We started medicating ds8 for ADHD a month ago...

[sagira]

Okay so I think I need to have DS checked for ADHD after reading this. :glare:

 

I'm going to have to look into this too. He seems to be getting a little bit better with maturity, though, and teaching focusing through short lessons a la CM. He is described as exuberant, vivacious, and having a vivid imagination as well. I wouldn't want to take that away. It makes him who he is. I feel I was the same way as a child, and you learn to cope with the demands of the real world, sometimes in your own, creative way. I'm still distractable, but I know how to focus if I need to.

Edited September 22, 2010 by sagira

[Barb_]

No, you are not misunderstanding me...and going off the meds probably contributed to his suicide...BUT...would he have been despondent if he never went ON the meds in the first place...or learned other coping mechanisms? His parents are wonderful, caring, loving people and would have done anything to help him...and thought they were with the meds for adhd. It seems that the crux of the boys problems were not addressed because they were medicated out of him and seemingly "cured." He seemed OK to everyone around him as long as he had his meds....but obviously he wasn't ok and the meds didn't solve his issues, but mask them.

 

I don't know. I have one daughter with ADHD. I think I may have caused it by sleeping in the window of an old house with lead based paint when I was pregnant :glare: Bit I digress... I was anti-meds for years for many of the reasons mentioned on this thread. For 10 years we tried behavior modification, patience, discipline and follow through. But the sad thing is, nobody liked my daughter. Her siblings, the neighborhood children, even (cringing) her dad and I had a hard time enjoying her company. She knewwhat to do and what not to do, but she couldn't physically control her limbs, her tongue and her impulses. She was a danger to herself. Instead of getting better, she was getting worse and it was beginning to depress her. She could tell people were avoiding her. She was annoying and she couldn't help it.

 

After exhausting diet, supplements, "maybe she'll outgrow it", we finally decided to try meds. Oh my goodness. The change was so dramatic. As I said, we'd been working with her for years so she knew the right thing to do...but her Ritalin bought her the extra 2 seconds for her frontal lobe to kick in and remind her what those things were. She used to be so angry. She's 11 now and can look back at her preschool and early childhood years and talk about how she felt. She said she remembers staying confused because everyone was always shouting at her. She was lonely because her friends would avoid inviting her to parties. She remembers feeling resentful and only understanding half of what was going on...probably because her mind was racing so fast she only caught half of what people were saying and none of their body language. She takes her medicine without being reminded most days because shefeels better on it. She is still as creative, energetic, and vivacious as ever, but she is also now one of the more responsible and selfless of my children (a 180 from a year ago). She is a reader now. She went from Singapore 3 at age 10 to prealgebra in about 18 months. Ritalin has allowed her to get on her horse and ride it. It's not a miracle drug, and everyone will have a different experience to report but I'm still in that stage where I can't really get over how it has improved my daughters (and our family's) quality of life.

 

Faithe, this isn't really a rebuttal to your post, but a musing of sorts. I do wonder how long she will be on Ritalin and I hope she will begin to get a handle on things as she goes through puberty. I think the Ritalin is allowing her the space to lay down the neural connections in her frontal lobe that will lead to greater self control. She can learn new ways of coping without the medicine in small doses rather than 24/7. I do worry about the future, but for now I'm convinced it's the right thing.

 

Barb

Edited September 22, 2010 by Barb F. PA in AZ

[Miss Sherry]

I'm wondering about using coffee for an ADD daughter who just turned 15. Do you think it will work for a 15 year old ? She's very picky about the taste of everything so it will take effort on her part to get herself to drink it.

[MamaSheep]

I haven't gone through and read all the posts, but just had to say to the OP, I know whereof you speak. Our dd started Adderall a couple of months ago and it has been amazing. She can finally be herself! This morning, though, we were late with her meds (sometimes Mom just HAS to sleep in) and by the end of our spelling lesson (which we did second, after handwriting--and let me just say, you can tell the difference in her handwriting book between when she's on and off the meds) I was ready to duct tape the child to the floor. We used letter tiles for our spelling lesson today and they were all OVER the place, zooming around like little cars, spaceships, game pieces, you name it. She had a little magnetic PetShop owl that was being her "study buddy", which sometimes helps with the focus, but that thing was going berzerk. I had to remind her WAY too many times that she was spelling words with those tiles, and then she'd get halfway through spelling a five-letter word and get all sidetracked into what other words started that way, or what words rhymed with that word or whatever, and forget AGAIN what she was spelling. It's like trying to teach a swarm of mosquitos hyped up on caffeine. We stopped in the middle for a jumping-jack break, which sometimes helps with the focus. I told her to do 10, but she whipped out 30 of them quicker than a blink, complete with maniacal laughter. I started having flashbacks. (And yet, she's still not as bad as my ds was at that age, unmedicated. I'm still not sure how we survived that child back then.) Wheee!

 

I love how the meds help stabilize her so she can be her silly, zany self, but on purpose, not out of control. Plus, she's actually READING now. Like, a whole chapter of Magic Treehouse at a sitting. Last spring I was lucky to get a couple of paragraphs of Dick and Jane type story out of her in the same amount of time and with about 10 times the effort on both our parts. I thought we'd never get here. If I'd known the difference it would make I'd have done it a lot sooner.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

I think it is because around here teachers decide that every *difficult* child should be medicated.

 

 

Yes, I do agree that it is a huge issue. I am talking about parents who don't want to medicate a child who is clearly suffering from ADHD, not a kid who the teachers just want to shove pills into.

[Catherine]

My eldest, of three boys, was tested at 10 and found to have ADD, inattentive, but since he was not doing poorly in school (the testing was not done to "look for" it) we deferred meds. He then ended up homeschooled and when he was in tenth grade did his own research (unbeknownst to me) and approached us to say he thought he had ADD and wanted to try meds. He was 15 1\2. He didn't remember the testing.

 

He was just transformed by the concerta. What is most noticeable to me is the utter lack of "conflict seeking" that had been a constant part of our lives for 15 years. His social skills were so changed, he went from being a kid who most kids avoided and did not seem to understand, whose younger sibs avoided because of his angry outbursts and constant unkind words to being a genuine, kindly older brother with real friends. Academically he had always been a smart but inconsistent student. All I can say is the brilliant kid I always knew was there finally shows in his grades. The half of the math problems wrong because of calculation errors or miscopying, gone.

 

I would honestly have had a difficult time justifying medications in my own mind if the only benefit had been academic, even knowing how frustrated he was (he was VERY frustrated), given what isn't known, and, what IS known. But what's sold me, at least for now, is how much happier he is now. He never misses taking it, and I can see why.

[MamaSheep]

No, you are not misunderstanding me...and going off the meds probably contributed to his suicide...BUT...would he have been despondent if he never went ON the meds in the first place...or learned other coping mechanisms? His parents are wonderful, caring, loving people and would have done anything to help him...and thought they were with the meds for adhd. It seems that the crux of the boys problems were not addressed because they were medicated out of him and seemingly "cured." He seemed OK to everyone around him as long as he had his meds....but obviously he wasn't ok and the meds didn't solve his issues, but mask them. i know another little boy in whom I see the same type of behavior. he is the sweetest little boy on his meds, but OH BOY...if his parents forget or if his dosage needs changing...that kid is frightening. he isn't learning to cope. he isn't learning social skills. It is more like he is being controlled...and I am afraid of what will happen to him when he is an older teen and decides to go off his meds.

 

I am not saying this is the case with any of the moms here. You all obviously researched and weighed the pluses and minuses before you made your decision for or against medications. I am also trying to weigh that now and appreciate any info you may have from adults who were medicated as children and thier outcomes whether they continued on meds or went off...

 

Thanks,

Faithe

 

 

These were some of my concerns with my son, who has had major issues with coping and social skills. We wanted to avoid medications if we could, and had ds working with various professionals who were supposed to be helping him develop such skills. He was not able to learn any coping skills because he was already too overwrought to THINK when they tried to teach him. He was in almost constant fight/flight/freeze mode. He couldn't learn any social skills for the same reason. It just got worse. What we discovered was that the medications took the edge off enough that he was finally able to start learning some of those things. His social skills and coping skills have improved DRAMATICALLY since he started the medication. We periodically have a trial time off meds to see where we stand. Without the meds he can still remember how to use the skills he's learned, though it is a much harder struggle for him. But I am very certain he would not have been able to learn them at all without the help of the meds. We will continue working on his coping and social skills, and it may be that one day he will go off meds. I have seen some friends in our autism group dealing with teens and/or grown kids going off their meds, and too often self-medicating with unhealthy substances and getting into other kinds of trouble, and that does worry me. One thing we've done to try to prevent this has been to allow ds to participate in the decision making when it comes to his medications. Not to make ALL the decisions, but to participate and feel that his voice is being heard on the matter. For example, a couple of years ago he wanted to stop taking his meds and we agreed that at the end of the school year, beginning of summer break, we would have a trial off meds and see how it went. During the few weeks he was off, we talked with him regularly about how he felt, what was going well, and what wasn't. After one really big out of control episode he told us he thought he needed to go back on the meds because he wasn't ready to be off. Again this spring we had a trial off meds and he was the one who asked to go back on. His emotions and behavior were still harder for him to control, but not as bad as the last time. You could tell it was a battle for him, though. At any rate, this gives me hope. On the one hand, his behavior and emotional stability off meds seem to be getting better as he gets older, partly because of maturity and partly because he is getting better at managing them. The meds allow him to learn to manage them in a milder form (they don't get rid of his issues, just tone them back a good bit) so that he knows the basic techniques of what to do with them when they're more intense. And he really is starting to get strong, it's amazing to watch him, knowing where he's come from. Another comfort is that he is learning to self-evaluate his need for medications, and to see us as being on "his side", rather than as an opposing force to be rebelled against and defeated. This gives me hope that he won't go off his meds just to be defiant, as I see some kids doing, and that if he does decide to go off he knows he can trust us to have his back, and to give him honest feedback and help him think through what he's experiencing and make an informed choice about medications. We haven't made it to adulthood yet, but the meds have helped him grow, and have also helped our relationship be of a much better quality than it was before the meds.

 

I have, of course, no way of knowing whether the boy you were describing would have gotten to that level of despondency without the meds. Each child's case is different. I do know that my child was beginning to toy with thoughts of suicide by third grade. Even if he goes off the meds at 16 and (heaven forbid!) became suicidal and killed himself, we still will have had the years between 9 and 16 together that we might otherwise not have had. And I'm not saying that's what happened in the situation you described, I'm just projecting US into that kind of scenario and thinking what could have happened in our family.

 

I do think it's important for parents to understand that medications are NOT a substitute for learning coping skills and social skills and facing those inner demons that a child is grappling with. They're not a substitute. They're not a replacement. But I think it's also important to know that meds can help give a child the "space" he or she needs in order to learn those skills. And for some kids there really isn't any other way for them to learn the skills because the "issues", whatever they may be, are just too much for the poor child. You can't eat an elephant in one bite. You just can't. It's physically impossible, even if you have all the will-power in the world. And if you've been trying and failing and getting yelled at your whole life, you may not have much "will" left anyway.

 

As I said earlier, I've seen some bad situations when kids went off meds. I've also seen some really good outcomes when kids have been given medication in addition to help dealing with the core "issues". Some have later gone off their meds and been successful. Others have been able to responsibly take over management of their own meds as they moved into adulthood.

 

I am not one to push parents into medicating. It's a hard, HARD decision. I am convinced that for ds (and my dd, now--and let me just say that was HARD too) it has been the right decision. But I also understand that for some people it is not the right choice. There's so much to weigh and ponder.

[MamaSheep]

... But what's sold me, at least for now, is how much happier he is now...

 

:iagree:That.

[asta]

 

I do think it's important for parents to understand that medications are NOT a substitute for learning coping skills and social skills and facing those inner demons that a child is grappling with. They're not a substitute. They're not a replacement. But I think it's also important to know that meds can help give a child the "space" he or she needs in order to learn those skills. And for some kids there really isn't any other way for them to learn the skills because the "issues", whatever they may be, are just too much for the poor child. You can't eat an elephant in one bite. You just can't. It's physically impossible, even if you have all the will-power in the world. And if you've been trying and failing and getting yelled at your whole life, you may not have much "will" left anyway.

 

:iagree:

 

This is the entire point of medication for a person who is not mentally ill (ASD, in case people don't know, are not mental illnesses :001_smile: ). I am constantly amazed at the number of people who do not realize that some issues are simply therapeutically unreachable (for lack of a better word) without first calming the firestorm of electrical/neuronal/chemical hell that is going on in a person's head.

 

And to the previous poster hoping that ADHD will disappear in/after puberty: I wish you the best. I'm 43. I've had it my entire life. Puberty only made me want to self medicate (which, unfortunately, became rather easy). Watch out for that - it isn't just coffee that does the trick.

 

 

a

[Renee in NC]

So.....my DD8 has ADHD! This sounds like every morning for me, but we work on talking about it and practicing not doing these things. I had a horrible experience experimenting with ADD meds with my oldest and just never will go through that again! One med even made her throw her little sister (age 4 at the time) across the floor in a restaurant. I don't even know where this kind of strength came from! Another made her like a zombie child. Another caused huge mood swings (she would go from very sweet to just completely psycho within minutes). Another caused her to loose so much weight that I became worried.

 

By med #4, I told the doc to give it a rest and I was through! :001_huh:

 

I cant do that again.

 

I want my children to learn how to deal with this behavior on their own and not become dependent on meds. I have. They can too. My oldest is 17 and has.

 

My 17yo has ADHD and was able to learn to cope without meds.

 

I resisted meds for a long while with my 9yo. I think alot like you do here - that we don't know the long term effects and they can learn to deal with the behavior on their own.

 

On the day my ds took his first dose of medication, he brought home his regular homework notebook and I was shocked. For the first time ever, he copied something from the board, wrote ALL the words and ALL the letters in the words, and you can read it - his handwriting was neat! First time ever. See, he can't read or do math and whole slew of other issues. For him, medication may be the difference between learning and not learning. It isn't about annoying behaviors - it's about being able to function in life.

 

Yes, I am still worried about long-term. I don't know what will happen in the future. I have talked to young adults who were medicated as children with not great results. So I worry. But I worry about a life that doesn't include reading and writing, too. Least of the evils, ya know?

[WishboneDawn]

I'm going to have to look into this too. He seems to be getting a little bit better with maturity, though, and teaching focusing through short lessons a la CM. He is described as exuberant, vivacious, and having a vivid imagination as well. I wouldn't want to take that away. It makes him who he is. I feel I was the same way as a child, and you learn to cope with the demands of the real world, sometimes in your own, creative way. I'm still distractable, but I know how to focus if I need to.

 

I think this is the biggest misconception I see, that meds somehow suppress a personality.

 

They don't. They simply clear away the fog and quiet the impulses so that a person has some measure of control over all those aspects of their personality.

 

I also what to ditto those that said the meds are what allow some to learn how to cope and deal with their ADD. I'm taking it every weekday now (It helps our homeschooling immensely) but for years I'd take it only when I was up against the wall on some issue. I worked cash and was forever coming up short or over. I took the meds for a month and was able to slow myself down and see where I was going wrong. When the prescription was up and I was off the effects of the work I'd done carried on.

[Mommyfaithe]

I don't know.

Faithe, this isn't really a rebuttal to your post, but a musing of sorts. I do wonder how long she will be on Ritalin and I hope she will begin to get a handle on things as she goes through puberty. I think the Ritalin is allowing her the space to lay down the neural connections in her frontal lobe that will lead to greater self control. She can learn new ways of coping without the medicine in small doses rather than 24/7. I do worry about the future, but for now I'm convinced it's the right thing.

 

Barb

 

Barb, I am not looking at this as a rebuttal, but rather a success story. The facts are the facts with the children I know....yet I STILL have to help my own son...and he sounds just like your daughter...except my dh thinks he's just a little immature and is actually amused by him. I, on the other hand, am not amused. I am exhausted. I am tired of being mortified everywhere we go. He is openly hostile to other kids. Mom's cringe when they see us coming. The swim coach literally treated him terribly the first dasy just so I would pull him off team because she did not want him on team Sometimes he is the sweetest , most gentle child in the world. He is intelligent, thoughtful and incredibly creative.

 

I have had older children with Adhd (dd1) and add (ds#1) symptoms (undiagnosed) who really could have been helped with meds. They remember thier childhoods similarly...not really understanding what all the fuss was. I never brought their issues to the forefront, but rather taught them control and coping mechanisms. (ds#1 was the opposite of Hyper....he was so slow and mellow that it was almost a stupor....THAT made his dad NUTS! Now, he is training to be a teacher and he is a swim coach and special needs swim instructor. What I perceived as slow and lazy, everyone else perceives as gentle and patient :D) Out of fear, I never had them diagnosed, but my oldest dd is going for a diagnosis now....

 

Anyway, I did take my ds to the dr. and talked to him about my fears and ds's social issues. Of course ds is a perfect angel when we are at the doctor because he loves him....He basically told me he was just a little boy who liked to bust bubbles. (Pardon the term...ball buster.) :001_huh:

 

Yep, he is one of those, BUT, I don't think THAT is in his best interest and I don't think he can control that.

 

He has yet to make it through a soccer game without a major meltdown...etc...etc...etc.... I can't have anyone babysit him except my one ds, He is terrible with his grandparents, I have to stay IN Sunday School with him so he doesn't antagonize the teacher or the other kids. No matter what goes on, other parents assume it was because of him (even a child is known by his doings...) even when he is innocent, so much, that he just admits stuff...even if it wasn't him. Other kids now antagonize him because they know they can press his buttons and make him explode. Fun game, huh? Now, I am beginning to feel like a prisoner because it is so hard to take him anywhere.

 

This year I am dedicated to taking him out to public places 2-3 times a week to teach him how to behave and cope in public situations. I took him out for a burger last night, and he did sort of OK. We got through the meal and he was almost pleasant. Today, we are going to try a short super market trip. This sounds like what I usually do with a 2year old, but he really needs this NOW.

 

So, now I am doing my own research...looking up as many methods as I can...but sheeesh, I don't have all the time in the world...and I don't want him to grow up and know I didn't do all within my power to help him with these struggles. We have come so far and he is doing so much better...but is still so far from where he should be by his age (he is 6)

 

Faithe (who is sorry for this babbly post. I have to get to work.....)

Edited September 22, 2010 by Mommyfaithe

[Guest fath86]

I really do believe that meds help kids with ADHD but there are certain cases that meds won't work. For mild cases, there are other alternatives that parents can look into such as therapeutic camps that introduces physical activities such as camping, hiking, and the like. These camps also includes individual and family counseling. Parents can visit the camp so they can see the progress of their kid.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I haven't read the thread yet, but I have to say that there are VERY few kids who need medication (those who really need discipline, diet changes, appropriate outlets, etc); but those who will do better with it are OBVIOUS soon after they start taking it. Sure, deal with the other aspects, but there are REAL drawbacks academically and self-esteem wise and socially to not medicating when a child really NEEDS it.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I think this is the biggest misconception I see, that meds somehow suppress a personality.

 

Some kids ARE so medicated they are zombies. Though that shouldn't be the goal, it is for some people. And though it isn't the goal, it sometimes happens. Sometimes it doesn't get remediated for one reason or another. I feel for kids that this is obviously the case for.