Am I doing them a disservice?

[Miss Marple]

Yesterday I just had to ask the boys if they would rather "go to school" than be homeschooled. Wow! I never thought that would happen. But the past several weeks have left me feeling that I'm doing a totally rotten job of it. And it's no one's fault - rather it is just life happening. Because of surgery, anticipated surgeries, caring for properties of others, and having a senior this year, my youngest 2 boys have had just the bare minimum.

 

I had to leave town to be with elderly parents for a surgery out of state (out of state for both them and myself) leaving the boys alone for a couple of days, my parents will be returning here in a few days to recover, we care for my dh's elderly parents (his mom is demented), my niece has just discovered a severe heart anomaly which will require surgery (and may leave her unable to have children because of the meds she will be on as well as the stress to the heart) and she has a 1 year old, my sister and my parents are both selling large properties adjoining my own, but they are both out of state leaving it to me to handle. None of it is a huge burden, but all of them together leave me drained.

 

Through all of this the phone rings non-stop: my dad is scared, my mom isn't cooperative, the realtor wants to show a property, my niece needs someone to talk to, dh's father has fallen again, etc. I simply have to take these calls - it would seem cruel not take them.

 

Argh! What do you do with school when life happens!?! We seem to get math, English, and science done. History is a vague idea, health happens rarely, and my great plans for the Great Books hasn't happened at all :confused:

 

I'm so overwhelmed right now - both physically and emotionally. I feel like I'm not doing anything well...relationships, school, and life in general. I just want to crawl into a hole and emerge when everyone is well and things are settled.

 

Any words of wisdom to put us back on track?

[Michelle in AL]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

I've only been through a portion of what you've been through. My FIL has gotten critically ill 3 times in the past 4 yrs. He lived with us during one period of illness for 4 months. It was hard, but doable if I stay organized and stuck to a routine each day.

 

My advice would be to take care of yourself and then your family. Make sure you get enough down time to relieve your stress. Make sure you have down time to enjoy your family. If this means putting the kids in school , then that is OK. I've seen the downside of too much stress in our family. It has been hard for me and my husband.

 

On the other hand, if you think the stressors may be short term than less schooling for a period won't hurt them.

 

Another alternative, if you all truly prefer hs'ing is online classes. My dd has several and it requires much less interaction from me. The workload is also pretty stiff, so that has to be considered.

[lavender]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

On the other hand, if you think the stressors may be short term than less schooling for a period won't hurt them.

 

Another alternative, if you all truly prefer hs'ing is online classes. My dd has several and it requires much less interaction from me. The workload is also pretty stiff, so that has to be considered.

 

 

:iagree: I agree totally! We have had a couple of whirlwind years as well and you know what?.....sometimes less really is more!

 

We've had to cut back on subjects....really down to the 3 R's for awhile...during particularly stressful life events. Now that they are older, I can rely, at least in part, on online classes to help take some of the workload off me and keep them moving forward when "Mommy's dealing with the realtor again..." My very best freind who also homeschools is going through a REALLY tough time recently, has also pared down the schedule. So don't feel bad about having to cut back, you're NOT short changing them.

 

When LIFE HAPPENS, homeschool moms ADJUST! Chin up!;)

 

Lavender in Oklahoma

[Nan in Mass]

I've never faced what you are facing, but I know something long gaps, ones that last months. I chunk things to deal with them. Figure out what can't be chunked (math, music, and foreign languages) and find independent ways to do those things for now, and then pick a few other things that can be done independently and double the time spent on those things. What about a research paper or project? Now might be a good time to get some of those things done. Or do all your lit and history reading now. Or do all the science experiments and get them out of the way. Or whatever. Then, when you are more available to help, you do the other things. I have found that setting hours during which my children have to be working is the only way mine work independently when they are under 16. And that goes better if another family member keeps half an eye on them, like having them sit at the kitchen table or something.

Hugs,

-Nan

[BlsdMama]

Yesterday I just had to ask the boys if they would rather "go to school" than be homeschooled.

 

Ouch. Unless you're prepared for the answer or you like to be critiqued by your children, I'd suggest never doing THAT again, especially if you don't intend on sending them to school. That's just sewing seeds of discontent in yourself and your children.

 

 

Life happens. I find that when life takes over and you have to cope, this is when homeschooling is a huge blessing. Not that school gets done "as it should" but the family pulls together and copes. It teaches my children LIFE skills, compassion, rolling with the punches, and to pull through... "and having done all, to stand." In the end, won't that serve them best? Better than two weeks worth of missed grammar lessons, better yet than another beautifully copied verse from a book?

 

It's okay. In life you have seasons... Some seasons are for learning, and hard work, and getting the "what needs done" done. Other seasons are for compassion, healing, and persevering. And each is very relevant to life.

[Miss Marple]

Ouch. Unless you're prepared for the answer or you like to be critiqued by your children, I'd suggest never doing THAT again, especially if you don't intend on sending them to school. That's just sewing seeds of discontent in yourself and your children.

 

Well, I was actually quite serious. I wanted to know if they were feeling the same as I - that school just wasn't going the way it should. One son said he would like to continue at home (this is the son who has MANY hobbies), the other would be happy to go so that he could play football (which wouldn't happen because dh deals with too many football injuries). I think that my role in schooling is to determine the best way to get it done - that may be homeschooling, private school, or even public school (depending on the circumstances). It isn't something that I've felt "called" to do (although I know of many who feel that way), but rather something that I felt was best for the kids (and our family) at the time. I'm just wondering if the time has come to let it go...

 

If I knew that this was a passing phase, I would be so much more confident that a little blip wouldn't affect them. Unfortunately I have a feeling that things are going to continue like this for quite some time. These particular boys have goals that are incompatible with "school-lite" - at least for any great amount of time. So somehow I have to figure out a way to do it all...well.

 

The boys are handling things well and are very close to their grandparents and cousins. I know that they are developing caring, compassionate characters through it all. I just wish they were more self-motivated and could work more independently. Alas, none of my boys are that way.

Edited September 28, 2010 by CynthiaOK

[justamouse]

Hang in there. Really. Less is more and you'd be surprised what they DO learn despite the chaos. I would look at this an an opportunity for the kids to become more independent, and you more of as the manager. They may not like it, but it may be what's needed and that alone is a lot to learn.

[BlsdMama]

I just wish they were more self-motivated and could work more independently. Alas, none of my boys are that way.

 

But, knowing this, mama, isn't homeschooling the best fit for your boys? I'm sincerely asking... I wonder if they wouldn't get swept aside in the "get by" philosophy of school.

[Teachin'Mine]

:grouphug: Wow you've got a lot of major stresses going on right now! I think you're doing an amazing job, but I'd consider trying to delegate what you can. Do the realtors need to call you before showing the properties? Could they use a lock box instead? Would assisted living be an option temporarily for one set of parents, or could you get a home health aide to at least help you with the routine care during the day? Could you establish even three hours that are phone call free - say 9 to 12? And then let the machine answer, and let everyone know you'll be doing that.

 

I don't think it's so much that homeschooling is no longer the right thing to do as it's just one incredibly hectic time for you. I think you have your priority of working with your senior in the right place. Could you enroll the younger ones in a correspondence or online school so they are responsible to someone else? You'll still need to stay on top of things, but most of their work should be able to be done more or less on their own. Maybe you need to have a family meeting and spell it out for them that they need to start taking responsibility for their own education. Could their dad be the one to be checking at night whether they completed their work for the day?

 

Basically, I think you need to let the responsibility for some of this rest on other people for a while. You shouldn't try to do it all. Sending them to school isn't necessarily the solution as that brings it's own challenges too.

 

Praying for you and your family. :grouphug:

[Miss Marple]

But, knowing this, mama, isn't homeschooling the best fit for your boys? I'm sincerely asking... I wonder if they wouldn't get swept aside in the "get by" philosophy of school.

 

I honestly wonder :001_smile: The youngest is a highly competitive student and thrives when he has the opportunity to "shine" or impress others. He isn't getting that opportunity at home. We stopped attending our co-op this year (for various reasons, but with all going on now it's a blessing) so the competitive outlet is gone. His goal is to be a National Merit Finalist - he's in 9th so maybe...

 

I wonder if they would become more self-motivated if they had to actually be at a brick/mortar school all day and had to answer to someone other than me. Maybe they would learn to manage their time more wisely and develop more interest in a subject if they had a really interesting teacher.

 

I just dunno...

[lavender]

[quote=CynthiaOK;

 

These particular boys have goals that are incompatible with "school-lite" - at least for any great amount of time. So somehow I have to figure out a way to do it all...well.

 

 

You are putting A LOT OF PRESSURE on yourself. Do you really think there is ANY school out there, public or private, that EVER finishes a book... in any subject?

 

I see in your signature that you are a pharmacist....and probably an over-acheiver yourself, mom. I can say this because I think I can understand you fully. I too am a pharmacist....but I have learned that my being an over-acheiver, and trying to "do it all...well" will put me in an early grave.

 

Take heart. Your kids WILL go to college, they WILL become the best they can be, REGARDLESS of whether you got the best program, have tons of time on your hands, or put them in the "best" school situation.

 

Please don't let "Mommy is Not Perfect" guilt give you doubts about how great of a teacher you really are. :001_smile:

 

Lavender in Oklahoma

[FloridaLisa]

Popping in and out quickly this morning, and no real answers. But didn't want to bypass your post after reading it without letting you know that having read your posts for YEARS, I'm sure the basics in your house is really, really good. You may not be feeling it. And you are most certainly feeling pressure from all fronts at this point. I would wait a bit and see if things don't level out. In the meantime, can you set up a minimalist schedule, and let them use this time for *masterly inactivity* in which they read, explore, pursue interests and hobbies?

 

Hugs,

Lisa

[JennW in SoCal]

Argh! What do you do with school when life happens!?! We seem to get math, English, and science done. History is a vague idea, health happens rarely, and my great plans for the Great Books hasn't happened at all :confused:

 

I'm so overwhelmed right now - both physically and emotionally. I feel like I'm not doing anything well...relationships, school, and life in general. I just want to crawl into a hole and emerge when everyone is well and things are settled.

 

Any words of wisdom to put us back on track?

 

:grouphug:

 

When my boys were in 8th and 5th grades, I had to take care of my mother's affairs -- her property, health decisions, bills, and etc. My siblings live on the other side of the country, so I was the only one available to take care of it all. It was an awful year because she was very difficult, had dementia, was in an out of the hospital and living in 3 or 4 different nursing homes and care facilities. Every day I had to deal with phone calls from doctors, nurses, relatives, realtors, had to make huge decisions, then often was woken in the middle of the nigh because of medical emergencies. My father-in-law meanwhile was dying of cancer in another state so my husband was gone to be with his family, too, for a chunk of time.

 

I really fretted about my boys, especially the 8th grader with Asperger's and learning challenges. I had added to my burden the idea that I had to ramp everything so he would be ready for high school. Like you, I thought both boys might be better off in school.

 

All I could muster at the end of the day was to wrap myself up in a blankie on the couch while sipping a glass of wine. The boys and I started watching lots of wonderful old movies together, and I made a point of reading aloud or listening with them to some wonderful, almost great, books. (Sherlock Holmes, Jules Verne, Charles Dickens.) We'd fit in math lessons, I left lists of things for them to do, but their real education that year came from life -- the priorities we make for family when someone is ill, and from all the books and old movies we watched and the discussions we had.

 

I'm not saying that because I'm an unschooling guru. I am a relaxed homeschooler but that very relaxed year freaked me out. I was convinced I had ruined them for life because of our skimpy academic year.

 

But, and here finally is the point of all this, when we did finally get back to business of homeschooling I was stunned at how well they both were doing. There were no indications that they were behind or ill-prepared for the new school year. The oldest started 9th grade without any problems, and was writing really well and handling all the demands of high school just fine. He graduated a year early, in fact. The youngest was just fine too.

 

Math, English and science is more than enough for now. You are doing great. History isn't going anywhere -- it will always be there for them to learn and study when the time is right. History is also everywhere -- in old movies and in literature -- don't assume they aren't learning any history.

 

Most important of all is to take care of yourself, and take time to be mom. Your younger boys need mom right now more than they need a teacher, and if your senior is heading off to college next year, you probably need some time to still mother him. Sure we homeschool for academics, but I think most of us also homeschool because family matters. You are imparting your values and life skills to your boys in all you are doing. Never discount that. And, think about it. We are going to be old, too, someday and they are going to have to know how to take care of us!!

 

 

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Edited September 28, 2010 by JennW in SoCal

[Michelle in AL]

Hi Cynthia,

If I knew that this was a passing phase, I would be so much more confident that a little blip wouldn't affect them. Unfortunately I have a feeling that things are going to continue like this for quite some time

 

I can tell you with us, it isn't just a passing phase either. Like I said, my FIL has had 3 serious illnesses in the past few yrs. None of them were connected. There have been several falls too the caused a fractured skull one time and a fractured rib and injured knee the 2nd. These all require multiple doctor trips and my time. Yes, my kids have become very compassionate through this, but when you throw in extra added stressors (ours is business stress) and currently we are selling 2 properties too, but they never show, so no bothering us there :D

 

Only you know how much stress you can take and what will help.

 

My dd is very competitive and academic too. She thrives in feedback from outside courses and meeting those teacher's standards. The classes that have worked for us have been from Potter's School, Veritas Press, Univ of AL, and PA homeschoolers.

 

I don't know if that would satisfy your 9th grader's needs, but she's been pushed harder in these classes than I can imagine and she is definitely motivated by them.

[Michelle in AL]

I think once your parents reach a certain age, you're never assured of what will happen next.

 

Taking care of elderly parents and children at the same time is something I would never wish upon anyone. It is hard!

[Miss Marple]

I think once your parents reach a certain age, you're never assured of what will happen next.

 

Taking care of elderly parents and children at the same time is something I would never wish upon anyone. It is hard!

 

LOl! I never considered that happening when I started having children in my late 20s. And the parents are not getting any younger; I think this is just the beginnning....

 

We really do have some similarity in our situations. Dh's father had a skull fracture and subdural hematoma - while we were on vacation in Honduras :tongue_smilie: He actually broke the toilet with his head!

 

I'm finding, too, that having the 3 boys so close in age, while a great thing when they were young, is an enormous challenge in the teen years. Seems that they are all going through some sort of teen-angst and there isn't enough of me to go around :glare:

 

I'm going to check into some online courses (University of Oklahoma Online High School looks promising) so that they will have at least one class with outside accountability. Thanks for your suggestions.

[Miss Marple]

You are putting A LOT OF PRESSURE on yourself. Do you really think there is ANY school out there, public or private, that EVER finishes a book... in any subject?

 

I see in your signature that you are a pharmacist....and probably an over-acheiver yourself, mom. I can say this because I think I can understand you fully. I too am a pharmacist....but I have learned that my being an over-acheiver, and trying to "do it all...well" will put me in an early grave.

 

Take heart. Your kids WILL go to college, they WILL become the best they can be, REGARDLESS of whether you got the best program, have tons of time on your hands, or put them in the "best" school situation.

 

Please don't let "Mommy is Not Perfect" guilt give you doubts about how great of a teacher you really are. :001_smile:

 

Lavender in Oklahoma

 

You're right...I'm seldom satisfied. I'm always looking for ways to make things better. My mind seems to gear up around 2:00 a.m. and all I can do is think about how I'm not really meeting anyone's needs completely - and that knowledge is hard for me to accept. So I try to figure out ways to fix it....

[bugs]

I am sorry for the stresses in your life. I have never been in your situation. I do agree with the posters who would have you ride it out with minimal subjects and/or on-line classes.

 

That being said... although I do feel called to hs my kids I do try to consider it a year at a time. If it got to be too much for me and my family I would send them to ps for a year (which would probably make me depressed at first) then re-evaluate.

 

Peace and Aloha,

[Miss Marple]

I'm not saying that because I'm an unschooling guru. I am a relaxed homeschooler but that very relaxed year freaked me out. I was convinced I had ruined them for life because of our skimpy academic year.

 

That's exactly how I'm feeling!

 

Popping in and out quickly this morning, and no real answers. But didn't want to bypass your post after reading it without letting you know that having read your posts for YEARS, I'm sure the basics in your house is really, really good. You may not be feeling it. And you are most certainly feeling pressure from all fronts at this point. I would wait a bit and see if things don't level out. In the meantime, can you set up a minimalist schedule, and let them use this time for *masterly inactivity* in which they read, explore, pursue interests and hobbies

?

 

Thanks for the encouragement, Lisa. I think you're right that I need to revamp the schedule and put in more "mom-lite" activities.

 

Basically, I think you need to let the responsibility for some of this rest on other people for a while. You shouldn't try to do it all. Sending them to school isn't necessarily the solution as that brings it's own challenges too.

 

You're probably right about the challenges of school. I would likely just have a different set of issues.

 

Hang in there. Really. Less is more and you'd be surprised what they DO learn despite the chaos. I would look at this an an opportunity for the kids to become more independent, and you more of as the manager. They may not like it, but it may be what's needed and that alone is a lot to learn.

 

Thanks for the encouragement. They are typical boys who would rather be playing than doing school...

 

Nan - I like your idea about "chunking". It's a new idea for me and I think it just might work. It's hard to wrap my mind around "chunking" because I'm a great list maker and love to see the list checked off at the end of the day. Maybe I can figure out a way to make a "chunking" list :tongue_smilie:

 

To all of you: I feel so privileged to have you all to go to when I need help, encouragement, and ideas. You never disappoint me :001_smile: I feel better already and have some ideas to research. Thank you so much!

[Nan in Mass]

A rather extreme way of making a chunking list is to list the books/materials/projects the child has to learn in order of priority and then start tackling them one at a time. This isn't a good idea because it is hard to do math and nothing but math all day long for weeks on end, but that describes how you can chunk and still have a checkoff list. I think you might find it reassuring to figure out how many hours of school you consider competative with a mediocre public school and require your children to do something academic for that many hours, five days a week (or however you break up your year). Then you can break the day's hours into chunks and have a list for each chunk of the day. What you wind up with looks like block scheduling and allows you to put off until later (until other years, even) the things you are unable to do with them now. I put every resource and project I wanted to cover down on coloured file cards and then put them in order of priority. I have science one colour, social studies topics another colour, foreign language another colour, math another colour, and language arts a colour. Having language arts all one colour, whether it is a book to read like Plato's Republic or a writing program to go through or a kind of paper to learn to write (like the SAT essay) forced me to chunk. During our day, I have a time to write and a time to outline and a time to read, etc., but you don't have to do that. You can chunk all of language arts into one three hour block, hand the child the first three cards in the stack, and tell them to do/read those and come back for more when they are done. That lets them switch when they get tired but still makes them accomplish important things from the list. Have you been wanting them to read The Art of Argument or Skunk and White (or whatever it is called)? This might be a good time to do that. Or to have them practise writing an outline from a magazine article, then rewriting the article the next week. Or read Pride and Prejudice. Or write essays from SAT prompts. Just pick a few things that don't need your help and get them to do it. Find outside help for math and foreign languages and possibly science, pass them a stack of history books to read and tell them to read them, and pick a few things for them to do for language arts and tell them they have to sit at the kitchen table and work on them from 8-10, 10:30-12:30, 1-3, and 7-9. Another suggestion is to find something your children will do independently because they like it and have them do that for one of your chunks. If you don't try to figure out beforehand how much work they need to get through, it greatly reduces your work load. Just a few ideas. I have found that having my children work an equivalent amount of hours to the public school eases my worry enormously.

-Nan

[MIch elle]

 

I wonder if they would become more self-motivated if they had to actually be at a brick/mortar school all day and had to answer to someone other than me. Maybe they would learn to manage their time more wisely and develop more interest in a subject if they had a really interesting teacher.

 

I just dunno...

 

I knew my limitations and learned by homeschooling K-8 that high school was the best place for my dc, NOT homeschooling.

 

My dc have become just that, more self-motivated, interested in school, and in life since they've attended a brick/mortar school. The change in them is dramatic (in a good way).

 

My older ds clearly states that he was glad he had the opportunity to homeschool k-8 but would NOT change his choice of attending high school (he's a junior now).

 

 

I wish you peace in your schooling choice and with your family. :grouphug:

[merry gardens]

Yesterday I just had to ask the boys if they would rather "go to school" than be homeschooled. Wow! I never thought that would happen. But the past several weeks have left me feeling that I'm doing a totally rotten job of it. And it's no one's fault - rather it is just life happening. Because of surgery, anticipated surgeries, caring for properties of others, and having a senior this year, my youngest 2 boys have had just the bare minimum.

 

I had to leave town to be with elderly parents for a surgery out of state (out of state for both them and myself) leaving the boys alone for a couple of days, my parents will be returning here in a few days to recover, we care for my dh's elderly parents (his mom is demented), my niece has just discovered a severe heart anomaly which will require surgery (and may leave her unable to have children because of the meds she will be on as well as the stress to the heart) and she has a 1 year old, my sister and my parents are both selling large properties adjoining my own, but they are both out of state leaving it to me to handle. None of it is a huge burden, but all of them together leave me drained.

 

Through all of this the phone rings non-stop: my dad is scared, my mom isn't cooperative, the realtor wants to show a property, my niece needs someone to talk to, dh's father has fallen again, etc. I simply have to take these calls - it would seem cruel not take them.

 

Argh! What do you do with school when life happens!?! We seem to get math, English, and science done. History is a vague idea, health happens rarely, and my great plans for the Great Books hasn't happened at all :confused:

 

I'm so overwhelmed right now - both physically and emotionally. I feel like I'm not doing anything well...relationships, school, and life in general. I just want to crawl into a hole and emerge when everyone is well and things are settled.

 

Any words of wisdom to put us back on track?

:grouphug:

It sounds like you are doing "health" all the time! Find a good book on geriatric health. Read it together and you can apply what you learn in the book to help you with your parents &MIL, while you educate your teens.

 

As for history, family history puts world history into a different perspective. I have a better understanding of the Great Depression because elderly relatives told me about their lives at that time. (Even your MIL with dementia might be able to tell something about her childhood. Older memories seem to be the last to go.) If your parents are immigrants or if they knew their immigrant parents or grandparents, those stories are valuable for your children to know. What was the old country like and why did they come to the US? Your parents can share if they fought in a war (or if they protested a war), what it was like during the Cold War, where they were when they heard a president was shot, the Berlin Wall fell, who they voted for and why, etc., etc., etc.

 

Your parents have stories to tell. Letting them tell their stories to your children will mean more to your children than reading a boring old history book. Not that I think history books are boring--I don't. I love history because it's the story of people. While you are doing so much for your parents, you are also doing something valuable for your children's education. This is a great opportunity for your children to see history through the eyes of their grandparents.

 

PS. An elderly relative lived with us for a few years when I was growing up. I took care of my parents too when they got older too. They have since then passed away. My dad died the year we started homeschooling. This difficult time will not last forever. I know that it's very stressful and hard, but it is a precious and beautiful time.

[blessedmom5k]

I'm so sorry all that is going on - yikes!!! I have a dear friend here that has 12 children. Her olders went through weddings, births, college, graduations, new jobs, etc... while she still had youngers she was teaching. There were also deaths, moves, career changes and all the stresses that come with being a pastors wife. Her children are all beautifully well rounded and some of the kindest people you'll meet. Of the 6 that are grown 4 went to college, 1 married young and owns her own photography business, & 1 joined the military. She still has 6 at home. She did a talk once about how sometimes life learning is the best learning you can give. Academics are important but so is family. I grew up without many life skills because my mom was too busy to include me in any of it. If she just would have clued me in and let me share the burdens I would have had a MUCH easier time in life on my own. Do I practice my physics knowledge or cooking knowledge more today? I'll let you guess. ;-)

Jess in OK

[FairProspects]

I think you are very courageous to be asking these questions and considering alternatives. I hope I would have as much courage to do what is best in the future even if I have to admit that it isn't me. :grouphug:

[Susan C.]

Isn't being in the "sandwich" fun..... BTDT

 

I have dealt with moves, illnesses (me, dh, parents), job losses, etc. Each time I wonder if I should put the kids in school. I could never bring myself to do it, but that is me. I know others who have and it worked out fine. I will say that something has to give, we only have enough to give, and we have to take care of ourselves (at least a little :) )

 

The way I dealt with life stressors was to get curriculum that runs itself. Read it, answer the questions, take the test, do a paper or two, done. It is what they will do at school, so why not do it at home and get the flexibility we love about homeschooling. If you put them in school, the paper/project will be due on this date, and it won't matter if three relatives died or are gravely ill (exaggerating to make a point). At least with homeschooling, you can do the project in a week or two...

 

If you want particular curriculum suggestions, just say the word!!

[Sunshine State Sue]

You're right...I'm seldom satisfied. I'm always looking for ways to make things better. My mind seems to gear up around 2:00 a.m. and all I can do is think about how I'm not really meeting anyone's needs completely - and that knowledge is hard for me to accept. So I try to figure out ways to fix it....

I haven't read all the responses. Life is happening here as well, though nothing like as busy as yours.

 

I just had to laugh when I read this. In the last few months, I've done 2 chores around the house that don't get done very often - pressure washing the pool area and scrubbing the grout in my bathroom. After I completed both jobs, I told my husband that they were terrible jobs for a perfectionist.

 

:grouphug:

[ChemMommy]

We are having a tough fall but my kids, hands down, prefer to juggle, struggle, and skip stuff than to go to school. Home is truly best. Even in the tough times, we are teaching them coping skills and how to handle real life traumas.

[Nan in Mass]

Did you know that ipods have a sleep alarm LOL? At 2am, you can put on Northanger Abbey, with its comforting subtheme of overeducation being bad for one, stick in one earpiece so you can still lie on your side, turn the volume down low, and set the sleep alarm for half an hour. Pooh or Alice in Wonderland or Wodehouse also work well GRIN.

-Nan

[Miss Marple]

LOL! I just might have to try that. But if I do and it works, my dishwasher won't be get emptied until after breakfast.

[JennW in SoCal]

Actually -- I do just this, generally with Austen. If I listen to Northanger Abbey, though, I have to struggle too hard to stiffle the giggles. Last night it was Sense and Sensibility. Listening to a book shuts my brain down and I can get the rest of my night's sleep. It is amazing what I can find to worry about at 3am!

[Nan in Mass]

: ) It will seem cozier now that I know I have company.

[J-rap]

***

Edited February 19, 2023 by J-rap

[ccmom]

Hang in there. Really. Less is more and you'd be surprised what they DO learn despite the chaos. I would look at this an an opportunity for the kids to become more independent, and you more of as the manager. They may not like it, but it may be what's needed and that alone is a lot to learn.

:iagree:

I went through some very tough times a few years ago and we had to manage. It was very difficult and I was always questioning myself, because I didn't have the time to do all that I wanted to do. However, I prioritized and we covered the essentials. Times are still hard with many "life" things going on. My kids learned that in tough times they have to bring more to the plate. They had to learn to work independently under my management, and they had to work harder and apply themselves more. It was tough! My oldest is now 15. He went from not working well independently at all to working very well independently. I used to worry about him, but I think the events slowly taught him to become more independent. (I'm still working on my younger one. :)). Less turned out to be ok. It wasn't what I wanted, but we did the best we could under our circumstances, and I do not believe that their college careers will be damaged because of this. In my case, I do not see public school as an option. They are still better off homeschooling than going to my local public schools.

 

Hang in there. It can be done with some prioritizing. Set standards for your kids and expect them to meet those standards. It may take some time for this to happen, believe me, but it can be done.

[choirfarm]

:confused:

 

I'm so overwhelmed right now - both physically and emotionally. I feel like I'm not doing anything well...relationships, school, and life in general. I just want to crawl into a hole and emerge when everyone is well and things are settled.

 

Any words of wisdom to put us back on track?

 

 

Hi Cynthia,

 

Boy can I relate. The first few years I was homeschooling my husband's grandmother stayed with us off and on ( she was/is in her 90's now 99) and my falther in law was in and out of intensive care. Then my dad fell and broke his femur was put on 24 hour oxygen and ended up wheelchair bound. He lived with us for 9 months. MEanwhile that grandmother is calling every day as she had caregivers and wasn't happy and didn't know why she couldn't drive. She lives 45 minutes away. Then dh's other grandmother got leukemia. Dh is a doctor so all of these situation have family members asking him tons of advice...imagine your father-in-law living with you!! My dad was not an easy person and had alienated everyone else in his life, so it was up to me to take care of him. We eventually moved him to a small house in our town, but I had to take him to the store and multiple doctor's appointments. This lasted for years. Meanwhile, my father-in law has bad and good years, my grandmother got alzheimers, my mom has had breast cancer twice!!! My dh was unhappy at work and changed practices. Can you say stress.. Then my dad died and I was in charge of cleaning out his house (not too hard since I actually did that when I had to move all his stuff from Houston). Last year was actually the first "normal" year of homeschooling that I have ever had. We were used to spending several days a week in doctor's offices, hospitals or physical therapy... Oh yeah middle child had tonsils out and when my youngest couldn't read we found out she had vision issues and did vision therapy for a year and a half!!!

 

So, I COMPLETELY understand. The year my dad died and all of the craziness ended was when my children were in 9th, 7th and 2nd. I had already decided that at least some of my children were going to have to go to school if I had to take care of my dad. I just had to for my sanity. As I said, he died and we we had our first "normal" year ever. Two of the grandmothers have died and the other one is 99 and no longer calls daily so it is much easier. I've finished executing my dad's estate ( a lot more work than I would have thought). My mother-in-law has breast cancer now but she is doing GREAT!!! The sandwhich generation is just not much fun.

 

I just clung to the verse Zeph 3: 17. I imagined myself climbing into God's lap and having him quiet me and sing to me. I read it daily and meditated on it. God was my only help. I'm the only homeschooler in my church and it was really hard. Only you can answer what is best. The real truth is it won't ever end...the taking care of family that is. That is just the way it is. You do what you have to do. If my children had been older, then I would have put them in school. I nearly did anyway.

 

Christine