Homeschool Support group ready to pull my hair out

[mamato4girls]

I am the leader of a group. I have an assistant and we are part of 1 large group that is broken into 5 smaller groups geographically. I am the leader, but my assistan does everything. If an email comes in from our chariperson that need to be forward to each smaller group, within minutes my assistant has sent it out, she email things that are supposed to be my responsibility, and for our first meeting she and another member already have papers printed, and all the info rready to give out.

Most would say, "well, good less you have too do". But- I look like an idiot to our other members because I am hardly in contact with them. A few of them don't know she is the assistant, because she is emailing so much info, and running so many things. When I first agreed to be a leader our agreement was that I am in charge of business items, she is in charge of social fun things for the kids. Well, she has taken over pretty much everything!

My question is, do I just step down? This is not fun for me, causes me more stress than happiness, and I really don't feel called to do it anymore.

[anissa]

I would have a chat with the little usurper....it would not be fun but she has to know that she is being a royal pain. Then, after either her denials of misconduct or her apologies, I would make my decision whether to stay or go. The feeling of "not being called" may just be the result of your anger/frustration. Oh, and I would talk face to face. Over the phone or via email might only cause more problems. Maybe a visit to a coffee shop? Sorry you have do deal with this.

[Oak Knoll Mom]

I am the leader of a group. I have an assistant and we are part of 1 large group that is broken into 5 smaller groups geographically. I am the leader, but my assistan does everything. If an email comes in from our chariperson that need to be forward to each smaller group, within minutes my assistant has sent it out, she email things that are supposed to be my responsibility, and for our first meeting she and another member already have papers printed, and all the info rready to give out.

Most would say, "well, good less you have too do". But- I look like an idiot to our other members because I am hardly in contact with them. A few of them don't know she is the assistant, because she is emailing so much info, and running so many things. When I first agreed to be a leader our agreement was that I am in charge of business items, she is in charge of social fun things for the kids. Well, she has taken over pretty much everything!

My question is, do I just step down? This is not fun for me, causes me more stress than happiness, and I really don't feel called to do it anymore.

 

I'm afraid this is where you have to be a leader and tell her she's overstepping her bounds. I also might try to talk with her some and see why she's doing this. Does she think she's helping? Does she think you're not doing a good job? Do you *want* to resign and let her take over?

 

*ETA: Somehow I skipped over the "don't feel called" part of your post. So, I agree with the others...just step down.

Edited September 3, 2010 by Oak Knoll Mom

[angela in ohio]

Just step down. Trust me, it will NEVER work out with this woman. Some people (especially homeschool moms ;)) are physically incapable of being in a support position instead of in charge. It is sad that they never acquired this skill, but they tend to think of it as a positive, and you will have a hard time (beating your head against the wall) trying to convince them otherwise.

[JFSinIL]

Just step down.

[Dobela]

If you don't feel like you are being called to do it, and you don't have time to do it well, then I would just step down as well. At least it can be a fairly smooth transition since she already is handling most of the related business.

[Harriet Vane]

Just step down. Trust me, it will NEVER work out with this woman. Some people (especially homeschool moms ;)) are physically incapable of being in a support position instead of in charge. It is sad that they never acquired this skill, but they tend to think of it as a positive, and you will have a hard time (beating your head against the wall) trying to convince them otherwise.

 

:iagree:

 

I was in this same scenario in a church situation. It was awful, and attempts to work this out with the overbearing individual actually caused him to ratchet UP the boundaries issues.

[justasque]

My question is, do I just step down? This is not fun for me, causes me more stress than happiness, and I really don't feel called to do it anymore.

 

I think you've answered your own question. Look at it this way - it is a blessing that there is someone right there, ready to take over the job, rather than you having to beat the bushes to find someone and take forever training/mentoring them.

 

Once you are free of this job, which you're not enjoying, you will probably end up finding another volunteer job or other pursuit which gives you more pleasure.

[Tidbits of Learning]

Just step down. Trust me, it will NEVER work out with this woman. Some people (especially homeschool moms ;)) are physically incapable of being in a support position instead of in charge. It is sad that they never acquired this skill, but they tend to think of it as a positive, and you will have a hard time (beating your head against the wall) trying to convince them otherwise.

:iagree:I know this exact type of person. Every where she went she took over. By the end of last year, she was in charge of 3 groups and had only started out in charge of one. She was so overbearing. I had no leadership role, but she got on my nerves. I made sure before joining our co-op this year that she wasn't going to even be attending it. I am convinced that anything she joins that she will try to take over in some capacity.

I would have the conversation and ask what she is thinking, but I wouldn't expect it to change anything and I would be prepared to resign.

[Mommyfaithe]

Head for the hills! :auto:

[mamato4girls]

Thank ya'll so much! I had such a crazy day I totally forgot I posted this morning! I was so happy to see these responses! I feel so bad wanting to step down, but I don't need the extra stress!

 

My last vent is that we need volunteers from our group to be in charge of different things. She decided we would ask for volunteers at our first big meeting. Well she took it upon herself to start asking for these volunteers this week. And already has a few down for various things, box tops, etc.

I could scream!!

[angela in ohio]

Thank ya'll so much! I had such a crazy day I totally forgot I posted this morning! I was so happy to see these responses! I feel so bad wanting to step down, but I don't need the extra stress!

 

My last vent is that we need volunteers from our group to be in charge of different things. She decided we would ask for volunteers at our first big meeting. Well she took it upon herself to start asking for these volunteers this week. And already has a few down for various things, box tops, etc.

I could scream!!

 

There's one in every group! That's one of my favorite ploys they have: decide on something and then go do whatever they please instead. I could tell you stories... :D

 

You will feel such a weight lifted from you when you don't ahve to deal with it anymore. I managed to extricate myself from situations with three of them last year. :001_smile: Life is SOOO good now.