my dad left me 10 dollars in his trust fund

[Forget-Me-Not]

1. Take that 10 dollars and BLESS someone with it...if it were me I would cash that money and keep that blessed ten dollar bill in my purse...knowing that one day, there will be a unique need for someone, maybe it'll be a lady who has 5 kids in the line at the grocery and doesn't have enough, maybe it'll be that senior citizen who can barely get back in their car after pumping gas....pay that $10 to the gas attendant and just tell them a stranger thought they could use a 'lift'...make that 10 dollars work for good when it was meant for hurt.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree: What a beautiful way to rise above it.

 

:grouphug: OP. I'm sorry you're hurting. I'm glad you're able to count your blessings--and your DH Is one of the biggest among them!

[MariannNOVA]

I am so sorry - that is exactly what my two older daughters' father would do to them. And don't even get me started about the not related to money cruelty.

 

I'm sorry -- I would have to say that you should focus on the present moment and the wonderful family that is around you.:grouphug:

[Rosie_0801]

If someone didn't want me to have even that ten dollars that badly, I'd give it back.

 

I'd buy a bottle of champagne, pour it over their graves, then go happily home.

 

Rosie

[DawnM]

So sorry.

 

We fully expect something similar with DH's mother dies. She can't stand us and makes it known that her favorites will get everything. Then she yells at us for never visiting or contacting her.....:confused1:

 

DH reminds me too that we are fine without that money and that we are the ones who aren't on our 2nd or 3rd marriage or relationships and that our reward is not here on earth......but I get really upset about it.

 

Dawn

[gingersmom]

Don't feel bad. My X died and left his children $0.

 

He also never bothered to get life insurance.

[LauraGB]

If someone didn't want me to have even that ten dollars that badly, I'd give it back.

 

I'd buy a bottle of champagne, pour it over their graves, then go happily home.

 

Rosie

 

Oh Rosie, believe it or not, I think we may be kindred spirits. That's exactly what I would have done.

 

But after reading this thread, I think giving it away would be even better; it would be hard to do and offer some serious closure. For me, the biggest part would be to let go of the hurt, and I think handing it to someone else, in some capacity, would help that a great deal. (But I don't believe for a second I would have thought of it on my own)

 

Jeannie - I'm sorry. No one's child is deserving of such a mean thing. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Edited September 23, 2010 by LauraGB

[kiana]

If someone didn't want me to have even that ten dollars that badly, I'd give it back.

 

I'd buy a bottle of champagne, pour it over their graves, then go happily home.

 

Rosie

 

I'd be strongly tempted to run it through my kidneys first.

 

(please note -- tempted doesn't mean I'd do it, I'd just be tempted)

[Jeannie in NJ]

thank you everyone for your thoughts. I feel blessed to have all of you as forum friends.

[Cricket]

Take that 10 dollars and BLESS someone with it...if it were me I would cash that money and keep that blessed ten dollar bill in my purse...knowing that one day, there will be a unique need for someone, maybe it'll be a lady who has 5 kids in the line at the grocery and doesn't have enough, maybe it'll be that senior citizen who can barely get back in their car after pumping gas....pay that $10 to the gas attendant and just tell them a stranger thought they could use a 'lift'...make that 10 dollars work for good when it was meant for hurt.

 

This is such a great idea! $10 is small and insignificant to most, especially when we talking about an entire estate, but for some people it could be a wonderful blessing.

[kalanamak]

:grouphug:

 

My mother literally chuckled on her deathbed, saying one of my brother's would be surprised to find out what was in the will. He had disowned my parents, but he got exactly the same share as everyone else. She told me it was so that "those left" could get along without rancor. I'm sure it galled her some to do this, but it was best, so she did.

 

(Our parents were beloved by the other 5, and we were all painfully perplexed by the situation.)

[ConnieB]

Oh goodness. How could a man who abandoned his child have such hate for said child? It may make sense to leave more to people he had a relationship with, but this seems worse than if he had just left you abandoned altogether.

 

I'm sorry for his meanness. Hubby is right though. You have your life and you rose above what your father has done to you.

 

The really sad part is...while leaving her nothing might have been the more humane way than slapping her like this....some lawyer somewhere reminded him that if he doesn't leave her something then she could contest the Will. Obviously she wouldn't have, but the lawyer was protecting the trust fund from the possibility.

 

Who died first....dad or the wicked step mother? If it was Dad than is it possible that the terms were changed after he was gone? Some states you're allowed to see any other Wills/Trusts, some states that is up to the estate to decide if you can see them. Did your other brother (whole) that got a portion have an ongoing relationship with Dad? Maybe that's where the breakdown was, that after you moved out you never made contact...forget that he was the adult and should have made some attempts too, we've all known adults who were more childish than our toddlers, so perhaps HE felt you had already abandoned him so the resentment grew on his end too.

 

You really need to work through this so that you can see it as your DH does....I know it's not easy, but try to remember that this man was apparently only biologically your father. He was no more important to your life than a stranger. And hey, you got $10 from a stanger! It is very sad that your relationship was so poor, but it doesn't sound like your DH thinks it affected your life and that you've got a pretty wonderful life at that. I find it telling that you weren't even aware or notified that your Dad had died.....sounds like it may have been a while ago even? So ask yourself...if that phone call had been that your Dad had died....would you have made the trip to his funeral? With all due respect, it doesn't sound like you would have....of course your message wasn't about that loss, but you don't mention any sadness at his passing, so perhaps he wasn't important in your life either. Maybe all these years your Dad felt that was a slap from you. Sad how misunderstanding and lack of communication can do that, but it's amazingly common.

 

I'm sorry for your loss and your hurt feelings. Been there, know those, making sure that my own children never ever feel hatred from their parents. :grouphug:

[Alicia64]

I am so sorry. I can't imagine the hurt you're experiencing.

 

I paid a ton of money to get a degree in this sort of thing and I can tell you with total certainty that this drama has nothing to do with you.

 

He or she (or both) interacted with people from their own childhood whom they're furious at -- and they focused on you. Wrongly, of course.

 

Please know that it's not you. You're confused in this situation if you think it has to do with you. It doesn't. You're just sadly in the cross fire.

 

I'd donate the money.

 

Hang in there,

 

Alley

[leighp]

:grouphug: You have to be a pretty horrible person to do something like that.

[EJCMom]

To me, your will is your very last word. It is the last chance you have to make a statement to your friends, family, and the world about what kind of a person you were in life. It is very much a part of your legacy. They chose for their last word to demonstrate that...they were jerks. How sad.

 

To me, one of the hardest things about death is the finality of the lost opportunity for the relationship to ever be different than it was when they were alive. I'm sure it must be hard to have that kind of statement made to you without any explanation. It's hard, because it can't ever be resolved. What they were thinking will always be this big unknown. The only thing you can be sure of, is that you didn't do anything to cause them to act that way. This wasn't about you. It was about them. :grouphug:

[sheryl]

here is the back story. My dad left my mom when I was 5. He never provided one penny of support to us. I actually lived with him and his new wife for a couple of months when I was 16. The wife hated me so I left and went back to my mom. Anyway, it is now 40 years later, no contact at all with dad or his wife. Two months ago, I got a call from brother that dad and wife were both now dead and that there is a trust fund and we are named in it. Well, I got a copy of the trust fund today , my stepbrother was given 50% of the estate, the other 50% was divided equally between 2 othe step siblings, my whole brother and my half sister. I am listed as getting 10 dollars. No explanation at all. I feel like I am being slapped in the face from the grave from dad and his hateful wife.

 

Dh said for me to remember that we have a good life, good kids, are not strugging financially and were just fine before all this trust fund business and will be just fine now. I also know that parents are not obligated to leave money to adult children. But it still hurts (not necessrily the money but the hate that must have been there to list me such in the trust fund).

 

Oh Jeannie! I'm so sorry. :grouphug: Sheryl <><

[Liz CA]

Honey, you could feel sorry for him to have lived life with such hatred/indifference/spite or whatever it was.

He was a poor man, regardless of his financial wealth!

 

I completely agree with your dh! Don't even give it another thought!

[LibraryLover]

The dead can be so evil and twisted.

 

I'm sorry.

 

You understand that some people, even at Death's Door-- are ignorant, right?

[Saille]

I'd be strongly tempted to run it through my kidneys first.

 

(please note -- tempted doesn't mean I'd do it, I'd just be tempted)

 

LOLOL. Regardless of whether you'd do it, there's a level of irony there that I love.

 

I agree that saving it to bless someone with is a very good idea. I've had people do that sort of thing to me a time or two, and you have no idea...it just buoys you up and fills you with faith in human kindness. Memories of those times have kept me balanced during dealings with unkind people, so it's the gift that keeps on giving. And I think it will be a gift to yourself, too. You'll know you didn't let him call the shots or set the tone.

 

Hugs to you.

[kalanamak]

My parents divorced 25 years ago and my mom and nan can not even say his name without loads of venom coming out. But the funny thing is, it was my mom that was cheating on him and left.

 

We never forgive the ones we have wronged.

[Mad Jenny Flint]

So sorry you had to experience such bitterness from someone who is supposed to love you. As a parent, it is hard to imagine how another parent can behave in the assorted hurtful and often even evil ways that parents manage to behave, isn't it?

 

Your opportunity to have a healthy parent-child relationship is right there in front of you. Your son's empathy for you and his willingness to be there for you made me tear up. You've done a lot of things right. Try to relax and let go of the wrong things that were done to you.

 

I would take the ten dollars- it wasn't from them, anyway; it was just something used as a legal tool... and put it toward something that will renew your spirit.

[mommaduck]

This is something I fully expect my grandmother to do. I'm fine with it. It hurts knowing this is how she is, but I came to terms with it years ago. She is not part of my life and I know that her children and a particular grandchild will descend like vultures on her money the moment she's dead. I will be glad to not have to take part in the cat fights over who got what. It hurts that she despises me, but I would NEVER have been able to earn her approval if I tried...she plays favorites in the worst of ways. She thinks my cousin is the golden child, one of my brothers she thinks is selfish....I "just got married and had kids", that is a bigger sin apparently.