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Sad news in our community and a little encouragement


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Sad news first: A homeschool mom in our community committed suicide last week. She left behind three young children, one with special needs. I don't know anything beyond that. I didn't know her, but we had some mutual friends.

 

Encouragement: Please, please, please let someone know if life has gotten too overwhelming for you. Call a friend, call a family member, call your church, or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-TALK).

 

I would love to write more, but I would be breaking confidences so I will just leave it at this.

Edited by Oak Knoll Mom
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I'm glad you posted. Suicide is more common than most realize, as it is hush-hushed. In all my years of obit reading in our paper, only once did a family say "lost her battle with bipolar illness, and took her life on such and such a day."

 

I also noticed, as a person professionally required to ask people who seem unstable if they have any thoughts of hurting themselves, that no one has ever, ever been offended when I asked them, although I have had family members, aside, tell me I was wrong to ask. I remind them I am required to ask because it has been shown to help.

 

So, if you know someone who seems desperate, ask. You will not "give them ideas" or "push them to it".

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I'm glad you posted. Suicide is more common than most realize, as it is hush-hushed. In all my years of obit reading in our paper, only once did a family say "lost her battle with bipolar illness, and took her life on such and such a day."

 

I also noticed, as a person professionally required to ask people who seem unstable if they have any thoughts of hurting themselves, that no one has ever, ever been offended when I asked them, although I have had family members, aside, tell me I was wrong to ask. I remind them I am required to ask because it has been shown to help.

 

So, if you know someone who seems desperate, ask. You will not "give them ideas" or "push them to it".

 

Also if you ask you may open a door if they want to tell you. Just because you think they would never tell you doesn't mean you are right. They may be needing someone to ask them so they can open up.

 

If they do say they are having those thoughts, just saying "I don't know what to say" and changing the subject is not helpful. Please try to help them get help, when they are in that place it is sometimes very hard for them to go out and ask themselves.

 

Just my thoughts from an experience with someone I am close to.

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About two weeks ago a 13 year old boy in our community committed suicide at school. He attended a private school. It's close enough I heard the sirens that morning.

 

Almost a year ago I lost an acquaintance from high school to suicide. He was in his late 40s and left behind 3 children.

 

Age is not a factor in suicide, please take the warning signs seriously. As a fellow homeschooling mom, please get the help and rest you need if you are overwhelmed.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

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Yes, all too common. The father of my cousin's 2 small children committed suicide last week, on his baby daughter's birthday. He and my cousin were to be married next week at a harvest themed wedding. The kids are 2 and 1. You know what's funny, for the first time ever I heard talk about "oh his family isn't mad at her, sometimes they blame the spouse you know..." REALLY? I've never heard a spouse blamed for such an act. :001_huh:

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You know what's funny, for the first time ever I heard talk about "oh his family isn't mad at her, sometimes they blame the spouse you know..." REALLY? I've never heard a spouse blamed for such an act. :001_huh:

 

No, sometimes the family of the deceased does blame the spouse. Tumultuous relationships as viewed by the family can be a point of contention. My MIL and I are about as close to hating each other as you can possibly get. While I don't actually hate her, I intensely dislike her and think she's a crazy *****. She pretty well feels the same about me. If my depressed husband, who's been unsuccessful twice now, were to have a successful suicide attempt, she would blame me in a NY minute. Never mind the fact that I work my butt off making sure he stays on his medication regimen and do my ****edest to keep external stimuli as low key as possible. His first suicide attempt would have been successful if I hadn't broken in to his apartment. (We were separated. I stopped by to check on him.)

Edited by dansamy
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Obviously I have no idea what was going on in this family's life and what the mother's issues were - this is just off the cuff from my heart.

 

Having special needs children can be overwhelming in and of itself. Homeschooling special needs children, especially with internal or external pressure to "get it right" can be crushing. Coupled with depression, it could be more than someone could handle.

 

This is just to anyone out there - if homeschooling is just too much for you, it's okay to quit. I wish someone (another homeschooler, not an unsupportive family member) had told me that 2-3 years ago. Public school is not the end of the world. No, it may not be ideal and it may not be easy, but it can be better than an overwhelmingly stressful homeschooling situation.

 

I wish we had quit homeschooling 2 years ago, when we first toyed with putting them in school. I didn't realize how bad things had gotten until we put them in school. No, it hasn't been perfect, but neither was our homeschool. My dh was not happy with the idea (he never has been since he got on board with hs.) I finally had to say to him, "They have to go to school. I need you to support me in this and be there for me. I can't do it anymore." He realized I was serious and changed his tune.

 

I know homeschoolers as a whole want to be encouraging. "Don't give up" they say. "Whatever you are doing is better than what they would get in ps" is the motto. However, I say, "Do what's best for the family, including yourself." I put my dc ahead of my well-being for a long time and we ended up all worse off for it.

 

:grouphug: to anyone who is struggling.

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Obviously I have no idea what was going on in this family's life and what the mother's issues were - this is just off the cuff from my heart.

 

Having special needs children can be overwhelming in and of itself. Homeschooling special needs children, especially with internal or external pressure to "get it right" can be crushing. Coupled with depression, it could be more than someone could handle.

 

This is just to anyone out there - if homeschooling is just too much for you, it's okay to quit. I wish someone (another homeschooler, not an unsupportive family member) had told me that 2-3 years ago. Public school is not the end of the world. No, it may not be ideal and it may not be easy, but it can be better than an overwhelmingly stressful homeschooling situation.

 

I wish we had quit homeschooling 2 years ago, when we first toyed with putting them in school. I didn't realize how bad things had gotten until we put them in school. No, it hasn't been perfect, but neither was our homeschool. My dh was not happy with the idea (he never has been since he got on board with hs.) I finally had to say to him, "They have to go to school. I need you to support me in this and be there for me. I can't do it anymore." He realized I was serious and changed his tune.

 

I know homeschoolers as a whole want to be encouraging. "Don't give up" they say. "Whatever you are doing is better than what they would get in ps" is the motto. However, I say, "Do what's best for the family, including yourself." I put my dc ahead of my well-being for a long time and we ended up all worse off for it.

 

:grouphug: to anyone who is struggling.

 

:iagree:

 

It is OK to quit. It's also OK to never do it in the first place. Homeschooling is not the only option!

 

:grouphug:

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  • 2 weeks later...

I have a very very close family member who handed his wife all the money in his pockets & his CCs but kept his license. he said he was going to kill himself but he had said it before and never did it. and so she let him go off, thinking she'd see him later.

 

That time, he did it.

 

That time, it wasn't just words.

 

That time was the last time he ever said it.

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Yeah, great idea.

 

Sometimes things on this board make me go what the ---- and I hope that more is going on that I see or know...

Yeah. Where is mommyjen's thread? I am a little freaked out right now that it would be deleted. It seemed to me like a genuine cry for help. Am I missing something?

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It WAS deleted. It showed up as "Reason: Call 911". Now it's just gone. I hope she did call someone, or go to the ER.

 

ETA: It actually still shows in the topic list.

 

Yeah. Where is mommyjen's thread? I am a little freaked out right now that it would be deleted. It seemed to me like a genuine cry for help. Am I missing something?
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I also work in mental health, though I work the research end of things, not the "I'm certified and degreed and MD'd" end.

 

Time and time again, I find myself telling moms "the healthiest thing for your child is a healthy mommy."

 

The subject doesn't matter: homeschooling, breastfeeding, marital strife, religion - pick any subject. If it gets to the point where it is affecting your health mentally or physically, it is time to seek help.

 

And sometimes, that "help" will come in the form of letting go/changing the priorities of some things. And that is OK.

 

You have the right to be healthy and happy.

 

 

a

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