extremely bad behavior during periods - need help

[rookie]

DD13is behaving like she is possessed during her periods. She is an intense child with temper tantrums and has always been a hand-ful but we plug along day by day. However, ever since she started her cycle, we are assured severe anger, screaming, hateful words, throwing stuff, bullying siblings, threats, etc. for at least 2-3 days. It is scary. Today was so over the top I considered calling the cops. Then, it passes and she apologizes and cries and says that she does not know what is wrong with her. Then she is nice and cheerful for three - four weeks. And then all hell breaks loose again.

 

(By the way, I stayed 100% calm through the entire episode today without caving in)

 

I am at my wits end. I booked an appointment with a mental health therapist for next week.

 

Anyone? Help. Please.

[smrtmama]

That sounds like PMDD: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Premenstrual_dysphoric_disorder

 

Hormonal birth control pills may be a solution for her. Start by talking to a gyn about it.

[patchfire]

I would check with her pediatrician first. There may be medical issues which need to be ruled out. Her ped. can refer you to a gyn or nurse practitioner if necessary, etc.

[justasque]

I agree with previous posters. Check with your doc - this sounds like a hormonal imbalance of some kind. Meanwhile, help her plan for it - remind her when it's coming. Figure out whether it's better to reduce commitments on those days or otherwise simplify things, or if she's better among people. Make sure she gets enough sleep. Think about food choices that may make it better or worse. Review choices (talk about feelings, be by herself for a while, etc.). Reassure her that you will help her to figure it all out, and that you love her.

[rookie]

I agree with previous posters. Check with your doc - this sounds like a hormonal imbalance of some kind. Meanwhile, help her plan for it - remind her when it's coming. Figure out whether it's better to reduce commitments on those days or otherwise simplify things, or if she's better among people. Make sure she gets enough sleep. Think about food choices that may make it better or worse. Review choices (talk about feelings, be by herself for a while, etc.). Reassure her that you will help her to figure it all out, and that you love her.

 

Honestly, I did do all of these things leading up to this period. And it has been a nightmare anyway. I will take her back to the doctor and see if they can do something. I am feeling scared and discouraged.

[justasque]

:grouphug:

[Farrar]

And don't let the doctor just dismiss it either. I suffered from horrible menstrual pain when I was in middle and early high school. It was scary and debilitating, yet doctors were all just dismissive about it. I feel like even female doctors are often just like, "It's part of being a woman. Get over it." There are several medical conditions that go well beyond the typical PMS stuff and many are treatable. If it's really that bad, make sure the doctor gets it that you know what your dd's normal behavior is and you know what normal menstrual discomfort and peevishness looks like and that this isn't that.

[celticmom]

I would be very concerned that this is the first symptom of a hormonal imbalance. In my case, birth control pills make the imbalance much worse.

[joannqn]

I'd definitely try birth control. I almost lost a job because my BC prescription ran out about a week into the new job. I didn't want to ask for time off so soon after starting so I thought I would do without them for a while. BIG mistake. When my boss called me in to fire me, I asked her to give me another chance, starting with seeing my doctor. She did and all was fine.

 

It took me 6 tries to find a pill that worked for me without giving me horrible side effects. If a pill makes her miserable in any way, don't let them tell you "it takes x months for your body to get used to it" and not switch.

[MindyD]

Um, I'm only half kidding when I suggest having her stay in her room unless she can control herself a little better. I'd really hesitate to try birth control at her age, but I'm coming at that from personal experience. I can't even remember how many different forms of bc I've been on, and they all eventually gave me terrible side effects. I've finally been off of it (and not pregnant) for the last 8 months and honestly I feel better now than I've felt since I started taking it. It completely messed up my system to the point that it actually took pregnancy to "reset" everything. Sorry to go on a tangent.

What about going to a more natural minded doctor, they might take you a little more seriously and have some dietary suggestions. Maybe there are some vitamin deficiencies or something?

[tex-mex]

I agree with the poster who said to get a full checkup. Is it possible to get her blood ammonia levels taken when she is on her "off days"? There are some disorders that have similar symptoms as you have described. But the pre-menstrual time is hard/stressful on the body and you do have these emotional episodes. Talk to your doctor.

[LoisLane]

She may need a mega b vitamin. I would really encourage you to insist they check all her vitamin levels with blood work before doing the bc route. I know bc's have a really big negative impact on a lot of us and it may not be the first thing to try.

If she is in the throws of one of these now you could run to a good vitamin store and pick up a "mega b" suppliment and have her take it today! If she has enough she will just pee out the excess (it is water soluble) and it may make your world much more calm. My ob suggested this for me and my bf's midwife also (and without any discussion of the between her and I) told her to do this.

I am really hoping you make it through this in one piece!

Loislane:tongue_smilie:

[IsabelC]

As well as helping her get checked for any medical issues, I'd be doing a lot of work with her on the emotional issues such as anger management. Although most girls these days are prepared for the physical changes that puberty brings, many are not adequately prepared for the emotional turbulence that often comes with it during the early teen years. Chances are her outbursts are frightening for her as well as for the rest of the family.

 

Another option you may want to consider would be supporting her to celebrate and love her menstrual cycle more. I know from experience that it's difficult to feel happy about something that can debilitatingly painful and leave you physically and emotionally drained! But I also know from experience that the whole traditional culture of menses as messy and inconvenient at best, or a shameful curse at worst, is not helpful. Many girls/women would respond positively to the idea that it's a special time for a bit of introspection and pampering. If she has a reasonably regular cycle, you can be aware in advance and remind her to do whatever helps, whether that's listening to a meditation, attacking a punchbag, or whatever. If everyday schoolwork or household duties are a flashpoint, could you reschedule so that she does more at other times and has a light week once a month?

 

And finally, I'd suggest firmly reinforcing whatever basic boundaries, guidelines and/or expectations apply in your home. Yes, it's hard for her. But no, having her period (or PMS) does not give her a free pass to abuse those around her.

Edited September 23, 2010 by Hotdrink

[TravelingChris]

It sounds definitely like PMDD. My dd has it and is on Lexapro 20 mg. for the two weeks before and right when her period starts. No more issues. It is a hormonal thing. She sees a gynecologist for this and no, she has never had a pelvic exam since it isn't necessary for this.

[Elfinlady]

Agree that it is probably a hormonal thing. I would become totally hateful and unable to control my anger during my periods. While it was happening, I could sort of see that I was behaving badly, but I was unable to stop it.

 

I figured it was hormonal, but no one else believed me. That is, until my doctor put me on Depo Prevara after the birth of my second child. It was sort of like magic. No more angry screaming fits. EVERYBODY at my house is much happier.

 

Definitely take your DD to see a doctor! Hopefully they will be able to help her.

[dirty ethel rackham]

It does sound like a hormonal imbalance and PMDD. I have lived with it. I don't think I would bother with a ped or a gyn. Their solution will be the prescription pad. My experience with BCPs for this problem was not great.

 

I would seek out a naturopath or someone who looks for natural answers. I have used vitex, calcium and natural progesterone cream (very small dose) with great success at treating my PMDD. Instead of wanting to die every month, I get a little weepy in the shower.

 

Since you mentioned the tantrums and intense behavior outside of her period, that behavior is troubling as well. Has she been evaluated for sensory issues? That is how my son behaved until we did processing therapies with him. He went from tantruming every day to smiling on a regular basis. We discovered that my son has a wicked sense of humor (in a good way.)

[Sandra in FL]

Make sure she's taking in enough calcium, magnesium and vitamin D. I recommend Lifetime Liquid Calcium Magnesium Citrate. 1 Tablespoon (at bedtime) has 750 mg calcium, and it tastes like blueberry yogurt. This stuff works wonders on cramps, mood and sleep.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I think I am your daughter. I generally am a bit intense (understatement). I try REALLY hard to temper it, but....and then the few days before my period, esp if it's late, are unbearable. Like a previous poster, I can tell my behavior, feelings, etc are "off" but I'm at a loss on how to even mostly get rid of them. AND it really feels worse to bottle it in.

 

My daughter said to me the other day, "I don't PMS like you do."

 

For me, day 3 of my period is heavenly compared. I finally feel like a real person again.

 

I think PART of my issue is that periods irritate me something awful. If I'm not going to get something out of it (a baby every 1-5 years maybe?), then I don't want to have anything to do with it. It's a monthly reminder that I've been infertile for over 15 years now. BLECH! Then add the pain (pre-start migraine, cramps, bloating, cravings). BLAH!

 

Anyway, I hope you find an answer. BC wouldn't be an option for me and neither would anti-depressants which is why I feel trapped. Maybe I'll try a natural doctor one day.

[In The Great White North]

The book that was recommended on an earlier thread:

 

http://www.amazon.com/What-Your-Doctor-About-Premenopause/dp/0446673803

 

talked about PMD (and natural progesterone cream)also.

[Lolly]

My dd17 has always had lots of problems with hers. I'm sure a doctor would say pmdd and put her on bc. In fact, we may go that route soon. I have not wanted her using bc because she is, imnsoh, too young. It can't be good for a body to be on bc for that long (assuming she would stay on it until she decides to have children which she says will be never). So, I have had her wait. She is now almost 18 and will be graduating hs in the spring. I have always made allowances for that time of the month for her. (I am not letting her get away with anything. I KNOW this is real for her.) If she can't get schoolwork done, she doesn't. Often, her brain just doesn't work at that time. Things that HAVE helped some: Pamprin, we call them her happy pills. While it doesn't totally make things better, it really helps. Even she can tell a difference in her emotional state within 30 minutes. And, ibuprofen taken the week BEFORE she starts. This seems to make everything come down a notch. It even decreases the amount of bleeding (w/o it is extremely heavy for her). She usually forgets to start taking ibuprofen until Auntie Flo is already in the building though. Just ibuprofen during her cycle doesn't help her at all. Mostly, we just avoid being around her that week...:tongue_smilie: I let her hide in her room. Hope something here helps.

[fairfarmhand]

:grouphug:

 

the week before my intense dd started her first period, was the WORST WEEK OF MY ENTIRE PARENTING CAREER. Seriously, I considered going in for psychiatric intervention for her and me.

 

I don't have anything to add, since we still have some horrible bouts, but I will say that after her cycles regulated a bit and came more frequently, they are not as horrible. For whatever reason when she would go 6-8 weeks between cycles, the hormonal things were much worse.