What I've learned about college health svcs

[Yolanda in Mass]

I pass this on hoping/praying that others can avoid this. When looking at colleges, ask them:

 

If you send a kid to the ER in an ambulance, do you notify their parents? What arrangements do you make for them to be transported back? Do you send anyone with them? Do you really care?

 

No, this is not a joke. My son was sent to the ER in an ambulance directly from the school's health services. He had injured his back the night before while working out and was there to have it checked out. Not sure of all details yet, but in the process the nurse discovered that he was having some trouble passing urine. Against his wishes, although I understand her concern at that point, she told him that he had to be taken to the ER stat to make sure there wasn't anything pressing on his spine.

 

My son was not able to notify me as there was no cell service and he didn't know what hospital he was in. All we got from him was that he was in a hospital, wasn't really sure why and didn't know where. We called health services and, naturally, told us diddly squat although we were able to find out which hospital they usually send kids to and found him that way.

 

When he was able to reach me, it was to tell me that he was fine as far as his spine and passing urine. They gave him some ibuprofen and sent him on his way. Small problem....ER is approx 10 miles from campus and he had no way to get back. ER said the school does it all the time, brings kids in via ambulance and then dumps them there with no way back. Nice, huh?

 

He was able to reach someone (thank God for Campus Crusade for Christ staff), but not before he had walked 4 miles. It was raining last night. Oh, the ER also said he might have a torn muscle. Verdict still out on that.

 

I'm still waiting to hear back from the director of health services about this. A friend said schools like that certainly practice the ultimate in survival of the fittest.

 

 

Yolanda

[creekland]

WOW!

 

Glad it worked out ok, but WOW!

[dirty ethel rackham]

Unfortunately, campus health services are notoriously bad. At Univ. of Ill., they used to call McKinley Health Services "McKillMe. When I was in college, I injured my ankle where I was not able to walk on it without STABBING pain. I had to crawl a block (yes, I tore a hole in my jeans) to the bus stop to go there. When I checked in, they sent me to x-ray. When I asked how to get there, they said I needed to "walk" down two flights of stairs. When I said "If I could walk, I probably wouldn't need an x-ray and I certainly can't walk." She said "Try." So, I crawled down two flights of stairs to get my ankle x-ray. Not one person there batted an eyelash about how I was treated. I guess they wanted to make sure I wasn't faking it. As it turned out, the x-ray did not show a fracture, but it was still so painful. I had to beg for an ace bandage and some crutches. They were going to send me home without crutches. That non-fracture had me on crutches for nearly 2 weeks. My parents were livid. They didn't realize that crutches were on the list of essentials to send with your kid to college.

[MomsintheGarden]

:ohmy:

 

These are horrible stories! I am so sorry these things have happened to ya'll!

 

:grouphug:

 

GardenMom

[Saille]

For future reference, tell him to ask his resident asst. or resident director if there is a student cab service. We had one, and it was the only way we could get back to campus from the hospital.

[Yolanda in Mass]

For future reference, tell him to ask his resident asst. or resident director if there is a student cab service. We had one, and it was the only way we could get back to campus from the hospital.

 

He lives off campus.

[TravelingChris]

We are probably going to give my dd a car for college since she has lots of medical problems and we don't want any problems with her getting to the pharmacy or to her specialists.

[Yolanda in Mass]

We are probably going to give my dd a car for college since she has lots of medical problems and we don't want any problems with her getting to the pharmacy or to her specialists.

 

My son has a car since he lives off campus. The problem is that health svcs sent him to the hospital via ambulance with no way of getting back. He has no health problems, usually. But after this incident, we're going to find a local doctor that he can see. This way he can, hopefully, avoid future Nurse Ratchets!

Edited October 7, 2010 by Yolanda in Mass
typo

[JFSinIL]

My son's itty bitty LAC has one woman in charge of calling cabs and getting kids to and from any and all doctor visits, ER, lab, dentist etc. since the school is too small to have its own clinic. I think the smaller the school the more apt they are to take care of things?

[Nan in Mass]

I spent half an hour under a bush waiting for my head to stop spinning and I could stand without fainting. I had strep throat. The infirmary was a long walk up a hill. Once I got there, they were fairly nice. They took one look at my face and put me in a room by myself, made sure I wasn't dieing, and suggested that I lie down while I waited. I had to wait hours while they dealt with someone with a broken leg and someone who was vomiting blood from both ends, but by then all I wanted to do was sleep, anyway. And they got the janitor to deliver me back to the dorms in his van and asked if I had a friend who could bring me meals. That was the longest walk I have ever made.

 

Your ambulance story doesn't surprise me in the least.

My husband and I figured out that the catholic center was the caringest place on campus. we used them for things like this. Bless their hearts, they seemed entirely unconcerned with whether we were actually catholic or not.

[readwithem]

My son's itty bitty LAC has one woman in charge of calling cabs and getting kids to and from any and all doctor visits, ER, lab, dentist etc. since the school is too small to have its own clinic. I think the smaller the school the more apt they are to take care of things?

 

I think you're right, JFS.

 

My dd's itty bitty LAC has a nurse on location 24/7 and a doctor on call 24/7. I actually went to check it out when we did our campus visit.:001_smile: A boy told me he had gotten his flu shot at 3am a few nights previously... simply because he could. :glare:

[Kareni]

I'm so sorry to hear these stories. I can only imagine how frustrated both you and your son were.

 

My daughter was ill recently. When I suggested she go to the clinic on campus, she said that its reputation is very poor among the students. Not a good thing to hear, I'm afraid.

 

My sympathies, but I am glad to hear your son is better now.

 

Regards,

Kareni

[TravelingChris]

Sorry to hear about that, Yolanda. Yes, of course, if the ambulance takes you to the hospital, you don't have a car.:001_huh: What was I thinking?

 

That does give me more to think about with my dd. We are definitely checking out the college health situtation in every college she gets accepted to and is in the running.

 

WIth regards to what some of the others said, was your son at a large college, a state college, or a smaller LAC? It would be interesting to see what all of our experiences were.

 

DH and I attended a private college at a University that had its own medical school. It is a top ten school usually in the rankings. The student health was atrocious. I developed a permanent problem because of inadequate treatment of my ear infection. I also had a bad result from a very badly sprained ankle. I only found out how badly I was injured when I went home for Christmas three weeks later. I think it isn't a coincidence that all four or my leg fractures subsequently involved that same leg where my ankle (3 times) and my foot (1) were twisting unnaturaly. Since my dd is applying to this same school, I plan on having her go to a private physician for her health care needs if she does attend and skip student health.

[Mommyfaithe]

We are probably going to give my dd a car for college since she has lots of medical problems and we don't want any problems with her getting to the pharmacy or to her specialists.

 

My dd had a car...but she passed out in the dorm. The RA called an ambulance which took her to the hospital ....which was ACROSS THE STREET! $275 later for the ride across the street, they examined and released her.

 

I am glad I was only 45 minutes away and able to bring her back to her own doctor....BUT, the school never sent anyone over to check on her or to bring her back. When her room mate was ill, a similar thing happened, only her parents weren't around. They wanted the poor kid had to walk back to the dorms...late at night , in the freezing cold with the flu...it was awful! Thankfully, dd had her car and went and picked her up....sigh....

 

Similar stuff happened to dh when he lived on campus 25 years ago. Some things never change....

 

Faithe

[Saille]

For future reference, tell him to ask his resident asst. or resident director if there is a student cab service. We had one, and it was the only way we could get back to campus from the hospital.

 

Still worth checking. It was a student safety thing, not a campus thing.

[KAR120C]

I spent half an hour under a bush waiting for my head to stop spinning and I could stand without fainting. I had strep throat. The infirmary was a long walk up a hill.

When I was in grad school, Student Health was at the top of a very steep hill. I figured if you could make it there you couldn't possibly be that sick! The hospital was right behind it (down the hill), and on the city bus line. It was only Student Health you had to climb up to.

[Yolanda in Mass]

 

WIth regards to what some of the others said, was your son at a large college, a state college, or a smaller LAC? It would be interesting to see what all of our experiences were.

 

I developed a permanent problem because of inadequate treatment of my ear infection. I also had a bad result from a very badly sprained ankle. I only found out how badly I was injured when I went home for Christmas three weeks later. I think it isn't a coincidence that all four or my leg fractures subsequently involved that same leg where my ankle (3 times) and my foot (1) were twisting unnaturaly. Since my dd is applying to this same school, I plan on having her go to a private physician for her health care needs if she does attend and skip student health.

 

My son is at UMass Amherst, the flagship campus of our state uni; it's a huge campus. Thankfully, he's coming home for the weekend so we can have him checked out here. Your permanent problems from a badly treated ankle injury makes this imperative now.

Edited October 8, 2010 by Yolanda in Mass
more info

[Yolanda in Mass]

My dd had a car...but she passed out in the dorm. The RA called an ambulance which took her to the hospital ....which was ACROSS THE STREET! $275 later for the ride across the street, they examined and released her.

 

Faithe

 

 

My son most definitely did not want to go in the ambulance or to the hospital but was not given a choice. (?!) In fact, and I'll get all the details this weekend when he's home, he wasn't sure why he was sent initially. Hadn't even thought about the ambulance bill!! Among all the other matters....I'm sick to death of the way people in authority treat young people. I seriously doubt they would DARE to treat one of us this way.

[Nan in Mass]

That is the same infirmary that I crawled to. Ug.

[Nan in Mass]

My mother is still suffering because of a badly set broken ankle at college.

[Yolanda in Mass]

FWIW - I did call the director yesterday and she was appalled (?) to hear that he walked 4 miles before being picked up by a friend, but seems to be concentrating on why we weren't contacted initially. I made it clear to her that this lack of contact is not nearly as important as dumping my son in the middle of nowhere, so to speak, with no way of getting back. She's "investigating".

 

I'd be curious to find out if the other very pricey schools in the area (there are 4 private colleges close by with price tags in the mid-upper $40s) dump their kids like my son's school does. According to the ER sec'y., my son's school is famous for it!

[Ravin]

For me the big factor is that they sent your son, who I assume is 18 and thus a legal adult, to the emergency room in an ambulance AGAINST HIS WILL. Adults have the right to refuse medical treatment and transport. I'd say you need to sit down with him and have a solid conversation about his rights and responsibilities regarding his health and dealing with doctors.

 

When I was that age, I was in the military. I remember having to walk home (to the barracks) after having 2 wisdom teeth pulled--and having to go back to my command to turn in my sick-in-quarters chit first. That was about a 2 mile walk all told--fortunately I made it before the local all wore off!

[Hannah C.]

These stories are horrible.

 

The on-campus doctor at my college is very nice and helpful. I'm not sure how the school handles emergencies, when ambulances are called (by RAs?) for sick students after hours. However, it's a small school and I think the RAs are involved and may even go with the students. I can't imagine that sort of "drop them off and leave them" attitude here.

[Yolanda in Mass]

For me the big factor is that they sent your son, who I assume is 18 and thus a legal adult, to the emergency room in an ambulance AGAINST HIS WILL. Adults have the right to refuse medical treatment and transport. I'd say you need to sit down with him and have a solid conversation about his rights and responsibilities regarding his health and dealing with doctors.

 

Good point. I'll get more details from him this weekend, but when I spoke with him that night he was pretty angry that they forced him to go.

[Chris in VA]

Wow, these stories ARE terrible!

 

We have had wonderful experiences with on-campus student counseling services thru the Health Center, but I suppose that's a different animal all together.

 

I will say that during my college years at The Ohio State University (:D), I was diagnosed with a breast tumor. Every bit of care I received was fantastic, including the eventual operation to remove it, and the follow up care, too.

 

I also have to remember that the university considers 18 year olds to be adults, so they don't get mom and dad involved. It's rather stunning, but there it is.

 

And they do sound like JAs to have given such little thought to things like transportation from the hospital back to the college. But I'd expect they thought the student would contact someone to come pick him up. "Not their problem" if he doesn't have friends with cars, or someone else he could call. :tongue_smilie:

[Yolanda in Mass]

My son got a call last night, Sunday, at 10pm to let him know that the x-ray of his back, taken 4 days earlier showed an L1-L2 compression (??) something or other. They want him to come into health services tomorrow for a follow-up. Needless to say, our confidence in either the hospital or health services is nonexistent so we decided to take him to the ER here at home, have someone we trust look at the x-rays, and see what's going on. He's there now with his dad.

 

I have enough experience to know that any abnormal test result should be communicated asap or at least within 24 hrs, not 4 days later! In fact, nobody called him from either the hospital or univ health services to follow up. Our family has always had follow-up calls from both ER and dr's office following an ER visit.

 

Interestingly enough, the first review of the hospital out at his school reads: "If you're a college student, don't bother going here 'cause they've already diagnosed you before you even show up."

 

Didn't know you had to check up on health services and local hospitals when visiting colleges.

 

Yolanda

[8filltheheart]

Interestingly enough, the first review of the hospital out at his school reads: "If you're a college student, don't bother going here 'cause they've already diagnosed you before you even show up."

 

Yolanda

 

Our experience has been that that is the case more often than note......regardless of location.

 

Our ds has been quite sick the past yr. He was diagnosed with lupus in Dec. He has been in and out of the hospital several times since then. But, the end of June the ER almost killed him. He had severe chest pain and could barely breath. TWO different ER docs (he went in twice the same day) completely dismissed his symptoms and told he had pnemonia and to go home and go to bed. The testing the first time he was in there actually showed that he had a probable pulmonary embolism. (dr must not have looked at the results). A dr friend told us to go back to the hospital immediately and not leave until they did more testing b/c he believed ds had a PE (via a conversation standing in our neighborhood swimming pool 6 hrs away from ds!!)

 

The 2nd ER doc ridiculed ds and told him he was being a baby and that he needed to suck up the pain and go home (after they left him in the waiting room for over 2 hrs)

 

Praise the Lord he refused to leave until the did more testing b/c he had a massive embolism. He would have died during the night if he had gone home.

 

I think it was age discrimination. But......it was a valuable lesson for ds b/c we have told him that he has to be proactive in his health care and not to just simply accept what drs say. He now recognizes the truth in those words.

[Yolanda in Mass]

TWO different ER docs (he went in twice the same day) completely dismissed his symptoms and told he had pnemonia and to go home and go to bed. The testing the first time he was in there actually showed that he had a probable pulmonary embolism. (dr must not have looked at the results). A dr friend told us to go back to the hospital immediately and not leave until they did more testing b/c he believed ds had a PE (via a conversation standing in our neighborhood swimming pool 6 hrs away from ds!!)

 

The 2nd ER doc ridiculed ds and told him he was being a baby and that he needed to suck up the pain and go home (after they left him in the waiting room for over 2 hrs)

 

 

 

Sad state of our culture that our young people are treated so badly. My son has experienced what your ds has, being ridiculed or dismissed by ER docs or even regular docs. One ER doc told him he was "wound too tight and to take Tai Chi". Do you think for even one nanosecond one of us would be spoken to like that? Thankfully, it certainly was not a life-threatening condition like yours.

 

Yolanda

[TravelingChris]

It isn't just young people. I find that often women are treated as imbeciles in the ER. How about when my middle was very sick with high fevers and coughing for days on end. Instead of getting better like you usually do with a virus, she kept getting sicker. Then my son got sick and was diagnosed at another place with mycoplasmic pneumonia. Of course, then she was diagnosed with this too. Our entire family got it. But I was just a crazy over reacting mom since I could see that she was not having a "virus".

 

By the way, viruses have names. So if someone says it is a virus, ask which one. THis last year and a half, my youngest had a number of viruses- hand, foot and mouth was one. Mononucleosis was another. THe last one was yet another that I have forgotten the name of but it did have a name. Now it is true that they don't name colds since there are around 200 viruses in that group but otherwise, you should get a name.

 

My last case of someone not believing me was in summer of 2009. I had a face rash which I first thought was an allergic reaction. I noticed it one night and took benadryl. THe next morning it was worse and I went to my internal medicine doctors office. THe doctor diagnosed it as cellulitis and gave me antibiotics. I took them but my face was getting worse. I went to the ER and even though, I already had a diagnosis of cellulitis, this doctor was ready to send me home since he thought I had an allergy. Fortunately, I insisted for him to get a superior. That doctor came in finally, took a look at me, and ordered me admitted and IV antibiotics started. It turned out I have drug resistant peri-orbital cellulitis which is quite dangerous.

 

Oh and one more, the cardiologist my dd saw recently who insisted her near fainting was due to stress, although we had been treating her stress and she had them in completely relaxed times too. SO we saw another cardiologist who did more testing (checking her bp while squating and in her legs, etc) and he diagnosed her with a condition where her blood pressure is low to begin with and her heart sends a wrong signal at times to her brain to lower the blood pressure even more. NOw she is drinking 64 oz, of either Powerade or Gatorade a day and so far, so good. We will have to see when she gets closer to her monthly because that is when it happens most often.

 

So, yes, teach your children to advocate for themselves.

[Gwen in VA]

Hmmm.......

 

I'm looking at the college experience with a LOT more trepidation now. Dd2 has type 1 diabetes -- I guess the visit to the medical center and the conversations there may be the most important part of every campus visit for us!

 

It's a pity there is no ranking for "love and support provided by medical center"!

[Yolanda in Mass]

Hmmm.......

 

I'm looking at the college experience with a LOT more trepidation now. Dd2 has type 1 diabetes -- I guess the visit to the medical center and the conversations there may be the most important part of every campus visit for us!

 

It's a pity there is no ranking for "love and support provided by medical center"!

 

 

The only thing I can think to do is to find out what hospital the school uses and find out from them the reputation. I would also ask how they handle emergencies. Does anyone go with student? How do they get back? How parents notified? When are they notified?

 

Ds2 has asthma and we're doing a college visit this week. One of my first stops is the medical center. Of course, the school we're visiting is a small Christian school (<3,000) vs the huge secular public school (27,000) where ds1 attends. As ds1 said, on the one hand had he gone to choice #2, he would have been 11 hours away when all this happened rather than less than 2 hours away. On the other hand, choice #2 is a small Christian school and has a much more caring environment so would have been looked after by the school. Right?

[Mommyfaithe]

Sad state of our culture that our young people are treated so badly. My son has experienced what your ds has, being ridiculed or dismissed by ER docs or even regular docs. One ER doc told him he was "wound too tight and to take Tai Chi". Do you think for even one nanosecond one of us would be spoken to like that? Thankfully, it certainly was not a life-threatening condition like yours.

 

Yolanda

 

My son was treated this way as well. Told to suck it up and just do what he had to do...GRRRRRR!!!! He had undiagnosed Lyme disease which had neurological ramifications we are still dealing with. JUST AWFUL!

 

Faithe

[TravelingChris]

One reason we are having our dd apply to a lot of colleges. She has medical problems and we can't be sure that certain accomodations will be met until she is accepted. (Just housing accomodations=single room, and maybe test delays if she gets a bad migraine). It is one reason she decided that isolated colleges without a medical specialists nearby where a no go. At a minimum she needs a cardiologist and neurologist.

[JFSinIL]

This thread has giving me food for thought as we start looking for colleges for kid number 2. My dd, who had her gallbladder out back in January, has suffered from undiagnosed (so far) leg pain for over a year. She now has a script for Vicodin on top of other pain meds...we have a bone scan this weekend to see if that shows a cause. If it does not show a fixable condition, she will need a college with either its own decent med center or access to decent facilities with a pain specialist (she has one of those now). This may well rule out her (so far) fav. college, Sewanee (up on its own mountain in the middle of nowhere.) Sigh.

[FaithManor]

I am unhappy to report to you that this is about as common as house flies! Even when I was in college, Health Services was completely ridiculous and it was not uncommon for parents to be informed of NOTHING (the excuse is that the student is 18 so therefore, privacy issues, blah, blah, blah - but here's the bill, surprise!) and then student has to find his/her own way home from the hospital.

 

I found that the best thing to do was to NOT use the college health services but instead to find a local doctor and an urgent care clinic that took my insurance and beg my friends with cars to give me a ride or loan me their vehicle. The quality of care was much better and I kept my parents informed while bypassing one really snarky nurse at the college clinic.

 

As for forcing him to go to the ER, uhm....the nurse can't legally do that if your son was 18 or older. Sorry, he's a legal adult and can refuse transport. However, an awful lot of college health services employees operate under the grand duress of the administration that wants them to micro-manage the health care of the students to minimize potential lawsuits. So, for injuries, no matter how slight, they want everyone sent to the ER. For illnesses, it is not uncommon to give minimal treatment, NOT look for any underlying causes, and nearly always tell the student that no matter how sick, YOU SHOULD GO TO CLASS!! UGH!

 

Don't ask me about my concussion freshman year, followed by the pneumonia that spread into both lungs because the doctor didn't want to give me an excuse to miss classes so he kept calling it Bronchitis and never ordered a chest ex-ray until I was so sick that my music theory professor honestly thouht I might be dying and went down there and told the doctor he'd punch him in the face if I didn't get emergency treatment immediately.

 

I am sorry this happened. If you can find a way to contract for health care outside of the college health services, I would highly encourage you to do it.

 

Faith

[silliness7]

That's horrible...

 

The college is probably thinking that most kids have a friend with a vehicle that they can call for a ride. If not, I would think that a phone call to health services asking for a ride back to campus would be the next step and would expect the college to provide a ride within the hour. If help was needed to procure a phone or a phone number I would expect that responsibility to fall with the ER dept.

 

If appropriate help was asked for and refused from either the college or the ER I think a lawsuit or threat of a lawsuit or a STERN talking to with the word lawsuit dropped in for emphasis would be appropriate depending on the extent of the harm and distress caused to the patient.

 

However, if an adult does not ask for help he/she cannot expect other adults to detect their need via ESP.

 

Those are my thoughts on the situation and I have absolutely no idea what the specific events and what requests for help were made which led up to the OP's son walking 4 miles. YIKES!! Poor guy

 

ETA: Wow you guys have some crazy horror stories. When I was in college I had severe abdominal pain all night. I thought I was dying. It never occurred to me to go the the campus health services. I just asked my roommate to drive me to the ER. She did. She waited with me and brought me back. I don't remember if I called my mom from the hospital or if I waited til I got back. They sent me home with nice pain meds and some antibiotics. It wasn't serious. I made myself an appt. with an OBGYN in town on the advice of my mother or the ER (can't remember which)...found my own ride as I didn't have a vehicle, etc. My OBGYN later diagnosed me with endometriosis. Boy I thought I was dying at the time. It never occurred to me to rely on the college administration for the problem. I handled it just fine on my own and I guess that's the lens I view this with and the lens I'll send my children off with. I mean what would they do if they turned 18, got a job in another city, and were on their own? They'd figure it out. On a college campus though I don't think it is out of bounds to call the person who sent you off in an ambulance with a request to get you back if you cannot find your own ride...that would be part of figuring it out.

Edited October 12, 2010 by silliness7

[Brilliant]

I'm shocked at these stories - it makes you wonder how some of these people ended up in the "caring" medical profession!

 

My dd was injured in a dance class on a CC campus last semester. She was treated very professionally by the staff. The campus security was so helpful to me when I arrived on campus; they let me park in the security office parking lot and drove me over to the medical building in a golf cart. Then when dd was ready to go, the med. staff wheeled her out in a wheelchair to where security staff came & fetched us in a golf cart again to get back to our car. It was just a sprained ankle, but she was obviously unable to walk on it. I don't know how this would have been different in a situation involving the ER, or if dd had not been a minor. But I was happy with how everything worked out.

[TravelingChris]

It is a very valuable lesson for me. See, I thought it was just my college that had this horrible student health. I guess I mainly thought that because our food was really awful and that was because the cafeteria workers were in the same union as many of the essential hospital workers so we had illiterate workers who did things like put sugar where salt should be. I guess I just sort of figured the same deal was happening with the doctors at student health though now as a I look back at it, that doesn't make sense since doctors are very rarely unionized. Nonetheless, I can't think that student health was just a left over choice for employment for the doctors and the best ones went elsewhere.

[Yolanda in Mass]

It never occurred to me to rely on the college administration for the problem. I handled it just fine on my own and I guess that's the lens I view this with and the lens I'll send my children off with. I mean what would they do if they turned 18, got a job in another city, and were on their own? They'd figure it out. On a college campus though I don't think it is out of bounds to call the person who sent you off in an ambulance with a request to get you back if you cannot find your own ride...that would be part of figuring it out.

 

Some kids, like you, can handle incidents like this, some can't. While I do not want to be a helicopter parent, I also don't subscribe to the "sink or swim" philosophy either. If a young person wants to move out on their own at 18, get a job in a different city, maybe they can handle it. My son has not made those choices because he KNOWS he can't, and that he has a lot of growing up to do. My parents subscribed to the "sink or swim" philosophy thinking they were helping me to grow up. Yeah, I figured it out, but I sure resented the fact they weren't there to help. I resented the fact that I was expected to handle more than I could. That's what parents are for. And it's only by the grace of God that I didn't get into really serious trouble. I know way too many adults whose parents thought letting them figure it out on their own was good for them. It wasn't. Just a different lens to view the world through.

[newbie]

Some kids, like you, can handle incidents like this, some can't. While I do not want to be a helicopter parent, I also don't subscribe to the "sink or swim" philosophy either. If a young person wants to move out on their own at 18, get a job in a different city, maybe they can handle it. My son has not made those choices because he KNOWS he can't, and that he has a lot of growing up to do. My parents subscribed to the "sink or swim" philosophy thinking they were helping me to grow up. Yeah, I figured it out, but I sure resented the fact they weren't there to help. I resented the fact that I was expected to handle more than I could. That's what parents are for. And it's only by the grace of God that I didn't get into really serious trouble. I know way too many adults whose parents thought letting them figure it out on their own was good for them. It wasn't. Just a different lens to view the world through.

 

Yolanda, I totally agree w/you. The reason I help my dd w/her college experience is b/c I love her and want her to know I support her fully. I was a sink or swim child, but like you have grown up w/resentment and remorse.