Neighborhood kids?

[FairProspects]

Ok, I feel like I am really out of my depth here. I grew up way out in the country where we didn't really have many neighbors. Now we live in a big suburban neighborhood with incredibly poorly supervised kids.

 

Every single non public school day (and a lot of afterschool times too) we have kids knocking on our door all day long. I don't even like taking the kids outside because as soon as we step outside our front door, the kids swarm and ask to play with my kids, play with our bikes, come in our backyard (because we have a play structure and a friendly dog), or want my kids to bring their toys outside so they can play with them.

 

I'm not an anti-social person, but I'm sick of this because there is never another parent outside and I end up watching everyone else's kids just so my kids can ride their own bikes occasionally on our street. These are kids who are 5, 6, & 7, so it is not like it is older kids who are a bit more responsible on their own. I feel like the grouch who is always saying no, even though these are not reasonable or polite requests (although the kids don't know that since they have never been taught differently).

 

How can I set boundaries? I want my kids to have friends, but our schooling and family time is important to us, as well as quiet/down time. I'm having a hard time expressing "house rules" to kids who are so young and who obviously have no boundaries/rules at home (I've actually had several kids fight with me when I tell them my kids can't play, they've thrown tantrums on my porch, kicking & screaming, etc.).

 

Help! I really don't know what to do!! I have tried knocking on doors and meeting parents, one of which who flat out told me they didn't care where their kids were/went or how they behaved (his suggestion was to kick his kid out in the street if he misbehaved), so no help can be had there. Other suggestions of how I can maintain our home environment?

[Guest]

Are you serious?! That sounds terrible! I don't know what I would do if a child threw a fit ouside my front door. I would probably take them home and tell their parents, but if they all repsond like the one dad you mentioned... well, wow!

[VBoulden]

Continue to communicate with the parents when you are outside with their kids. Be over there so much that their parents, your neighbors, have to deal with you and your concerns over the issue, their behavior, etc. If they get sick of hearing from you, they may try to keep their kids inside more.

 

Take control of what happens on your property. If your kids are playing in the backyard, you can say, "No" to other kids who want to come over.

 

If they are out front, tell your kids they do not have to share their bikes and toys, especially if the other kids hog the toys or treat them badly. With certain kids, in certain situations, I think this is okay... You wouldn't lend a horse to someone who you knew would kick it and not give it water... The same goes with property. This sounds like one of those situations.

[GraciebytheBay]

In our old neighborhood, I posted a sign on the front door. "School is in session until 3:00" and told the kids that when that sign was there, they were NOT to knock or ring the bell unless it was an emergency.

 

We had the same problem with kids swarming! Seriously, my oldest didn't even want to go outside because they were always right there. Dh and I had to set boundaries by saying, "Sorry, this is family time. Maybe Adam can play later. Bye bye!" It was kind of sad when they would stand on the sidewalk and watch my boys and dh play basketball in the driveway. Sometimes, of course, they could join in, but if dh had been away a lot, he really just wanted to hang with our own kids. (Part of the problem was that the neighborhood kids had little discipline in their lives and could be so wild - ugh.) There were times when I would have to say, "Okay, now it's time for you to go home." because they would just stand on the front porch. We were always friendly to them, often allowed them to come in for playtime and snacks, had them over for supper. But family and school time had to be strictly enforced. They just didn't understand! This was a difficult time for this introvert - very stressful. I understand exactly what you're talking about. Set boundaries, the sooner the better. That's my advice.:)

[justamouse]

No one watches the kids in our neighborhood-and that's OK with all of us. They run around, playing hockey in the street, hide and seek, over to our house, over to their house, here and there-it's fantastic-just like when I was a kid. I've yet to have a discipline problem with any of the kids, but I would likely send them home if I did.

 

I try and make sure we're done with school by 3 so my kids can go freely. If they can't, they can't and I don't feel guilty about it.

 

I'm from the country, too, and kids playing was very hard for me to get used to, but it was something I loved as a kid and I was happy they were going to have as much fun. For an introvert, (Like myself) it IS hard to get used to, but I just make sure we have balance.

 

In the summertime some of the parents DO congregate on the porches with wine. *g* (Like I said in another post, I live in a historic district, so it's easy to bounce between houses)

Edited October 8, 2010 by justamouse

[Gwenhwyfar]

please remember that different families have different levels of freedom for their children - you may think that these kids are "poorly supervised" while their family feels that the boundaries they've set for their kids are acceptable.

 

both our current neighbourhood and our previous neighbourhood, as well as the one that i lived in the longest as a child myself, were exactly like that - lots of kids, often outside, knocking on doors to ask if friends could "come out to play", sharing toys/bikes/yards/whatever. it's pretty normal in many areas....especially if it's a 'condensed' type neighbourhood with lots of families, nearby playgrounds, etc.

 

that said, there is nothing wrong with saying "sorry, our kids can't come out to play right now" or whatever you find works the best. :)

[FairProspects]

please remember that different families have different levels of freedom for their children - you may think that these kids are "poorly supervised" while their family feels that the boundaries they've set for their kids are acceptable.

 

both our current neighbourhood and our previous neighbourhood, as well as the one that i lived in the longest as a child myself, were exactly like that - lots of kids, often outside, knocking on doors to ask if friends could "come out to play", sharing toys/bikes/yards/whatever. it's pretty normal in many areas....especially if it's a 'condensed' type neighbourhood with lots of families, nearby playgrounds, etc.

 

that said, there is nothing wrong with saying "sorry, our kids can't come out to play right now" or whatever you find works the best. :)

 

I realize part of it probably is just because I didn't grow up this way, and I don't really mind them knocking on the door after 3ish. It is more the reaction when I say the kids can't play that is bothering me. I don't like arguing with little kids or having to deal with a tantrum when I say no.

 

Also, my kids, especially my littlest, are too young for me to allow them out on a busy neighborhood street by themselves, so I need to go out and watch them, which makes it harder for me to do often. This may not be a concern as my kids get older.

 

I probably just need to take the above suggestion and put a sign on the door that we are not available before 3:00pm, although I hope it works since some of the kids are too young to read.

 

Is it acceptable to say that the kids don't have to share their bikes and toys if they don't want to when we are playing outside? Obviously, if we invite kids over I'd like them to share, but if we plan on riding bikes and the kids just show up, it doesn't quite seem fair to my kids. I don't really know "neighborhood rules". Also, no one else has their kids wear bike helmets, and I'm concerned if someone has an accident on one of our bikes that we are legally liable. Am I being overly concerned?

[Sherry in OH]

...

Is it acceptable to say that the kids don't have to share their bikes and toys if they don't want to when we are playing outside? Obviously, if we invite kids over I'd like them to share, but if we plan on riding bikes and the kids just show up, it doesn't quite seem fair to my kids. I don't really know "neighborhood rules". Also, no one else has their kids wear bike helmets, and I'm concerned if someone has an accident on one of our bikes that we are legally liable. Am I being overly concerned?

 

It is perfectly acceptable not to share bikes. Would you let the neighbor take your car for a spin? Tell the kids to go home and get their own bikes, scooters, skates, or riding toys. If your children don't want to share toys such as balls or trucks, it would be nicest not to get them out when the neighbors come over. It is okay to say "maybe another time, today we are playing x."

[HeidiKC]

This sounds like the way it was in the good old days (minus the tantrums!) and I think it sounds great! I am sure no parent expects you to watch their kids if they are at your house. We hang a sign on our door if we're doing Quiet Time or whatever. If you think some of the kids can't read, just nicely explain your new system to them the next time you see them.

 

As far as the tantrums?! Yikes. I'd just turn and close the door and go in the house.

 

I think the kids wanting to use your toys are just being friendly kids. But I also don't see anything wrong with telling them to please BYOB.

 

I know this is hard since you're not used to it, but hopefully your kids will love it. So much better than no kids at all. I love it when kids ring our doorbell.

[Leighton Academy]

My neighbor (another homeschooler) and I had signs that we put on the doors. One side had pics of food, spoons, and forks, and the other side had school-themed pictures. We would hang it on the appropriate side whenever we were doing schoolwork or eating a meal. Of course they were very cutesy, scrapbooky. :001_smile: I explained to all of the kids in our neighborhood what each side meant. With all of the pictures, they had no problem understanding what the sign meant. If they saw the sign hanging on our door, they knew not to knock on the door. It was especially useful during public school holidays when we may not always take the day off (Labor Day, Columbus Day, etc).

 

If the kids ignored the sign and knocked anyway, then they were not allowed to play with my boys that day.

 

My boys are easily distracted and someone constantly ringing the doorbell always threw our days out of whack.

[Alphabetika]

This sounds like the way it was in the good old days (minus the tantrums!) and I think it sounds great! I am sure no parent expects you to watch their kids if they are at your house. We hang a sign on our door if we're doing Quiet Time or whatever. If you think some of the kids can't read, just nicely explain your new system to them the next time you see them.

 

As far as the tantrums?! Yikes. I'd just turn and close the door and go in the house.

 

I think the kids wanting to use your toys are just being friendly kids. But I also don't see anything wrong with telling them to please BYOB.

 

I know this is hard since you're not used to it, but hopefully your kids will love it. So much better than no kids at all. I love it when kids ring our doorbell.

 

 

Forgive me if this sounds harsh, but when I was experiencing this (several years ago now), I believe the parents *did* expect me (or, at least, someone else besides themselves) to watch their kids. We had one girl come to our house daily for over a year and I never once saw her parents. And, to be honest, I didn't make the effort to meet them, so that part is my fault. But I don't think they knew or cared where she was. We could have been anyone. I wish it were the way it was "in the good old days" (or even when I was a kid in the 70s) but there's something different about it that I can't put my finger on.