Making your child visit the other parent :(

[SonshineLearner]

How many of you have been having a hard time visiting their other parent? My daughter is having a hard time visiting... Also, she's 12 and while she can't legally "decide" she's at the age where she has more of a "say"....

 

I don't know how I'd actually "make" her go. I mean... she's bigger than I am... and are they gonna take a screaming kicking kid on board, anyway? (she flies)

 

He doesn't like her viewpoints, says we're brainwashing her, and says he's gonna start "re-educating" her..... He basically told her that he's gonna give her "what for" about her brainwashed view... Funny thing is she is crazier strong about her beliefs than I am! No one could change her... right now... But give her some time to mature :)

 

I wish that he could just be nice to her... :(

[Mama Geek]

:grouphug:

 

I remember going through Cr** with my dad growing up. He had visitation but didn't push it because I really didn't want to go. My mom in the end pushed me to start seeing him after I hadn't seen him for a year. He was living with someone he wasn't married to and it was always chaos at his place. Her family was into drinking and sometimes into drugs although neither my dad nor his girlfriend were. It was her adult children and her brother that were problems and they were usually around.

 

I generally didn't enjoy my time with him, but our relationship became a little more civil once I got married thanks to the help from my dh.

 

Be there for your dd and let you know you love her and that things will get better. Give her lots of hugs.

 

ETA:

I did have some older guys from our church that were very much father figures to me. If your daughter can spend some time with an older male that is a good influence that would go a long way. (Grandfather, pastor, uncle, youth leader, etc.) It would obviously have to be someone you trusted.

Edited October 3, 2010 by Mama Geek

[Night Elf]

I wish that he could just be nice to her... :(

 

He will never change. :(

 

When dd18 was younger and forced to visit her dad and stepmom, she learned to close up entirely. They yelled and tried to manipulate but my dd's strong will got her through. Once she hit 16, she started making excuses and her visits became less and less frequent. They eventually became quite sullen and rather than yell, they continually try to make her feel guilty. I stopped being angry at them and now just pity them. They've ruined what should be a fabulous relationship with a remarkable young lady.

 

Over the years, I listened to my dd when she needed to vent, held her when she needed to cry, and was her "bad guy" when she needed one. Yes, I let her lie to them but I honestly believe she was doing it in self-defense. The anxiety (honest medical situation) they've caused her is really unforgivable.

 

Try to prevent them from "getting" into her head. Help her be strong, and help her learn to stay civil and polite. I'm very proud of my dd. Like I said, she's a remarkable young lady. I feel blessed to be in her life.

[Gwenhwyfar]

i wouldn't force her. she's 12 - that, in most places, is well old enough for her opinions to be taken into consideration by a court... plus as you said - you can't MAKE a 12 year old get on a plane.

 

(speaking as a former kid with divorced parents)

[gingersmom]

Why not go to family court and have her heard by the judge?

[Carol in Cal.]

I think that you shouldn't appear to prefer that she not visit her dad. Most of the time it's in the child's best interest to know both parents pretty well. I think that she will be better off as an adult if she sees him regularly, barring substance abuse issues. Otherwise he becomes either the forbidden, fascinating person, or the object of wistful remorse, or the enemy, and since he is her father, he's part of her make up as well as you are. Be really really careful about this. Most kids are better off in the long run with two involved parents, even minimally involved is better than nothing.