Am I Overreacting?

[Impish]

A neighbour asked if Diva could babysit while she taught piano. 2 kids, an infant and a toddler. The neighbour (M) would be at home, as would her dh who works from home, so its not that Diva would be alone, just keeping the two little ones occupied if they weren't napping.

 

So I agreed, and we came to the agreement that the 3 hrs of babysitting would be in exchange for 1 piano lesson a week.

 

She just called. Since Monday is a holiday (Thanksgiving here) there wouldn't be a lesson...and she doesn't do make up lessons for stats.

 

Here's my problem: Diva's already babysat for her. I feel like she's ripping Diva off by not giving her a lesson next week at all. If I were paying for her lessons, I wouldn't be paying for a day Diva didn't get one. Why should it be any different b/c its babysitting?

 

And to add, the Mon night was at M's suggestion. I didn't care which evening worked for her.

 

I'm thinking my kid is getting a bit ripped off here. Am I overreacting?

[Jean in Newcastle]

Have her give Diva a free lesson another week when Diva doesn't babysit.

[MSNative]

Are you planning a holiday soon? I'd talk to her now and arrange for the three hours of sitting to count towards a lesson when Diva cannot sit but would be available for lessons. Otherwise, you can talk to her about "banking" those hours for a time when Diva (or teacher's kiddos) are sick and babysitting couldn't happen.

 

Either way - yes, she needs to come up with some arrangement to account for those hours that your child already worked.

[HistoryMom]

I think you're in the right here. I'd probably give her the benefit of the doubt and say something like, "Oh, that's right! We all forgot about that when Diva babysat last time! So let's even things up by letting Diva off the hook from babysitting next time," or some other arrangement. And then if she needs Diva to do it, and wants to pay her to do it in cash or in a make-up lesson, that's fine. Of course, if she insists that she doesn't need to give extra compensation, then you'll need to decide how far to take it.

[Impish]

She made no mention of any alternative at all. Just that it was a stat, and she didn't make up stats.

 

More I think about it, more ticked I get. Wolf isn't pleased either. I can't decide if I call her back, tell her that this lesson needs to happen since Diva's worked for it already, call her and tell her to find someone else altogether, or have Diva charge her cash for babysitting from now on.

 

Her tone on the phone was very...snooty...for lack of a better term.

[Tohru]

Ask for cash for the babysitting now. Don't wait and don't stock hours, it will only make one party feel cheated.

 

It's going to happen again with another holiday, so if you establish a rule that she babysits for lessons and if there isn't a lesson, she gets paid for her time - then you wont have to deal with it again because the rule is there for both of you.

 

And make sure you point out it is vice versa, if Diva takes a lesson and doesn't babysit, she would pay for the lesson.

[Kate CA]

I like the idea of a bank of time worked versus lessons and I would not back down from that. If she worked, she gets a lesson. Because the lady doesn't do make-up then perhaps you need to tell her that Diva will not work next week and will take the lesson instead and see how she reacts. LOL I would tell her it is exactly the same thing. I hate it when adults try to rip off kids.

[Tohru]

I think you're in the right here. I'd probably give her the benefit of the doubt and say something like, "Oh, that's right! We all forgot about that when Diva babysat last time! So let's even things up by letting Diva off the hook from babysitting next time," or some other arrangement. And then if she needs Diva to do it, and wants to pay her to do it in cash or in a make-up lesson, that's fine. Of course, if she insists that she doesn't need to give extra compensation, then you'll need to decide how far to take it.

 

:iagree:

But say something like, "Since Diva babysat last time and she's going to miss this next lesson due to the holiday, let's say you owe her ____$$$ and you can pay her by ____ so she can buy herself a ____ for working. She is, afterall, just a kid and we'd like to make sure she's treated fairly."

[Kate CA]

Ask for cash for the babysitting now. Don't wait and don't stock hours, it will only make one party feel cheated.

 

It's going to happen again with another holiday, so if you establish a rule that she babysits for lessons and if there isn't a lesson, she gets paid for her time - then you wont have to deal with it again because the rule is there for both of you.

 

And make sure you point out it is vice versa, if Diva takes a lesson and doesn't babysit, she would pay for the lesson.

 

I like this better. :001_smile:

 

This whole scenario would put me on notice with this woman. That she thinks it is OK to use an 11 yo to babysit and not expect to pay/teach a lesson in return - that is just not right.

[Impish]

This whole scenario would put me on notice with this woman. That she thinks it is OK to use an 11 yo to babysit and not expect to pay/teach a lesson in return - that is just not right.

Thats how I'm feeling.

[Murphy101]

She made no mention of any alternative at all. Just that it was a stat, and she didn't make up stats.

 

More I think about it, more ticked I get. Wolf isn't pleased either. I can't decide if I call her back, tell her that this lesson needs to happen since Diva's worked for it already, call her and tell her to find someone else altogether, or have Diva charge her cash for babysitting from now on.

 

Her tone on the phone was very...snooty...for lack of a better term.

 

Yes. I hate to say it, but I wouldn't be surprised if you need to find another source of piano lessons.

 

I'd call her and say you spoke to your husband, and since dd has already worked for her lesson, then the she should either get the lesson she worked for or paid for the babysitting.

 

If she gets her knickers in a twist, you know that A. This is not someone you want to leave your dd with for lessons or for babysitting and B. You need another instructor. And C. Your dd will likely never see any payment for her babysitting.

 

Is she somehow under the impression that your dd is not really working for lessons, but that the teacher is somehow doing qn act of charity by giving lessons for babysitting? That's the only thing I can think of that would make her snooty, and still probably not justly.

 

Stinks when kids are taken advantage of.:glare:

[MariannNOVA]

Ask for cash for the babysitting now. Don't wait and don't stock hours, it will only make one party feel cheated.

 

It's going to happen again with another holiday, so if you establish a rule that she babysits for lessons and if there isn't a lesson, she gets paid for her time - then you wont have to deal with it again because the rule is there for both of you.

 

And make sure you point out it is vice versa, if Diva takes a lesson and doesn't babysit, she would pay for the lesson.

 

This seems to be fair and equitable. I hate it when something even hints that a child is going to be taken advantage of.

[EKS]

Our violin teacher gives make up lessons if the official lesson day is on a holiday.

[jenL]

I don't think you are over-reacting at all, and a discussion needs to occur with this woman regarding her paying cash or losing your daughter's services as others have mentioned. It is absolutely wrong to take advantage of people, especially children.

[Cindyz]

We pay for piano lessons quarterly. It's the same amount each quarter. If the lesson falls on a holiday, there are no make up lessons. You pay the same no matter what.

[Cortana]

We pay for piano lessons quarterly. It's the same amount each quarter. If the lesson falls on a holiday, there are no make up lessons. You pay the same no matter what.

Except in this situation, they aren't paying for the lessons. The agreement is that Diva babysits and instead of paying her cash she gets a piano lesson. The piano instructor isn't following through with the agreement. The instructor is seemingly expecting Diva to work for free when a holiday occurs.

 

I agree with the others, she either gives Diva the lesson she earned or pays her cash or she finds herself another babysitter. Just because she's 11 doesn't mean she should work for free, that's not right.

[mcconnellboys]

I think perhaps you should tell her that Mondays are not going to work out for you if she takes off every Monday holiday and refuses to make it up to your daughter. You are not willing for your daughter to work for no wages, which is what's happening if no lesson is given in return for the work.

[justasque]

I would keep in mind that there will probably come a time when the shoe is on the other foot, and dd for whatever reason cannot make the regularly scheduled babysitting time. So your choices are to keep a running tab of things, or to use cash one way or the other each time it doesn't work out. I would go for the running tab version, because I think that's fair all around, and more easy-going yet still precise.

 

However, you might want to see how she handles paying customers, and how much she regularly charges. If she normally charges a flat quarterly fee with no discount for holidays, then she is treating dd the way she treats others, and you'll have to decide whether the work is worth the reward now that you have an adjusted sense of the reward.

 

More to the point - does your dd enjoy the lessons? Is she a good fit for your dd, piano-wise? Does your dd enjoy (or at least not hate) the baby-sitting? Make sure this is something you want before negotiating anything.

 

Our dance studio schedules make-up days - for example, Thursday classes aren't held on Thanksgiving, so they schedule another day (not always a Thursday), usually at the beginning of Christmas break, to hold the regular Thursday schedule. If you can't make it on that day, then tough, but the schedule is posted at the beginning of the year so everyone knows what to expect.

[Word Nerd]

We pay for piano lessons quarterly. It's the same amount each quarter. If the lesson falls on a holiday, there are no make up lessons. You pay the same no matter what.

 

Apples and oranges. The woman hired the DD and is paying her in lessons. She owes her either a lesson or cash for the babysitting.

[Cindyg]

We pay for piano lessons quarterly. It's the same amount each quarter. If the lesson falls on a holiday, there are no make up lessons. You pay the same no matter what.

 

Right. When I was looking for a piano teacher, I interviewed three who had this policy. Lessons were so much a month whether the lessons were delivered or NOT! I hated this idea, and was very pleased to find a teacher who we pay per lesson.

 

I'm not saying this makes it OK; but it may explain your teacher's mindset.

[Pretty in Pink]

I am trying to see this from the teacher's perspective and figure out how she came to the conclusion that your daughter doesn't get a lesson that week. I can't figure it out.

 

She approached your daughter (or you) and bartered piano lessons in exchange for babysitting. Your daughter babysat. She owes a lesson. It seems clear to me.

[1bassoon]

Late to the punch on this one, but my perspective as a piano teacher:

 

As to the day off: if it was me, and say a Monday holidy, I would say no lessons. As in, my day off. In the case of a regular student, their lesson make-up would be already accounted for in my studio calendar (example - Monday of Labor Day no lessons; BUT - the week of Thanksgiving, Monday students get lessons, while Wednesday students don't.) Either way, each student would get xxx number of lessons per year. Clear as mud?

 

HOWEVER - and this is a big one - were I in this situation, as the teacher, I would have UP FRONT made arrangements for Diva to have a make-up lesson another day during the holiday week. Period. I can't imagine being snooty or difficult - my goodness, Diva is providing a HUGE service for her! If anything, the teacher should be apologetic and asking how to make this work.

 

Let us know how the teacher responds - but I do think you're right to make sure expectations are clearly spelled out. You don't happen to have anything in writing, do you?

[specialmama]

I don't think you're overreacting. The "rule" is somewhat standard for all music teachers. However, this is not a standard agreement. This is unconventional. An agreement about a fair exchange for all parties. I would politely ask her "do you want Diva to babysit anymore?" as perhaps she is looking for an out and afraid to break the agreement, it would be much easier if you did. So give her an out by being bold and asking. (I know you'll struggle with being bold LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) But seriously, if she can't see the difference between standard rules and a nonconventional agreement to which she must uphold her end of the exchange agreement, just shake her hand and say "bless you" and walk away. End of story. She broke the agreement, and it is unfortunate, but use it as a teaching opportunity. What she is doing is wrong. Period. And it should be dealt with politely but firmly.