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I'm new here and will begin homeschooling my 12 year old next school year. We are very excited about it but when we told our parents...well, the reaction was not what I had envisioned/hoped for. It was actually pretty awful. We are adults and will make the decisions for our household but it would have been nice if our parents would have been a little supportive.

 

Have any of you ever experienced this? How did you resolve it? It is frustrating...and I have to admit, it really hurt my feelings.

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I'm new here and will begin homeschooling my 12 year old next school year. We are very excited about it but when we told our parents...well, the reaction was not what I had envisioned/hoped for. It was actually pretty awful. We are adults and will make the decisions for our household but it would have been nice if our parents would have been a little supportive.

 

Have any of you ever experienced this? How did you resolve it? It is frustrating...and I have to admit, it really hurt my feelings.

 

It is tough. I've been blessed to have my own mom 100% on board since day one. Other friends though were less enthusiastic. As a side note several of those friends have had horrible experiences with their dc in public school and they are bringing them home to hs! Amazing the change of heart that people go through as life progresses.

 

Anyway, here is a link that might help you.

 

http://goybparenting.com/?page_id=28

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My family thought I was "missing a few bricks" when I announced my plans.

 

One thing that was helpful for me to remember was that most people who don't know homeschoolers first-hand have a skewed understanding of what hs'ing is. Try not to convince them but allow them to have their opinions. You don't have to be the one to convince...your experience with it after a time will do the convincing for you. Now having said that, it just isn't their business! lol!

 

I thought I'd have certain supporters and didn't and then my sister, who I thought would be against it the most turned out to be my biggest supporter. She was in a college debate class with a graduated hs'er and was blown away by her ability to *think*.

 

Get into a good support group and you'll be able to allow the rest to roll off your back a lot more easily.

 

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

 

Editing to add that now my family BRAGS about my homeschooling. As I said above, your experience will speak for itself and you won't have to say a word.

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Yes, there was an initial "Huh?" Many issues were brought up by family members. Most of it stemmed from socialization/socializing and positive personal(the dissenters) histories of the quality of education in ps. It was also pointed out that it would take away from my career time (in which I pointed out that being a mom came first anyway). As my family dynamics are fairly noninvasive, I'm not sure what some are thinking now. Most have come around to being openly supportive and join in the fun. A few choose to drill dd in round about ways.

 

I think you shouldn't take it personally. You know them--would they respond well to more information? Do they usually give you grief w/the decisions you make? Is it the style you plan to implement or just hs in general? You do need to insist they be respectful of your decisions in parenting your dc either way.

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Scarlett: Thanks for the link. It's funny that it was comparing breastfeeding and homeschooling. Our parents have told me numerous times that is awful that I still nurse my 2 year old...actually my mom used the word "disgusting". Sigh.

 

Carli: That is so funny because I thought my sister would be totally against it (she is a public school teacher and her husband is a principal) but she has been REALLY supportive.

 

Thanks.

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Scarlett: Thanks for the link. It's funny that it was comparing breastfeeding and homeschooling. Our parents have told me numerous times that is awful that I still nurse my 2 year old...actually my mom used the word "disgusting". Sigh.

 

There is a recipe for Bean Dip for that situation, too. In fact, it was over those issues that I originated it.

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Scarlett: Thanks for the link. It's funny that it was comparing breastfeeding and homeschooling. Our parents have told me numerous times that is awful that I still nurse my 2 year old...actually my mom used the word "disgusting". Sigh.

 

Carli: That is so funny because I thought my sister would be totally against it (she is a public school teacher and her husband is a principal) but she has been REALLY supportive.

 

Thanks.

 

My mom is a retired public school teacher. Many teachers get indoctrinated with the idealogy that only 'real' teachers can teach...my mom is much more of a free thinker and although she loved teaching she saw clearly that 'good' parents could do just as well teaching their own children.

 

I can relate to the bf'ing thing...I bf ds until he was 2 and my MIL thought it was disgusting too. Oh, and surprise surprise, she is against hs'ling as well. I really have a lot of respect for parents who go 'against' their own parents in order to do what is best for their kids...I value my mom's opinion so much....I think it would be hard if she gave me grief over my decisions.

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I'm new here and will begin homeschooling my 12 year old next school year. We are very excited about it but when we told our parents...well, the reaction was not what I had envisioned/hoped for. It was actually pretty awful. We are adults and will make the decisions for our household but it would have been nice if our parents would have been a little supportive.

 

Have any of you ever experienced this? How did you resolve it? It is frustrating...and I have to admit, it really hurt my feelings.

 

I know exactly how you feel.

 

My husband's parents were very silent about it making very few if any comments, meaning they did not agree. My mother on the other hand still makes antihomeschooling comments even after 4 years! She likes to intersperse them with positive comments too. Of course, I do not know which one to believe! LOL!

 

Anyway, I did win my inlaws over with time. After the first year or so, they saw the wonderful effects it has had and how ds9 is growing into a intellgent young man. They are very supportive now. I think they were new to the whole concept and needed something tangible. Now they are always telling me how smart and well behaved my kids are. (compared to their PS cousins!)

 

In many ways, I feel my dh felt the same way his parents did. At first he was skeptical. Now he is very supportive. :001_smile:

 

My mother on the other hand........ who knows! :banghead:

 

For the first year, I just kept my distance and limited any negative conversations that would have occurred. (this includes missing some family events)

 

I would encourage you to just try and see things from their perspective. If it is a foreign concept to them, give time to adjust and see the benefits of homeschooling. Give them positive hs things to see, may be some articles or show them periodically work the child is doing.

 

Hang in there! Hschooling is the right decision!

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Been there too....although the disapproval is more subtle...you know, comments about "real school" and asking the kids if they miss their friends. Rolled eyes when they find out that we are hsing one more year... No outright arguments, but I think that might be preferable!

 

One thing that helped was to share the girls standardized test scores (of course, I chose the metric that sounded most impressive , not "they got 90 percent", but "they scored as well as college graduates who answered the same questions") Family still thinks we're strange, and possibly warping our children, but the comments have eased off a bit.

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If it's not your parents, it will be your neighbor, your best friend, the minister, your husbands' boss, etc. etc. The objections will continue no matter how long and how well you homeschool. We've been at it eight years with great results, and I still have nay-sayers in my corner including one neighbor that could easily snitch to Child Protective Services any day. She's utterly convinced that a techie part-time professor like me knows nothing about teaching children.

 

Comes with the territory!

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And am still dealing with it. My in-laws didn't quite know what to think about it, but seemed open to the idea. My dh's sisters and nieces, on the other hand, were quite hostile about it. They questioned everything, up to asking "What about the prom?" :001_rolleyes: One sister finally got it and no longer gives us any grief, but the other seems to think she should have some kind of say in how we raise our dd. Of course, she's always been this way, from bf (she didn't) to potty training (her dd was "broke" at 1 year). She fully expected us to do as she did and was miffed when we didn't! One of his nieces is also very pushy with her opinions. They match her aunt's.

 

On my side, my dad is very supportive, as well as 2 of my sisters. My other sister is, unfortunately, very much like my s-i-l. If I mention dd's hs at all, she gets very quiet and just ignores it. Her 2 dds will do the same thing. I got a lot of the whole ps being so great from them as well. It's annoying and frustrating, but we've decided to just ignore all the negativity and do our own thing. :D

 

I do wish sometimes I could know how my mom would have reacted. I think she would have been taken aback at first, but ended up our biggest supporter.

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:001_smile:

My family thought I was "missing a few bricks" when I announced my plans.

 

One thing that was helpful for me to remember was that most people who don't know homeschoolers first-hand have a skewed understanding of what hs'ing is. Try not to convince them but allow them to have their opinions. You don't have to be the one to convince...your experience with it after a time will do the convincing for you. Now having said that, it just isn't their business! lol!

 

I thought I'd have certain supporters and didn't and then my sister, who I thought would be against it the most turned out to be my biggest supporter. She was in a college debate class with a graduated hs'er and was blown away by her ability to *think*.

 

Get into a good support group and you'll be able to allow the rest to roll off your back a lot more easily.

 

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

 

Editing to add that now my family BRAGS about my homeschooling. As I said above, your experience will speak for itself and you won't have to say a word.

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Bear in mind, you have thought this out, made an informed decision, and you are happy about it. You want to share this happy decision with your folks, and expect them to be happy and supportive.

 

However... to your folks,(if they are all like my dad!) the announcement of homeschooling came without warning, and they do not know how to respond. All they may know about homeschooling is what has appeared in the media - they have not been researching the benefits of homeschooling as you have. If your (future) adult kid researched and decided to raise his kids (your grandkids) as nudists (just looking for an example) someday, and told you out of the blue, would you not be surprised and perhaps question the decision? And, if your vague knowledge of nudists was that they were veggie-eating, pot-smoking ex-hippees (no offense to any naked wtm folk - I am just making an example here :-) would you not be rather upset about the decision??? I think this maybe part of why many older relatives can be nonsupporting of homeschooling.

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My mom is cool about it. She gets why we chose this for our kids. We are very close though so she has been there through the thought process and evolution of it all.

 

My in-laws. Different story. I started homeschooling my niece which was ok with them because she is "a handful" at school. When they found out we were taking their precious grandsons out of school they just about had the big one. I explained to them that there is curriculum. They had no idea what that was. They seemed a little better or rather relieved I wasn't relying on just the amount of info in MY brain to teach the kids. They still quiz the kids though.."What did you learn today?" "Oh, you played playstation all day, is that what you do every day??" "Can you count yet? Let me hear you count to ten." It was the same thing with potty training though. They should write books on parenting they did it so perfectly(sarcastic)

 

 

We are going to have an end of the year "graduation" for the kids. They can show off all their projects and books they have read to friends and family. The in-laws WILL be invited.

 

I don't think you can change someones opinion totally but maybe getting excited about new curriculum and school supplies and sharing it with them would help them to understand. I think most grandparents just don't want you to screw up their grandkids. They like to brag to their friends...

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I got into a "lovely" discussion with my dad a couple of years ago in which he yelled at me and informed me that I am "depriving my children of essential life experiences" by keeping them out of public school. I was LIVID - but for the first time, I was able to say to him, "Dad, I hear you complaining, but I don't hear specific examples of deficiencies you see in the girls. If you can give me specifics, we can talk, but otherwise, we're done." He proceeded to tell me that I have never admitted that I'm wrong and never will, blah, blah, blah, and I thought, "Gee, where do I get THAT from, do you think?" Heh.

 

My parents are HUGE public school supporters. I hated public school. I don't think it's necessarily evil, but I haven't seen anything that makes me think my kids should attend. I learned from that conversation that I just can't talk about it with my parents. It's what we do, and they don't have to like it, but they know they need to respect our decisions as the adults responsible for said children or they won't be able to see us. I find it to be very strange not to be able to talk to my parents about homeschooling, but really, they have no frame of reference for it and as such have very little to offer in the way of advice or constructive criticism.

 

And, this is the same dad who found really cool science experiment books at Borders while they were here in March and brought them home to us. The time before that he got us some really cool National Geographic books about being amateur naturalists. So, he might disagree, but he chooses to be supportive of us because he loves us.

 

My inlaws, surprisingly, have been very supportive. My MIL and I rarely see eye-to-eye, and she has a degree in education, and has been quite outspoken against homschooling. Part of the reason she thinks I can do it is that I have a college degree; I disagree, but hey, if it make it so she doesn't snark at me, I'm good with that. Plus they know other people who homeschool successfully so that makes it easier for them to accept that we do it. Again, I don't care so much what they think, but it does make life much easier on dh, and therefore on me, that they don't feel the need to hound him about putting our kids in school.

 

Anyhoo - your family may come around. If not, it's your job to tell them that it's not open for discussion. It will be OK. Most people are resistant to change, and this is a big one - and something they don't understand because they have no experience. They will probably come to see that it's great for you and your dd, and if not, well, they will learn to keep quiet.

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Hang in there! When they see your child thriving, they will come around! It was new territory for my in-laws and they didn't understand it. Now they still may not understand our choice, but they see their grandchildren happy and doing well in their studies. If they don't come around...it will be their loss.

 

I found this board to be very encouraging and inspiring. I call it my "teacher's lounge"!

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My mother, who has been in the public school system as a psychologist/special ed diagnostician for 30 years, and who normally doesn't support anything I do, finally, after 7 years of homeschooling, made a positive comment. (How's that for a long, possibly badly structured sentence?) She had a conversation with my 10 year old dd and when I got back on the phone, my mother said, "Michelle, if you had put her in regular school, it would have ruined that precious girl. You're doing a good job!"

 

SO, if my dyed-in-the-wool PS-loving mother can come around, there is hope! Until then, present a firm and united front with your dh to the parents and plow on. You can't change their opinions right now, so focus on what you want to do with your dc and enjoy it! :)

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I am so sorry that you didn't get the response that you were hoping for. My family is very supportive of our hsing but my in-laws....well, that is a whole n'uther ball of wax. I was hoping that in time they would see that this was the best choice for our family. It has been 4 yrs. and they still say subtle, negative remarks.

 

I deal with it by not dealing with it. I don't talk about hsing with my dh's family. It is the pink elephant in the room and I think it will always be that way. Although, I did tell dh's family about my blog and I know that my mil and dh's aunt and cousin read my blog. So they know what we do and that I am, indeed, teaching my children. :001_smile:

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This reminded me of my mil's reaction to this. Now mind you, we told her when my oldest was 5 years old. Her first question to me was "Well, what about Calculus?" - I still don't know where that came from! I just thought it was so funny :)

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It can be tough. My family never directly opposed homeschooling, but were somewhat suspicious of it. But I'm quite used to making decisions that don't always agree with their ideals. It may well appear to them like this decision came out of the blue and they're genuinely concerned (even if it doesn't come across that way.)

 

However, as at least one other poster mentioned, there will always be someone opposed to it. IMO, the proof is in the pudding, and as things work out well for you, they may well gradually change their opinions. However, in this world you could have a homeschooler excel in every category, be accepted in to all the top tier schools and attain world peace and some will still criticize the decision to homeschool.

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My in-laws, as is true of many immigrants, saw the public school system as the gateway to the American Dream. And their d-i-l was depriving their grandkids of the American Dream! (I don't know why they thought my dh had nothing to do with our decision. . .) But after 7 years now of homeschooling they no longer make snide comments. My b-i-l on the other hand makes me pretty steamed. Not because he disagrees with our decision - but because he goes to our dc and tries to influence them against homeschooling. :cursing:

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and living all the way across the country from family! I know there are members of our family who do not agree with homeschooling...but since we only see them every couple of years, I don't have to deal with it much. When we are around family, my DH and I both try to set the tone that they are our children, and we do not need any advice on how they are raised.

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I am so sorry you got that reaction. :sad: Wouldn't it be great if our parents could just be loving and supportive of all of our decisions?

Most objections can be cured by education and experience. The longer they see you do this the more relaxed they will tend to become as they see you are not messing up their grandkids. If you think they just need education a good book written for grandparents is "You're going to do what?!". It is written by a grandparent of homeschoolers and gives brief explanations to many fears and concerns. Remember that you have been researching this and thinking about it for a while and they don't have the benefit of your education on the topic or experience with what prompted the choice.

 

If you are a person of faith I suggest prayer. I am glad you are not allowing their reaction to sway your decision but it is so tough when we don't get the support we expect.

:grouphug:

 

Couldn't have said it better. That book she has linked you to is a nice help too. Both sets of parents had their reservations and my 20 something nephew

was horrified. But this is our 7th year of it now and they have seen the girls thrive. They are, if not supportive, not unsupportive, kwim? Oddly I have gotten the most positive feedback from my niece who is a special needs teacher. Gotta love that. So, hang in there, try not to take their reaction as a reflection on you. This comes out of left field to a lot of people. Time will show them the kids will be fine.

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I am pretty sure my family thought i was nuts too, but the trick is not to ask for or expect approval or acceptance....just be matter of fact and do what you want to do. I have a highly academic family, career minded, two grandparents are teachers, father is a scientist.....I am sure they had a conversation or two behind my back! But I have lived very independent of their opinions for a long time, so i just carried on. Even my husband wasnt sure in the very beginning.

When I took the kids to visit their relatives.....the relatives could see that the kids were bright, thriving, happy. After a while, they were so proud of me, of them, and told all their friends etc. It was a complete turnaround.

My grandmother, an ex teacher, has Alzheimers though and did go through a phase for a year of asking me when Genevieve was going to highschool. She had obviously thought homeschooling was good for primary only. And even though i told her the truth, she wasn't going to highschool, she still kept asking because it didn't compute.

Have confidence in what you do, and don't put yourself out there for their disapproval. It hurts, but its also a part of growing up.

I sometimes sent articles to my parents that were pro homeschooling. I think it helped them understand. There are far less homeschoolers, % wise, in Australia, than there are in the U.S. where it is huge....so many people here haven't even heard of it.

It was like long term breastfeeding for me. I want to have no regrets as a parent, so I do what I feel to do, enthusiastically and with passion. My mother thought I was nuts to tandem breastfeed two young children. But I have no regrets. And her opinion is just that, her opinion, nothing to do with me. I love her anyway, but I am an adult.

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This is one of the many reasons that I am glad, despite the struggles and the lonliness, that we moved far away from prying eyes.

 

My parents and my ILs have both learned to appreciate the time they get to spend with us, and not harp on our disagreements. Which is pretty amazing, considering all four of them are missing the genes that encode sensitivity and discretion.

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You have to do what you think is best regardless of the opinions of others (very hard, I know). Here is a bit of hope: sometimes they come around when they see the fruit of home schooling. My mom was completely and totally against our home schooling. However, after four years of it many of her fears were alleviated. This year my husband wanted two of my kids to try public school and my mom actually said that she didn't think it was a good idea!! Mom passed away in November. My kids who tried public school will return to homeschooling next year and it makes me feel good knowing that Mom had come around. Sometimes their objections are just based on their fears of the unknown. Once the "unknown" becomes the familiar, fears fade...

 

My advice would be to try to avoid arguments and let them see over time the benefits themselves.

 

Another great book that would be helpful is The Well Adjusted Child: the Social Benefits of Homeschooling. It was just published this past summer and is very good at backing up its claims with research. This book is also appropriate for both secular and religious homeschoolers.

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Next to my husband, my Mom has been my biggest cheerleader for homeschooling. My inlaws, however, have never approved. We've been at this for over ten years and my mother-in-law will still not even let my kids talk about their schoolwork, etc. to her. (She's a retired elementary school principal) It's sad and frustrating, but my husband and I believe strongly that this is best for our kids. While I would love the approval of everyone, it's just not going to happen. Hang in there and stick to your guns!

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