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I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY do NOT want to homeschool


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But I know it's the best thing. But I don't want to do it. My younger one has an attitude about school. She reads stuff everywhere, but when it comes to doing phonics/reading, she goes stupid. (I'm not kidding, I've seen/heard her read words in public then be totally 'UH' at home). My oldest is like pushing a rope. I literally have to stand over top of her to get stuff done. I am tired of the constant battles. Tired of the arguments, tired of re-reading directions 25 times. And just TIRED. But I know that, expecially my oldest, would NOT succeed in PS, and she's VERY bright. VERY. But things like reading directions, remembering to complete assignments, etc are beyond her grasp. (We've been tested, slightly aspie along with short term memory and organizational challenges...Executive Dysfunction). So, I sit here, reading directions yet again. And telling my younger that if she doesn't straighten up she's gonna be in trouble. Again. :sad:

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I wouldn't worry too much about the younger one's attitude toward reading; it's very common for emerging readers to struggle in a formal lesson. When my dd was that age, she would insist that she couldn't read when I very well knew that she could. One day, I heard her read some words out loud that she has earlier claimed were 'too hard' in a lesson. So of course I said, "See, you CAN read those words!" To which she replied, "No, mom, I can't READ them, I just KNOW them." And she was dead serious, lol! She truly did not match the effortless recognition of words with the reading practice done in a formal lesson.

 

Plus, many children do indeed 'go stupid' with the tension of a formal lesson, failing in tasks they can easily do as long as it's not 'school.' The great thing about hs'ing is that this is easily accomodated! If phonics is a source of tension right now, there's no reason you can't put it to the side for a while. An informal approach is just fine and may increase her confidence and reduce her resistance long-term. Children that young are always learning, imo, as long as they are in a stimulating environment with limited screens.

 

I'm not trying to dismiss your struggles, just hoping to ease them. Maybe being more relaxed with the youngest will give you more energy for the oldest. You could also try making 'formal' school optional for her for a while. I did that with my youngest when she resisted, and she couldn't stand being left out of such a big part of our day, or being considered "so young" that school was not required. The rule was that participating was her choice; if she didn't, she had to amuse herself quietly (no screens, no interupting), if she did, she had to have a good attitude or she would be excused.

 

Even if this doesn't work with your dd, a couple of months off at this age won't hurt her, and will give you time to regroup and strategize! Good luck.

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I agree with Katilac about letting the formal phonics instruction fall by the wayside for a bit. I had to do that with my twins a few times. The fight was not worth it for anyone concerned. Eventually we finished OPGTR, and they are great readers now.

 

For the older, have you thought about changing curriculum or your approach? I had to re-evaluate what I was using for the current school year. We are a bit more relaxed this year and the result is that I don't get as much resistence AND we are getting more subjects done.

 

Wishing you peace - Brigitte

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I have changed curriculums with the older, several times. She has the attention span of a 2 yr old. And I know I'm sounding insulting, but it's just the way it is. I cannot leave the room while she's doing any work. If I leave and come back 5 or 30 minutes later, she's at the exact same spot as when I left. CONSTANT pushing to stay on task. We do a lot orally, but DH says we can't do it ALL that way. She has to learn some self-disicpline.

 

The pyschologist who did her testing says she needs high structure. So we are home everyday until 1:00. And I am sitting next to her every day, from 9-1:00, or when she gets done. Whichever comes first. So, while it may seem that I play alot of computer games, or am on here alot, but there's not much else to do while sitting at my desk. RIGHT. NEXT. TO HER. I check their papers as they hand them to me (making sure nobody forgot to turn it over :glare: )

 

I know our schooling may sound strict and harsh. But it HAS to be highly structured. I also have despined most of the textbooks, so that DD9 gets everything she needs for EACH day. (losing a few pages beats losing the WHOLE. FREAKIN. BOOK!). UGH. I read this and see my horrible attitude. But I just can't help it right now. UGH

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:grouphug: Ugh. I remember those days with my oldest so clearly. My sister and I once had a conversation in which she complained that her son wasn't getting all his schoolwork done while she was doing xyz somewhere else, and my jaw dropped.

 

"You mean you can LEAVE HIS SIDE and he gets things done? I didn't know you could do that!" :lol:

 

You are so much more patient than I was - the timer became our best friend. Work on math for 20 minutes, go for a walk. Work on something else for 20 minutes, have a snack. That's how our days went because neither of us could sit there for that long.

 

Anyway, I feel your pain. Hang in there, Mama!

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:grouphug: Ugh. I remember those days with my oldest so clearly. My sister and I once had a conversation in which she complained that her son wasn't getting all his schoolwork done while she was doing xyz somewhere else, and my jaw dropped.

 

"You mean you can LEAVE HIS SIDE and he gets things done? I didn't know you could do that!" :lol:

 

You are so much more patient than I was - the timer became our best friend. Work on math for 20 minutes, go for a walk. Work on something else for 20 minutes, have a snack. That's how our days went because neither of us could sit there for that long.

 

Anyway, I feel your pain. Hang in there, Mama!

 

This is it exactly. I canNOT leave her side. to do laundry. to cook. to clean. to plan. UGH

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This is it exactly. I canNOT leave her side. to do laundry. to cook. to clean. to plan. UGH

 

I think you'd be very surprised at just how many 9 yr olds cannot work/focus without mom or dad by their side. Do a poll, it might make you feel better, lol! I sit next to my 10 yr old for most of her work, whereas her sis rarely needed that (altho she did go through a period when I needed to be in the same room, or she'd stare into space forEVER). SWB covers working toward independence in one of her talks, and maybe some blog posts, and I'm pretty sure that 9 is still firmly in the range of "sitting by their elbow." I'm not sure if that's available on cd or not, but it might help to get a firmer grasp of what is and isn't typical for kids of this age.

 

Remember, schooled kids don't work as independently as we might imagine. There are told what to do, and the teacher generally remains in the room and circulates while they do it. They are watching for kids who get off track. The students are also surrounded by other kids doing the same work (they are NOT sitting alone, which I think is key for many children).

 

Again, in no way am I trying to dismiss your frustrations, I'm just trying to give your misery the comfort of company ;). Almost everything you say sounds very, very typical to me! So, hopefully it might help to know that not all of it is your kids being intentionally frustrating, or even all that different from other kids their age.

 

And now I have to go, b/c my 10-yr-old has wandered away from her math lesson to listen in on her sister's science lesson!

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Plus, many children do indeed 'go stupid' with the tension of a formal lesson, failing in tasks they can easily do as long as it's not 'school.'
Feeling like they don't have the freedom to be wrong or being they "know" this or that can also be a contributing factor.
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I wouldn't worry too much about the younger one's attitude toward reading; it's very common for emerging readers to struggle in a formal lesson. When my dd was that age, she would insist that she couldn't read when I very well knew that she could. One day, I heard her read some words out loud that she has earlier claimed were 'too hard' in a lesson. So of course I said, "See, you CAN read those words!" To which she replied, "No, mom, I can't READ them, I just KNOW them." And she was dead serious, lol! She truly did not match the effortless recognition of words with the reading practice done in a formal lesson.

 

Plus, many children do indeed 'go stupid' with the tension of a formal lesson, failing in tasks they can easily do as long as it's not 'school.' The great thing about hs'ing is that this is easily accomodated! If phonics is a source of tension right now, there's no reason you can't put it to the side for a while. An informal approach is just fine and may increase her confidence and reduce her resistance long-term. Children that young are always learning, imo, as long as they are in a stimulating environment with limited screens.

 

I'm not trying to dismiss your struggles, just hoping to ease them. Maybe being more relaxed with the youngest will give you more energy for the oldest. You could also try making 'formal' school optional for her for a while. I did that with my youngest when she resisted, and she couldn't stand being left out of such a big part of our day, or being considered "so young" that school was not required. The rule was that participating was her choice; if she didn't, she had to amuse herself quietly (no screens, no interupting), if she did, she had to have a good attitude or she would be excused.

 

Even if this doesn't work with your dd, a couple of months off at this age won't hurt her, and will give you time to regroup and strategize! Good luck.

 

:iagree:

 

And this coming from an academic snob who thinks learning should be done every day. But we were FORCED to take a few months off with our move and the difference between last year and this year is night and day - maturity really does help.

 

:grouphug:

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But I know it's the best thing. But I don't want to do it. My younger one has an attitude about school. She reads stuff everywhere, but when it comes to doing phonics/reading, she goes stupid. (I'm not kidding, I've seen/heard her read words in public then be totally 'UH' at home). My oldest is like pushing a rope. I literally have to stand over top of her to get stuff done. I am tired of the constant battles. Tired of the arguments, tired of re-reading directions 25 times. And just TIRED. But I know that, expecially my oldest, would NOT succeed in PS, and she's VERY bright. VERY. But things like reading directions, remembering to complete assignments, etc are beyond her grasp. (We've been tested, slightly aspie along with short term memory and organizational challenges...Executive Dysfunction). So, I sit here, reading directions yet again. And telling my younger that if she doesn't straighten up she's gonna be in trouble. Again. :sad:

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

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Remember, schooled kids don't work as independently as we might imagine. There are told what to do, and the teacher generally remains in the room and circulates while they do it. They are watching for kids who get off track. The students are also surrounded by other kids doing the same work (they are NOT sitting alone, which I think is key for many children).

 

This exactly! My oldest, a very bright girl academically speaking, went to Montessori for Pre-k and K. She would drag for 3 days a job that should have taken half an hour, just because she was the only one doing that particular job.... For some reason traditional school was a better fit for her. She might not be the fastest worker in the class, but she would just do the work simply because the other kids were doing the same work!

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Thanks guys! I appreciate all the responses. Sometimes one does have to step back and look at the situation through a different set of eyes. Maybe I am expecting too much from them. >sigh< I'm gonna work this weekend on getting caught up on the laundry and do some cooking, so those things won't be quite as pressing.

 

I think sometimes DH (and me) get the mindset that I'm home all day, what's the problem? And we've all heard that before, AND gotten upset by it. I will say that my oldest DOES add to the frustration because she is so disorganized and forgetful. And blind to clutter.

 

DH is very supportive, I certainly can't complain there. I guess it has just been a bad week. A week of pushing ropes. And yesterday, we had a friend over, who's brother was having surgery, and did no schoolwork. It was a GREAT day. No stress, no conflicts, no battles. And then today, you'd've (I know that's not right!) thought I was trying to push them through quantum physics.

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Hello from a fellow rope pusher! I have to sit with my HFA 9yo every minute he does school. It's just the way it is. I've pared his 1 on 1 schoolwork down to math, phonics/spelling and his reading aloud to me. I sit with both kids to do Oak Meadow's narration/copywork/drawing. I'm stressed out from the daily struggle. OTOH, when ds attended the ps's preschool for special needs kids, I was also totally stressed out, it was just about other issues. You might have a fabulous district that works wonders with spectrum kids, but if you don't, your life could be even worse than it is hsing. With hsing you control a lot of the stress, with ps you get the random phone call to pick up your kid or you find out that they aren't following the IEP weeks or months later. There is no easy way to parent and school a sn kid.

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Your oldest sounds a lot like my oldest. TOTALLY disorganized, cluttered, messy, and she needed me right by her side at age 9, and somewhat age 10, especially for math. I remember posting a question about it here on the forum, and I got many replies that it was normal. She did better when I would read the lesson to her out loud and give her lots of verbal directions.

 

Now that she's in 6th grade, she's getting more independent, and a little less messy and cluttered. She actually brushes her hair now, without me nagging her. Yay, no more dreadlocks!

 

I don't know if it's age/maturity, or the virtual academy/K12 curriculum, but she did start to improve little by little when we switched to the virtual academy half way through 4th grade. I was about to give up or pull my hair out or both when I decided to switch, because it seemed like nothing was working, and I was hoping that the assistance of a real professional teacher would help us. Well, it turned out that we didn't have that much contact with our teacher to attribute the improvement. It could have been just the thought of having a teacher who expects the lessons to get done that helped both her and I. The program is highly structured also, so maybe that helped a bit. It was probably a combination of all these things, but there was improvement little by little, and her standardized test scores improved as well. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to get you to switch to K12 or a virtual academy, but I just wanted to share my story, because our children seem very similar. There is light at the end of the tunnel - I think. I can see a glimmer of it. I hope it's not a delusional mirage. ;)

 

I am thankful that my 2nd grader and my 1st grader show more of an ability to figure things out for themselves, and work independently. It's so draining.

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Sound like my oldest from 1st grade to 5th. I had to sit there with her all day. I put lost of pounds from my waist down. But something clicked at age 11. Hang in there, do the best you can and try to redeem the time each day by enjoying them, because each day that passes is gone. I regret not having enjoyed my daughter because i was always yelling and so unhappy.

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:hugs:

 

I'm not sure I can add anything more as you've been given WONDERFUL tips and advice on how to handle what you're going through.

 

On a side note I'd like to share something I found with my 2 schoolers. I use to start our days off in the "school room" and we'd begin with Calendar time...and then we'd go subject to subject in our workbox. Then take a 30min break. Then they'd begin on their workboxes and I'd share my teaching time with the both of them..alternating...and school seemed after only 3 weeks to be WAY TOO structured! That I didn't realize it until we came down with the FLU for 2 weeks and no school was able to get done..No one could even get out of bed and I felt like I was falling apart because "MY SCHEDULE" was being tampered with and this was "going to mess my entire year up"...then I came here and got great advice and now our school days are SO LAID back!!!

 

We start off on the sofa with clipboards watching our morning cartoon doing penmanship. If not done correctly or they struggle we work on it and then we move on to the next subject at the kitchen table or their desk..wherever they want. I let them pick. When we do reading it's SHORT lessons and they take so much more in! I love that I did that. We stripped out Science and History curriculums this year and are sticking to the basics of MATH, READING, PENMANSHIP, HANDWRITING and LANGUAGE ARTS. Since we did this it's been super smooth!! The kids ENJOY school and I get alot done while schooling too!

 

I didn't realize how much we needed those 2 weeks off already after starting so soon into the year! God sure did though!

 

I made reading FUN for my dd5 who excels in most subjects but struggled with reading..now she does amazing in her reading since I made it fun! We play games with her new words...I have her build words with the new endings she learned that week...for example we have 'it' as our new ending this past week and I had index cards with the letters of the alphabet and had 'it' written on one card together...so she could use that as her ending and put a letter in front of that card and tell me the word. She loved this...and GETS it..and her new words this way SO much better! She also LOVES using the Melissa and Doug alphabet magnets and making the words with these too! I also put her new "helper words" on the magnet board and she points to the word I say and then uses it with a sentence. One of her favorite ways of learning!

 

With dd7 who is learning to count and add and subtract in sums of 10's...we now use the Abacus, Links, Number and Sign Magnets (from melissa and doug), the marker board and even a huge number line that I printed in color and laminated that stretches nearly across the kitchen floor that she loves using.

 

We start school after breakfast..sometimes 7:30am, sometimes 9am! And we're done around noon-2pm...depending on how well our start was..and in the middle of it all I manage laundry, dishes and tidying...but because wherever I go I make sure I'm still with the kids..so I fold laundry at the kitchen table, while they do school on the other end...and such things.

 

I didn't mean to ramble but I wanted to share with you this in hopes in might help you to see that sometimes we don't think a break is needed when in fact it actually serves to be the best thing for the homeschool family afterall.

 

That 2 weeks of flu was AWFUL...but since we started school back from that unexpected 2 weeks battle...it couldn't be better!

 

:grouphug: P.S. for what it's worth my dd7 has a difficult time focusing without my constant guidance..so now I just adjusted my focus to do things near her...and if I get frustrated or she does we take 10min off and come back. If that didn't work we break for another 10min and then will do another subject then come back to that other one. And I've been known to just be CRABBY due to lack of sleep or hormones and when we have days like that...we all enjoy a movie in mommy's bed, listen to mommy read a chapter book OR...do our school work outside while we all get sun...or on mom's bed!

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