my dad left me 10 dollars in his trust fund

[Jeannie in NJ]

here is the back story. My dad left my mom when I was 5. He never provided one penny of support to us. I actually lived with him and his new wife for a couple of months when I was 16. The wife hated me so I left and went back to my mom. Anyway, it is now 40 years later, no contact at all with dad or his wife. Two months ago, I got a call from brother that dad and wife were both now dead and that there is a trust fund and we are named in it. Well, I got a copy of the trust fund today , my stepbrother was given 50% of the estate, the other 50% was divided equally between 2 othe step siblings, my whole brother and my half sister. I am listed as getting 10 dollars. No explanation at all. I feel like I am being slapped in the face from the grave from dad and his hateful wife.

 

Dh said for me to remember that we have a good life, good kids, are not strugging financially and were just fine before all this trust fund business and will be just fine now. I also know that parents are not obligated to leave money to adult children. But it still hurts (not necessrily the money but the hate that must have been there to list me such in the trust fund).

[Pamela H in Texas]

Oh goodness. How could a man who abandoned his child have such hate for said child? It may make sense to leave more to people he had a relationship with, but this seems worse than if he had just left you abandoned altogether.

 

I'm sorry for his meanness. Hubby is right though. You have your life and you rose above what your father has done to you.

[Rich with Kids]

Wow. I am really sorry. I was told when I was in counseling that hurt people hurt people. You are right to focus on how blessed you are now. :grouphug:

[lionfamily1999]

It was probably to keep you from contesting the will. :( If he left you money, even $10, then it makes it harder for you to contest.

 

I'm sorry. :grouphug:

[LG Gone Wild]

You could feel hurt or you could just laugh it off. Seriously, that is such outrageous, pitiful, spiteful behaviour that it is just ludicrous. Take that 10 bucks, go to Starbucks and get Venti something with a scone.

[springmama]

I'm so sorry! That sounds like the kind of hateful thing my oldest dd's father would probably do. He has told my daughter that he'd be fine if he never saw her again. He has since moved on and has a new girlfriend and 2 teenaged "step" kids. They all live together and seem to have a happy life. I recently found out that he is in a nursing home after having had 3 strokes and 3 heart attacks within the past few months. It's only a matter of time before something happens to him and dd finds out she wasn't left anything.

[Jeannie in NJ]

thanks Pamela

also I forgot to mention that my whole brother also lived with dad and his wife when he was a teen and also left because of the wife and had pretty much no contact. Also my half sister from dad's first wife was not in dad's life except she said she used to get Christmas cards some times from him, yet they are both included in the trust fund. I really don't understand why I was singled out. I will get over it, but is still hurts.

[Jeannie in NJ]

thanks everyone for your thoughts. I explained to my kids how sometimes people, like my dad's wife, can carry hate for so long, in this case for 40 years, and become bitter people and only want to hurt others even from the grave. I really mostly feel that the decision to leave me only 10 dollars mostly came from his wife, but still he went along with it. Oh well, my life goes on.

I actually do not remember why my dad's wife hated me so much, but apparently she also hated my brother, but maybe not as much since he was included in the trust fund (and we were teens when we knew her).

[hillfarm]

Do you look much like your mother? Perhaps this was the 2nd wife's attempt at hurting her and not caring if any innocent bystanders got in the way. I also think that many times people "hate" those who remind them of what they have done wrong. Perhaps something in you reminded your dad of how he should have stepped up and cared for his children but for whatever reason couldn't/didn't.

 

Regardless, none of this is your fault and you have the power to make sure such despicable behavior does not get handed down to your dc. I would take the $10 and donate it to a charity that supports parenting education. To paraphrase a verse out of the book of Genesis, what he meant for evil, God can use for good.

[GWOB]

:grouphug: Jeannie. Some people. If I was you, I'd take that $10, buy a bottle of wine/champagne, and toast the fact that these people can never hurt you in such an awful way again. I'm just shaking my head right now. That is just low.

[scubamama]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Well, that sounds just like something my dad would do! MAybe I should go check to see if he's still among the living.

I'm glad you're able to see the fact that he can't hurt you and that yo have loving family around you. I second the "donate the $10 to a parenting class" suggestion. And then I'd pray for him and my other siblings/step/half siblings that they are able to handle this. Money can never match or make up for anyhting, but I say having a loving dh and family is more than a match to any big trust fund.

 

Michele

[specialmama]

:grouphug: Jeannie. Some people. If I was you, I'd take that $10, buy a bottle of wine/champagne, and toast the fact that these people can never hurt you in such an awful way again. I'm just shaking my head right now. That is just low.

:iagree: :grouphug:

[kitten18]

I'm so sorry, that is just awful. :grouphug:

[Tammyla]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:Goodness, I'm sorry.

[Tammy]

pretty much the same circumstances....but I did get along well with my step mother....but he left her and married someone my age, LOL!

 

My dad was a loser.....and too bad for him. I don't feel bad about him not leaving me anything....after all.....he never gave me anything his whole life and I didn't expect anything when he died!

 

You can hold your head up....and know you were the better person!

 

.

[Emmy]

Not that it makes it hurt any less but...here's a possible explanation. I think sometimes people choose to do that (leave a very tiny amount of money to a child) so that it's clear in their will that the child was not "forgotten at will writing time" and there is no question as to their intentions to only leave that child that small amount. I want to say I've heard people do that to avoid the possibility of the child left out of the will coming back to sue the estate for not being included, kwim? So I think it's likely he planned to leave you nothing and either the wife or his lawyer suggested leaving you $10 as a safe guard against suing the estate.

 

That being said - it's very hurtful and I'm so sorry. :grouphug:

[MomOfOneFunOne]

:(:glare::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Gooblink]

:grouphug: I'm so sorry. Of course that hurts - it breaks my heart to think a parent could be so hateful. You're right to focus on your blessings and put this out of your mind.

[Mejane]

It doesn't excuse your dad, but his wife probably had a lot to do with it. I still hold resentment against my deceased dad's wife and it's been years. It'll eat you up; let it go.

[pooh bear]

nm

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

:grouphug:

[OnTheBrink]

That sounds like something my mother would do. I'm so sorry. :grouphug: I agree with the others; take that $10 and treat yourself to whatever makes you happy (wine, coffee, chocolate, whatever!).

[duckens]

First:

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:{hugs}{hugs}{hugs}

He doesn't deserve you as a daughter.

 

Second:

I would take the $10 and donate it to a charity that supports parenting education.

:iagree: Rise above this. Rise above. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and rise. It will help you to heal.

 

Third:

My mantra is, "I get a second chance at a parent/child relationship."

 

Plan a special day with your kids to let them know how extra special they are to you. You get a second chance to be the parent that he never was to you. Love yourself and love your children. Love yourself by loving your children.

 

{hugs}{hugs}{hugs}{hugs}{hugs}{hugs}{hugs}

(The website limited how many hugs I can give you!!!)

[Mom0012]

Jeannie -

 

I haven't read all the other replies, but do you think there is any possibility that the trust fund was set up with the intention of adding assets to it and your Dad just got busy with life and never got to it. I know my husband and I had a will drawn up a number of years ago and while some of our circumstances have changed, we haven't gotten around to changing the will. So if something happened to us tomorrow, one of our children would fair far better than the others.

 

Lisa

[Michelle in AL]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Many hugs. I can relate. I lived with my dad when I was in 9th grade. He was abusive and eventually my mom tooks us back.

 

I now have a relationship with him and I was told some yrs ago, when our relationship was actually pretty good, that he was leaving his money to my 3 cousins. His reason was that I was financially stable and they weren't as much (they are now). I don't know what will actually happen until he dies.

 

I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone. Some parents are unfathomably hurtful. We didn't due anything to cause the hurt and will never be able to understand their actions.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Jeannie in NJ]

my son has been hugging me constantly and telling me that when he grows up and makes a million dollars that he is going to give it all to me. He is my sweetheart.

[sparrow]

my son has been hugging me constantly and telling me that when he grows up and makes a million dollars that he is going to give it all to me. He is my sweetheart.

 

:crying: Sweet boy.

 

:grouphug: I'm so sorry that you have had to deal with this.

[ourjourneys]

Dh said for me to remember that we have a good life, good kids, are not strugging financially and were just fine before all this trust fund business and will be just fine now.

You are very blessed! Just keep your head above the family issues and money. We all think that some money would help us out of our problems, but the reality is that we should be thankful for what we have (non-materialistic) rather than worrying about what we don't have (monetarily). I hope you feel better about it all - it really shows how low a human being can become if they try hard enough :( But it is up to you to show the rest of your family that it is not worth worrying about. You have much higher issues to attend to :) Good luck to you....

[May]

:grouphug: Look forward not back. It hurts alot less.

[Kate CA]

Dh said for me to remember that we have a good life, good kids, are not strugging financially and were just fine before all this trust fund business and will be just fine now. I also know that parents are not obligated to leave money to adult children. But it still hurts (not necessrily the money but the hate that must have been there to list me such in the trust fund).

 

I want to first off give you this :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: and second to say you have a loving wise husband. I agree with him. Perspective is everything. (And this is said from another person who didn't have a daddy growing up.)

 

Just let it go. The bitterness that can happen from something like this just isn't worth it. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[ma23peas]

So sorry...So sad and yes you should feel hurt...but don't let it consume you...I bet it was more driven by the wife than the father...ya never know...a couple of things....

 

1. Take that 10 dollars and BLESS someone with it...if it were me I would cash that money and keep that blessed ten dollar bill in my purse...knowing that one day, there will be a unique need for someone, maybe it'll be a lady who has 5 kids in the line at the grocery and doesn't have enough, maybe it'll be that senior citizen who can barely get back in their car after pumping gas....pay that $10 to the gas attendant and just tell them a stranger thought they could use a 'lift'...make that 10 dollars work for good when it was meant for hurt.

 

2. Sadly, folks like them suffered much more in this life than we can ever imagine....to live a life with that amt of bitterness and resentment is something I wouldn't wish on anyone..not to mention issues with eternal life if you believe....

 

Be encouraged by your family, smile deeply at the fact that you ARE there for your children...and you have a father for them who is not anything like yours....have pity on your father...it's sad all around.

 

Sorry for your loss!

Tara

[Brenda in FL]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I'm so sorry . . . please make sure your husband knows that it goes much deeper than just money. You spent a lifetime of dealing with his abandonment and now you are getting slapped in the face with it again.

 

That must be extremely difficult - And not easy to get over when you are younger or even as an adult.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[kiana]

Your husband is great, and he's right.

 

Your kid is awesome.

 

Your dad/stepmonster are jackasses. Don't let them distract you from the important stuff.

 

Take the $10 and donate it to something meaningful, like the others said.

[Word Nerd]

I hope you are able to move past this and not take it too much to heart—but how can you not? That really stinks and is such a spiteful thing to do. It's not about the money but making one final snub with no possibility of reconciliation. :grouphug:

Edited September 22, 2010 by WordGirl

[Mom in High Heels]

Not that it makes it hurt any less but...here's a possible explanation. I think sometimes people choose to do that (leave a very tiny amount of money to a child) so that it's clear in their will that the child was not "forgotten at will writing time" and there is no question as to their intentions to only leave that child that small amount. I want to say I've heard people do that to avoid the possibility of the child left out of the will coming back to sue the estate for not being included, kwim? So I think it's likely he planned to leave you nothing and either the wife or his lawyer suggested leaving you $10 as a safe guard against suing the estate.

 

That being said - it's very hurtful and I'm so sorry. :grouphug:

 

This. I used to work for an oil company as a Sr. Land Agent. I purchased right of way tracts for an oil line coming down from Canada. Before we could make an offer though, we had to research the chain of title back 150 years. I read so many wills making sure we had the right chain of heirs and there were many, many that I read where a child or sibling was left with a really small sum of money or in some cases were named, but left nothing (literally: to my son, Joe Smith, Jr, I leave nothing). I asked some of the lawyers we worked with why this was done and was told it was so a child (or other family member) could not contest the will stating that they were not named and therefor had a right to part of the estate. It's mean IMO, especially when states "I leave nothing" but it's a legal thing.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. Hugs to you.

[Night Elf]

I wonder what would happen if you didn't acknowledge it at all. Do you have to take it? He obviously derived some sort of pleasure when he had that written in. I wouldn't want anything to do with it at all.

 

I'm sorry you were hurt. I would be hurt too.

[Maeintx]

I wonder what would happen if you didn't acknowledge it at all. Do you have to take it? He obviously derived some sort of pleasure when he had that written in. I wouldn't want anything to do with it at all.

 

I'm sorry you were hurt. I would be hurt too.

 

The exact same thing happened to my mother and she refused it. The half-siblings kept saying that the estate couldn't be closed and she would just shrug her shoulders. Not sure what ever happened but mom felt if she was only thought of to keep from contesting the will (I think hers was $20) she didn't want any of it. Sort of a bitter way to handle it but I think it made her feel better to at least have a say so when she was hurt so deeply.

[fhjmom]

:grouphug:

I am sorry! I was wondering though, who passed first, your dad or the step-mother? Is there any way that, according to your dad's wishes, you were included in the trust, but then the step mother changed the amounts? It still makes her an awful person, but thought it may have meant your dad was actually trying... or maybe not and they both were just horses' behinds.

 

:grouphug: again!

[HeidiKC]

Take that 10 bucks, go to Starbucks and get Venti something with a scone.

 

:iagree:

[Jen+4dc]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

 

1. Take that 10 dollars and BLESS someone with it...if it were me I would cash that money and keep that blessed ten dollar bill in my purse...knowing that one day, there will be a unique need for someone, maybe it'll be a lady who has 5 kids in the line at the grocery and doesn't have enough, maybe it'll be that senior citizen who can barely get back in their car after pumping gas....pay that $10 to the gas attendant and just tell them a stranger thought they could use a 'lift'...make that 10 dollars work for good when it was meant for hurt.

Sorry for your loss!

Tara

:iagree::iagree:

 

 

Your husband is great, and he's right.

 

Your kid is awesome.

 

 

:iagree::iagree:

 

:grouphug:Sorry that happened. I think turning it around and doing something good with the $10 is a great idea! Maybe even add your own $10 to it and keep a $20 in your purse for sometime when you see someone in need then pass it along. You could be the cause of really helping someone out when they really need and sometime in the future and then focus on that happy memory instead of the idiocy or meanness of dad/stepmom.

 

Wouldn't that just rub it in?? For you to be happy each time you think of this situations instead of annoyed/angry like they probably intended??;)

[chubbyhugs]

Dear Jeannie in NY,

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. You feel hurt, terribly and deeply hurt, along with other emotions only you know. And, now, how do you harness the emotions so that your emotions become a help rather than a hindrance? You are a person who loves justice and you have been experiencing unjustice from your father/stepmother since childhood. When one who loves justice experiences unjustice one gets angry. Now how do you come to a place where your emotions will lead you to the good? Many have already suggested that you give the pittance of money away so that others may benefit and have justice done to them. I second that. Many, many hugs to you.

[GraciebytheBay]

Oh, I am so sorry. What is wrong with people?? Sigh.:grouphug:

[jujsky]

It doesn't excuse your dad, but his wife probably had a lot to do with it. I still hold resentment against my deceased dad's wife and it's been years. It'll eat you up; let it go.

 

:iagree: In many ways I blame my father's wife for his suicide. He left everything to her as well, even though he promised my brother & I that he would "take care of us" when he was gone. I know it hurts and it's something you should work through, but work through it and then let it go.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Moxie]

I haven't read the responses so maybe this was mentioned.

 

If it really bothers you, maybe you should talk to an attorney. It is possible that they were advised that you needed to be acknowledged in the will in some way so you couldn't come back and contest it.

 

My MIL has "written out" one of her grandchildren. She didn't leave him anything but she was told that she needs to acknowledge him so she wrote that she loves him and knows that he is being taken care of by other people.

 

Maybe this wasn't done with hate but as a simple legality?

[elegantlion]

my son has been hugging me constantly and telling me that when he grows up and makes a million dollars that he is going to give it all to me. He is my sweetheart.

 

Then you have broken the stronghold of hate and that is priceless. :grouphug:

 

I might literally take the $10 and burn it. Then you don't accept anything from that cycle of hate. He may have given it, but you don't have to receive it.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Your husband sounds very smart! What your dad and his wife did was uncalled for.

 

I have an aunt who has a lot of cash, and she is constantly threatening to write whoever is not doing what she wants out of the will. She likes to hold things over people's heads. The funny part is that most of us don't care and realize that no amount of $ is worth putting up with her crazy nonsense. I'm sorry your dad hurt you like that. Realize that you are the bigger person and don't let their small minded hurtfulness stay with you.

[AprilTN]

My dh was an only child and his parents were divorced when he was around 10 years old. His dad remarried, and then about 10 years after he remarried, he passed away.

 

He didn't leave dh (who was 21 years old at the time) a single dime. He left everything to his second wife, she sold the house and land, spent all their money, and then moved out of state to where HER 30 year old son lived.

 

BUT....God is good. Since his dad had been married to his mom for over 25 years, and his mom never remarried, SHE got his social security. And he made pretty good money, so she has that money to help take care of her needs. It was such a blessing, and we love knowing that although he was a deadbeat dad and a horrible husband to my MIL, he is taking care of her now!

 

And we couldn't give a rip about how his stepmom is faring, she skipped town and never came back. Gold digger!!!

[Pippen]

My dad has rewritten his will so many times it's anyone's guess what it will say when he dies. His wives have been in and out, sometimes I'm written out, sometimes my brother is written out. Last time I heard all of the adults were written out and it was all to be split equally between the grandchildren. Which is fine by us, since we've never wanted or expected anything and there won't be much--if any--left anyway.

 

Some people use wills to generously share what they've worked for and/or accumulated for those they've left behind. Some people use their wills to control those they've left behind. I know this hurts you now, but don't let the pain build up that came from a deadbeat dad and his wife from their graves.

 

I like the idea of doing something with the money that would help bring closure to this. Me, I'd probably use it to buy cat food, as my cat is a good companion to me and I'd enjoy the absurdity of spending it that way.:spam:

Edited September 22, 2010 by Pippen

[Scuff]

1. Take that 10 dollars and BLESS someone with it...if it were me I would cash that money and keep that blessed ten dollar bill in my purse...knowing that one day, there will be a unique need for someone, maybe it'll be a lady who has 5 kids in the line at the grocery and doesn't have enough, maybe it'll be that senior citizen who can barely get back in their car after pumping gas....pay that $10 to the gas attendant and just tell them a stranger thought they could use a 'lift'...make that 10 dollars work for good when it was meant for hurt.

 

 

Tara

 

I love this idea. My first inclination would be to bunr it, as someone else said. I surely wouldn't want to do something for me with it. Wouldn't want to give them the pleasure (though he's dead). Wouldn't want to benefit from him in any way. (bitter flesh speaking :) ) But to bless someone else with it would be fun and help me to let it go and heal.

[iona]

:grouphug: :crying: