Oh, my gracious. Someone, PLEASE tell me they outgrow the crying over schoolwork?!

[*********]

I'm gonna lose it. Seriously. I'm holding it together by a string right now.

 

Zee's gonna be the end of me with crying over his schoolwork.

 

Just now, he came crying to me that his pencil lead kept breaking while he was doing his math quiz.

 

:001_huh:

 

I'm a reasonable mommy. I give grace, I'm patient (usually), I always answer his questions. I never make him just sit and sit until he figures something out if he really can't do it.

 

We've been back to school for four weeks now. I thought he'd be over the adjustment back to 'lessons' from his 'all day long play fests' he had in the summer. But seriously. SERIOUSLY. The work isn't too hard. I tell him each time this happens to remember to ask for help before he gets so frustrated he cries. He knows he should do that, but he just doesn't. And when I *ask why he doesn't, he can't answer me.

 

I even have been sitting RIGHT next to him, doing his lessons with him, the majority of the time. But for crying out loud! It was a quiz! He's got to do that by himself, for the most part. I sat with him and went over it, making sure he understood all the instructions. Then I told him 'Ok, if you have any questions, I'll be with your brother in the other room. Just come and get me; and make sure you DON"T cry. Just come get me before you get that frustrated, and I'll help you'. And he was all 'Oh, ok mommy'. And a mom's got to, you know, get dressed, take a shower, and do a gazillion other things including teach his younger brother! GAH!

 

So any advice, BTDT, or anything would be appreciated. I finally told him, after I got him calmed down and addressed the pencil problem, that I would have to start disciplining him for getting so upset that he's bawling before bothering to come get me to help him. And no, I don't know how to discipline for that. :tongue_smilie: I just can't take it much more.

[Karen in CO]

I have a little song that I sing in my head when my dd gets all dramatic - "Its the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine..." I take a long drink from my coffee, then wonder how on earth the kid will survive. She actually did the crying thing more when she was 7. At 8, she went through a period of collapsing on the floor and wailing. Now she just rolls her eyes. I really just think 7yos are emotional. I gave lots of hugs. When it got to be too much, I'd start singing my little song out loud to break up the tension. I'm kind of weird that way.

 

Make sure he's getting a good protein balance and frequent movement breaks, plus plenty of physical exercise. Maybe learn a few silly songs. He'll out grow it.

[SBP]

The jury's still out...

 

DS12 did outgrow crying. I can't even imagine a school situation that would make him cry. DD11, on the other hand, got much worse last year (dratted hormones...) and still has had a bad day here and there this year. It's hard to discipline because she's SO fragile on those days that even looking at her wrong leads to more tears.

 

What I've found that does help is that we've adopted a tradition we call "Sundae Friday". Anyone who's had a good week - worked pleasantly and cooperatively - gets taken out for ice cream on Friday. But I've told DD that shedding even one tear during the week makes her automatically ineligible. She's had to watch her brother get ice cream without her a couple of times, and that's done wonders for her self control. I see the tears well up every now and then, but she makes an effort to control them, which is what I want to see.

 

Anyway, it's an idea. :)

 

SBP

[msjones]

The crying can just wipe a mom out, can't it?

 

It sounds like he knows how to do the work. It sounds like you've been very supportive and loving. You've set the boy up for success.

 

We went through this in our house.

 

The fact was, they didn't want to work. They wanted to play. So they cried. And cried. And cried. Whenever any assignment required moderately extended effort and concentration (aka WORK), they cried. Because they didn't want any work. Just play, thankyouverymuch.

 

I tried all the nice stuff you tried. You sound very nice.

 

What finally worked, I'm a bit sorry to say, was threatening them with MORE work. The deal is, if they know how to do it, and they cry about it, the assignment is doubled and done as homework in the evening. With dad. :)

 

Not much crying here anymore. I finally lowered the boom a few years ago, and we now have very little crying. I'm sure some of it is maturity, but some of it is plain old fear of punishment. No, that's not too dreamy Charlotte Masony or lovely days of snuggly homeschooling -- but they now work without crying. And that's quite nice.

 

The key is to be sure you have done your part -- taught the material clearly, done several examples, watched him get started so you can be certain that he is capable of doing it. Then it's up to the child.

[RamonaQ]

I think so.

 

I have gone through this with both my intensely perfectionist kids. Although, I would say we have not moved fully out of it with the younger (almost 8), we are nearing the bottom of the hill. The 11 yo, if he is having a hard time, requests some time and leaves the room-- he comes back when he is ready to work.

 

I don't know if there is some magical solution. It just seems like I have attempted tons of strategies, and I am not sure that any one has had an effect, except maturity. But here are a few:

 

-reminding them that if they already knew how to do it, then it wouldn't be learning and learning is hard work

-reminding them of other times they worked hard

-pointing out when I struggle with something, or get the answer wrong

-pointing out that they are "much more" than what they do on their schoolwork

-discussing what they could do instead of crying and fussing

-asking them to leave the table if they are crying and fussing

-me walking away if they are being mean to me about the work

-telling them that they will "owe me time" (got that idea from a thread here about children wasting mom's time)-- that seems to work pretty well on the younger

-letting them have free time as soon as they finish all their work (video games are so motivating around here)

-reminding them the alternative to homeschooling is that they should go to school-- if they want to make me miserable, or themselves so miserable, perhaps they should try something else

[FaithManor]

When one of my ds's went through this, we instituted a reward program for going three straight days without a meltdown. It wasn't anything major....getting to choose what's for dinner, eating ice cream, getting to stay up an extra half hour, etc.

 

I am now to the place that I've got to do something with ds 13 - the "my whole life is over because I have to do algebra and will be doing this until I die and it's just so stupid and yada, yada, yada....." child. I am trying to decide if at this age I should be making him do push-ups or something everytime he makes me want to put him out on the curb with a "free to any home" sign or if I should do something more positive. To some degree, I feel like at 13.5 years, he should shape up or face the music. However, I also know that any kid will respond to bribery!

 

Thankfully, the younger two are not drama kings and dd, who could be a little dramatic, has grown up quite nicely and graduated.....grr....my baby girl is going on TWENTY YEARS OLD! So, remind yourself of two things: A. This too will pass and someday they will be grown and gone....this time goes by in the blink of an eye. B. Someday they will have children that act exactly like them and if God is a just and fair God, He will inspire them to homeschool said children so you can snicker at the trouble they are having!!!! LOL

 

Going into the lion's den to make drama king do his algebra.....hopefully, we will both come out alive!

 

Faith

[Pam Wilhelm]

I laugh at my kids when they have even begun to go down that road.

 

I draw a parallel between them crying about school and the idea of their father crying about the work that he does (mechanic on heavy farm equipment).

 

I tease them.... they don't go to public school, so I want to make sure they have a well rounded education......and tease them like they would be in p.s.

 

I tell them to grow up and get back to their work.

 

I give them twice as much work..... "If you cry, whine, procrastinate, I will give you double and triple the work." ....and I have a stack of worksheets to give them if they care to challenge me.

 

I pour myself another glass of iced tea, tell them, "Tough! Do the work!" and go back to what I was doing.

 

I used to get all frustrated and freaky when they would pull this crap....now I don't.... they have to do it...here or in p.s. ........ so sit down, shut up, and get to work.

 

:D

 

 

 

 

 

 

disclaimer: I'm really not THAT mean....but you get the idea....and so do the kids....... no one whines now.

[Daisy]

Oh :001_huh:

 

I thought we were talking about the moms. :D

 

Just kidding. Kinda.

[*********]

Oh :001_huh:

 

I thought we were talking about the moms. :D

 

Just kidding. Kinda.

 

 

Bwahaha, Daisy, you're funny.

 

Thanks for the commiseration and advice, ladies. :)

[ElizabethB]

Well, I was hoping it was over by 8, we had not had crying here for a while.

 

But, after reading this thread and thinking to myself, "I am so glad we are past that now," there was an 8 year old crying over how hard her math was and a 5 year old crying that I wasn't letting him do more pages of math!

 

I am not reading any more crying threads!! :lol:

[Ellie]

Zee is just 7? Well, if I had a 7yo crying for a whole month over school stuff, I'd have to have a major reevaluation of what I was using to teach, and there would probably be drastic changes.