in the kitchen with no recollection of getting out of bed or screaming.

 

I found what helps the most is keeping lights on and noise, along with getting plenty of sleep. Buy a small lamp and get a low wattage bulb for his room, and also place a white noise machine in his room.

I would not try to grab or shake someone during the terror. Asking what is wrong makes things worse. If you can stand it, what works best is not touching or talking to your child during this. The night terror won't last for very long at all if you do not interact with him, and then he will naturally fall back asleep. My dd actually had one tonight. She missed her nap and we ran around all day, so I kind of knew it might happen. She fell asleep on the couch about 7 and woke up crying at 8:30. I walked in said her name and when I saw that she was not hurt, but that it was a night terror I sat next to her bed and hummed until she quit (maybe 2 minutes) and then I tucked her in and left.

[myfatherslily]

Night terrors here, too. His aren't terribly long (10-15 min. max, maybe less cause I don't think I've ever timed them. Definitely not an hour). I'm sorry your little guy remembers them:( I have read on the forum the previous poster mentioned that some people DO remember their terrors, though most don't (my DS doesn't - he'll tell me in the morning that he slept alllll night!).

 

Being overtired is almost a guarantee for night terrors here. He gets them when he's not overtired as well but not any with consistency that I can find yet.

 

My ds needed help to get more sleep, and his doc endorsed the use of a little bit of Benadryl or melatonin, whatever was necessary to help him get a bit more rest.

 

I'll admit to being glad when my son has a huge itchy mosquito bite reaction and I can give him benadryl! He does sleep better. Good to know your doctor said that was okay (for you). How often can you give Benadryl? Have you tried melatonin? I know nothing about it but am curious.

 

I made the mistake of letting the kids stay up too late tonight. There was alot of crying by the time they went to bed. I'm expecting some hysterical crying around 11 or 12.... sigh... maybe I'll just sleep on the couch tonight... :tongue_smilie: It can be stressful.

:grouphug:

[myfatherslily]

If you can stand it, what works best is not touching or talking to your child during this. The night terror won't last for very long at all if you do not interact with him, and then he will naturally fall back asleep.

 

I've found this to be true for my son. I try to ignore him on purpose and it makes this easier on both of us. When he actually wakes up, he'll usually look for me. He doesn't want me to touch him before that.

[Nakia]

I'm so sorry you and your little guy are going through this. We have gone through something similar with my middle daughter. She is almost 7, and the crying/screaming is very rare now. I'm glad you are getting some good advice. :grouphug:

[katilac]

The length, and the fact that he remembers them and has them when 'awake', makes me think that something different from night terrors is going on. I would definitely consider the suggestions to look at allergies, sleep habits, and so forth.

 

A child who is having night terrors is not going to calm down when he notices dad playing with toy cars, because he is NOT going to notice. He isn't awake. He is not going to notice anything. He isn't going to seem awake, and he isn't going to talk (not in context). A person may have a vague memory of 'coming to' from night terrors, but they aren't going to remember the actual terrors or screaming for a long time. And honestly, I don't think night terrors can go on for an hour or more . . . I think you'd die, :D (only half kidding).

 

Night terrors CAN definitely be affected by things like anxiety, lack of sleep, poor sleep, etc but the other details just don't mesh for me. Does he take any meds? My nephew could. not! take Dimetap in any form. Had a terrible affect on his behavior and sleep; took them forever to figure out, as he was taking a very mild dose as rec'd by the ped to help him sleep. Yeah, irony :D. It's been a long time, but I think it may have taken a while to get out of his system (so if he takes meds 1x or 2x a week, it might affect him on the days he doesn't take it). Benedryl can do the same, so be cautious using it as a sleep aid. Actually, many many meds for allergies/asthma are known for this - - I didn't think I would survive when my toddler had to be on Albuterol for bronchitis, she was a crazy person.

 

I would keep a close diary: food, drinks, meds, environmental. Look for patterns.

 

If it helps, my poor mom survived 4 kids with variations of sleepwalking and night terrors. Sometimes it seemed like a night didn't go by without an array of moans, inane chattering and arguments with no one, petrified screams, and efforts to unlock the back door and go swimming at 3 am. Our own private Bedlam . . . good times! I'm sure the neighbors loved us.

[ondreeuh]

That sounds absolutely awful.

 

My dd had somewhat regular night terrors when she was about that age, and I found that if I got her to drink something, she would "reset" and drop right back down in her bed. I hope you find a "reset" button for your son!

[unsinkable]

If it is night terrrors and if you notice a pattern to when the night terrors start (I think for us it was usually about 3 hours after dd fell asleep) then wake your child up about a half hour before the terrors usually start.

 

This worked for us when our dd had them.

 

:grouphug:

[petepie2]

From age 4 or so, all the way to around age 12. Nothing we did made as much of a difference as increasing the amount of sleep ds got. Even after we contained the problem by increasing his sleep, if he had a late night due to a family occasion or holiday, I could count on a horrible, scary, screaming night either that night or the one after. It was traumatic for the whole family.

 

A couple of things you wrote in your original post caught my attention. The fact that it can build over a couple of days, and that your ds goes to bed easily, and does not nap, make me wonder if over-tiredness might be exacerbating the problem.

 

You may have already tried it, but if you haven't, maybe try an earlier bedtime (or later rising in the morning), or adding a nap. My ds needed help to get more sleep, and his doc endorsed the use of a little bit of Benadryl or melatonin, whatever was necessary to help him get a bit more rest. It didn't eliminate the problem, but it definitely helped, and gave us a measure of control we hadn't felt before. Amazing to me that such a small change made such a difference for our family. I would not have said that ds was overtired, because it seemed like he was getting enough sleep. It made a world of difference though. :grouphug:

 

I agree with others that sleep might be an issue. We had similar issues with dd between the ages of 3 and 6. It was always after a long day or a few days of getting to bed late. It usually took us a while to calm her down. Offering her a drink of water and moving her into the living room usually helped.

[datgh]

My son suffered from these for a couple of years. The screaming would always start in about an hour after bed time or going down for a nap. Sometimes he would run madly through the house literally bumping off of walls! My poor husband would have to hang on to him so he wouldn't hurt himself and that would just make the screaming worse. My son would have a vacant look on his face. He wouldn't look right at you but more through you. Some days he would cry so hysterically he would throw up and even that would not wake him up! Suddenly the crying would stop and you could tell someone was finally "home" again. He would look bewildered at us and wonder what we where doing? These episodes would usually last an agonizing 30-60 minutes.

 

The one thing that helped us would be to keep an ear out and the minute we heard anything run to his room and rub his back. It seemed to help him get to a better level of sleep where the night terrors didn't occur. It helped that he was pretty consistant with them happening an hour after bedtime.

 

The good thing is that the kids will usually outgrow it. I know it seems like forever while your going through it. You have my complete sympathy.

 

One other thought is to make sure your neighbors know about it. I was so afraid someone would call the police on us for child abuse due to the screams eminating from our house!:001_smile: