To Foster Parents. Why foster versus adopt, and how do you deal with the heartbreak

[3littlekeets]

of children moving on?

 

I am truly very interested!!!! I am in awe of parents who can open their homes to children in need, but was watching NCIS Los Angeles and Callan (Chris O'Donnell) was moved 35 times (I know it is TV :lol:). Why do some families opt to foster versus adopt? And, how do you explain the new children coming and going from your home to your children?

 

I get attached to goldfish, so I don't think I could do it :D, but my sister is contemplating a waiting child adoption now that her bio children are 8 and 16. I wonder if fostering might be a wonderful option for her, as well. I think the state classes she'd have to go through are quite similar.

[Miss Peregrine]

We talk about how we are here to help these children, no matter how short their stay. So far, we have only had a 14 yo(she was easy to say good-bye to :o ) and the boy we have now.

He is 2.5 and up for adoption. If he is adopted out we will be heartbroken. During our training we were told that it is good if you are heartbroken when they leave because that means you were giving them what they needed.:)

[CalicoKat]

We talk about how we are here to help these children, no matter how short their stay. So far, we have only had a 14 yo(she was easy to say good-bye to :o ) and the boy we have now.

He is 2.5 and up for adoption. If he is adopted out we will be heartbroken. During our training we were told that it is good if you are heartbroken when they leave because that means you were giving them what they needed.:)

:iagree: Although our foster children may or may not be part of our forever family they are brothers and sisters.

 

On Monday we may, or may not, be saying goodbye to our foster son depending on the judge's decision. If so it will be our first time saying goodbye. Our 2 other foster children are now part of our forever family.

 

He's been a challenge but he's warming up to me now and I'm conflicted.

[Tap]

We foster/adopted only because it was family but due to the classes and situation I thought a lot about typical foster care too.

 

I think it is like opening your door to your child's friend. I wouldn't want my children to grow up knowing no-one just because I know that friendship won't last forever. I want them to have lots of friends. Some only for a day (like some one we meet at a park), some for years due to family or neighbors.

 

I think of foster care the same way. Some kids are only going to be in a home a short time, others for much longer, or permanently like dd3. We thought she was only going to be here a few months or at the most 2 years. We thought it was a foster care situation. We were willing to open our home, and give her the love/care/attention she was needing during that time. We knew going into it that she was ultimately going to to home. We bonded to her like a niece in the beginning (she is my bio-great-niece). Knowing that she was going to be with us for a while, we would of course be closer but that was about it. We were happy to know that at one point her parents would have a chance to get her back and they could move on from the unfortunate circumstances that led them to the foster care system. We were happy to know that in the mean while, she would be in a loving, caring family.

 

When it became clear that she wasn't going home, we actually had to learn to bond with her as a daughter. It was an odd feeling, when we knew she was ours permanently, that we had raised her for 2 years but emotionally were starting over. I never realized how much difference there is between an aunt/niece bond (for me) and a mom/daughter bond.

 

I guess that is why I think some people can do foster care. Yes, they may love the child, but it can be a different love/attachment, when you know they are going home.

 

 

We also helped to raise another neice from newborn to 6mths. We had her over 1/2 time for 6mths (alternating weeks pretty much). When her mom was able to take her home for good, we were very happy for her. Yes, we missed her, but it we were so happy that things were getting better for her mom and that they were going to be better off again, that it was worth it.

[happyhomemaker25]

I started with three beds. I got my little boy and then a few months later two little girls. About a month after that they headed home. I called the licensing office as soon as they left to let them know I had two open beds. By that evening I had two new girls. I just kept my house full.

The children who were in our family were treated just like our family. They got presents, trips, outings.. whatever, they were never left behind. We also never had to have a child moved unless he was going back to his parents. I still think about the 4 children we held for only a little while. I do miss them, but I was blessed to keep five of my little ones.

For us it would have just been to selfish to not offer our home to children who needed one just because we were afraid of the emotional ties.

I'm not saying that for anyone but us.