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Just read the serving food to your husband thread and the 1950's wife statement intrigued me! I have to say that I think I am a bit of a 1950's wife - or at least I try to be!! I really do take pride in serving my husband in all the ways that I can - making things easy for him, cooking food that he likes, not stressing him out when he gets home from work etc etc.

 

He helps me out with my stuff as well, and there is lots of give and take, but in our house he is the leader and he is treated and respected as such. Part of my satisfaction as a wife comes from looking after my husband well.

 

Am I alone in this? Or have I read too much into this?!

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Just read the serving food to your husband thread and the 1950's wife statement intrigued me! I have to say that I think I am a bit of a 1950's wife - or at least I try to be!! I really do take pride in serving my husband in all the ways that I can - making things easy for him, cooking food that he likes, not stressing him out when he gets home from work etc etc.

 

He helps me out with my stuff as well, and there is lots of give and take, but in our house he is the leader and he is treated and respected as such. Part of my satisfaction as a wife comes from looking after my husband well.

 

Am I alone in this? Or have I read too much into this?!

 

 

To each her own, I suppose, but I'm definitely not a '50's housewife. I think different people will have a different idea of what "50's housewife" means. When I think of a 50's housewife, the first thing that comes to mind is the valium popping glorified maid.

Edited by Audrey
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To each her own, I suppose, but I'm definitely not a '50's housewife. I think different people will have a different idea of what "50's housewife means." When I think of a 50's housewife, the first thing that comes to mind is the valium popping glorified maid.

 

Ha! Or you could put it that way. Audrey you have such a way with words.

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I'm not really sure what a 1950's wife is, but I do hear about making sure husbands are not overly stressed when they come home -- that they need to relax and so forth. I think the same is true of women who have homeschooled and been around their children all day.

 

I like to look at it as a partnership -- serving one another. I have come to a place where I have grown weary of being told my husband needs respect while I need love. No, I need respect as well, and a respectable man who appreciates me will give it to me.

 

I say as long as both husband and wife enjoy serving one another and love and respect one another, it is a healthy marriage.

 

I was repulsed by an article I read once that explained that the wife should have the house tidy, the children washed, and makeup freshly applied when her husband comes home. She should talk about how he had such a rough day and should sit down and enjoy a cool drink. She should remind the children not to stress daddy out. Seriously?

 

1950's wife? It makes me think of June Cleaver. What in the world did she do all day long except wear heels and pearls and a dressy dress?

 

Though the authenticity of this is in question, here is one person's idea of a 1950's wife: :lol:

http://www.j-walk.com/other/goodwife/images/goodwifeguide.gif

Edited by nestof3
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I was repulsed by an article I read once that explained that the wife should have the house tidy, the children washed, and makeup freshly applied when her husband comes home. She should talk about how he had such a rough day and should sit down and enjoy a cool drink. She should remind the children not to stress daddy out. Seriously?

 

1950's wife? It makes me think of June Cleaver. What in the world did she do all day long except wear heels and pearls and a dressy dress?

 

I like to have the house tidy, the children washed and dinner on the table for my husband. None of us try to stress him out.

 

I love June Cleaver! She cleaned the house, made meals and probably went to PTA meetings. But that's not why I like her. I like her because despite the stereotype she was not perfect but had a funny and sometimes naughty family that was not dysfunctional. I do not however, feel like I need to dress like her, although I would very much like to have her figure.

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Yes, but these are things you like to do. That is different than saying they are requirements.

 

My husband often gets home from work at 2:00 PM. In truth, I never know when he will get home. Some days during the summer, he worked less than 15 hours a week because he had helpers maintaining the lawns. He gets over two months off during the winter.

 

At 2:00, we are still homeschooling. My point is, it's warped to tell women they should do these things. Why do we never read in books that it's a man's job to come home from work, draw a bath for his wife who has cared for their three children, and make a salad to go with dinner? Why are men not told to try to ease their wife's stress?

 

It's almost like it's assumed that women really don't do much in a day.

 

And, trust me, I am as big a neat freak as anyone else, but that is part of who I am. And, my husband is no more stressed than I am. It's an ebb and flow with us. I try to support him when his life gets more stressful and he does the same for me.

 

I like to have the house tidy, the children washed and dinner on the table for my husband. None of us try to stress him out.

 

I love June Cleaver! She cleaned the house, made meals and probably went to PTA meetings. But that's not why I like her. I like her because despite the stereotype she was not perfect but had a funny and sometimes naughty family that was not dysfunctional. I do not however, feel like I need to dress like her, although I would very much like to have her figure.

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Well for two, the hairstyle and the clothes! PUHLEESE!!!

And do you sing-song the way you talk to your family? NO-O.

June Cleaver. I asked a hairstylest to cut my hair short once. I practically ran from the shop to the car, from car to house with a coat over my head because I looked like JUNE CLEAVER. I washed it immediately and did weird things to it to look more 1990's (that was when).

To each her own. Really, no way...:tongue_smilie:.

I don't clean the toilets. I make the guys do it.

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I like to have the house tidy, the children washed and dinner on the table for my husband. None of us try to stress him out.

 

I love June Cleaver! She cleaned the house, made meals and probably went to PTA meetings. But that's not why I like her. I like her because despite the stereotype she was not perfect but had a funny and sometimes naughty family that was not dysfunctional. I do not however, feel like I need to dress like her, although I would very much like to have her figure.

 

Oh! Is that all it takes? :001_huh: Well, if tidy house = 50's housewife then I guess you can call me Donna Reed.

 

(Not June Cleaver. I don't like June. She's a wimp. Donna Reed had way more sass in her sashay.)

Edited by Audrey
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June Cleaver I am not. I am a, for a lack of a better term, housewife. Perhaps if dd was in school all day I'd identify more with June.

 

I prefer a tidy house, laundry not hanging out the hamper and a calm serene atmosphere. I work at it and expect the other people living in this house to do the same.

 

Dh isn't going to be the sole person doing the destressing when he gets off work.

 

Dh gets to leave the house alone almost every single day. He gets to talk to different people and do different things. I am stuck at the house most of the day most every day. I do not get to meet new and interesting people. I have to do mind-numbing chores and help dd with school day after day, week after week.

 

When I do get out of the house I'm running dd from one afterschool activity to the next. This year she will be busy Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. That schedule on those days is not conducive to having a 3-course meal prepared at exactly 5:30.

 

I also think that dh is a fully grown adult. He is capable of lifting a dish and spooning his own helping of mac and cheese onto his plate. He is capable of putting the laundry away. He is capable of running his own errands. There is no reason I should do these things or a myriad of other things for him.

 

In that respect I'm no 50s housewife.

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Oh! Is that all it takes? :001_huh: Well, if tidy house = 50's housewife then I guess you can call me Donna Reed.

 

(not June Cleaver. Donna Reed had way more sass in her sashay.)

 

 

I don't think green hair is appropriate for a 1950's housewife, unless you can nip into the bathroom and re-dye it a natural looking colour and blow dry it in the time it takes from your hubby and his boss (who you should always be ready to serve dinner to, even if they don't call ahead) to get from the car to the front door.

 

Without dripping any of the natural colour down your neck, over your floral dress or over the bathroom sink, naturally.

 

:)

Rosie

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Well, in the socioeconomic group my husband's family is from, the 50's wife is someone who:

 

1. Works all day

2. Works half the night

3. With never an end to it in sight.

 

Whereas the husband works 40 hours a week and at most, does some yard work on weekends. He comes home, and poor tired dear, gets waited on hand and foot. (I am not describing my DH; he works 7 days a week, 10 hours a day. I work longer hours than he does, at home and for his businesses.)

 

No one "takes care of the wife". She, OTOH, takes care of the husband and the kids, is the maid, etc.

 

If husband and wife both want this, it's no skin off my nose. I am, however, not cut out for it.

 

June Cleaver is a one-dimensional, cardboard cutout, figure, as all t.v. mothers in that day were (from what I recall). She portrayed, IMO, the ideal that many men wanted their wives and mothers of their children to be like. To me, she is a Should.

 

I think that it is nice if a husband who has worked hard all day comes home to a tidy home, a home-cooked meal, and clean children, if his wife does not work outside the home. I do think, however, that men can jolly well participate in family life once they get home, not just the nice bits, and that they are not entitled to be The Pampered One. The wife works too, she just doesn't get paid for it. In effect, she earns half her husband's salary, IMO, because she pulls at least 50% of the weight in supporting the family.

 

I think that some women back in the 50's and 60's felt terribly trapped in this role and they hated it. I don't blame them -- they lost themselves in the process and it wasn't entirely their fault. The deck was stacked against them from the minute they were born female.

 

I love kids; they interest and delight me. I am not well-suited to repetitive or clerical tasks or for being a line supervisor -- my aptitude for these is in the 3rd percentile. I think the best housekeepers and mothers are those who are in a much higher percentile in these areas than I am.

 

The only housewives I've ever met who are not citizens of Yawn City are the ones who are homeschoolers. The rest were interchangeable.

Edited by RoughCollie
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To each her own, I suppose, but I'm definitely not a '50's housewife. I think different people will have a different idea of what "50's housewife" means. When I think of a 50's housewife, the first thing that comes to mind is the valium popping glorified maid.

 

I'm with you on this one.

 

Nothing if you like being one and your hubby likes having one.

 

Rosie

 

:iagree: My thoughts exactly when I read the title of this thread.

 

I have no problem with women who take pleasure in emulating TV versions of 50's housewives. If that is what floats your boat.

 

HOWEVER, that would not fly in my house. As I said in the other thread, I equate a lot of this "serving your husband" stuff to thinking your husband is incompetent and incapable. Show me a man who enjoys being thought of as incompetent and incapable and I will gladly part with a large sum of money. I firmly believe men are competent creatures who are fully capable of throwing their own dirty undies into the hamper. And they can cook a meal if their woman has had a bad day. Why should dh's bad day be more meaningful than my own? Why am I the only one obliged to commit emotional suicide and stuff down my feelings to ease my hubby's pain? Hubby and I love each other. We try to make one another happy. His contribution to this family does not end when he punches out of work, as mine doesn't end ... well, ever.

 

The snarky answer to your question is that it is 2010, not 1950. That's what's wrong with being a 50's housewife. That is the same as saying "Why can't women wear Antebellum dresses anymore?" Well, you can, but don't be suprised if people look at you kinda weird-like.

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Lol, I knew someone would bring this up!

 

No, I am not a 50's wife and have no intention of being anything but a modern one. And, I homeschool and do most of the cooking, and my dh brings in most of the money.

And personally, while marriages work best when there is plenty of generosity and give and take, and quite often that takes the form of traditional roles where the guy is out there earning while the woman is at home with the kids....I feel, in times like ours, we have so much flexibility and freedom to live in a way that is completely honouring to both partners, and less sterotypical and demeaning to women (because they WERE seen as of less innate worth than men, generally speaking, and were treated as such- ask your mothers and grandmothers)....that I cannot imagine wanting to go back to those times. There was a shadow to all those smiling faces and picket fences and well behaved children. There was a front, an image projected, and I don't want to live up to that image- I am not even interested in being "good" in other peoples' eyes. Thats why we have women nowadays trying to do it all- the housework, the childrearing- AND the full time job to help pay the mortgage. Yuk.

I dont think we are here to work so hard and put our slippers out for our husband while he reads the paper. Have you ever seen the ads from the 1950s? Douching? Ugh! Not to mention all those Bex consumed!

No way. Women didnt have the choices we have- they were stuck in those roles and it was HARD to break out. Nowadays, we can choose. And if my dh expects s*x and a hot meal every night and for me to put out his newspaper and basically serve him...well, he wouldnt. I give not out of my gender role and societal expectation but out of my freedom and choice.

Phew, glad I got that off my chest!

I think we look back on the past often with rose coloured glasses. What about all the abuse (including rape in marriage, which happened to my grandmother), all the alcoholism, all the blatent sexism? Our daughters have many, many possibiities in front of them.

No, I do not want to be a 1950s wife. I love my dh and he loves me and we are a team and I dont think we are here to subjugate ourselves to each other at all, which is the classic 1950s picture- the wife subjugates herself to her husband not vice versa). We have moved on...the story lingers and women still do it...but we dont have to any more. We can be treated with far more respect, we can live our lives the way we want, not just the way our husbands want...we can show our daughters that being a woman is not a burden and it doesnt mean our life is to be of service to men, and marriage certainly doesn't mean automatic happiness ever after- your husband WON'T make you happy, YOU will, married or not. I think the 1950s dream is a false one and I would not sell it to anyone.

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He helps me out with my stuff as well, and there is lots of give and take, but in our house he is the leader and he is treated and respected as such. Part of my satisfaction as a wife comes from looking after my husband well.

!

:lol:

My mother would say that her 1950s (she had babies in '39, '40, '48, '49, '52, and '58) was ringer washers, no drier (think wet diapers hanging all the time in the basement), one car, no plastic plates for kids so if a toddler flung one, it shattered, ironing everything including sheets, and that you could keep it!

 

I think my mother cared for us very well, and put good food on the table, which my father carved and served to each of us, every dinner for 50+ years, but he was not "the leader". They were partners, and each had some duties, but any decision of any import was a discussion. I used to lie in bed, dozing between them, and listen to them discuss. If there was any tie-breaker, it was his acknowledgment that 1) she had to be in the house or whereever they were more than he did, 2) she had a lot more physical labor than he (scrubbing, cleaning, lugging babies, growing vegetables, etc), 3) she had a better sense of beauty, and 4) she just cared more about things. He was more easy going. I don't think that made her "the leader" nor him hen-pecked. But not "a 50s marriage".

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1950's? I'm more like an 1850's wife. When my husband comes home from work, a drink is waiting for him. I freshen up before he comes home. I don't complain, and I make a concerted effort to listen to how his day was without interjecting or criticizing or nagging him about something around the house. That's just the nature of our relationship.

 

I will say though, that although I may not subscribe to the relationship ideals of other people, I don't try to demean or insult them. I wish others would do the same -- already in this thread there have been several unnecessary barbs that are simply uncalled for.

 

:lol:

My mother would say that her 1950s (she had babies in '39, '40, '48, '49, '52, and '58) was ringer washers, no drier (think wet diapers hanging all the time in the basement), one car, no plastic plates for kids so if a toddler flung one, it shattered, ironing everything including sheets, and that you could keep it!

 

Of the things you listed, our household only differs in one way. I'm certain there are many other things (hello, internet!) that our family has that your mother didn't, but I just wanted to point out that there are lots of people (not just the Amish! haha) who forego some of the modern luxuries in preference for the lifestyle of times gone by.

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I think that some women back in the 50's and 60's felt terribly trapped in this role and they hated it. I don't blame them -- they lost themselves in the process and it wasn't entirely their fault. The deck was stacked against them from the minute they were born female.

 

How irresponsible of them. (Sorry, couldn't resist...)

 

I'm very happy in a 1950sish role myself. We don't even have a cell phone. :lol:

 

I don't think the OP was saying that women SHOULD be like that, just that she enjoys that kind of a lifestyle.

 

And I still love to watch reruns of Leave It to Beaver.

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I didn't read the original thread, but...

 

Anyone subscribing to the "sit and listen to his day" construct? You would be hurting something fierce if you were married to someone who works in certain industries where the spouse is simply not allowed to tell you what they did all day.

 

Puts a real damper on the "freshen up, have a chat and a drink to make him feel important and valued" thing when the only things that can be discussed are poopy diapers, the weather, and whether or not junior finally figured out fractions (IOW - it ain't about him, it's about YOU).

 

This happened quite a bit in the '50s, too, BTW. Hence, Valium.

 

 

a

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I was repulsed by an article I read once that explained that the wife should have the house tidy, the children washed, and makeup freshly applied when her husband comes home. She should talk about how he had such a rough day and should sit down and enjoy a cool drink. She should remind the children not to stress daddy out. Seriously?

 

That's sort of what I think of when I head "1950s wife" and it's definitely not me. It seems to imply that what happens at work is worth more, and requires more, than work that is done in the home. (And I think it's that thinking that has so many women desperate to return to the workforce after having children.)

 

I guess if a woman spends all her day in the gym or having coffee and lying by the pool, then it's not unreasonable to expect her to "work" to make her husband's evenings more pleasant. But for women with kids at home all day? When dh gets home after a nice quiet drive home with no-one throwing a fit because they didn't get what they wanted at the shop, I expect him to spend some time with the kids, and give me 15 minutes all to myself.

 

There are many variables, of course - my dh loves his job, and I don't get much satisfaction from mine. And if being a 1950s wife makes the wife in question happy, then, why not?

 

Nikki

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Just read the serving food to your husband thread and the 1950's wife statement intrigued me! I have to say that I think I am a bit of a 1950's wife - or at least I try to be!! I really do take pride in serving my husband in all the ways that I can - making things easy for him, cooking food that he likes, not stressing him out when he gets home from work etc etc.

 

He helps me out with my stuff as well, and there is lots of give and take, but in our house he is the leader and he is treated and respected as such. Part of my satisfaction as a wife comes from looking after my husband well.

 

Am I alone in this? Or have I read too much into this?!

 

There's nothing wrong with it if that's how the two of you want to live. That's the beauty of life - we all get to choose how we live!

 

Hubby and I prefer being partners when we do things (most things). He does the majority of the car and "fix up" work around the house. I do most of the cooking. We share cleaning (with the boys too) and other things. When there's something that needs to be done, we both pitch in and enjoy it (or not, but misery loves company!). Sometimes we even go to the grocery store together! (something I'm sure many males wouldn't care for, but my hubby enjoys)

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Though the authenticity of this is in question, here is one person's idea of a 1950's wife: :lol:

http://www.j-walk.com/other/goodwife/images/goodwifeguide.gif

 

Oh brother :rolleyes: My mom still believes many of these. She was born in 1938. Staying away all night? WTH? In college we studied the 1950s wife and mother, and saw the contribution she made to the "anything goes" 1960s, as she was not only subservient to her husband, but generally very lenient with the children - especially the boys.

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Nothing wrong - but neither I and DH would like it.

He is actually happy that I am not a housewife - even if that makes scheduling and organizing homeschooling more difficult.

(And I am happy not to be one, too - I was SAHM for four years and it landed me smack in the middle of a severe depression)

To each their own.

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I don't think there's anything wrong with it but what I do find weird is romanticizing the idea or holding it as an ideal. After all, even in the 50's there were many different kinds of housewives and the image we have today is mostly the creation of TV writers. I bet most of the housewives watching June Cleaver putter around in a dress and heels in the 50's felt about her as we do Martha Stewart today. Nice ideal but gosh, I've got to go deal with reality now.

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I lived in a community that had this going on...for a year...right down to the wringer washers and making your own clothes. Everyone was supposed to be a clone, especially the women. Come to find out, the women weren't even supposed to think or have a REAL conversation (aka beyond cooking, cleaning, sewing, gardening, funny things kids do, and which midwife/dr do you see). Found out my last week in the community that nearly ALL the women were on anti-depressants. When I confronted the minister about the gossip issue, his/his wife's reply to me was for me to go on anti-depressants to "help you conform to the community". CULT....RUN! You would never have thought it of a conservative Mennonite community.

 

I could never fit that mold and I've come a long way, baby ;)

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My point is, it's warped to tell women they should do these things. Why do we never read in books that it's a man's job to come home from work, draw a bath for his wife who has cared for their three children, and make a salad to go with dinner? Why are men not told to try to ease their wife's stress?

 

It's almost like it's assumed that women really don't do much in a day.

 

 

 

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

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For me, I'd be taking the Valium if I had to be the "1950s housewife". For my sister, it's her dream come true. To each her own.

 

I think I'd be rolling a fattie. And so would my dh.

 

Our deal:

 

He makes the money, cuts the lawn and handles the home theaters.

 

I handle the house cleaning, the bills, the purchases, the investments, the homeschooling, our social life, the home network....

 

As he says, if we come back in another life, he sure hopes the roles aren't reversed! ;)

 

Not that he doesn't help in my areas of responsibility, because he does. It is very comforting to have a partner who can step in and handle all of my responsibilities if I need him to do so. I should also note that our division of labor simply suits our personalities. He needs to focus, and I need a lot of balls in the air.

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I lived in a community that had this going on...for a year...right down to the wringer washers and making your own clothes. Everyone was supposed to be a clone, especially the women. Come to find out, the women weren't even supposed to think or have a REAL conversation (aka beyond cooking, cleaning, sewing, gardening, funny things kids do, and which midwife/dr do you see). Found out my last week in the community that nearly ALL the women were on anti-depressants. When I confronted the minister about the gossip issue, his/his wife's reply to me was for me to go on anti-depressants to "help you conform to the community". CULT....RUN! You would never have thought it of a conservative Mennonite community.

 

I could never fit that mold and I've come a long way, baby ;)

 

Oh, Boy. I was just going to keep my distance from this thread. This is going to sound horrible. One branch of my family was also Mennonite. I have a disturbing number of relatives who committed suicide. My great grandfather, my great grandmother, my great uncle, etc. This is actually the first time I've heard someone say that they encountered anti-depressant use in their community. Hmmmm.... Granted, this was probably about a hundred years ago. :confused: I wonder if there isn't a correlation between depression and their communities or maybe it's depression and that time period.

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Not for me, but then again I wouldnt know what its like to have a husband who is the leader of the house. My husband relies on me for everything and anything. I dont think the guy would remember to brush his teeth if I didnt remind him to and he doesnt even know where we bank at.

 

Ok...so I wish I had a 1950's husband

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There are two books that give the downside to the 50's wife image very well, one fiction and one non-fiction.

 

The fiction one is "The Women's Room" and the non-fiction one is "The Feminine Mystique".

 

I was born in the late 50's, and grew up with 50's housewives. All, repeat all, that I ever heard about being a housewife growing up was how awful it was. My mom used to say, "I am a drudge." Repeatedly, and meaning it. When moms got together they complained all the time. They were bored, they hated cooking, they hated listening to people talk about cooking, they hated pinching pennies and not be recognized for it. Bottom line is that they conveyed that they felt that their lot in life propelled them into a subservient position that their intellects and talents did not deserve and that they were both completely trapped and completely financially vulnerable. Most of them were depressed most of the time. The mags talked about how much they should enjoy their lovely homes and clean kids and their service to their family, and they thought that this was the most ridiculous thing they could imagine, even though they still did the work.

 

I would have done anything to avoid being a housewife. Those two books perfectly elucidated what I saw of my mother's generation and life. But they posed no real alternative in any kind of way that would be acceptable to me, either.

 

I thought that if I ever stayed home I would be bored out of my mind and probably very depressed. It was a complete surprise to me that I would so enjoy being home--I almost didn't have a frame of reference for it. When my DD was born I didn't know anyone who would admit to enjoying their children. Not anyone.

 

It's ironic that I have so enjoyed being home with my DD, so that I could teach her to be a strong woman who didn't have to stay home. Ha!

 

But there is the key. It's a 'get to' not a 'got to.' In the 50's, 'the role of women' was discussed, and almost always in the singular--hard to imagine today. Now there are choices, and that, IMO, frees up the stay at home role and gives it a lot more dignity. It also obligates us to educate our daughters to be capable of independence, whether they live independently or not. Not just a teaching credential to have 'something to fall back on' but rather a teaching credential if you love teaching, but something else that is both sensible and chosen if that is preferable. And classical education gives the foundation to pivot in any direction and to have an enriched life no matter what career is or is not pursued.

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Just read the serving food to your husband thread and the 1950's wife statement intrigued me! I have to say that I think I am a bit of a 1950's wife - or at least I try to be!! I really do take pride in serving my husband in all the ways that I can - making things easy for him, cooking food that he likes, not stressing him out when he gets home from work etc etc.

 

He helps me out with my stuff as well, and there is lots of give and take, but in our house he is the leader and he is treated and respected as such. Part of my satisfaction as a wife comes from looking after my husband well.

 

Am I alone in this? Or have I read too much into this?!

 

You are not alone, I think way too many here have read deeply into this that what you're doing is wrong...(valium/control/rolling fatties...really?) Too many people today think that biblical guidelines for roles in a marriage are stifling, suppresses one's rights, and someone mentioned subservient?

 

In my mind, what you are doing is right, and the fact you have not received as much support for what you're doing is unsettling..but a fact of the 'me' generation...

 

We've been married 18 years, part of what makes our marriage work is that we are both serving each other....he lifts me up with his words of encouragement, he works incredibly hard supporting our family, I work incredibly hard homeschooling, wearing many hats outside of home, we work to have dinner for him every night (for the family, we eat dinner together every night, it's important)....we do our best to keep our 'jobs' at home as on task as he does for his...we do laundry, mop, weed, tend to the pastures/animals...My husband is sooo appreciative of all we do and we are sooo appreciative of all he does...

 

We have a unique perspective, due to a bad car injury, I could not stay home with babies, I literally could not pick them up out of their cribs..no lifting at all..so my husband volunteered to be the stay at home dad until our babies were up and walking and easier for me to be with them, we did this for 5 years...we STILL served each other...he did exactly for me what we're doing for him now, he wasn't as good at cooking, but he'd order takeout :) there is nothing wrong with that, it's healthy....

 

My grandmother and mother carried on the tradition, neither took valium in their life...grandmother is 95 and mother is 68...both raised incredible families and both have 'served' their husbands just as their husbands have 'served' them...thanks to my grandfather's savings and planning my 95 year old grandmother is still living at her very own home and has not needed a nursing home...she has her loving daughters who take turns sitting with her and giving her company and a part-time helper....my hardworking father is still working 6 days a week at age 69 to support and make sure their retirement years are stress free from money worries...it keeps him in great shape as well...my mom still makes him dinner every night and cooks large breakfasts for us all...

 

Nothing wrong with having a servant's heart..nothing wrong at all..

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I grew up with a single, working mother. I worked full time until my son was born when I was 35. Even my grandmothers worked full time. So, to me the whole 1950's housewife is a completely foreign concept.

 

My first husband expected a wife who would work full time to bring home at least 1/2 the money, come home and cook dinner, keep the house clean and take care of the child(ren). Stupid me, I was young enough when we got married to think that would work. It's part of the reason he's my ex-husband - there were bigger issues but the lack of respect was underlying many of them. I think part of the problem was his mother was the stereotypical SAHM and was still doing his laundry for him when he was 26. :glare:

 

I may be a SAHM now but I have to admit - I'm a really bad housewife. The house is usually a wreck, I don't ever have dinner ready and on the table (DH cooks) and I don't even go grocery shopping unless I can leave the kids home. Thankfully, it works very well for us.

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While I have embraced a fairly traditional homemaker role, when I think of "50's housewife" I think of some girl who had no ambition in life except to get married and have children and who typically did so by the age of 21.

 

And I worry that a certain segment within the homeschooling community is pushing for a return to this. It shouldn't be controversial among Christians for young women to get a college education and work for a few years before having children. I'm absolutely in favor of moms with young children being full-time homemakers. However, IMHO it should be a season within their life, not the only thing they ever do with themselves.

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I think it's rather funny how people are romanticizing the working husband's role in this thread. He gets to meet fascinating strangers while I'm stuck at home! He gets quiet, alone time in the car on the way to and from work! He gets to eat lunch out and doesn't have to do the dishes!

 

It's all in the spin, isn't it? He also gets the incredible pressure of knowing he better pull in the bucks or his family is sunk. His fascinating people probably couldn't care less about him. And quiet, alone time in the car is probably spent in traffic--

 

IDK--I think it's nice to serve my husband, but it's more because I love him and appreciate him, not because it's the thing to do. I find that when I serve him my focus is off myself, and that leads to something greater and more fulfilling for me. I also appreciate when he serves me and recognizes when I have a tough day.

 

Interesting thread.

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You're right! This was my mother-in-law. Her husband retired before she did, so he was home at lunch time. She even came home every day on her lunch break to make them both lunch. She also handled all of the banking business. He has never written a check in his life, and until about a year ago, he never answered his own telephone. He would yell for his wife to answer it. She portions out his medications every day and orders his food from McDonalds for him. Once when they were visiting, we women were going to go out and the guys were grabbing McDonalds. He said he didn't know what he was supposed to order.

 

Well, in the socioeconomic group my husband's family is from, the 50's wife is someone who:

 

1. Works all day

2. Works half the night

3. With never an end to it in sight.

 

Whereas the husband works 40 hours a week and at most, does some yard work on weekends. He comes home, and poor tired dear, gets waited on hand and foot.

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I love to do things for both my husband and my kids. My husband also loves to do things for me. Neither one of us has an attitude that serving each other makes us subservient. We are very unselfish with each other and we both win because of that attitude. It carries over into every area of our relationship (even tea).

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I heard a "love and respect" speaker once and walked out. You take about a guy that really didn't have a clue but was spending a lot of time telling people he had the magic formula for a happy relationship. She doesn't need respect; she just wants romantic love. He could care less about love; he just wants respect. BLECH!

 

Guess what, I need respect. Dh needs love...he would wilt if he thought that all I had to offer him was respect for what he does for our family or the money he made, etc. ( and I do respect that) but he wants to know at the end of the day that I totally love him.

 

I would not be happy with some guy that said he loved me but in reality had no respect for what I do. Goodnight.....due to the number of hours he works I do more than the lion's share of raising these kids and he's willing to admit that this is tougher than anything he does. It would be emotionally impossible to keep doing the homeschooling and homemaking (although, since I live with four complete and utter science geeks that think every flat surface in the house should be covered with experiments and engineering projects, the house is not TIDY) if DH has some sort of macho, "what you do isn't as important or doesn't deserve as much respect as what I do" attitude. Dh knows that I had a blossoming music career prior to marrying him and gave it up to have a family and homeschool. He is aware and is careful not to tread on that.

 

I will say this, DH's dad was a male chauvenist pig extraordinaire! He was the poster child for self-absorbed husband. Not too bad of a father but one of the most lousy husbands I've ever met. As a matter of fact, I met him long before dh and I got serious and I almost dumped DH out of fear that he might be like his dad deep down....you know, the wolf in sheep's clothing.

 

I would never be able to fill that completely traditional role and keep my sanity. I need him to partner with me and respect what I do even when he is working so hard that he can't help me directly.

 

Faith

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I think you will find that people agree with you -- they just think the serving goes both ways. Again, why are books always one-sided? Why are men the only ones who deserve the serving? When I go out to a homeschool meeting or out with a friend, and I come back at bedtime, my husband can just as easily have the boys ready for bed and the house tidied up. Most of the times he does. He takes the boys out of town alone once or twice a year. I think he should know how to take care of his own children.

 

The other night, for example, my husband vacuumed and collected the trash. Last night, he got a salad together for dinner, and when he heard me unloading the dishwasher, he came in and helped. It is a conscious effort to him since his mom always did these things, but it has been lovely to see that he recognizes all of the ways I serve him and that he wants to serve me beyond just the earning the paycheck.

 

In turn, I called Shutterfly to find out how to get my discount code to work on his account (he created a 59-page 12x12 album of our flower garden pictures -- we ended up getting it for about $59 instead of $130), transfered the album to my account and ordered it for him. He is not good at these things. I am much more tenacious and relentless than he is, so I usually spend time trying to solve problems that he doesn't have the patience for. It is a strength of mine. I use it to serve him -- and us, truthfully. It serves our relationship. I once diagnosed a problem with the furnace, bought the part and fixed it.

 

I also manage all of the personal and business finances -- something that would traditionally be his role. He was often forgetting quarterly reports or making errors. I am better at those things, so I took it upon myself. It serves us well.

 

I see people like my mother-in-law who took it upon herself to take care of traditionally male roles, but he never crossed over to care for anything that wasn't traditionally female. Her burden was made heavier and his lighter.

 

My husband and I have discussed this a lot (okay -- even argued about his). I think (I said this earlier) that it comes down to recognizing our individual abilities and recognizing when our spouse needs more help and recharging. I think both husband and wife need extra support from time to time. For our marriage, it's sort of seasonal. My husband's lightest time is during the winter. He stops working a few days before Christmas and starts back at the beginning of March. My busiest time is that time. I have to get all of the tax stuff together for the corporation at the same time the holidays occur. The aim is to pay everything that needs to be paid and file all reports before the end of the year. I am totally stressed out at this time.

 

Truth be told, I have never had a complete day off from my duties while my husband has had many days where he has been able to simply lounge around and enjoy life. I don't think it's wrong for women to desire a little serving -- a little laying down of one's life beyond the 9-5 job.

 

For the record, neither of us would want to swap jobs. We are perfectly suited to what we do. I just think it has been dangerous to stress to women (I see this in Christian circles) the idea of serving the husbands but an equal amount of attention is not put on men serving women.

 

 

Nothing wrong with having a servant's heart..nothing wrong at all..

Edited by nestof3
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You're right! This was my mother-in-law. Her husband retired before she did, so he was home at lunch time. She even came home every day on her lunch break to make them both lunch. She also handled all of the banking business. He has never written a check in his life, and until about a year ago, he never answered his own telephone. He would yell for his wife to answer it. She portions out his medications every day and orders his food from McDonalds for him. Once when they were visiting, we women were going to go out and the guys were grabbing McDonalds. He said he didn't know what he was supposed to order.

This was one of my grandmothers to a T. My grandpa probably couldn't make toast. LOL I am not so sure that he could get tap water by himself. They married in 1942 so you could say she was a 1950s housewife. But no one was like June Cleaver in her world. My grandparents farmed and her life was filled with fields, dirt, butchering, freezing and canning food and more. She used washboards and hung clothes on the line. She didn't have a vacuum so every day the floors were swept and mopped - by her. No air conditioning meant that windows were always open - which meant all that farm dirt blew in creating more dirt to be swept, mopped, and dusted. There was no crock pot or microwave and everything was made by scratch. To this day(she is 87) at breakfast she will ask what others want for supper and dinner so she can begin preparations necessary for those meals to reach the table. Since she cooks like she did in the 50s, cooking is an all day event. All the food she had was harvested from her own farm - which meant that between cooking and cleaning in the house she was outside working. She didn't have any easy clean surfaces, self cleaning ovens, or special cleaners. She does laugh though about not having to clean toilets since they had an outhouse the first 10 years of marriage.

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I find it hard to hear men speaking for women. I also remember the Men are from Mars book. Women just want to talk about problems, not solve them. My husband and I are switched on this one. I am the one who tries to solve the problems while he is the one who just wants me to hear him.

 

Also, remember -- women are not as logical. Puleaze!

 

Why do people try to draw so many lines -- men on this side, women on this side?

 

I want love, respect, friendship, help and s*x from a man who loves and respects me.

 

I would guess my husband would want the same things -- just he would be okay with the s*x even if I were mad at him. :lol:

 

I heard a "love and respect" speaker once and walked out.
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You are not alone, I think way too many here have read deeply into this that what you're doing is wrong...(valium/control/rolling fatties...really?) Too many people today think that biblical guidelines for roles in a marriage are stifling, suppresses one's rights, and someone mentioned subservient?

 

In my mind, what you are doing is right, and the fact you have not received as much support for what you're doing is unsettling..but a fact of the 'me' generation...

 

We've been married 18 years, part of what makes our marriage work is that we are both serving each other....he lifts me up with his words of encouragement, he works incredibly hard supporting our family, I work incredibly hard homeschooling, wearing many hats outside of home, we work to have dinner for him every night (for the family, we eat dinner together every night, it's important)....we do our best to keep our 'jobs' at home as on task as he does for his...we do laundry, mop, weed, tend to the pastures/animals...My husband is sooo appreciative of all we do and we are sooo appreciative of all he does...

 

We have a unique perspective, due to a bad car injury, I could not stay home with babies, I literally could not pick them up out of their cribs..no lifting at all..so my husband volunteered to be the stay at home dad until our babies were up and walking and easier for me to be with them, we did this for 5 years...we STILL served each other...he did exactly for me what we're doing for him now, he wasn't as good at cooking, but he'd order takeout :) there is nothing wrong with that, it's healthy....

 

My grandmother and mother carried on the tradition, neither took valium in their life...grandmother is 95 and mother is 68...both raised incredible families and both have 'served' their husbands just as their husbands have 'served' them...thanks to my grandfather's savings and planning my 95 year old grandmother is still living at her very own home and has not needed a nursing home...she has her loving daughters who take turns sitting with her and giving her company and a part-time helper....my hardworking father is still working 6 days a week at age 69 to support and make sure their retirement years are stress free from money worries...it keeps him in great shape as well...my mom still makes him dinner every night and cooks large breakfasts for us all...

 

Nothing wrong with having a servant's heart..nothing wrong at all..

 

Agreeing here, and very well said.

 

I personally love being a SAHM. I would work outside the home if I needed to in order to put food on the table, but I am definitely happier at home.

 

I found the "valium" comment to be incredibly offensive and disrespectful, especially to all of our moms and grandmothers who sacrificed, worked hard, loved and cared for their families and took pride in that.

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