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If you went from HS to PS, did you become a better Mom?


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Maybe this is a weird question, but I have to admit that I am tired. I am not enjoying my kids. I don't do any fun stuff with them anymore. I miss the old me and I miss the old us. My oldest noted today that dh & I rarely laugh. She's right. I look around and see work wrapped up in a lot of little bodies rather than a loving family. I wonder if I would be a better Mom - a better ME - if I wasn't homeschooling.

 

I think my public school is wonderful. Of course it's not perfect, but I am very comfortable with it. I only have two in school, 3rd grader and 1st grader. My 3rd grader is sharp so I know she would do quite well. My 1st grader, however, is just starting to really read CVC words and his handwriting (small motor issues) is behind.

 

So....after reading all that, if you sent your young dc to public school, did you find you became a better or even just happier mom?

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It depends on your conviction and dedication to homeschooling. If I sent my sons to ps, I would feel like I was throwing them to the wolves and I would be miserable. Of course, where we live, the ps is NOT an option. Oh gosh no! So, no, I wouldn't be a better mom. I may have more "me" time and more free time, but I would be sad and overall feel like I was letting them down (again, based on the ps here in my area where I would have to send them.

 

I feel called to homeschool my kids (by God) and my conviction is deep. I am at my best as a mom right now...giving my kids what they need here at home. If my situation were changed, in any way, I may feel differently. It all depends on you and your situtaion.

 

Good luck making that decision.

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I SO know how you feel!! In fact I did put them in school a year ago. Yes, there was drama, there was busy work, ect... BUT, I honestly was happier and I think my children were too. I did feel guilty the whole year though. I just felt like I quit on them! I always felt like I would do a better job at home....

 

Then we decided to keep them home last year and it was so tough! I had just had #6 and it just about killed me! By Christmas everyone was saying they wanted to go back! Then, during the summer my 11yo developed a skin condition called Vitilago, where she does not have pigment in certain parts of her skin, and I just did not want to take a chance of her being made fun of. My 14dd decided, and begged to stay home as well. My oldest son (15yo) couldn't wait to go to public school:lol: He is in public high school and is doing well and really loves it!! I don't feel bad at all that he is there, cause it is honestly the best thing for us. I would LOVE to make my 14dd, 11dd and my 6dd go to school, but I just feel bad. I usually lose it once a day and cry... I am just so tired and feel so overworked.

 

So, after the above pity party, I think it just depends on where you are at as far as conviction. I do get to have one day a week to myself starting tomorrow, as all kiddo's will be at a preschool or homeschool program from 830-3. Maybe this weekly break is just what I need to refocus. I LOVE spending time with my kiddo's, I am just having a tough time getting school accomplished well, getting the housework done, getting food on the table, getting the children to their sports, and attending and giving my precious 11month old and 3yo the attention they so deserve!!!

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Hmmm...conviction...my conviction has always been to be the best mom, wife, and family that I/we can be. Homeschooling totally fit the bill for the last couple years. I loved having my young dc together, and they are the best of friends. Now, however, I feel stretched far too thin, and I think my dc are getting the short end of the mom stick.

 

Sending them to school won't get me any more "me" time or "free" time. Who gets any of that when you still have a 4yo, 2yo, and infant at home??? :lol: But perhaps I just need to take a few tasks off my plate.

 

I know the teachers, parents, and kids at the public school already since my dc are there for PE, art, and music, and it's a small country school in a rural, remote community. The class sizes are under 15 kids/class. I'm thinking about asking the teachers for a conference to check out the academic materials. It would be hard giving up homeschooling, but if it makes for a stronger family unit in the end, it would be worth it.

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I LOVE spending time with my kiddo's, I am just having a tough time getting school accomplished well, getting the housework done, getting food on the table, getting the children to their sports, and attending and giving my precious 11month old and 3yo the attention they so deserve!!!

 

This is so just except I don't love spending time with my kids right now. That joy has escaped me at this season in my life. :crying: They are great, great kids. It's just soooo much work.

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In my opinion, you are right to put the happiness of your family above all else in this decision. My SIL hs'ed until high school and she never looked happy and it did affect the kids. However, you can't really predict whether or not you will become a better mom, or that this will make you happier.

 

Having never met you and only based on your post, my advice to you would be to "ease in and test the water." You indicating that you feel the school is wonderful is huge. Have you considered:

 

*putting your 3rd grader in school (since you indicate you have no academic worries).

*keeping your 6yo at home another year. This would mean you're only schooling one child.

 

With this scenario, you will still be homeschooling; only schooling one child would cut your work way down. You may need an "older" kid at home once the new baby comes and this may be seen as an "important" role to your 6yo.

 

I, personally, would take this year to get the 6yo reading. I hs'ed several of mine until I had them reading and this helped me to feel better about sending them. Perhaps you have no issues with how they teach reading at the school, but I did.

 

 

HTH!

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I've not put them in ps after hs'ing, but in your position, I would certainly do so (without guilt). Unless you can afford a nanny, and a cook, and a cleaning lady, and a personal driver! Oh and maybe a gardener too. Sometimes I think us wives could use another wife!!!

 

Seriously though, your children need you to be at your best. Or perhaps not even your best, but at least being able to be joyful. Something needs to change before you completely fall apart, and, well, if nothing changes than nothing will change. Not so profound :)

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"It would be hard giving up homeschooling, but if it makes for a stronger family unit in the end, it would be worth it."

 

That really is the question...I've done both, put them in preschool & k5, take them out, put them back in preschool, 1, & 2 thru K5, 3rd & 4th. Now, back out. Anyway-if it will be better for your family, then do it. If not, don't.

Don't worry about if this is "quitting" or not. Just do what you have peace about.

 

If the homeschooling bug doesn't go away, find an opportune moment to pick it back up!

 

:grouphug:

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It does sound like you're burned out, but I do believe your homeschool experience is what you make it. Change it up. Make it fun again. Focus on the togetherness of it. Your children will benefit more greatly from that than from the work.

 

Sorry to be a downer, but I became a tormented mom because I didn't want to send them to ps. I feel like I'm constantly fighting an uphill battle, watching the things we learn be unlearned in some cases, watching the progress we make be set back. Granted, there are probably just as many incidences where they make a stronger connection because of something they've also learned at school, but those incidences should significanly outnumber the "unlearning" ones. :glare:

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That's such a subjective question! I try to be the best Mom I can be no matter what situation I'm in, and I think that's true of most mothers. My kids are in school now and I work full-time outside the home. The decision was driven by financial difficulties because it was no longer possible for us to live on one income, but I've tried to make the best of a situation I don't consider ideal. There are pros and cons to any school choice, and we've experienced both positive and negative changes since making the transition to school. I still have a lot on my plate, but it was actually harder to keep the house clean and stay on top of everything when we were homeschooling because it seemed like I was cleaning up messes of some kind all day long. My domestic duties never seemed to end even though my main job during the day was supposed to be home educator.

 

As an afterschooler, I like being able to focus on educational activities that we enjoy and that I believe are most important instead of having to juggle everything academic and be solely responsible for the whole kit and caboodle. I don't get stressed about whether I'm doing enough, whether I'm causing learning gaps or whether my style is too relaxed to ensure that they get the education I want for them. I'm still very involved in my kids' education, and my commitment to taking advantage of everyday, real-life learning opportunities hasn't changed. I actually do some of the same things and use the same resources with them now as I did before. I'm also more organized now because I have to be.

 

My older daughter started PS in the middle of 3rd grade and adapted quickly, and she's doing very well at school. She is the type of student who would likely do well in any academic setting, and she enjoys the variety of things they do (though not so much all the busywork) and interacting with other kids every day. She adjusted better than I did, in fact. It is hard to give up the primary responsibility for day-to-day academics. My younger daughter is only in K and loves it, though she already knows most of what they'll cover this year. I'm supplementing that with a lot of read-alouds, "rowing" Five in a Row books, and providing real books and hands-on, gentle learning as much as possible.

 

As far as guilt: I sometimes felt guilty when I was not bringing in an income and couldn't seem to successfully manage a household and homeschool at the same time, and now I sometimes feel guilty that I'm not with my kids as much and that I enjoy working outside the home. I feel blue about not being a real homeschooler any more sometimes (especially when homeschoolers make us-versus-them comments and it's clear I'm "them" now), and I went through some grieving because of what I had to give up. And yet, we're happy and our family is doing well with the many changes we've had to make in the past year. IMHO, being happy is still ultimately a choice you make and is not dependent on circumstances. Sorry this is so rambly, but it's been good for me in any case to reflect on these things.

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I'm in the opposite boat: mine are in ps and I want them HOME! However, I HAVE been where you are! Here is what I can tell you to help you:

 

*There is no panacea (fits-all-solution) when it comes to education. As much as we'd LOVE (sometimes) for someone to just say, "Do THIS", that's not going to happen. You MUST do what you believe is RIGHT for YOUR family.

 

*That being said, should you realize that your thoughts of public school were a misguided dream of a panacea, it's OKAY to RELAX in your schooling structure. It's OKAY to have fun! (I think that many of us may too often think we must strictly follow the WTM and fail to realize it's kind of like the Pirates Code: "They're more like guidelines, anyway.") :D

 

 

*It would definitely be OKAY to take the next two weeks, six weeks, or two months off for the arrival of baby. If you're not totally comfortable with TOTALLY taking time off, give the kids some FUN educational activities to do. Are there math games, or a cool board game, or computer games that the kids have been wanting to do, and you've been wishing you could let them do, but haven't do to your schooling schedule?

 

*Maybe now is the time to veer away from your 'totally WTM' schedule, and talk to the kiddos about what to expect when the baby comes. How will life be different? How will it be the same? How do your KIDS feel about the arrival of baby? How would they like to HELP the family get ready for baby? What would THEY like to do to welcome baby? This is all very educational and, I believe, you will find it will greatly relieve your stress and anxiety.

 

*Your 8yo and 6yo are probably WAY more independent than you realize! When I was on bedrest with my son, my dd, who was not quite 6 at the time, showed me that she could make her own lunch and she made herself a sandwich! They keep itching to be more and more independent. LET THEM!

 

*Please ASK friends, neighbors, church folk for any help you need. Believe me, they are WILLING and ABLE and WAITING for you to tell them how they can help.

 

Hope this helps! (Sorry for the 'book'.)

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I guess it would depend. My girls are attending private school this year and I dont' think it mattered either way. I've been having issues with my health and was finding I was loosing that , Umph so to speak. In the end sending my girls to school is just as much if not more work for me than it was when I was homeschooling.

 

My 7yr old was put in 1st grade reading because she didn't know 2nd grade words(???) well she wasn't in 2nd grade yet. So she brings home these easy readers that she literally memorizes, so I have to sit with her after school and keep her going with what I had her doing during the summer. She is at an almost 2nd grade level. She is finishing a 1.5 year book. She is way past book like " Look the bugs. See the bugs." I was led to believe they were going to let her excell at her own rate but when she brings the same book home a week at a time that is telling me they aren't. So I have to do it myself. My mil tells me to let her have an easy subject but its getting a little nuts.

 

My two older ones are doing well but they really want to come back home. The school uses Saxon for math and its working well for my 10 yr old and my 12 yr old has a more conceptual brain and the math is driving her nuts.

 

My 4yr old has medical problems in which I have to cath her. I can't even get a nurse for her because , well , I haven't heard from a nurse, and since its a private school they are under no obligation whatsoever to provide one for me. So each and every day I make four trips to the school a day , one to take them to school, one to go and cath my 4yr old (praying in the meantime she doesn't put up a fuss to come back, home), and then I come back to pick her up after lunch, then later on to pick up my older kids.

To be honest I had more ME tiime when my kids were home. I can't go anywhere. I can't get a job, I am beholden to the clock.

 

So no its not made me a better mom. Its made me become more stressed out getting them up at 6 am and getting lunches made, making sure breakfasts are eaten, teeth are brushed and everyone is ready to head out the door.

 

Some days I manage to make a loaf of bread, or run the vaccum but I can't get into any deep cleaning because I have to pay attention to the clock. I'm not happy at all :<(

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It really does boil down to your calling as a family. Homeschooling can be very difficult, especially if you are working to give your children a top-notch education. This year, for the first time, we are sending our older 2 children (3rd and 5th grade) to a wonderful classical Christian school. I am thoroughly enjoying my concentrated time with my younger two. And I am enjoying not being the school taskmaster (for lack of a better term) for my older two and instead being the mom who greets them with cookies and encourages in their homework. :) Also, I can tell now I am thinking more clearly as my plate is not so full of homeschooling 4 children.

 

One thing I do miss is being in total control of our time. Our oldest has a big chunk of homework each night that must get done. Since I'm no longer the teacher, I have to submit to someone else.

 

So, for this year, this is how the Lord is directing us. Maybe one day we'll be back to homeschooling all 4.

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I'm glad I didn't send my children to school when they were younger: those years at home - taking life at a slower pace and having lots of cuddles - were really important for us all. They set up strong relationships for the later years when, as just happened to us, school did turn out to be the better option. I only have two children, however, so I have never been under the kind of strain that you experience.

 

Best wishes to you,

 

Laura

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I believe you should evaluate it on a case by case basis ...going year to year and realizing each child is different. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Some kids may do better with homeschooling and others with public school. This year all my kids are in school whereas last year all were home. So far so good. I do get way more me time but it goes by pretty fast to be honest. Before you know it...2:40 is here and it's time to get them. Today I subbed for my daughter's class and it was rather a nightmare. I would not want to teach in that environment. It made me want to scoop her up and bring her home. She has a lot of kids in her class that have behavioral issues. It's quite distracting to learning. I will constantly reevaluate what is best for my kids AND myself. I felt that this year I really did need that "me" time. I was burned out. Plus I also work from home and I'm a single Mom. So I just needed a change but it does not have to be forever and my kids (and I) know that if it is not a good situation it's as simple as withdrawing them and bringing them back home.:)

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Sometimes we just need a time of refreshing. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Home or in school. There are academic options in homeschooling.

 

If someone is really 100% committed to educating their children at home, they will find a way to do so.

 

Sometimes we just do too much or have personality conflicts or lack organization or time management - honestly.

 

I personally am at my BEST as a homeschooling mom. We did private and it was busy with just two children!! Our family is so much more cohesive.

 

Some days seem overwhelming but that's usually when I haven't been on top of tending to my responsibilities or haven't had my alone time, hubby time, and sleep .

 

What would you "at your best" look like? What would you do differently?

 

Are there ways you can have what you want with some adjustments? Is putting your children in school full time the ONLY way for you to be "happy?" Or would a day or two give you a much needed break?

 

Are there other factors that are stressing you out?

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I obviously have no experience with this, as my kids are still young. However, when I read your sig, the first thing I noticed was that you are expecting a little one next month. Do you think that could be contributing to things?

 

I know it would be affecting me, but personally I feel awful when I'm pregnant. I don't think I really realize it at the time, but looking back I can see it. I am not myself at all. I have horrible mood swings, and I am very antisocial. I tend to avoid friends and relatives. I'm not sure why, hormones I suppose, but I noticed it with both pregnancies.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to throw that idea out there! No matter the cause, I agree that you should do what is best for you and your family.

 

Congrats on your baby! Good luck with your decision!

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It does sound like you're burned out, but I do believe your homeschool experience is what you make it. Change it up. Make it fun again. Focus on the togetherness of it. Your children will benefit more greatly from that than from the work.

 

I agree. As young as your kids are, it should be more fun. Perhaps you're trying too hard to get stuff done because you think it ought to be. We just blew off a whole day chasing and videoing an old steam locomotive that I heard going by. They then did a little internet research, and edited the clips into a little movie. Totally unplanned and totally fun but not at all a wasted day.

 

Lighten up, loosen up & chase a train every now and then. That's why we homeschool, right?

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I am a better mother now that they are in school. I am less stressed and better able to meet their needs than I was when we were homeschooling.

 

HOWEVER, I realize that most people aren't in my situation, so it probably wouldn't work out the same for someone else. My 12yo is dyslexic, my 9yo is severely LD (not exactly sure why yet), and my 7yo is also dyslexic. My 9yo also has severe ADD. Add in the 6yo who wasn't getting enough time, the 4yo and 1yo who were into everything, and the stress of our serious financial difficulties and it was a recipe for disaster.

 

So, yes I am a better mother, but it really comes down to what you can handle.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Thank you for the replies, everyone. I am feeling better for the moment after taking a sizable break from anything schooling related. I love schooling my kids, and I know I am giving them a wonderful education (even as very relaxed homeschoolers). However, I need to seriously consider if it is all too much for me to handle. I feel horrible thinking this, but if I had fewer kids, homeschooling wouldn't be an issue. It's the combination of almost five young kids, schooling, housework, etc, etc that gets to be too much for my/our mental health. The past week+ without the schooling stress has been absolutely wonderful for all of us. The kids saw me smile, and we were able to enjoy each other.

 

My dh came home tonight and basically told me how wonderful it has been to come home to a house that feels in control. He's right. The tone in our family has been so much better since we took our break, and that includes the tone in our marriage. So, I think I'm going to slowly add back schoolwork and see if we can keep our lives balanced correctly. If not, we are going to revisit the schooling situation. :sad:

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Guest 3kidsmom

For our family, the best choice seems to be to hs for K and send to K when they are 5 going on 6 (my first two kids are October bdays). I loved the idea of hsing, but the experience with my dd was miserable... for both of us. We have more fun together, and a better relationship now that she is in school. I am not hsing my 2nd child for K and will send him to ps K next year.

I decided that fear has no place in raising my children and making decisions on their schooling. I had to chose to trust that God was going to be with them even in the worst of circumstances. I do not live in fear, I live in spite of it. That's just my 2 cents

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I haven't homeschooled yet, so I really can't compare, but I will say that it has been a lot of work having my oldest in private school. First, I have to get everyone dressed and fed in order to get him to school by 8. My oldest still needs a lot of sleep, and getting up at or before 7 is difficult, then we're rushing around trying to get the 3 year old to cooperate and the baby to be kept happy. We've been tardy I think 6 times this year!

 

Then comes the issue of afternoon naps for the littles. Normally, I'd do morning and afternoon naps for baby, afternoon nap for 3 year old. Well, school gets out at 2:20, so I need to wake everyone from naps by 2:00, which means 3 year old often has just finally fallen asleep, and baby would normally be in the middle of a 2-3 hour nap. So that issue is stressful.

 

Then we get home and have to do homework while making dinner, dealing with a melting down 3 year old that didn't get a good nap, dealing with a 1 year old that is tired or hungry (he has to nap through lunch time), and I'm ready to tear my hair out!

 

And my son is first grade, so homeschool would not take very long and could be done during baby's nap time(s).

 

So anyway, I wanted to point out the nap issue in case that would affect you (if your kid rides a bus, there probably wouldn't be so much craziness).

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After homeschooling DS9.5 for 2 1/2 years, he was ready to go back to school and interact with more kids. It was great having him at home, and it was the right choice for 1st - 3rd. Now the best thing if for him to be at school. He is so enjoying doing well in class and meeting other kids. Our DD6.5 loves being with people and she has the right personality and learning style for school. She would do well either way.

 

Am I happier? Yes! The whole family is right now. This may not be what we do forever, but its definately the right choice at this point. And I'm being a more motivated wife to DH and a relaxed mum to the kids.

 

Don't feel you're locked into anything. You can always go back to whatever method of schooling is right for your kids at the different stages and situations they go through.

 

Enjoy!

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IMHO, I think what Shay suggested is worth checking into. I recently had a friend tell me that of her 4 kids, she's never HS'd all of them. She's always had a mix of HS, PS, CS, etc. It just depends on what your situation is. Might be worth a try. DD is only 4, and I was going to start HSing this fall, until I got a job at the local CS. Now that I'm in it, I think it's to show me that I can JOYFULLY HS. I think if I had started the way I was, I would've wondered what it was like to have a life outside of HS. Now, I know! I think I might be much more equipped to HS when the time comes, and I won't wonder. I know it will be easier to HS my 2, than to school 60 that aren't my own!

 

Take a break, for a day, and maybe even don't think about school for that day. Then, pray and consider. (((HUGS)))!!!

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IDK if it helps....but I have 5 kids too....9yo, 8yo, 7yo, 5yo and 2yo.....I know how you feel.

 

Here's what I do:

 

I don't school every day. If I get 2 or 3 days of school in a week, I'm golden :) I only take June off in the summer. We live in FL, so it's nasty hot anyway in July/August, so honestly, that is when we get more school done.

 

I only plan 4/6 weeks worth of school at a time. Then we take a week off (this does not include christmas/thanksgiving/easter/family beach week vacations) and I plan for the next 4/6 weeks. I get super stressed out if I have to "stay on schedule" and I've figured I can plan about that much school at a time and we can stay on top of it without getting burnt out. If the 9yo doesn't get all her stuff done, she has that "off" week to catch up.

 

I do NO history or science. We check out library books and go on nature walks and watch Planet Earth and The Knights of the Round Table, LOL. I'm focused solely on reading/phonics/spelling and math for my 8,7,5yo's and DD has a list of stuff she has to do. I still don't have her doing formal history or science yet, I'm encouraging her independent reading.

 

I clean two days of the week. Like instead of making the kids sit down and school they either a)help me or b) stay out of my way for 2 hours. I didn't do that when I was preggo, and no way for at least 6 months postpartum. You need help after you have baby for at least a week, preferably a month with cleaning, cooking and childcare. I'd totally take a month (or more) off school to focus on family bonding with new baby :001_smile:

 

You can PM me if you need a phone number to talk/vent to :seeya:

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OT, but. . .

 

Your oldest is 8, right??

 

How far can you cut down your schooling time?

 

With an oldest as 8, and several youngers. . . I'd advise:

 

10-12 weeks in the summer with NO schooling. Period.

 

4-8 more weeks throughout the year with NO schooling. Period.

 

These NO SCHOOLING breaks give YOU time to reconnect and have fun, even more so than your kids. The NO SCHOOLING means NO LESSON PLANNING as well! In fact, stay off these boards!

 

Also, NO SCHOOLING on weekends. Period.

 

And, NO SCHOOLING for more than a 3 hour block each day. You choose the time. Stick to it.

 

And, NO SCHOOLING for kids under 5. NONE.

 

5-6 can have up to one hour MAX a day. Really, truly, all you need to require is pre-reading/phonics/reading at that age.

 

HTH

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StephanieZ, I'm taking your advice to the bank! I love it! We are CSing now with plans to HS. Both kids are 4 and under. So, no school till 6! Plenty of breaks, and no longer than 3 hrs a day!!! I know that SWB said in her last revision of WTM that there are MANY ways to skin the scheduling cat, but I really LOVE your thoughts!!!

 

2squared, praying!!!

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In my opinion, you are right to put the happiness of your family above all else in this decision. My SIL hs'ed until high school and she never looked happy and it did affect the kids. However, you can't really predict whether or not you will become a better mom, or that this will make you happier.

 

Having never met you and only based on your post, my advice to you would be to "ease in and test the water." You indicating that you feel the school is wonderful is huge. Have you considered:

 

*putting your 3rd grader in school (since you indicate you have no academic worries).

*keeping your 6yo at home another year. This would mean you're only schooling one child.

 

With this scenario, you will still be homeschooling; only schooling one child would cut your work way down. You may need an "older" kid at home once the new baby comes and this may be seen as an "important" role to your 6yo.

 

I, personally, would take this year to get the 6yo reading. I hs'ed several of mine until I had them reading and this helped me to feel better about sending them. Perhaps you have no issues with how they teach reading at the school, but I did.

 

 

HTH!

:iagree: This might be what I would do, depending on which dc was my eldest and what was going on in the ps where I live. It's hard to juggle everyone's needs. Also, I found I didn't need that much time for school when my dc were 6. I'm in the process of putting my 15 yo into ps right now. It wasn't an easy decision, but homeschooling just isn't working well for her and I at the moment, and it has had a negative impact on the rest of the family. I don't have any babies or preschoolers, either, just 3 dc ages 10-15. You have to do what's best for your family given the ps, etc, that you have. It's important to have a healthy relationship with all of your dc, and it's hard to do if you're overextended. Just because there are some women who do it, doesn't mean that we all have to, need to or should. I don't think I could have done a good job if I had 5 dc your ages if I had to sit & teach each of the two older ones--I'd have been cranky. I was always so sleep deprived when I had babies.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I think I am putting all my kids in PS after the first of the year. I feel like the weight of the world is off my shoulders.:) I think I am a better Mom already. I am tired of worrying about if they are learning anything. And worrying about curriculum. And worrying about discipline...I'm quitting and I am so excited about it.:)

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I think I am putting all my kids in PS after the first of the year. I feel like the weight of the world is off my shoulders.:) I think I am a better Mom already. I am tired of worrying about if they are learning anything. And worrying about curriculum. And worrying about discipline...I'm quitting and I am so excited about it.:)

 

I don't regret a minute of that time, but the responsibility was heavy.

 

Laura

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I think I am putting all my kids in PS after the first of the year. I feel like the weight of the world is off my shoulders.:) I think I am a better Mom already. I am tired of worrying about if they are learning anything. And worrying about curriculum. And worrying about discipline...I'm quitting and I am so excited about it.:)

 

I don't mean to rain on your parade, but I worry far MORE about those things because they are in public school now. They most certainly learn less over the course of 6 hours in school than they would in 6 hours at home; our district's curriculum is far inferior to what we use at home (which is why we still afterschool); and the lack of disclipline, especially at the high school level, is teaching my children something entirely contrary to what we've always tried to instill in them, creating a battle of values that constantly needs to be fought.

 

I'm sorry, but it's extremely naive to think you don't have to worry or pay attention to anything anymore. Now that they'll be in the custody of strangers for most of their days, they'll need your attention to those things even more.

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I don't mean to rain on your parade, but I worry far MORE about those things because they are in public school now. They most certainly learn less over the course of 6 hours in school than they would in 6 hours at home; our district's curriculum is far inferior to what we use at home (which is why we still afterschool); and the lack of disclipline, especially at the high school level, is teaching my children something entirely contrary to what we've always tried to instill in them, creating a battle of values that constantly needs to be fought.

 

I'm sorry, but it's extremely naive to think you don't have to worry or pay attention to anything anymore. Now that they'll be in the custody of strangers for most of their days, they'll need your attention to those things even more.

 

My experience has been mostly different. The dc are in a decent school. We have had some issues with the 3rd grader's teacher, but they will be alleviated once we have the IEP. Overall, though, they are being educated in all the content areas, are being taught spelling, reading, grammar, writing, etc. The new math program is based on Singapore math. They have regular instruction in art, music, and PE. They have daily recess.

 

My stress level with them in school is *miniscule* compared to the stress of having them home. I didn't realize how bad things had gotten until we put them in school. Of course, as I said before, the special needs added to the regular stress of homeschool. The special needs are also what is causing the stress with school, but it is less than when I was solely responsible for their education.

 

I don't know your story about why they went back to school - if it is that bad, can they not come home again? In our case, they would have to stay in school regardless, so I am thankful it isn't terrible here. As we plan our move back to NC, though, I am researching school districts to make sure we find the best area we can afford. Hopefully in the future they will have decent schools as well.

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I don't mean to rain on your parade, but I worry far MORE about those things because they are in public school now. They most certainly learn less over the course of 6 hours in school than they would in 6 hours at home; our district's curriculum is far inferior to what we use at home (which is why we still afterschool); and the lack of disclipline, especially at the high school level, is teaching my children something entirely contrary to what we've always tried to instill in them, creating a battle of values that constantly needs to be fought.

 

I'm sorry, but it's extremely naive to think you don't have to worry or pay attention to anything anymore. Now that they'll be in the custody of strangers for most of their days, they'll need your attention to those things even more.

 

My experience has been mostly different. The dc are in a decent school. We have had some issues with the 3rd grader's teacher, but they will be alleviated once we have the IEP. Overall, though, they are being educated in all the content areas, are being taught spelling, reading, grammar, writing, etc. The new math program is based on Singapore math. They have regular instruction in art, music, and PE. They have daily recess.

 

My stress level with them in school is *miniscule* compared to the stress of having them home. I didn't realize how bad things had gotten until we put them in school. Of course, as I said before, the special needs added to the regular stress of homeschool. The special needs are also what is causing the stress with school, but it is less than when I was solely responsible for their education.

 

 

I think that each situation is unique. When my eldest was in K-2 it was very stressful for me & I did have to be concerned about all the things that Breann mentioned. In addition, my dd did not fit well in school.

 

However, now that dd is 15 and very strong in many areas of tempation, etc, putting her in ps has greatly reduced our stress. Of course I still am going to be on top of things and am not going to assume that the school is doing a great job in every way, but we're far less likely to end up hating each other by the time she leaves home and it's allowing my to do a better job homechooling my younger two. In addition, there is a great honours program at our high school. She's only been allowed into the math to start (by testing) but can be bumped up with As. She doesn't want to do honours for anything except math & science, but not Biology, so if she gets an A in Biology this year she can move on to honours Physics next year.

 

By 15 dd is old enough to make choices. She was not doing all of her work and you can't force a very strong willed 15 yo to do whatever you want to no matter what kind of parent you are. Since my dd doesn't smoke/drink/enage in s*x and has no desire to do any of this, I do let her have some choice in education but explain to her what that will mean.

 

Another thing that I consider in high school is that she can do her hardest and most passionate work in her areas of interest. There are universities/colleges with top math programs that aren't Ivies, etc, that are chiefly concerned with how dc do in the subjects pertaining to their areas of interest. One of the benefits for dd is that she joined the math club yesterday (she started ps Monday and so far so good). She plans to try out the art club next week; she couldn't fit an art class into her schedule this year. She had become lonely for other teens and had never fit in well with the homeschooled teens around here. She has a friend who goes to the agricultural high school, but a fellow swimmer is in her honours math class, likes my dd, and so she has a group to lunch with. They have been acquaintances, but here's a chance for it to grow into something more. For dd, just having teens to eat lunch with and be with all day is enough for the moment. Yes, the work is easier than at home, but she's actually doing composition exercises on time--a first for many years.

 

Now, as for my middle dd, I don't plan to let her do more than part time at the ps high school because she is an entirely different child. She not only is more likely to want to get into the cool group with all of its pressures, but she is highly artistic and would benefit from a more creative, but rigourous, high school program than she could ever get at the ps.

Edited by Karin
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I don't mean to rain on your parade, but I worry far MORE about those things because they are in public school now. They most certainly learn less over the course of 6 hours in school than they would in 6 hours at home; our district's curriculum is far inferior to what we use at home (which is why we still afterschool); and the lack of disclipline, especially at the high school level, is teaching my children something entirely contrary to what we've always tried to instill in them, creating a battle of values that constantly needs to be fought.

 

I'm sorry, but it's extremely naive to think you don't have to worry or pay attention to anything anymore. Now that they'll be in the custody of strangers for most of their days, they'll need your attention to those things even more.

 

This has been true for us. The behavior at the middle school my dd attends is awful. My dd found out about text bullying the first week of school and I've already had several conversations with teachers and the guidance couselor over bullying issues. The school day is 7 hours long and so far I'm really unimpressed at how much is accomplished in those 7 hours. The Math is the only class I've been very happy with. Luckily it still looks like pretty traditional math but the grade schools adopted TERC Investigations a few years ago and I hope that does not spread to the middle school. I spend a lot of the day worrying about dd at school. Some days are okay but there have been a lot where she comes home nearly in tears over some issue. She's a very sensitive kid and school is definitely a huge adjustment.

 

I enrolled my oldest this year for several reasons. She is very social and felt she had no friends. Getting her to do any homeschool work became a huge struggle plus she is dyslexic. She has found a nice group of girl friends that has made a big difference for her. She had not clicked with anyone in our homeschool group and I knew she really wanted a some girlfriends. She's doing the school play which has been great for her confidence. I was hoping to get dd some one on one help for her dyslexia but they refuse to test her because her grades are fine.

 

As to whether I'm a better mom I think I may be with dd at school. I only sent her and not my other 3 that are school aged though. My 10 year old is getting so much more from me this year with her sister gone all day. Since she isn't dyslexic like my oldest and does her work quickly I always felt like she got shortchanged. Plus I've had more time to work on phonics with my 6 year old twins. Also my dd at school has gotten so much more responsible for her own work this year I think it's been worth it. I monitor her grades online so I know if she isn't doing her work. For the most part she stays on top of it.

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We know all about bullying - from the homeschool community. My 12yo has been bullied by several different people since we moved here to FL - all homeschoolers. This was *the* reason he didn't go to school when the others did. I enrolled him in all FL Virtual School classes, but he is still home.

 

He is not a "normal" kid in that he is not into what other kids are into. He lives to fish and work on motors. He builds bikes out of bike parts, mowers out of broken mowers, etc. He has a severe overbite and is somewhat chunky (not greatly overweight, but some.) He is also very emotional and cries when he is mad or sad. He isn't *cool* and doesn't particularly care to be.

 

I wish he never had to go to school because out of all my dc, school is not for him. If we can figure out a way for him to stay home one more year (so that he transitions in to school in high school), we will. In his case, I will be much more worried about him in school than at home.

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We know all about bullying - from the homeschool community.

He is not a "normal" kid in that he is not into what other kids are into.

I wish he never had to go to school because out of all my dc, school is not for him. If we can figure out a way for him to stay home one more year (so that he transitions in to school in high school), we will. In his case, I will be much more worried about him in school than at home.

 

 

Thanks for posting all of this, although I made it shorter to save space. It's so true that homeschooled dc can be bullies, can have cliques, etc. I hope you can find a way to keep him home longer.

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Guest lawtonre

Hi! I feel like I wrote this post, exactly! My kids are 8,6,4,2, and newborn. I have always homeschooled. The baby was born in Aug, and I can see that I cannot do it all. All areas of motherhood are suffering (housework, cooking, "fun activities", etc.). Third grade really requires a lot more rigor, and so we have decided to put our 3rd grader in school in January.

 

I am going to keep the first grader at home still because the workload for that age is still light. We won't spend a lot of time on academics, and she'll have more free time that way. Plus, she'll get to experience some time being "top dog" around here for a while! I think it will be good for all. I can see after a while putting her in school, too, but I am not sure about if/when that will be and will just take it as it comes.

 

After he has started school (a brand new, classical, Christian school w/only eight students), I will see what I think needs supplementing and go from there. I don't think he will do much w/extracurriculars, so we will likely try to find time to do those on our own (art, sports, etc.). No biggie. This way the six hrs he's in I can focus on the younger four, and then his time w/us will be less pressure. Less of me always saying, "Do your work! Clean up after yourself!" I end up feeling like any time I'm not tending to baby or younger kids I'm just bossing him around, and it leaves little actual bonding time. So, I have no guilt about our change. Having five kids so close in age changes things.

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  • 5 weeks later...

I love homeschooling. But after 5.5 years, I ( WE !) need a change.

 

We have all gotten burned out , I have no energy, the house is nasty.. like... nasty. I can't find anything, don't love homeschooling right now, everything has become a check list just to slog through and to " get school done"

 

Kids are going to a local, small Montessori school for the spring. I'm going to fix lunches, de clutter, rest, maybe fix the garden fence, maybe even put in that garden I keep dreaming about, try to keep the dog from eating the new chickens we are getting on Friday, plan for next year's academics,, Go to my fist homeschool conference, take them to TaeKwonDo, piano lessons and play practice.

and after-school 30 minutes of RS math or Latin Prep every afternoon with oldest, and 30 minutes RS Math or French for youngest. unless that becomes a hassle, If it does, you know what,,, I'm tossing that too. until next fall.

 

I plan to bring them home next fall for 6th and 4th and carry on for 4-5 more years.

 

take a break if you can. Just knowing the break is coming has helped me so much.

 

Cheers,

~Christine in al

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Oddly I blogged on something similar to this yesterday...

 

“A cup brimful of sweet water cannot spill even one drop of bitter water, however suddenly jolted.†~ Amy Carmichael

 

I know it seems sometimes if we could just rest, or relax, or get a reprieve for a bit then we'd do better, be better.... It isn't so.

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Since this post is still floating around, I thought I would update. We are 3 months past the 3 elementary ages going to school and I can say without a doubt that I am a better mom. Once again, though, most people aren't in my situation, so your results may vary.;)

 

I still think homeschooling is a wonderful thing and I still approach education with a homeschooling mindset. Just ask the district placement specialist who was under the mistaken impression that we could get through the 8yo's IEP meeting in less than an hour!:lol: *I* am still in charge of my dc's education, trust me!;)

 

ETA: I am acutally kind of looking forward to the 12yo going to school, but mostly because I am ready for him to argue with and be accountable to someone else besides ME!

Edited by Renee in FL
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I still think homeschooling is a wonderful thing and I still approach education with a homeschooling mindset. Just ask the district placement specialist who was under the mistaken impression that we could get through the 8yo's IEP meeting in less than an hour!:lol: *I* am still in charge of my dc's education, trust me!;)

 

YES, exactly! :iagree:

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We did PS for a bit over a year before HSing, and I frankly find everything is smoother in our family because of HS. The stress of having to wake up, eat breakfast, catch the bus, sort through the paperwork, make sure the homework was done, the permission slips signed, the mandatory meetings attended, the right paperwork filled out if we wanted to go on a trip - it really drove me to distraction.

 

At the risk of sounding like a crazy libertarian, it made me feel like my family was enslaved by the government.

 

Not as "on it" with the housework now. I hired a cleaning lady to come twice a month to do the deep cleaning. But I am so much happier, calmer, and I feel... liberated, and so are my kids. When we started HSing, I made it clear... I would wear my "teacher hat", and my kids would wear their "student hats". When they start to whine, I ask if this is how they would speak to a teacher? And for my sake, I try to remind myself to use a teacher voice - of course I'm not perfect, but trying to stay in that mentality has worked for us.

 

In our case, I think hs'ing is easier and more liberating.. but, our situation was worse. zoned for an elementary school with more than 1,000 children.

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Sometimes I think a break could be a good thing. This is our first year and I'm planning on sending them to a drop-off co-op one day a week for all of us to get a break from each other. I think it's important for the kids to have friends and develop relationships outside the family...as long as I can control it.

Edited by cherylw
didn't work right with the quote
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We did PS for a bit over a year before HSing, and I frankly find everything is smoother in our family because of HS. The stress of having to wake up, eat breakfast, catch the bus, sort through the paperwork, make sure the homework was done, the permission slips signed, the mandatory meetings attended, the right paperwork filled out if we wanted to go on a trip - it really drove me to distraction.

 

 

I think - looking back - that I found the stress of being responsible for every moment of my children's learning throughout the day very intense. I coped fine and enjoyed teaching them, but it was definitely a burden. For me having them in school is less stressful - the timetable is set by others and I don't find it difficult to enforce it. I remain vigilant about their learning and happiness.

 

Laura

Edited by Laura Corin
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I think - looking back - that I found the stress of being responsible for every moment of my children's learning throughout the day very intense. I coped fine and enjoyed teaching them, but it was definitely a burden. For me having them in school is less stressful - the timetable is set by others and I don't find it difficult to enforce it. I remain vigilant about their learning and happiness.

 

Laura

 

I agree. It is much less stressful for me to get them to school (even with all the morning craziness of getting 5 dc ready and out the door!) The stress of home educating them all, especially my 3 with learning issues, was just too much for me. It wasn't possible for me to give all of them the specialized attention they needed. My 8yo has improved leaps and bounds since he has been separated from his 9yo brother for education. My 6yo is achieving where her ability is because she isn't waiting for me to deal with the time-consuming ones. The 4yo is happy to be with other kids and picking up all the preschool type skills that I never had time to get around to. I am able to keep my 12yo in gear (still at home) because he has my undivided attention (he would say that is bad!)

 

Having said all that, I would still encourage other families to homeschool. Just because it didn't work for us doesn't mean it isn't a great option.:D

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I think - looking back - that I found the stress of being responsible for every moment of my children's learning throughout the day very intense. I coped fine and enjoyed teaching them, but it was definitely a burden. For me having them in school is less stressful - the timetable is set by others and I don't find it difficult to enforce it. I remain vigilant about their learning and happiness.

 

Laura

 

:iagree: with Laura's title. At one time, it was far less stressful for me to have my eldest at home than in ps, but now the situation is reversed.

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I think - looking back - that I found the stress of being responsible for every moment of my children's learning throughout the day very intense. I coped fine and enjoyed teaching them, but it was definitely a burden.

 

I guess I am fortunate that I have so far not felt the need to be responsible for 'every moment'. One of the things that has been a pleasant surprise about homeschooling is how much kids can do independently when given the chance. I did feel a little overwhelmed for a few months when I added in my Kindergarten child this year, because until she was reading fluently it involved a lot more of my involvement, but now that she is reading they both can work independently. But I'm sure some kids are more higher needs than that.

 

I've also been fortunate to have a lot of support and opportunities in my hometown. My kids spend between 6-10 hours a week attending classes and activities that are organized by someone else.

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I guess I am fortunate that I have so far not felt the need to be responsible for 'every moment'.

 

I was responsible for their every minute, but for much of the time they were working independently. Whatever they were doing, I was thinking forward, researching the next stage....

 

The pressure really built up - for me - as they got older: Calvin started doing high school level work at age ten, so I was trying to juggle offering him an exciting challenge with working round his coordination difficulties. It was fascinating, but each year was harder than the previous.

 

Laura

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