********* Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 I'm really looking to discuss this, because I want to understand better how to relate to those who 'do' Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the tooth fairy. For example: We teach our boys that there are families who tell their children that Santa is a real person who comes into your house on Christmas Eve and leaves you presents. We also teach them that while that is not true, lots of people like to have their children believe that it is, because they think it's a fun game. We tell them that it is not their job to tell other kids that Santa isn't real, and that pretending the Santa game is very important to lots of other families. But, I don't really know what to tell them to say to questions from children like 'What are you asking Santa to bring you for Christmas?', or 'What are you leaving Santa to eat on Christmas Eve?', etc. Of course these things are discussed around Christmas time. And my children have been asked questions like this in the past. It makes them VERY uncomfortable. See, they KNOW they're not supposed to spoil the 'Santa game' for other kids, but they also are not expected (or allowed!) to lie. So they end up saying 'I dunno', or 'we don't do Santa'. So far I don't think they've said 'Santa isn't real', but I could see them blurting that out if they felt pressed, or if a kid kept asking. I've even had a hygenist at the dentist SCOLD my then five year old son for saying 'I know Santa's not real' when she asked him what he asked Santa to bring him. :001_huh: She was worried that another kid might hear. I mean, I realize that not 'doing' Santa puts us in the minority, at least here in the US. But why do people ASSUME that everyone 'does' Santa? I just really think that in this day of cultural and religious diversity, it should not be assumed that people believe something just because you do. Nor should everyone be expected to 'play along' with something they don't believe in. So, I guess my question is, if you 'do' Santa, do you teach your children that there are kids who don't? That there are kids who believe Santa isn't real, some families don't believe in Santa, and that's ok? That some kids don't ask Santa to bring them presents, or leave treats for him, or might even say 'Santa's not real', because they don't think he's real? Or what? Help me out here, mom's who 'do' Santa. What do you teach your kids about the 'other side', LOL. And PLEASE, I'm begging, let's not start a 'you should/shouldn't do Santa' debate. That's not what I'm asking at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 Well we didn't do Santa because we had angels bringing the presents (Polish traditional gift giver). Sometimes my kids said something like we don't do Santa but other times, they would say, I hope to get Blank. You see, we never had them think that expecting to get a present meant they would get it. That is actually what I don't understand about the question -what is Santa bringing you? Now, if it was after Christmas, they ignored the Santa part and said something about a gift they had liked. As it was, they never remembered who gave what. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 So, I guess my question is, if you 'do' Santa, do you teach your children that there are kids who don't? That there are kids who believe Santa isn't real, some families don't believe in Santa, and that's ok? That some kids don't ask Santa to bring them presents, or leave treats for him, or might even say 'Santa's not real', because they don't think he's real? Or what? So, I guess my question is, if you 'do' God, do you teach your children that there are kids who don't? That there are kids who believe God isn't real, some families don't believe in God, and that's ok? That some kids don't ask God <for anything> even say 'God's not real', because they don't think he's real? :D I teach my kids that people have all sorts of different beliefs & that in general, it's best to not make assumptions & it's not polite to get into debates or discussions about these issues in smalltalk type situations. FWIW, I've had more people assume we're Christian & believe in God than discuss Santa...... When young, my kids were under strict orders to not say "But there is no God!" when their friends talked about church or praying or the Lord's blessings etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMamaBird Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 We "do" Santa, the Easter Bunny, etc. but from the start have told my children that they are fun, imaginary creatures, like Mickey Mouse or Tinkerbelle. We go see them in the mall, leave out cookies, all that jazz but we always emphasize that Santa is a fun pretend character, but Jesus is real. When someone asks her what she wants from Santa, she'll tell them, but she knows he's make believe. If someone told her that Santa wasn't real, I wouldn't have a problem with it because that's what we tell her. If someone got hostile about us telling her I would have a problem with that simply because I don't like folks telling me how to raise my kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted August 30, 2010 Author Share Posted August 30, 2010 When young, my kids were under strict orders to not say "But there is no God!" when their friends talked about church or praying or the Lord's blessings etc. But the thing is, if someone said this to my children, it wouldn't bother me in the least. Not a bit. But it seems that many parents *would* be bothered if my child were to tell thier child that there is no Santa. That's what I was talking about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tutor Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 I just teach my kids that there are as many different beliefs as there are people and that people live their lives (and ask questions) according to their belief systems. Thus, if they are asked something they can't relate to directly (like "What is Santa bringing you for Christmas?" or "What did the Easter bunny bring you?") they are to answer according to the spirit of the question ("I am hoping to get a new bike for Christmas" or "We always get a new hat/ outfit for Easter"). Obviously, this is trickier for younger kids, but most people are understanding of the young child's lack of familiarity with a subject in that case and just direct questions to me instead... usually for me to interpret the question to my kids' understanding and inform them of where the confusion comes from all in one fell swoop. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 We "did" Santa and all the others but told them that not everyone believes. They never had a problem hearing others kids say they didn't believe or they weren't real. When they realized they weren't real they didn't have a problem with that either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted August 30, 2010 Author Share Posted August 30, 2010 I just teach my kids that there are as many different beliefs as there are people and that people live their lives (and ask questions) according to their belief systems. Thus, if they are asked something they can't relate to directly (like "What is Santa bringing you for Christmas?" or "What did the Easter bunny bring you?") they are to answer according to the spirit of the question ("I am hoping to get a new bike for Christmas" or "We always get a new hat/ outfit for Easter"). Obviously, this is trickier for younger kids, but most people are understanding of the young child's lack of familiarity with a subject in that case and just direct questions to me instead... usually for me to interpret the question to my kids' understanding and inform them of where the confusion comes from all in one fell swoop. :) This is great, Tutor. As I was sitting here thinking about it, I kinda came up with the same thing. It's kinda like when someone asks Zee 'so what grade are you in? That's always been a tricky question in the past. I've explained (several times) to Zee that what people are REALLY asking is 'how old are you?' So I've told him that he can either answer that question with his age, or with what grade he'd be in if he were in public school. Because the REAL answer is 'well, in Math I'm in third grade, in Science I'm in first grade, etc...' And that's not really usually what people want to know. So the same idea could apply to the Santa/Easter Bunny questions. I could just teach him to say 'I'm hoping to get a bike for Christmas', or 'we don't do gifts for Easter', or whatever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 Do you do winter gifts, but without the Santa story? If so, I wouldn't consider it lying to reply "I'm hoping for a new book/game/toy this year." In my circles, it's not uncommon for adults to ask other adults "So what did Santa bring you this year?", even though we're all in on the secret. Our answers aren't *lies*, in my mind. If not, I think a simple "We don't celebrate Christmas" or "We have different traditions in our house" or something else along those lines is a perfectly fine answer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gpsings Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 I tell my kids they are allowed to pretend with their friends, but the truth will be our little secret. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 So, I guess my question is, if you 'do' God, do you teach your children that there are kids who don't? That there are kids who believe God isn't real, some families don't believe in God, and that's ok? That some kids don't ask God <for anything> even say 'God's not real', because they don't think he's real? :D I teach my kids that people have all sorts of different beliefs & that in general, it's best to not make assumptions & it's not polite to get into debates or discussions about these issues in smalltalk type situations. FWIW, I've had more people assume we're Christian & believe in God than discuss Santa...... When young, my kids were under strict orders to not say "But there is no God!" when their friends talked about church or praying or the Lord's blessings etc. Hornblower, I so wish you would read my thread, on what dd wwas told @ church! Hijack over :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 I just teach my kids that there are as many different beliefs as there are people and that people live their lives (and ask questions) according to their belief systems. Thus, if they are asked something they can't relate to directly (like "What is Santa bringing you for Christmas?" or "What did the Easter bunny bring you?") they are to answer according to the spirit of the question ("I am hoping to get a new bike for Christmas" or "We always get a new hat/ outfit for Easter"). Obviously, this is trickier for younger kids, but most people are understanding of the young child's lack of familiarity with a subject in that case and just direct questions to me instead... usually for me to interpret the question to my kids' understanding and inform them of where the confusion comes from all in one fell swoop. :) I think this is great! I think as parents we sometimes over think things for our kids. I love the bolded part!!! I meant to add, that in my other thread I wasn't all that upset about this girl telling my kids Santa wasn't real. I brought that up to illustrate the pattern in this childs behavior. I was upset, because she said what she did...the day after she lost her dog :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in MI Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 It's because of threads like these that I always ask the parent, "Does Santa come to your house?" That way, the parent can answer and then I ask the child what Santa brought or what they want Santa to bring. Anyway, I think you've been given some wonderful advice here!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrs.m Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 So, I guess my question is, if you 'do' Santa, do you teach your children that there are kids who don't? That there are kids who believe Santa isn't real, some families don't believe in Santa, and that's ok? That some kids don't ask Santa to bring them presents, or leave treats for him, or might even say 'Santa's not real', because they don't think he's real? Or what? Help me out here, mom's who 'do' Santa. What do you teach your kids about the 'other side', LOL. yes, I do. I think to not do so would be like raising my children in a bubble. Not everyone believes as we do and we should be respectful of their beliefs just as we would want them to be to us. But they are kids and sometimes say the wrong thing... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsBasil Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 I grew up doing Santa and we'll most likely continue that tradition with our kids. The one girl I remember from childhood whose family didn't do Santa didn't actually do any holidays. My mom just told me their family didn't celebrate Christmas, Easter, or Halloween and that was their choice and we shouldn't be rude and talk about Christmas presents or Halloween parties around someone who wasn't allowed to participate. I know those kids wanted to do Halloween and Christmas from what they said when they were at our house, so this was more situation specific to avoid hurt feelings on both sides. My DS's godparents didn't do Santa with their now teenage kids and she coached them to say, "We celebrate differently then you, so Santa doesn't/didn't come to our house." When pressed, I think they said they spent the day with family, at church, and sometimes exchanged presents within their immediate family. Until the oldest was 6 they didn't do Christmas at all so they would say that they didn't celebrate the birth of Jesus since it wasn't in the Bible, so they didn't celebrate Christmas at all, so Santa didn't come to their house. She didn't want them to feel like they needed to lie or ruin Santa for the kids whose families did it, so they talked around it a bit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coffeegal Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 So, I guess my question is, if you 'do' Santa, do you teach your children that there are kids who don't? That there are kids who believe Santa isn't real, some families don't believe in Santa, and that's ok? That some kids don't ask Santa to bring them presents, or leave treats for him, or might even say 'Santa's not real', because they don't think he's real? Or what? Help me out here, mom's who 'do' Santa. What do you teach your kids about the 'other side', LOL. To be honest, we don't teach much about the 'other side', although I believe it's been mentioned that not everyone believes in Santa/Easter Bunny/etc. We have discussed that Santa respects parents. If a child's parents say, "No pony." Santa's not going to bring a pony. :lol: If a child's parents don't wish for Santa to visit, Santa won't visit. That being said, there's a world of difference, imho, between a playmate telling one of my dc that Santa's not real and an adult saying the same thing. I wouldn't be upset if your dc told my dc that Santa's not real. I would be upset if you did. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 We do Santa (and man, we do Santa BIG!!!), and this has never been an issue. Maybe because I'm from a culturally diverse area, where there were almost as many jewish kids as christian? Plus Jehovah's Witnesses, etc. So it wasn't expected that everyone did the same thing. So I guess I knew, and my son knows, that some people don't do Santa, and some don't celebrate Easter, and it is fine. It's just never been a big deal. Not sure that helps :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 We do Santa (and man, we do Santa BIG!!!), and this has never been an issue. Maybe because I'm from a culturally diverse area, where there were almost as many jewish kids as christian? Plus Jehovah's Witnesses, etc. So it wasn't expected that everyone did the same thing. So I guess I knew, and my son knows, that some people don't do Santa, and some don't celebrate Easter, and it is fine. It's just never been a big deal. Not sure that helps :) We do it big too!!! What's ironic to me about the issue is that I used to be in the staunch..."I will never lie to my kids, because then how can they trust me" camp. I mentioned this to wise old Pastor once, who kindly reminded me that I would regret passing up this magical time, and any offense my kids might have at being lied to, will be covered by the love filled memories. So when this young girl sat at my table and said "Santa isn't real" all my kids responded with "Oh, yes he is!!! We saw his boot prints coming out of the fireplace, and heard his sleighbells ringing!!!" The look on her face was priceless...she had no idea what to say and the akward moment passed. :) On a sad note..I think this will be the last year of being able to fool the older ones :) But then we can all get on board for the youngest! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nono Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 Yes we believe in Santa here, and yet, we "do" Santa probably differently than most. And that's talked about. My kids only get 3 gifts from Santa, and then other gifts from friends, extended family, and Mom & Dad. They know other kids don't necessarily believe in Santa, and that still other kids get practically get a truckload of things from Santa. It's never been a problem here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 We do Santa (and man, we do Santa BIG!!!), and this has never been an issue. Maybe because I'm from a culturally diverse area, where there were almost as many jewish kids as christian? Plus Jehovah's Witnesses, etc. So it wasn't expected that everyone did the same thing. So I guess I knew, and my son knows, that some people don't do Santa, and some don't celebrate Easter, and it is fine. It's just never been a big deal. Not sure that helps :) I grew up in an area with a lot of religions represented so I was used to the idea that not everyone "did" Santa. It never seemed like a big deal. Although I am finding that now there are many people of various religions who do Santa as part of a cultural Christmas celebration even if they are not Christian. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 We do Santa and such. My sister's children do not. I say, "They don't do Santa." It's not that big a deal. They don't watch Pokemon movies; we do. We don't own pretend guns; they do. They don't do Santa; we do. We all still love one another, play together, respect the differences. I can't imagine scolding a child for saying there's no Santa. So what if another child hears? I guess what I teach my kids is that we are all responsible for our own beliefs, and the beliefs of others do not have to affect ours, nor should we expect ours to change theirs. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 I'm really looking to discuss this, because I want to understand better how to relate to those who 'do' Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the tooth fairy. For example: We teach our boys that there are families who tell their children that Santa is a real person who comes into your house on Christmas Eve and leaves you presents. We also teach them that while that is not true, lots of people like to have their children believe that it is, because they think it's a fun game. We tell them that it is not their job to tell other kids that Santa isn't real, and that pretending the Santa game is very important to lots of other families. But, I don't really know what to tell them to say to questions from children like 'What are you asking Santa to bring you for Christmas?', or 'What are you leaving Santa to eat on Christmas Eve?', etc. Of course these things are discussed around Christmas time. And my children have been asked questions like this in the past. It makes them VERY uncomfortable. See, they KNOW they're not supposed to spoil the 'Santa game' for other kids, but they also are not expected (or allowed!) to lie. So they end up saying 'I dunno', or 'we don't do Santa'. So far I don't think they've said 'Santa isn't real', but I could see them blurting that out if they felt pressed, or if a kid kept asking. I've even had a hygenist at the dentist SCOLD my then five year old son for saying 'I know Santa's not real' when she asked him what he asked Santa to bring him. :001_huh: She was worried that another kid might hear. I mean, I realize that not 'doing' Santa puts us in the minority, at least here in the US. But why do people ASSUME that everyone 'does' Santa? I just really think that in this day of cultural and religious diversity, it should not be assumed that people believe something just because you do. Nor should everyone be expected to 'play along' with something they don't believe in. So, I guess my question is, if you 'do' Santa, do you teach your children that there are kids who don't? That there are kids who believe Santa isn't real, some families don't believe in Santa, and that's ok? That some kids don't ask Santa to bring them presents, or leave treats for him, or might even say 'Santa's not real', because they don't think he's real? Or what? Help me out here, mom's who 'do' Santa. What do you teach your kids about the 'other side', LOL. And PLEASE, I'm begging, let's not start a 'you should/shouldn't do Santa' debate. That's not what I'm asking at all. Our pediatrician asked my 3 yo son about the Easter Bunny and my son's response (stage whisper), "MOM! The doctor doesn't know the Easter Bunny is just a game we play!" We play the game, but everyone know it's a game. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest janainaz Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 We do Santa and the Easter Bunny, but if another child does not celebrate the holidays in the same way, I would not expect them to lie and follow along necessarily. I would rather them not go out of their way to tell my child that they are not real, but it would not offend me if they did. I just tell my ds that not everyone believes in Santa and the Easter Bunny and I leave it at that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Closeacademy Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 To be honest, I'm kind of mean about it. I've told my children that there are parents who don't allow Santa or the Easter Bunny to come to their house. And my kids feel kind of sad about it and sorry for those poor deprived kids. The main person I know who does this same kind of teaching with her kids, does it because she is jealous of Santa/Easter Bunny and wants her kids to know that the presents come from her. So I really don't feel too bad. We feel that children should be able to experience the magic of the seasons in a traditional way in which we grew up. We also teach the stories behind the holidays but we love Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, etc.:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest janainaz Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 To be honest, I'm kind of mean about it. I've told my children that there are parents who don't allow Santa or the Easter Bunny to come to their house. And my kids feel kind of sad about it and sorry for those poor deprived kids. The main person I know who does this same kind of teaching with her kids, does it because she is jealous of Santa/Easter Bunny and wants her kids to know that the presents come from her. So I really don't feel too bad. We feel that children should be able to experience the magic of the seasons in a traditional way in which we grew up. We also teach the stories behind the holidays but we love Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, etc.:001_smile: But do you think this teaches your kids to respect the beliefs of other people? There are many reasons people don't do Santa and the Easter Bunny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted August 30, 2010 Author Share Posted August 30, 2010 To be honest, I'm kind of mean about it. I've told my children that there are parents who don't allow Santa or the Easter Bunny to come to their house. And my kids feel kind of sad about it and sorry for those poor deprived kids I appreciate your honesty about what you tell your children. :) It does help me see the other side. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 meant for this to be a new post. sorry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest janainaz Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 It is as respectful as the other way around is it not? We are all in a sense disrespectful at times with stuff like this. Yes, I imagine we all end up canceling each other out at some point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brijen97 Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 We "do" Santa and I had a day care child whose family didn't "do" Santa. He did a great job of simply side stepping the issue with adults who asked him. The kids just took it for granted that Santa came or didn't come. If questioned he would answer that he wanted ..... for Christmas or that he got ..... for Christmas and simply didn't address the Santa issue at all. I am not sure if that is a solution he came up with on his own or if he was prompted to it by his parents. What I did think was odd....maybe you won't....when we did projects that involved stickers or rubber stamps he always, always went for the santa one first. Perhaps he just liked the story....I have done a lot of "background" with my daughter about St.Nicholas vs. Santa. Perhaps he picked up on that. The story of St.Nicholas is pretty cool after all...giving something without anyone knowing where it came from or expecting anything in return. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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