Smoking *rant" well actually parenting *rant*

[In2why]

I smoke. It is a disgusting horrible habit and I am aware of the dangers.

 

With that said yesterday we went to Water Country. A water park in Virginia. There are smoking areas available at different places in the park. This makes most people happy and is a legitimate compromise. Here is my Rant. I don't smoke where your children play, why do you let your children play where I smoke? These areas aren't large and have a few benches. Usually three and are covered for shade with a half fence around them. Yesterday it seemed like these places were filled with people's kids while they smoked. The kids were sitting on the benches or running all around. I thought I might have actually burned a 2-3 y/o girl because she ran into my hand. Now right across from the sidewalk from these areas are benches where you could sit your children, smoke and still see them. Or there are curbs not far where they could sit if those benches were full. Why would anyone want their kids sitting in the midst of a bunch of smokers? I guess that since they smoke they don't worry about exposing their kids. Well, okay, but I don't want to worry about hurting your kids either. Also out of pure selfishness I want to be able to sit down on one of the smokers benches too since this is my 5 minute break from the craziness. I kept thinking that first they shouldn't be in there, and secondly if they want to smoke in front of their kids they should at least tell them to stop laying on the bench so others could sit down. I just don't get it.

[Heather in AL]

I don't smoke but I totally agree with you!

 

I suspect these people just don't think about the comfort of others (a sad reality in society nowadays). Just like when I was pg years ago and there was no place to sit in the OB's office and not.one.man offered me his seat.

 

I think it's a sad reality that no one is paying attention to others, even though YOU ARE!

 

Next time, stand next to one of those benches and if a spot becomes available (i.e. if a kid gets up to jump/play), take it. If someone comments, say that the spot is for smokers, and say it with a smile.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

I don't smoke anymore, but I remember when I did! I went into an airport smoking room once and there were kids in there! It was so smoky in there it forced ME out and those kids were stuck in there! poor things!

 

I hate it when people let their kids say things like,"don't you know that smoking is bad for you?" to adults!!! Children are not the advisors of adults, thankyouverymuch! Cheeky! :glare:

[*********]

Just like when I was pg years ago and there was no place to sit in the OB's office and not.one.man offered me his seat.

 

I realize this is a hijack; but oh my word, that is crazy.

[AlaskaGrownFamily]

I hate it when people let their kids say things like,"don't you know that smoking is bad for you?" to adults!!! Children are not the advisors of adults, thankyouverymuch! Cheeky! :glare:

 

Urm... my kids have said things like that before. I can't exactly govern their every comment... :001_huh:

 

I like what Heather in AL said. :001_smile:

[ThatCyndiGirl]

Urm... my kids have said things like that before. I can't exactly govern their every comment... :001_huh:

 

I like what Heather in AL said. :001_smile:

 

 

I know and I get that. (my kids may or may not have said things out of turn. lol)

 

I'm talking about when parents overhear and don't correct, kwim? As in....they allow their kids to go around to other adults and correct the adults behaviour.

 

NOT OKAY, imo.

[sarawatsonim]

I hate it when people let their kids say things like,"don't you know that smoking is bad for you?" to adults!!! Children are not the advisors of adults, thankyouverymuch! Cheeky! :glare:

 

I have to say that my daughter does that. I have to try to avoid smokers at all costs because she becomes the smoking police. I think it is the combination of trying to get my dh to quit (although she has never once seen him smoke, we both know he does) and the commercials on TV that show all the horrible effects of smoking. But I also figure if someone is rude enough to pull out a cigarette and light it beside my child (not in a smoking area), they deserve her opinion.

 

I also agree with people not considering others comfort level. When I was very obviously pregnant with dd5 and waiting for the bus. An old woman sat on the bench right beside me and lit a cigarette.:ack2:

[sparrow]

I hate it when people let their kids say things like,"don't you know that smoking is bad for you?" to adults!!! Children are not the advisors of adults, thankyouverymuch! Cheeky! :glare:

 

Urm... my kids have said things like that before. I can't exactly govern their every comment... :001_huh:

 

I like what Heather in AL said. :001_smile:

 

 

No, but this being allowed is waaaaayyyyyy more prevalent than it used to be. I know it happens. I have a kid on the spectrum who thought he should comment on the junk food in people's shopping carts, but he has learned that it is unacceptable for him to do so. I've seen some parents who shrug their shoulders as if to say, "what can you do?" regarding their precocious little darling. Drives. Me. Batty.

 

I think I may have just politely asked a child to move so you could have a seat. I'm sure these parents aren't thinking twice about having their kids exposed to the smoke or being impolite to an adult who may like a seat.

[In2why]

I have to say that my daughter does that. I have to try to avoid smokers at all costs because she becomes the smoking police. I think it is the combination of trying to get my dh to quit (although she has never once seen him smoke, we both know he does) and the commercials on TV that show all the horrible effects of smoking. But I also figure if someone is rude enough to pull out a cigarette and light it beside my child (not in a smoking area), they deserve her opinion.

 

I also agree with people not considering others comfort level. When I was very obviously pregnant with dd5 and waiting for the bus. An old woman sat on the bench right beside me and lit a cigarette.:ack2:[/Q

 

My children tell/told me how bad it is and I agree. But at the same time they need to know they can't walk up to someone smoking and give them their opinion about it. Same as I don't want them walking up to someone overweight and tell them they shouldn't have that cake they are eating.

 

But I don't want anyone lighting up next to my child. I even ask adults outside anywhere near me if smoking bothers them, and try to walk away to a empty area. I am going to quit again and had quit for 4 months when my Father got a terminal diagnosis and my world turned upside down.

[Nestof3]

I agree parents shouldn't be allowing their children to play there. I wouldn't.

 

As for the comments, they are a little hard to control because my kids know the dangers of smoking and they find it horribly smelly. When they see their grandmother all the time walking around the house tied to an oxygen tube because she only has one diseased lung left because she couldn't kick the habit of smoking, they get concerned about people. My kids honestly cannot understand why people smoke -- they honestly think people just aren't aware of the dangers.

 

I used to throw my parents' cigarettes away, and I will not feel bad about it. Don't even get me started on how much my mom is costing taxpayers.

 

Yes, I love my mom, but I hate the fact that she couldn't give it up.

 

I wanted to add that I can imagine it is horribly hard to quit. My dad did quit. I'm not trying to be insensitive to that. But, it has been horrible seeing its effect on my mom. My dad, too, is disappointed because this is the time of their life they should be living it up. Instead, she cannot do anything without being out of breath.

Edited August 30, 2010 by nestof3

[jujsky]

I know and I get that. (my kids may or may not have said things out of turn. lol)

 

I'm talking about when parents overhear and don't correct, kwim? As in....they allow their kids to go around to other adults and correct the adults behaviour.

 

NOT OKAY, imo.

 

I won't correct my kids when they say this. Smoking is disgusting, and the second-hand smoke of smokers is affecting the health of my children. Why shouldn't they speak up? If adults aren't adult enough to realize that their smoking affects everyone -- not just them -- then maybe they need a child to tell them it's gross.

[Jennifer in MI]

My dd won't actually address the smoker, but she'll say to me, "Why is that person SMOKING????!! It stinks!" I agree. It does.

[simka2]

We never taught our children to pass blanket judgment on all smokers. The PS did that for us! Now...I have had to correct them a few times, (PS did a great job of indoctrinateing them :) ) and remind them that...yes, it can be bad for your health, but there are other medical conditions that benefit from it. We don't know why the person smokes...our job is to love. Now if someone is blatantly smoking where they shouldn't I have no problem asking them to move.

 

It has been difficult retraining my kiddos!

[elegantlion]

I'm the obnoxious ex-smoker. It makes me gag and no way do I want my ds around that. Now my dh smokes, he has quit a few times and working on it again starting September 1st.

 

It surprising how addictive smoking can be. I quit easily, but years later I catch that person smoking on TV and in the right moment, especially right after dinner, my body would think it needed a cigarette.

 

Honestly, if a child commenting on my smoking I would tell them, yes, it's horrid, please don't ever start.

[sarawatsonim]

I'm not saying my daughter randomly walks up to people and passes judgement. She saves that for close friends and family.:001_smile: I was saying that if a random person lights up beside my child and it is not a designated smoking area then she has as much right to say something to them than any grown adult does.

[kalanamak]

I realize this is a hijack; but oh my word, that is crazy.

 

In ten years of riding the NYC subways ONLY women gave seats to PG women or women with a baby. ONLY women. If someone else didn't rise the moment they got on, I did. Now that I've had a baby, holy cow, I must have done it for manners, because I had NO idea what a kindness I was doing!

 

The only time I was given a seat was when I fainted. Poor people. The didn't know (nor did I) that I was coming down with the measles!

[Hockey Mom]

In ten years of riding the NYC subways ONLY women gave seats to PG women or women with a baby. ONLY women. If someone else didn't rise the moment they got on, I did. Now that I've had a baby, holy cow, I must have done it for manners, because I had NO idea what a kindness I was doing!

 

The only time I was given a seat was when I fainted. Poor people. The didn't know (nor did I) that I was coming down with the measles!

 

I noticed that too when I was pg.

 

That's why I'm making SURE that my boys are raised right. :D

 

To the OP: I completely agree with your rant. Children have no business in a smoking section. Ever.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

I'm not saying my daughter randomly walks up to people and passes judgement. She saves that for close friends and family.:001_smile: I was saying that if a random person lights up beside my child and it is not a designated smoking area then she has as much right to say something to them than any grown adult does.

 

 

Yes, lighting up around a child is different. (in a regular situation, not in the enclosed smoking area the OP was talking about.)

 

But,....those who think it is ok for their kids to just walk up to people and get onto the adult for smoking....REALLY?! I mean, at what point do you say that it is over the line? I'm fat. Is it okay for them to call me out for that, too? What about someone drinking alcohol? PS kids are being told that alcohol is a drug, too. Is that okay for them to police adults on, too?

 

I mean, at what point do we say,"okay, you are a child and that is an adult. They are making that choice. You need to back off." ??

 

My brother smokes and it is KILLING HIM. I hate to see him smoke, but I don't want to alienate him by harping on it.

 

I know it's wrong. He knows it's wrong. If a child told him it was wrong it wouldn't make him more likely to quit, it would be seen as disrespectful.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

I tell my kids, "yes, what you have been taught is true. Smoking is bad, dangerous, etc., but you DO NOT CORRECT ADULTS!"

 

They can still honour and absorb the message without being disrespectful. I mean, if they are being reared with religion would you want them going up to and argueing with all adults that spout opinions you don't agree with/teach or would you want them to learn some respect and restraint?

[Pretty in Pink]

I agree with the OP regarding the situation she described.

 

My kids do not approach adults in a designated smoking area to criticize them; however, if an adult lights up next to my child at the playground or a ballgame or some other venue that is not designated for smoking they may speak up and ask that person to put out their cigarette. I encourage them to, actually.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

I agree with the OP regarding the situation she described.

 

My kids do not approach adults in a designated smoking area to criticize them; however, if an adult lights up next to my child at the playground or a ballgame or some other venue that is not designated for smoking they may speak up and ask that person to put out their cigarette. I encourage them to, actually.

 

 

Again, THIS scenario I agree with, but.....being at Grandpa's house and spouting off about his smoking habit, walking up to people who are smoking away from child (so child has to enter the area of smoking to verbalize his/her disdain for smoking) or otherwise correcting an adult just to show their disdain for the habit? NOT OKAY.

 

ETA: I'm glad I don't smoke anymore since, as Wendy pointed out, there really aren't many places left to do it! I hate it when people smoke while walking around the zoo/park, etc. I'm there to smell air!

 

Also, I wish there was a way to get all perfume wearers to cease and desist, but.....alas, I can't do that, either! (I get instant headaches and nausea from other people's perfumes. YUCK!)

[sparrow]

I mean, at what point do we say,"okay, you are a child and that is an adult. They are making that choice. You need to back off." ??

 

 

 

This is what I am wondering. I was thinking of doing a s/o topic so I didn't hijack the thread.

[Garga]

In ten years of riding the NYC subways ONLY women gave seats to PG women or women with a baby. ONLY women. If someone else didn't rise the moment they got on, I did. Now that I've had a baby, holy cow, I must have done it for manners, because I had NO idea what a kindness I was doing!

 

The only time I was given a seat was when I fainted. Poor people. The didn't know (nor did I) that I was coming down with the measles!

 

 

(This is so off topic) The other day a 20-something black man in the DC subway gave up his seat for me...and I'm not even pregnant! I had my 7 yo son with me, we were going to stand holding onto the pole, but the man stood up and said, "You can sit here," and I said, "It's ok, we can stand," but he didn't say another word; he just stood up and left the seat for us. I sat on it with my ds on my lap.

 

And yes, (even further off topic) it's important to me that he was young and was black. I think that young people and black people are given a bad rap and I love it when they prove that the fuddy-duddies are wrong.

[annandatje]

I am not a smoker. However, if I were a smoker who was in a public place alone with her child, I would want the child right there beside me, especially tots and preschoolers. They can dart away in a flash.

[Mejane]

:iagree:, OP.

 

I detest smoking because both of my parents died of smoking-related illnesses, but I think smokers have it really tough nowadays. Seeing them huddled outside a building on a freezing, rainy day bothers me. (And, yes, I know it's their choice.) I also think not being allowed to smoke in bars is carrying things a bit too far.

 

My son gives up his seat for ladies, pg or not.

 

My kids are NOT allowed to admonish adults.

 

Think I covered all the topics in this thread. ;)

[Peela]

I grew up with 2 parents who smoked and I was very anti smoking. My mother used to smoke in the car with the windows wound up- and if it was winter, would complain if we wanted them down. She would get very annoyed with us. But I consider her a basically loving person and in those days, she didnt know any better. I would say the same for those people with their kids running around. Even though the info is out there, they just don;t know any better, for whatever reason. I know a woman who smoked during her pregnancy even though she knew the risks. People do what they do.

 

Its often not till you stop smoking that you sensitise enough to realise how harmful it owuld be for kids. I used to smoke, even though I grew up hating my parents' smoking. I enjoyed it. Then when I stopped, I couldnt believe I had enjoyed it. Now I cant stand anyone smoking near me. But, times change.

[lionfamily1999]

I am not a smoker. However, if I were a smoker who was in a public place alone with her child, I would want the child right there beside me, especially tots and preschoolers. They can dart away in a flash.

:iagree: I smoke. I find the little holes that King's Dominion has tucked away for smoking. I cannot, will not let my kids run around outside of the little pit where I'm smoking. There are too many people, the park is too big, and I don't trust all those strangers with my kiddos ;)

[n/m on the rest, useless really]

Edited May 1, 2011 by lionfamily1999

[annandatje]

Public transportation seating, with some exceptions, is on a first-come first-served basis.

 

Our family's take on it is to not expect anyone to offer their seat to them; it is not inherently rude to keep your seat.

 

However, the kiddos have been taught by example, not words, to offer their seats to others if they feel inclined (they often do).

 

Even in my 4th through 9th months of pregnancy, I would routinely offer my seat to frail people, sweating out-of-breath fat people, pregnant women that looked tired, and those who just looked like they could use a break.

[katilac]

I'm not saying my daughter randomly walks up to people and passes judgement. She saves that for close friends and family.:001_smile: I was saying that if a random person lights up beside my child and it is not a designated smoking area then she has as much right to say something to them than any grown adult does.

 

She has as much right to say, "Pardon me, sir, but this is a non-smoking area, would you mind putting that out?"

 

That's about it, tho'. Not as much fun as an anti-smoking riff, but far more polite and effective.

[Julie in CA]

I don't smoke. I don't have particularly strong feelings about those who do. At the same time, I'm flabbergasted at those of you who would not correct your dc if they called out an adult about smoking (or even some who'd *encourage* it :001_huh:).

 

Of *course* you can teach your child not to be rude like that!

Would you allow them to walk up to someone who was overweight and tell them that they should throw their lunch in trash, because french fries are bad for them? Would you allow them to look grandma in the face and exclaim loudly that her breath STINKS? How about if a child were to walk up to you and tell you that you shouldn't be giving your child that gum because artificial sweeteners are BAD for you?

 

Regardless of what I were doing, unsolicited advice from a child is just...well, whatever happened to teaching children some *self* control, and discretion? Sheesh, take the plank out of your own eye, kid. When you're old enough to know how to cross the street on your own, maybe then I'll take your advice. :glare: And no, I don't smoke, but even I would be tempted to light up in front of a 10 year old who was presumptuous enough to lecture me about it.

[Chelli]

I asked my grandma to quit smoking when I was in first grade. I don't think what I did was wrong or being cheeky! I loved my grandma. I had learned in school that smoking turned your lungs black and would kill you, so I told her this and asked her to please quit because I didn't want her to die. She quit smoking that day and never smoked again.

 

My children have made comments to me when they see someone smoking. "Mom, why is that guy smoking? It's so gross and it's bad for you." Sometimes these comments are made rather loudly and possibly within earshot of the smoker :glare:. I remind them to lower their voice and that smoking is all of those things, but we don't need to talk about other people. We can talk about smoking later in the car or at home.

 

However, I would not have a problem with one of my kids saying something to a relative that they cared about. Two totally different scenarios, IMO.

[Laura Corin]

I realize this is a hijack; but oh my word, that is crazy.

 

I was working in London and used to take the bus to work. I would often be standing with no one giving up their seat. I used to say to the nearest able-bodied person, "Excuse me, I'm pregnant and prone to fainting [true]. Could I possibly sit down?" I always got a seat. My British relatives were horrified that I was so pushy. After many years overseas, I don't quite do Brit any more.

 

Laura

[kolamum]

I hate it when people let their kids say things like,"don't you know that smoking is bad for you?" to adults!!! Children are not the advisors of adults, thankyouverymuch! Cheeky! :glare:

 

:lol: Okay, so my kids are guilty of saying this. They have a grandparent that smokes and I didn't want them to think it was okay, so we told them it's not good and what it can do to you, etc. They once, out of true curiosity, at the age of 4 asked a uni aged neighbor if she knew smoking might kill her. She told them they were right so my ever inquisitive child asked why she was doing it. She shrugged and put it out.

 

I told them, back in the privacy of our home, that people know the health risks and it's not up to use to lecture them. However, they are genuinely concerned for the grandparent who smokes and I can only imagine what they'll do/say after we read Ramona and her father. ;)

[Lizzie in Ma]

Sheesh, take the plank out of your own eye, kid. When you're old enough to know how to cross the street on your own, maybe then I'll take your advice. :glare: And no, I don't smoke, but even I would be tempted to light up in front of a 10 year old who was presumptuous enough to lecture me about it.

 

:lol::lol::lol:

You should have seen the shreds of my tongue when the pastor's 14 year old told me I shouldn't read Twilight. :D

[ChristinaGammon]

I agree. I used to smoke and was so self conscious when children were around.

I quit 6 years ago. quitnet.com is a great resource for it (but anyway)...

 

Children can't choose their environment but it's too bad we can't choose it for them when their parents don't.

[Plagefille]

I think it is completely acceptable to comment on other bad health habits if I am stuck paying for their health care, which is true for quite a few people.

[Haiku]

I tell my kids, "yes, what you have been taught is true. Smoking is bad, dangerous, etc., but you DO NOT CORRECT ADULTS!"

 

 

 

I have never told my kids not to correct adults. Adults make errors all the time, and I would never want my kids in a situation where an adult is doing something wrong (truly wrong) and my kids were afraid to speak up.

 

I think there is room for a discussion of the fact that some people will smoke even though they know it is unhealthy and it's not our job to remind them that it's unhealthy, but I would never tell my kids not to correct adults.

 

Tara

[lionfamily1999]

I think it is completely acceptable to comment on other bad health habits if I am stuck paying for their health care, which is true for quite a few people.

I'm working on teaching my children not to jump to conclusions about people. A person has holey pants doesn't mean they're poor. A person with messy hair isn't necessarily unkempt. A person isn't necessarily on the public dole.

[Abigail4476]

I don't smoke anymore, but I remember when I did! I went into an airport smoking room once and there were kids in there! It was so smoky in there it forced ME out and those kids were stuck in there! poor things!

 

I hate it when people let their kids say things like,"don't you know that smoking is bad for you?" to adults!!! Children are not the advisors of adults, thankyouverymuch! Cheeky! :glare:

 

Well...my daughters not only told their uncle that, but they stole his cigarettes and threw them out while he was taking a nap. :glare: Fortunately, he has a good sense of humor. That was NOT planned by me--they thought it up all by their 4 and 6 year old selves. Just saying. We don't always "let" our children be cheeky; often they just are. :tongue_smilie:

 

I have to wonder why the people letting their kids play around the smoking areas aren't concerned for their kids? They don't mind that their children are breathing in the smoke?

[kristavws]

I don't smoke. I don't have particularly strong feelings about those who do. At the same time, I'm flabbergasted at those of you who would not correct your dc if they called out an adult about smoking (or even some who'd *encourage* it :001_huh:).

Of *course* you can teach your child not to be rude like that!

Would you allow them to walk up to someone who was overweight and tell them that they should throw their lunch in trash, because french fries are bad for them? Would you allow them to look grandma in the face and exclaim loudly that her breath STINKS? How about if a child were to walk up to you and tell you that you shouldn't be giving your child that gum because artificial sweeteners are BAD for you?

Regardless of what I were doing, unsolicited advice from a child is just...well, whatever happened to teaching children some *self* control, and discretion? Sheesh, take the plank out of your own eye, kid. When you're old enough to know how to cross the street on your own, maybe then I'll take your advice.

 

 

:glare: And no, I don't smoke, but even I would be tempted to light up in front

of a 10 year old who was presumptuous enough to lecture me about

it.

 

:iagree:

[choirfarm]

I don't smoke anymore, but I remember when I did! I went into an airport smoking room once and there were kids in there! It was so smoky in there it forced ME out and those kids were stuck in there! poor things!

 

I hate it when people let their kids say things like,"don't you know that smoking is bad for you?" to adults!!! Children are not the advisors of adults, thankyouverymuch! Cheeky! :glare:

 

Well, I let my children say what I say to anyone who smokes. STOP NOW. You are not only punishing yourself, you are punishing your children. I tried to get my dad to quit since I was 5. I would flush his cigarettes down the toilet, put pictures of lungs of people that smoked on the mirror, wrote letters, cried, begged. To no avail. So what happened? The smoking helped cause major osteoperosis and he broke his femur and was on oxygen 24/7. He couldn't take care of himself anymore. So he lived with me so I can take him everywhere: doctors, Walmart, etc. He had to quit because I wouldn't buy him cigarettes. He was really sad about how much I had to take care of him. At different times I had to do toilet duty and other things. Horrible. His cough was horrendous. After 5 years of taking care of my children ( ages 2, 7 and 9 when all of this started) AND having to take care of my father, he died. The cause of death on his death certificate is smoking. My dad hated that I had to take care of him, but that is what smoking did to him. So quit, if not for you, then do it so that your children don't have to go through what I did!!!!!!

 

So yes, I let my children be cheeky. That is the only good that came outof this. They will never smoke.

 

Christine

Edited May 3, 2011 by choirfarm