Ottakee Posted October 1, 2010 Share Posted October 1, 2010 My son is adopted. He is now 22 but has fetal alcohol and is more like 8-10 year old--does great socially but struggles greatly with higher level thinking skills and academics. He has been with us for 15 years now. His bio family is wanting him to come for the weekend for bowling, a birthday party and then Chucky Cheese. He has 4 older sisters, 3 of which seem appropriate and one that is OK but has fetal alcohol, has an unstable boyfriend and has a 3 month old baby. Then he has a younger brother who is great. Part of the problem is we just found out that the uncle has a 2nd degree CSC conviction for about 10 years ago. They want my son to stay overnight at their house with him, his wife, their 2 20s daughters, the sister and her boyfriend and baby. They only have a tiny 2 bedroom house with a sleep loft. My son is NOT happy I won't let him spend the night there. I am waiting on his oldest sister to call me tomorrow so I can get more details from her. My son claims this boyfriend will pay for everything BUT boyfriend is on disability with NO job so I know he doesn't have money to pay for all of these activities with having to provide housing and care for a baby. OH, the drama. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tabula Rasa Posted October 1, 2010 Share Posted October 1, 2010 My son is adopted. He is now 22 but has fetal alcohol and is more like 8-10 year old--does great socially but struggles greatly with higher level thinking skills and academics. He has been with us for 15 years now. His bio family is wanting him to come for the weekend for bowling, a birthday party and then Chucky Cheese. He has 4 older sisters, 3 of which seem appropriate and one that is OK but has fetal alcohol, has an unstable boyfriend and has a 3 month old baby. Then he has a younger brother who is great. Part of the problem is we just found out that the uncle has a 2nd degree CSC conviction for about 10 years ago. They want my son to stay overnight at their house with him, his wife, their 2 20s daughters, the sister and her boyfriend and baby. They only have a tiny 2 bedroom house with a sleep loft. My son is NOT happy I won't let him spend the night there. I am waiting on his oldest sister to call me tomorrow so I can get more details from her. My son claims this boyfriend will pay for everything BUT boyfriend is on disability with NO job so I know he doesn't have money to pay for all of these activities with having to provide housing and care for a baby. OH, the drama. :grouphug: Sounds like a difficult situation but you need to do what is best for your son's safety. I assume because of the fetal alcohol syndrome, he isn't considered an "adult" and is still under your care? In your shoes, I wouldn't send him alone, especially overnight. Is it far away? Anyway you, or another trusted family goes with him and stay in a hotel overnight while still having him participate in the weekend activities? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted October 1, 2010 Share Posted October 1, 2010 I don't know what a CSC conviction is, but were it me I would take my son and stay with him in a hotel. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mejane Posted October 1, 2010 Share Posted October 1, 2010 (edited) I don't know what a CSC conviction is, but were it me I would take my son and stay with him in a hotel. Tara CSC is criminal sexual conduct. I'd do the same for that reason among others. Edited October 1, 2010 by Mejane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted October 1, 2010 Share Posted October 1, 2010 Your instincts are right on target. Hold your ground. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wendylee Posted October 1, 2010 Share Posted October 1, 2010 We have a biological son with lots of special needs, he's only 12, but he most likely will never be more than 5 or 6, mentally. If you have fears that your son will be unsafe, and he is the mental age of a child who can't protect himself, then you need to protect him. Go with those Mama Bear instincts. They're usually spot-on. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dolphin Posted October 1, 2010 Share Posted October 1, 2010 I don't know how your finances are. But with the hotel idea, can you let him invite one of his sibling to have a sleepover with the 2 or you at a local hotel. Maybe take them for a nice pancake breakfast in the morning? That way it is adding an even better treat to the already great night planned. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenhwyfar Posted October 1, 2010 Share Posted October 1, 2010 have you been able to get some type of adult guardianship order (or whatever the term would be where you are) in place for your son? the reason i ask is because - what happens if he just says he's going anyway and someone from his biological family comes to pick him up or whatever? if you don't have anything, it might be something to consider....(obviously those things take time & hopefully that won't be the situation here - just thought i'd mention it) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted October 1, 2010 Share Posted October 1, 2010 I'd see if one of the appropriate sisters is willing to be responsible for your ds at this event. If no one steps up, could you go with your ds to at least some of the activities? If it's too far and no one will take responsibility for him, I'd keep him home and try to do something fun that day. I'd put the decision firmly in his sisters' court. I hope it works out well! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted October 2, 2010 Author Share Posted October 2, 2010 To answer a few questions: The CSC is criminal S&xual Conduct---uncle has a conviction. We do have guardianship of our son as while he is 22, he is more like an 8-10 year old maturity wise for making safe decisions. The birth family is only 1 hour away so twice now we have brought him up there to see them for several hours each time. This time they really want him to SPEND THE NIGHT at the aunt and uncle;'s house. NOT going to happen. The guy that is "funding" all of these activities this weekend is on disability but got his check today so he has a lot of money...........despite the fact he should be buying clothes and diapers for his 3 month old son, paying rent, saving some, etc. I won't let my son use this guy's money that he should be spending on general living expenses. The older sister was at work today (manager at a restuarant) and wasn't going to be home until midnight so I couldn't even talk to her about this......yet they said she would travel another 20 minutes each way to get my son from the uncle's house at midnight. I don't know if my son will get to the bowling tomorrow night but we said we WOULD take him to the Chucky Cheese party Sunday evening but we will be staying with him. We don't even have to be at the same tables, etc. but we will be there to monitor who else is coming along. Part of our issue is that there is a grandma who thinks we should "forget" about the prior abuse issues because it was a long time ago plus some of the abusers had been abused as kids. Then there might be other relatives of questionable character there. Given my husband is a large and indimidating guy (has been asked to be a bouncer several times) AND works at the Prision as Assistant Deputy Warden, I don't think they will mess with us. We do want our son to have contact with his siblings in a safe and controlled environment. It is more the other relatives we aren't so sure about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 Ottakkee, I think you are being very wise about this. Stand your ground graciously, as it looks like you have been doing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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