Suicide in books and movies...

[helena]

Maybe it's just me? I grew up in the 80's where there was always that artsy, dark, emotional girl type who talked about committing suicide. Think Beetlejuice, Winona Ryder, or more recent Virgin Suicides. In retrospect, being a fragile girl myself, I don't think it was helpful having themes of suicide being presented to me in such a cavalier (hmm.. is cavalier the right word?) fashion.

 

So lately some different books and movies have crossed my path which I thought were okay for the kids, only to find they had suicidal thoughts or attempts in them.

For example, I rented The Disorderly Orderly with Jerry Lewis, oops! After actually reading the description I realized it wasn't going to work for us.

 

It got me wondering how much attention I want to put on the concept. Aside from talking about it in a girls talking about life kind of way, what is the healthy balance?

What age do you talk about it? Do you avoid books, movies and music that use it in an unnecessary way? Is avoiding it kind of like avoiding stuff with with any painful theme? Like rape, or divorce? I don't want to shelter my kids in a way that keeps them from understanding what's going on in the world around them. Or is it like these movies where people pay money and go out for the evening to watch a movie where women are getting raped or murdered the whole time? Or movies that make infidelity fun? (Not my idea of a good use of my free time). To me these types of movies and books are exploitative of all too real suffering.

 

When I was a teenager I absolutely loved the 60's movie version of Romeo and Juliet. I'm sure my girls will enjoy the story too. But do these types of stories (maybe not glorify) make the theme of suicide that much more accessible to young people? I tell myself, "Well, when they're teenagers, they'll be mature enough to work with these (important?) themes", I mean, we're a happy, healthy family... then I think, "Do I really want to put a focus on that when they're hormonal, and trying to figure life out?" Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that it's everywhere I turn, and I know they'd have a rich academic life with or without some of these books. If they want to watch The Apartment as a 17yo for a film class, I'm game to stay up and watch it, and talk about it... It doesn't freak me out, it just make me wonder...

 

Please tell me what I'm missing here? Outside of "let's talk about this" parent/child/issues involving suicide, how healthy is this unnecessary exposure? Are there benefits to it that I'm not seeing?

 

FWIW, I grew up in a crazy house and have seen a lot of crazy things. I'm afraid my meter is off on this subject, and I don't feel like I have perspective on it.

 

Thanks-

Edited September 4, 2010 by helena

[Parrothead]

I have not had much experience with dramas. My beef is with the noble suicides on Stargate Atlantis and the like. Like the episode when McKay is stuck on the bottom of the ocean in a leaky jumper. The pilot sacrifices himself so McKay could live. "Mommy, what happened to the other guy?"

"Huh? Well honey I think he drown." Grrr!

 

That wasn't what I wanted to talk about that evening.

 

The only advice I can give is to keep the exposure to a bare minimum and keep the lines of communication open. Support, support and more support.

[happi duck]

Maybe it's just me? I grew up in the 80's where there was always that artsy, dark, emotional girl type who talked about committing suicide. Think Beetlejuice, Winona Ryder, or more recent Virgin Suicides. In retrospect, being a fragile girl myself, I don't think it was helpful having themes of suicide being presented to me in such a cavalier (hmm.. is cavalier the right word?) fashion.

 

So lately some different books and movies have crossed my path which I thought were okay for the kids, only to find they had suicidal thoughts or attempts in them.

For example, I rented The Disorderly Orderly with Jerry Lewis, oops! After actually reading the description I realized it wasn't going to work for us.

 

It got me wondering how much attention I want to put on the concept. Aside from talking about it in a girls talking about life kind of way, what is the healthy balance?

What age do you talk about it? Do you avoid books, movies and music that use it in an unnecessary way? Is avoiding it kind of like avoiding stuff with with any painful theme? Like death, or divorce? I don't want to shelter my kids in a way that keeps them from understanding what's going on in the world around them. Or is it like these movies where people pay money and go out for the evening to watch a movie where women are getting raped or murdered the whole time? Or movies that make infidelity fun? (Not my idea of a good use of my free time). To me these types of movies and books are exploitative of all too real suffering.

 

When I was a teenager I absolutely loved the 60's movie version of Romeo and Juliet. I'm sure my girls will enjoy the story too. But do these types of stories (maybe not glorify) make the theme of suicide that much more accessible to young people? I tell myself, "Well, when they're teenagers, they'll be mature enough to work with these (important?) themes", I mean, we're a happy, healthy family... then I think, "Do I really want to put a focus on that when they're hormonal, and trying to figure life out?" Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that it's everywhere I turn, and I know they'd have a rich academic life with or without some of these books. If they want to watch The Apartment as a 17yo for a film class, I'm game to stay up and watch it, and talk about it... It doesn't freak me out, it just make me wonder...

 

Please tell me what I'm missing here? Outside of "let's talk about this" parent/child/issues involving suicide, how healthy is this unnecessary exposure? Are there benefits to it that I'm not seeing?

 

FWIW, I grew up in a crazy house and have seen a lot of crazy things. I'm afraid my meter is off on this subject, and I don't feel like I have perspective on it.

 

Thanks-

 

I think staying away from unnecessary/romanticized exposure is important. I can't really put "why" into words...it's more of a gut feeling.

[Mom0012]

I think staying away from unnecessary/romanticized exposure is important. I can't really put "why" into words...it's more of a gut feeling.

 

:iagree: And not just as far as suicide goes, either. I think there are a lot of negative activities/behaviors that may seem very glamorous/appealing when portrayed in movies and books to young teens. I think we can watch these things as adults with a very different perspective and without being impacted by them in the way (at least some) teens are. My parents didn't monitor my television viewing or the books I read and many of them had a terrible influence on me. Far more than they ever realized or imagined.

 

As my own children get older, I see how difficult it will be to monitor this with them, but I am really going to do my best to at least get them through their teen years without a lot of dark activities being romanticized. At a minimum, I hope to have a lot more discussion than what went on in my own home growing up about these sorts of things when we come across them.

 

Lisa

Edited September 4, 2010 by LisaTheresa

[swimmermom3]

I think it depends on the age of your children. There is no easy answer here as having a healthy, happy family is no guarantee against suicide. We are careful with the topic but don't avoid it. We are also careful with topics like cutting which get glamorized in the media. A child who is at risk is not served well by being immersed in the suicide/cutting/drama culture and yet, a child who has had minimal exposure can be at risk. The problem for the child with minimal exposure is that they feel like no one else in the world has their problem and it can be more difficult to seek help.

 

 

Go with your instinct and make choices that feel best for your family.

[elegantlion]

As in many things I think communication is one of the keys to the tough subject of suicide.

 

If you look at history you see it repeated, with knights and ancients warriors willing to die in a battle. Is that a form of taking ones own life? IDK, I'm just starting my coffee this morning. Suicide bombers, killing yourself for a cause? A death that will supposedly bring "honor".

 

I'm not sure it's just the movies that glorify suicide.

 

But for the suicide done out of desperation? Exposure and talk as you deem fit for you child.

 

One of our neighbor's killed himself when I was high school. He was just out of school and depressed. My mom worked with him. It was a hard time.

 

Recently an acquaintance from high school killed himself. I had known him quite well in school, but we'd lost contact in the last 15 years. I'm still having a hard time with it.

 

Without statistics to back it up, I'd bet there are a majority of teens that have at one point thought that life would be better without them around. Whether those thoughts manifested past the initial thought, IDK?

 

Having the perspective of being on the other side of suicide has helped me through some dark periods in my life.

 

Movies can sometimes be used as the catalyst to start the conversation. Movie make light of romance, relationships, families, everything, why not suicide? I used a lot of movie situations to discuss hard issues with ds. For instance my dh's father died when dh was young. He refuses to watch movies that show the father dying young or young children dying, it's just a point with him. I got a movie from Netflix, it was supposed to be family friendly. I tried to get dh to sit down and watch, but he didn't want to. We watched for school the next day and I am so glad dh didn't watch. The father died in the movie, it was not in the plot summary. Dh would have been depressed for days. I made it a great talking point for ds and I, the value of time with family and how it worked out that dad didn't watch with us. It his boundary, he knows what he can emotionally handle.

 

If romanticizing suicide is a boundary for you, let it be. But I would not shelter or avoid the conversation with my teen at the appropriate time.

[lisabelle]

One of dh's brothers committed suicide his senior year of high school. So for us, it's already something we've discussed with Matt (11) when the subject has come up in the news or something. We've wanted to drill it in early and often that feelings aren't forever, TALK TO US, and that if you're feeling like things are bad and will never change it's a medical problem and a doctor can help. I would *never* expose Matt to anything that seems to glorify suicide. With the family history...the thought makes me shudder.

[helena]

I have not had much experience with dramas. My beef is with the noble suicides on Stargate Atlantis and the like. Like the episode when McKay is stuck on the bottom of the ocean in a leaky jumper. The pilot sacrifices himself so McKay could live. "Mommy, what happened to the other guy?"

"Huh? Well honey I think he drown." Grrr!

 

That wasn't what I wanted to talk about that evening.

 

The only advice I can give is to keep the exposure to a bare minimum and keep the lines of communication open. Support, support and more support.

 

That's what I mean. It seems like it's popping up all the time in unexpected places, in the most casual way.

 

I think I'm noticing it more, but it's always been there. My 11yo is on the cusp of seeing the world in a more mature way. Talking about this stuff with a high schooler seems fine, but too much in that in between age seems too heavy.