dd unhappy about pulling out of Christian School

[Guest lifeisgood6]

I was wondering if I could get some feedback. I have four children: dd - 8, ds - 7, ds - 5, and ds - 3. The oldest two were homeschooled for a couple of years and have been in a great Christian school for two years. The little ones do "preschool" at home. There is much that I miss about homeschooling, but dh and I, after much prayer and thought, have decided each spring to register again for school the next fall. However, our financial situation very recently changed drastically, and the money we planned to use toward school will not be there. Our answer is to homeschool again. (I have heard many people say "you should NEVER make that decision based on money". But it is what it is, you know?) My sons are just fine with that decision, but dd is devastated. I know there will be things she will really enjoy about homeschooling, but at this point all she sees is that she won't see her friends everyday. Also, at home it will be her with her three younger brothers. She loves them, but it probably doesn't look like too much fun to her! Her class at school is a pretty neat group of kids...one girl in particular she really clicks with. I guess what it boils down to is this: am I scarring my daughter for life? (This is the question I'm always asking myself..) If I'm not scarring her for life, and homeschooling is the right decision, how do I separate myself from her emotions? This may seem like a really stupid question, but I really battle letting emotions cloud any issue. I would so appreciate any feedback and wisdom!

 

Thanks so much,

lifeisgood6

[Claire]

If you have to bring your 8yo dd home, then you have to. She won't be scarred for life, but she may have some difficulty adjusting. I personally would have a hard time doing this, but I could if I had to. I would certainly spend some time talking to my dd about why it is necessary, how life isn't always fair, how we don't always get everything we want, etc. I do think that talking about situations like this helps children process the event.

 

Have you talked to the school about the change in your finances? They may be able to help. Since the boys don't mind homeschooling, I would see if there is a way to keep your dd in the school. Many families homeschool only some of their children.

[kortney in AL]

After homeschooling our two oldest for three years we had to place them in public school because of some health issues I was having. After two years we brought them both back home. My oldest was in the 7th grade at the time. He was so angry with us and made me pay for it at home for a while. We knew, however, that it was God's leading and felt sure of our decision. Just make sure your daughter sees and knows that you and your husband are united in this decision and that you feel very sure about it. (That's hard to do sometimes, I know). She's smart enough to know if you're not sure of yourself. Kids are pros at putting mom and dad on guilt trips. Remember, you are the parent, not her. She's still so young. I'm sure she'll readjust soon enough. And NO, I don't believe you're scarring her!!

[Alenee]

I'm a firm believer in God giving us all we need to do the job He's called us to do. My girlfriend and I were just talking about asking God "why". She vividly remembers asking Him why He wanted her to hs. She didn't know at the time but after three years, she's gotten her answer.

 

I highly recommend reading Keeping Our Children's Hearts by Steve and Teri Maxwell. http://www.titus2.com

 

They discuss in their book the major transitions they made. Things like homeschooling, sports, tv, etc. I don't fully ascribe to their way of doing things but, having said that, they have a wealth of experience to glean from.

 

Kids always want to be in control and when you shake things up, the relationship can get sticky. Hold your ground in a loving way but remind yourself, too, that there doesn't always have to be a deep discussion. You do what the Lord is calling you to do. Whether it be finding a way to keep her in the private school or hs'ing. But don't allow her emotions to guide you. She's 8. You're the grown-up. Allowing her emotions to guide your parenting decisions is not wise and will not reap the outcome you're hoping for in making sure your kids have the best.

 

After re-reading this, it may come off as harsh but I want you to know, it's just not. Parenting is a tough job no matter what.

[fivetails]

You're not scarring her for life. ;)

 

You mentioned a little girl that she really 'clicks' with - I bet it would help with the change if you could arrange it so the girls can still hang out with each other sometimes. :) Can that be set up? Occasional sleepovers? Saturdays at the park? Go swimming or bowling together? Bring her over and let them bake cookies? etc etc etc.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Kids are resilient. She'll be fine in time.

 

Like Claire said, there may be a way to keep her in still.

 

And like fivetails said, you can get her to write a list of all the things she'd like to do with this friend and then just start working your way down the list. She can also see the other kids occasionally also. And then there are neighborhood friends, friends at various activities, and homeschool friends.

 

She'll be fine though.

Pamela

[Tracey in TX]

When children know you're making decisions out of love, they're receptive to the outcome--eventually. Two of my DDs did not want to leave ps, but have found an enjoyment they never expected.

If you are reticent to pull DD, talk to the principal. Most private schools have hardship scholarships for this purpose. They want the children happy. It makes for a positive school atmosphere. Also, if this is the route you choose, DD will again realize that you're working in her best interest. Even if it doesn't come to fruition, you're her strongest advocate, as well as the family's advocate.

Good luck with this transition. Please keep us updated.

[LibraryLover]

I'll just toss this out...:) Is it possible to let her stay? One tuition is less costly than three...

 

If she were being bullied, or you had serious philosophical issues with the school or programming, I'd not even say such a thing. lol

 

I have BTDT (with a much older child) and it actually worked out. Not sure how, but it did.