My Kindergartener wants to try public school

[corbie]

I guess I used the wrong word. I really don't feel I have to defend myself here, but I will clarify. I just can't believe so many people want to jump into this thread.

 

Preschool was my idea. So was quitting it before the year was out. So, I guess I shouldn't have used the word "let". I didn't realize I was about to be put on trial.

 

Also, I am not fearful of my 5 yr old's anger. She gets angry at me almost daily. Some days multiple times! I'm quite used to it. However, I know that if she is angry and resentful about homeschooling, we will not achieve optimal learning. Homeschooling multiple kids is a challenge in the best of situations. Dealing with a kid who doesn't want to be there makes it much harder.

 

We solved our problem and moved on. I've got kids to teach!

[EKS]

I guess I used the wrong word. I really don't feel I have to defend myself here, but I will clarify. I just can't believe so many people want to jump into this thread.

 

Preschool was my idea. So was quitting it before the year was out. So, I guess I shouldn't have used the word "let". I didn't realize I was about to be put on trial.

 

Also, I am not fearful of my 5 yr old's anger. She gets angry at me almost daily. Some days multiple times! I'm quite used to it. However, I know that if she is angry and resentful about homeschooling, we will not achieve optimal learning. Homeschooling multiple kids is a challenge in the best of situations. Dealing with a kid who doesn't want to be there makes it much harder.

 

We solved our problem and moved on. I've got kids to teach!

 

You're absolutely right. I'm sorry I didn't get that from your original post. I'm glad you've solved the problem.:001_smile:

[Miss Sherry]

I agree, that's how I read the message.

 

 

"Actually, saying " I LET her go to preschool last year" does indeed imply the child made the decision in that. Fearing the childs anger, which the OP has stated, in regards in whether or not they homeschool, is also implying giving over decision making to the child."

Yes, she did say "I LET her go to preschool last year..... But who of us hasn't poorly worded something we've said, and didn't really "mean" the words we used. :tongue_smilie:

 

I think what people say and what they mean are often two different things. It's sometimes impossible to communicate clearly online, especially if people are saying one thing but meaning something else altogether and then getting upset because others think what they said IS what they said,or what they meant. So sorry for the misunderstanding. It goes to show, once again, that online communication can easily be misread or correctly read but incorrectly stated :lol:,or incorrectly interpreted, especially when you say what you didn't mean. I know I've done that too many times. I keep telling myself, STOP all the posting because I am not a good communicator.

Edited September 4, 2010 by Miss Sherry

[Miss Sherry]

I guess I used the wrong word. I really don't feel I have to defend myself here, but I will clarify. I just can't believe so many people want to jump into this thread........................

 

!

Actually, it wasn't all that busy of a thread considering how many people get online here. This is a very busy site. I think there are 512 online here at the moment.

Did you see this ? " Most users ever online was 1,209, 06-30-2010 at 09:10 AM"

This really wasn't the busiest thread considering how many people were here today.

 

I do enjoy that there are tons of threads going on at any one time.

Edited September 4, 2010 by Miss Sherry

[BlsdMama]

 

Also, I am not fearful of my 5 yr old's anger. She gets angry at me almost daily. Some days multiple times! I'm quite used to it. However, I know that if she is angry and resentful about homeschooling, we will not achieve optimal learning. Homeschooling multiple kids is a challenge in the best of situations. Dealing with a kid who doesn't want to be there makes it much harder.

 

We solved our problem and moved on. I've got kids to teach!

 

Oh mama, I hope you didn't feel put on trial. ;) I just remember where I was several years ago where I thought it was my job to make everything "okay" with the kids. I needed to fuzzy up their feelings to what I wanted them to do. Truth was, *I* needed to have them to learn to deal with certain decisions, happily. If my husband goes to work and his boss says, "Sir, you need to do X." And X doesn't present a moral dilemma, then X needs to be done and it should be done, not angrily, but to the best of his ability and with a decent attitude. So our children also need to learn to accept certain things (and this is the important part) WITH a GOOD attitude. You as a mama should not have to deal with the anger and/or frustration of a 5yo daily. Daily? Really? And this isn't to put you on trial AT ALL, but to make your future life with your child much easier. Because some kids are super easy. And some really have to have having a good attitude taught to them. Not all the time... Gosh, I don't want robots at my house. That would be incredibly boring.

 

There is a "test" out there of sorts. It sounds stupid and simplified, but honestly I've found it's a decent gauge. Pick something she doesn't care for (not hates, just doesn't particularly like) and announce it for breakfast for the FAMILY. If she goes along with it without a humph, bad attitude, nasty face, smart comment, etc., you probably don't have an attitude problem in the making. If she is angry, frustrated, whiney, irritated, mad, you'll probably need to nip a spoiled attitude in the bud.

 

I see this going hand in hand with the, "I don't want to homeschool." We need children with a willingness to put forth their best effort. I'll say right now I see NOTHING wrong with a child saying, "Well, if I could I'd go to public school." That's stating an opinion. I see something wrong with the child being angry with mom because she can't have what she wants. I don't know which you have. You might not know which you have. ;) But it's something to keep an eye on. Because those kids tend to become sullen and discontent. I say this NOT to judge you or as my two year old would say, a "meanie baby poophead" (Did I SAY my kids were perfect?!?) but only to keep your eye towards shaping her attitude into what you'll need it to be to continue homeschooling down the road. And it's a LOT easier to shape an attitude NOW then it is in five years or ten.

[corbie]

Kelly - I appreciate your trying to help. However, I think we have another case of my words being misunderstood. The anger I'm referring to is not fits of rage, nasty faces, etc... I should have said that we disagree on things daily. She has a strong personality. While dealing with a child with a strong personality can be challenging, it is also very rewarding. She's a great kid, no anger or attitude issues. Boy, I really have to watch how I word things here! I was exaggerating a little too! There was supposed to be a little humor there, albeit dry.;)

 

My OP had nothing to do with my having an issue with a disagreeable kid with a bad attitude. My 5 y old asked to go to ps. I wanted to get to the bottom of why she asked that and find a way to fill that need. I think I had really put her social needs on the back burner. It's easy to focus more on the older kids, whose academics are more time consuming. All my 5 yr old was needing was some outside classes. Problem solved.

I was not asking for parenting advice. My words have been picked apart and over analyzed. I have also received a lot of support on this thread and in pm's. Clearly, there are very different parenting styles. I was looking to hear from other parents who faced this dilemma and hear how they dealt with it. Some posters did share those experiences, and I appreciate their input. Most of the others were attacks against what they saw as my weak parenting.

 

If I really thought I had issues with angry kids or I felt incapable of making decisions for my kids, I would have asked for help in that area. I have four happy, great kids. They are not perfect and neither am I. I only asked for advice concerning the lure of ps some homeschool kids encounter and how to deal with it.

 

Miss Sherry - Yes, I do understand how many people are on this board. I was part of the recent marathon filing thread! I was referring to my amazement of how many people wanted to take apart and analyze my posts. Most of the posts had nothing to do with what I was asking. It took off on a parenting tangent that I feel was unrelated to the OP. I was amazed that people took the time to extract one word or phrase from my posts and use that to analyze my parenting. I really don't see how anyone could judge my parenting from these posts. How could anyone possibly make those leaps? I agree that some of the misunderstanding came from my choice of words. I didn't think I needed to carefully weigh each word I used. But, again, I was not asking for parenting advice. That came unsolicited.

[Miss Sherry]

I think the OP is being very unfair to the other posters here.

For example the OP states regarding her child " She gets angry at me almost daily. Some days multiple times! I'm quite used to it. However, I know that if she is angry and resentful about homeschooling, we will not achieve optimal learning." Clearly, it is being said the child is having anger issues - daily.

Then the poster says, after another poster very tactfully posts about the anger with the child " I think we have another case of my words being misunderstood. The anger I'm referring to is not fits of rage, nasty faces, etc... I should have said that we disagree on things daily......... Boy, I really have to watch how I word things here! "

 

WOW. It seems really unfair to treat us as if, by reading what you have actually posted and responding to it, we are all being so hard on you. This is the most extreme example of this kind of thing I have seen.

I honestly do not know what you want from other posters. We can only read the actual words you have stated but if you do not mean any of it we cannot read your mind and know that you are not thinking what you have actually written, but that is NOT the fault of those of us posting to you on here. We all make mistakes in our posts , how we say things and how we respond to things, but this is a little extreme and I think unfair to those who have tried to respond.

I am so sorry for my part in miscommunicating to you and you feel miss understood. However, I do feel I was mislead by your words and expected to know you didn't actually mean a lot of them.

[Miss Sherry]

Corbie,you said

"I was not asking for parenting advice. My words have been picked apart and over analyzed.............. I was looking to hear from other parents who faced this dilemma and hear how they dealt with it. Some posters did share those experiences, and I appreciate their input. Most of the others were attacks against what they saw as my weak parenting."

 

I think it is unfortunate that you are saying "Most of the others were attacks against what they saw as my week parenting". WOW. That is so insulting to those who posted on here. Having a different view on a situation with a child is not an ATTACK against you. It is a different view. After all, this IS a discussion board, and you did post on it. Naturally people respond on a board like this and the fact you posted IS implying an invitation for responses.

 

I will not agree with you that you have been attacked on here. You have not. You have simply had others share their thoughts, which are not the same as yours. That's all.

[corbie]

I am done with this conversation.

[Tidbits of Learning]

I agree with the OP and I haven't been a part of this conversation. I went back and read through several pages and right after she said the problem was solved people kept coming back to question her parenting and berate her wording.

Just some reminders on board rules

Be humble

Post your opinions and your experiences, but remember that other families may have different experiences than yours and may reason their way with impeccable logic to different conclusions. Posts which "lay down the law" may be deleted.

 

Be civil

Don't attack another poster's background, religious convictions, experience, or parenting style. Above all, resist the one-liner subject-header put-down. Nasty cracks will be deleted.

 

Think Before You Post

The posts on this forum are available for all the world to see. If you don't want all the world to see what you have to say, don't post it. We are not likely to remove a thread/post because you later regret writing it. If you are all fired up about something, take a walk or have a cup of tea before posting something you will regret.

 

Don't insist on the last word

Some disagreements will result in a draw. Be willing to let a thread end on someone ELSE'S opinion. "Last words" which have no purpose other than to assert that, after all, you're REALLY right, will be deleted.

 

IMO quite a few of these lines were smudged if not downright crossed. If you can go back and re-read all of your posts in this thread and say I followed the rules, then have a clear conscience; but, I think the OP has reason to feel that some lines were crossed.

Edited September 5, 2010 by OpenMinded

[Tidbits of Learning]

...

[Krissi]

Ya'll are a trip. I agree with a lot of what was said, but seems like everyone started getting defensive-pretty much everyone who wrote more than once in this thread.

Just sayin"...

[Mallory]

I'll admit I keep checking this thread- it's been like watching a car wreck.

 

I also think it is strange none of these "well meaning advisors" haven't jumped into another current thread here whose child has just decided to homeschool.....

[parias1126]

I would have to say that this is probably not the right board for a post such as this. When you post about a child wanting to go to public school on a homeschooling forum, you are going to get harsh opinions naturally. It needs to be understood that most of the ladies here are very pro-homeschooling.

[Mallory]

Yes, but most of the "advice" here wasn't about how homeschooling is better, it was about parenting and letting 5yo make huge decisions.

[parias1126]

I agree, that's how I read the message.

 

 

"Actually, saying " I LET her go to preschool last year" does indeed imply the child made the decision in that. Fearing the childs anger, which the OP has stated, in regards in whether or not they homeschool, is also implying giving over decision making to the child."

 

Aren't you reading a bit too much into the OP's post? I believe the OP was accused the same of some of the responses in this post. It works both ways, I guess.

 

Really though, the OP was asking for opinions and there was really no need to piece apart her original post the way some have.

[parias1126]

Yes, but most of the "advice" here wasn't about how homeschooling is better, it was about parenting and letting 5yo make huge decisions.

 

The OP never stated that her DD was going to make the final decision. That was "assumed" by others.

[Jenn in Mo]

I'll admit I keep checking this thread- it's been like watching a car wreck.

 

I also think it is strange none of these "well meaning advisors" haven't jumped into another current thread here whose child has just decided to homeschool.....

 

She asked a question and was given answers she didn't like. She's allowed to reject advice she doesn't like. She SHOULD reject advice she doesn't like.

 

The car wreck for me is that she found it offensive that people gave advice she didn't care for. And stranger still, that people agree with her stance that she was "attacked". Really???

[VBoulden]

I think you as the parent know what's best for your child. Not everyone agrees with this... your kids might not even agree with it at times... but I think children were given parents as a natural design for their protection. We make critical decisions for them until they are old enough to make informed decisions for themselves, etc. What child wouldn't want to be "with their friends" if given the option? I have a very social five year old and she would jump on the chance to go to school. School seems so fun, after all... Let me tell you a story that you may relate to...

 

I worked at the local YMCA for a time and my daughter would go to the babysitting room while I taught fitness classes for an hour or two at a time a few days a week while she was in preschool (at home). The YMCA also had an official childcare department with formal preschool classes. She'd pass the kids playing on the fenced-in playground (that she wasn't allowed on because she wasn't enrolled) or she heard the kids singing while walking in line and naturally, she'd feel like she missing out and want to "go to daycare." She'd even cry about it.

 

What she couldn't see was the fact that many of these kids were dropped off in the wee hours of morning, with sleep still in their eyes with a pop tart in hand and a quick kiss goodbye... or the look in the kid's eyes as they passed my daughter walking hand in hand with her Mommy... It sounds dramatic and sappy, but I think some of those kids would have done anything to switch places with my daughter and have "Mommy" all day/ everyday.

 

But, of course, the kids were only five, like my daughter, and probably couldn't articulate their desire in words... and once they were at school, they got distracted again by all the activities and social interaction and did fine without Mommy for a day, a week, a month, a year...

 

I didn't give my five year old a choice in the matter. If I ever do give her a say (like when we told her she could have a puppy, got one, and then had to give it away... long story...) but, at those times, we have suffered a great deal of guilt (even though we aren't actually guilty of anything... except letting her have a say when she is too young and selfish to do what is right for an animal). She will cry and bring it up through sad eyes and say she misses her puppy, etc. She's five and of course, she wants to have a puppy when she wants to have a puppy and she doesn't understand or care that the puppy wasn't happy or healthy in this climate, etc. etc. etc. We've talked to her about it like rational people, but it's like talking to, well, a five year old... She will just have to trust us (or not) till she understands why we gave the dog away in full.

 

So, if our daughter wants to go to school when she is older, we will see about it. We haven't told her she will have a choice, but when the time comes, we figure she will ask and then she'll have to make her case to her father and I, but right now, we didn't even give her the option because we think being home with her parents and her siblings is what is best for her.

 

When she shows signs of loneliness (which she does every few months), we are more deliberate to invite over a close friend (who also home schools and who therefore, is available) for a day and a night... or we call and offer to take another home school friend with us to the zoo or the pool... or we send her to stay with Grandma for a week... or ask Auntie to visit for a week.

 

I would decide what you think is best for your daughter (it could be school. Some of my best friends think school is best...) and then ask/ tell her firmly to trust you if it goes against what she wants. Hold her while she cries but be firm because as an adult and most importantly because you love her, you know is best and what is best might not be what she thinks is best....

 

We tell our daughter all the time that we love her (she knows it, but we say it anyway) and we don't give her the burden of deciding something so important... She just gets to be loved, learn to trust us and be free to be a kid who may I add is free to learn with a stick in a pond rather than a school desk... That's AWESOME!

 

Good luck with whatever you decide (but I think you should decide something this big for your little one.) :001_smile:

Edited September 6, 2010 by VBoulden

[mama27]

This will be my last comment on this.

No one attacked her. Attacking would be saying something like you are stupid for letting her go to public school to begin with! What kind of a parent are you??

THAT is attacking.

And NO, that is not what "I" am saying or even thought of saying.

Some parents are not as able to say no to their kids without feeling guilty. Some don't feel as secure in their parenting skills and decisions they make. The impression "I" got was that the OP was asking people to advise her on what she should do, not try to convince her that homeschooling is better. Since this is a homeschooling board that should be obvious here for the most part.

Again, if anyone asks for advice on a basically PUBLIC board you will not always like what you read. Take what you like and ignore the rest. Like a buffett.

And for the person who said that those doing the attcking had not commented on any other posts, maybe that because I at least, had nothing to say??