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s/o: Do your own kids tell you of their regrets?


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I have one that is so sensitive-I think he gets it from me. I would probably test him out as either an INFJ like me, or something close. HIM I have to watch with. Some of the things that happen that I have no control over-he is 11 and he can misinterpret what I've tried to shield him from. Now that they're older, we can be much more honest in telling them, they're mature enough to handle some of the things more, you know?

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:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:Gently, Jean, I think you are too hard on yourself.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I will admit, though, that all too often if my child is struggling at all, ANY of them, I somehow find a way to blame myself. I'm really getting better but I still struggle.

 

Actually it is dd8 who is too hard on me! Sometimes I do start to get sucked into the guilt because I don't give her enough attention etc. to satisfy her. And I do have a foreboding that she will look back as an adult and have lots of lasting regrets. But when I honestly look at her childhood, I've always apologized for my wrongs, and have tried to do the best I can do in the circumstances.

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Actually it is dd8 who is too hard on me! Sometimes I do start to get sucked into the guilt because I don't give her enough attention etc. to satisfy her. And I do have a foreboding that she will look back as an adult and have lots of lasting regrets. But when I honestly look at her childhood, I've always apologized for my wrongs, and have tried to do the best I can do in the circumstances.

 

Well, I love my kids dearly, and I share a very special bond with dd10. We've been through a LOT together. BUT, if her life worked out exactly as she'd want it to, I'd live my life being at her disposal and entertaining her every day. On a good day I loving tell her to find something to do that she'll enjoy. (thankfully dd's are playing together again a LOT lately!) On a bad day I have been known to tell her that I'm not here to entertain her all day long or I'll tell her to go find something to do/get busy. :glare:

 

It's important we apologize for our mistakes. I do that, too. But if we've made a big mistake we need to learn to forgive ourselves.

 

Otherwise, I'd suggest giving her special time every day. I try to do this with each of my kids (not so much ds18 NOW but up until recently I always did special things with him. Now he has a job, college, girlfriend...... you know?) Give her some special time. My dd's love to lay in bed with me and laugh, talk, read books, go for walks, etc. Give her something to fill her love tank and then don't allow yourself to get sucked into her guilt.

 

My kids all depended on me quite a bit but it gets easier as they get older. Dd10 is getting better now, and in another year or two I'm sure she won't be as needy as she starts to become more of her own person.

 

If you give into the guilt all the time, you will enable your dd to give you more of the behavior. I'm not saying you do, but I have seen this many times. I had a friend who had three teens that absolutely drove me insane with their neediness.

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My DD (17) lives life to the fullest. She has shared with me her one regret and we are working on it.

 

My DS (13) recently shared that he thinks this is the best his life will be or that the best is over. I am working on showing him that the world is at his feet and that he needs to 'get out there' and try everything he wants to. I can see him developing regrets if he continues to believe as he does.

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The hardest memory I have, the worst day of my life, was when my ds was five years old and we were reading a Rosemary Wells book. I don't remember the title, but it was about a very wonderful family.

 

My son said "Those people must really know God very well." I took it to heart so much, that if we knew God better we would always be like the people in the book. I tried much harder to make our home happy.

 

A few years later I heard my ds tell someone that we are the most loving family that he knows. Now, I can't take credit, God has the credit, but I'm glad I listened to my son.

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