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what are your rules/guidelines for elementary kids calling their friends?


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my dd9 met a "friend" at ps school this week during testing.

 

So she comes to me with a phone number on a piece of paper and asks if she can call her friend. ???!!!

 

1. I don't ever remember talking to my friends on the phone when I was a kid.

 

2. I don't ever remember feeling that I wanted to, needed to, or could ask to make a social phone call.

 

3. what do they have to talk about?

 

4. I don't know these people and I'm just not feeling comfortable about this.

 

--I said no to dd. DH and I need to figure out what the rules for our family phone time will be. I know that how I grew up isn't and doesn't have to be what we decide even though it does influence my feelings about things.

 

I suggested that if she wants to see this person that I call and talk with her mother (whom I've never met) and invite them to a local park for a play date.

 

This is our eldest so this is the first time this has come up.

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My guy is 11.5, and he loves calling friends. He is an only child, so sometimes this is his only "child contact" for the day. He has lots of friends, and they spend tons of time talking. They talk about typical things of interest to that age, nothing special, really. He has both male and female friends he talks with.

 

I encourage DS to call friends actually, as it gives him social contact, and keeps him in touch with buddies.

 

I do know all the kids he talks with though, and their moms too. If he was talking with someone I didn't know well, I would listen in to be sure the conversation sounded "appropriate".

MichelleT

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I'll let my kids call if they have a *reason* -- arranging a playdate (that I have pre-approved), asking a question, whatever...

 

And as someone said, if they want a "social" call, I encourage Grandma. ;)

 

If your dd made a friend, perhaps she could call to invite her over for a playdate?

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...phone conversations were usually short, most often invitations to play.

 

As long as you're in the room while she makes a phone call (good family rule) there's not much harm in talking on the phone. It allows her to try this new thing with you there for protection and to set boundaries as needed. As for what they talk about...usually the same kinds of things they talk about in person: What's your favorite kind of ice cream?, What did you do today?, I have a cat named Blackie, Do you have brothers and sisters?, My birthday is in August, I love math. Kid talk.

 

A play date at the park sounds like a great idea, since that's probably what the girls are really after anyway. :-)

 

Now that I think of it, my girls' phone conversations are still short, and about birthdays, the cats, ice cream and arranging get-togethers. :D

 

Cat

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I'm not "down" with the young kids talking on the phone especially kids who I don't know anything about. If you want to call and talk to the mom that would be fine but honestly I would probebly just let it drop (but I'm bad that way). One of the boys down the street gave my ds(8) his cell number (he is 11) and I told my ds there was no reason to call him and that he couldn't . He sees him too often anyway, they can talk when they play! Good luck. :)

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even more so than my dd11! It's really funny. In your situation, with a new friend whom you don't really know...I'd want to meet the child and the parents/mother first. Your idea to arrange a playdate is super. Get to know the child and family first. You'll feel more comfortable with your dd talking to this child on the phone once you know her and her family. Oh, and when my dc talk to friends on the phone...they must do so out in the open, NOT in their rooms w/ doors closed as my dd11 often wants to do. I like to monitor what is said...and I completely trust my dc and the friends they speak to! I just like to know what's up, KWIM?

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My dd8 talks to her best friend on the phone about every two weeks or so, more often if they haven't had time to see each other lately. But they have known each other since they were infants. My ds12 rarely talks to his friends on the phone and usually has a specific reason to call and keeps it short. ds6 rarely talks either and always with either grandma or his friend where the mom and I were pregnant with them together. Once again short and doesn't say much other than I wish we could have a playdate but Mom is busy type talk.

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I agree with the opinions that you should make the first call and set up a play-date. I think playing one-on-one like that (and with you being able to socialize with the mom too) you get a better sense of whether this is a friendship that you want to foster.

 

On phone calls with friends: having them talk to adults is a better way to learn the social skills of telephones (which are hard since you have no facial cues etc.)

 

I've actually found that between friends - e-mails are better! My dc use my e-mail account. In the beginning I monitor a bit, not so much for content, but for general "how to communicate" in that medium. Now my ds10 can e-mail on his own but he prefers to have me read it before sending most of the time, anyway. There is only one e-mail buddy that I make sure I read everything (by going to the "sent" file and reading if the e-mail was sent without my input). But that is because I don't trust this other child in some ways (there is history here).

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I have one very social dd who loves to chat. I've taught her proper phone etiquette - "Hi, this is soandso, is soandso available to talk right now?" She knows about proper times to call and all that other phone etiquette stuff.

 

I know my daughter and trust her and am not sure what the problem would be with letting her chat on the telephone. Usually I am around, but even if I wasn't, I am not sure I see where there might be a problem?

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