s/o Childhood Regrets

[AMDG]

Why do you think that so many adults today struggle with their childhoods?

 

There are so many people (myself included) who were fed and clothed and generally provided for, but something else was "missed" along the way.

 

Why do you think that is?

 

Is it because so many mothers worked outside the home and couldn't provide the nurturing? Was it because the family unit was reduced to *just* mom and dad (instead of living w/ extended family) and too many household burdens fell on mom and dad? Were the times-a-changing and the focus shifting from the family to self? Maybe that the generation that was able to provide for their children forgot about providing themselves.

[Jean in Newcastle]

My parents who are their mid to late 80's struggle with their childhood. They just don't talk about it. I didn't figure out until about 5 years ago that my dad's father was abusive. And I only found out that my mom had some unresolved issues with her mom after directly asking her a question that touched on it.

[Garga]

Have nothing to back this up, but I figure people in the past struggled with their past as well.

 

It's just that in our society, we don't have to worry about survival as much, and we have an excess amount of money, so we can indulge ourselves with therapy sessions. Not that therapy is wrong! I think it's great. But in the past, it was harder to come by.

 

Whenever you learn about world history, you find out that as soon as an empire got nice and big and prosperous, it could have doctors and specialists and scientists. Now, that we're nice and big and prosperous (most major countries can say that), we can take the time to study human psychology and learn how to help people with their struggles.

 

In the past, the science of psychotherapy hadn't yet been studied (so there WERE no therapists), or else civilization wasn't advanced enough to take the time to create this branch of medicine/science. (Whatever category it falls under.) So people just had to deal with their struggles as best they could.

Edited August 29, 2010 by Garga

[Pamela H in Texas]

Note: I did NOT read the other thread. This may not even be relevant in relation to that thread.

 

I honestly believe two things have happened (and may continue because it may be a snowball effect):

 

1) I think people are generally getting more wimpy. A LOT more wimpy. Instead of giving credit where credit is due, they focus on the negative. Instead of taking responsibility, they play the blame game. It's easier.

 

2) I honestly think people are just worst parents than in generations past (which is probably caused by other aspects of life being worse in many ways also). They are stressed and scared and worried and selfish and money-hungry and mean and stuck in the moment and and and....

 

This isn't to say I don't believe there are other things at play (such as Garga's post or the idea that it was just more accepted that everything wasn't always nice, much less perfect).

Edited August 29, 2010 by 2J5M9K

[hornblower]

I think people have always had crappy lives. It's just that it was normal.

 

Now it's considered a right & an obligation to be happy, happy, happy! every day.

 

And we've got the wealth of leisure time to navel gaze & kvetch.

[AMDG]

Have nothing to back this up, but I figure people in the past struggled with their past as well.

 

It's just that in our society, we don't have to worry about survival as much, and we have an excess amount of money, so we can indulge ourselves with therapy sessions. Not that therapy is wrong! I think it's great. But in the past, it was harder to come by.

 

Whenever you learn about world history, you find out that as soon as an empire got nice and big and prosperous, it could have doctors and specialists and scientists. Now, that we're nice and big and prosperous (most major countries can say that), we can take the time to study human psychology and learn how to help people with their struggles.

 

In the past, the science of psychotherapy hadn't yet been studied (so there WERE no therapists), or else civilization wasn't advanced enough to take the time to create this branch of medicine/science. (Whatever category it falls under.) So people just had to deal with their struggles as best they could.

 

I've actually heard this theory somewhere before, and it makes sense. Certainly people in the past have STRUGGLED. Sometimes I think of how just a few generations ago it was COMMON to lose a child or multiple children in childhood, and for people to suffer immensly during death and illness. And to think that I whine about my mother not directing my future like she should have!

 

I suppose people "in the olden days" were too focused on survival than their inner state of being.

[dangermom]

Oh, I'm sure there were plenty of inadequate parents in the past too. But when survival is your biggest worry, and it's a good accomplishment just to get your kids to adulthood alive, you probably focus more on that than other things. However I expect there have always been many people who felt that something was missing with their parents and who were unhappy about it.

[Jugglin'5]

I think people have always had crappy lives. It's just that it was normal.

 

Now it's considered a right & an obligation to be happy, happy, happy! every day.

 

And we've got the wealth of leisure time to navel gaze & kvetch.

 

 

This. :iagree:

[Sara R]

Note: I did NOT read the other thread. This may not even be relevant in relation to that thread.

 

I honestly believe two things have happened (and may continue because it may be a snowball effect):

 

1) I think people are generally getting more wimpy. A LOT more wimpy. Instead of giving credit where credit is due, they focus on the negative. Instead of taking responsibility, they play the blame game. It's easier.

 

2) I honestly think people are just worst parents than in generations past (which is probably caused by other aspects of life being worse in many ways also). They are stressed and scared and worried and selfish and money-hungry and mean and stuck in the moment and and and....

 

This isn't to say I don't believe there are other things at play (such as Garga's post or the idea that it was just more accepted that everything wasn't always nice, much less perfect).

 

I agree. I would also add

 

3. Fewer people are becoming parents, and people are having children later in life. People who have never had children tend to vastly underestimate the sacrifices required for parenthood, and tend to judge their parents more harshly. You can't really understand what parenting is like until you have the responsibility yourself. I know that my appreciation for my parents increased tremendously after I had my first baby.

[pqr]

I think people have always had crappy lives. It's just that it was normal.

 

Now it's considered a right & an obligation to be happy, happy, happy! every day.

 

And we've got the wealth of leisure time to navel gaze & kvetch.

 

 

Knock it off!!!!!! I am really struggling with agreeing with you on three of three. :-)

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

I think people have always had crappy lives. It's just that it was normal.

 

Now it's considered a right & an obligation to be happy, happy, happy! every day.

 

And we've got the wealth of leisure time to navel gaze & kvetch.

 

:iagree: But don't forget the immediate gratification society we've created. Previous generations had more of a stiff upper lip, no sense in talking about it, get on with your life attitude. The 80s seemed to bring in a generation that believed that if you aren't seeing a therapist (or similar) then something is wrong with you rather than seeking professional help once something was actually wrong.

[AMDG]

I have no idea. I am not unhappy about my childhood. It was certainly not perfect. There were a lot of difficulties. But I don't have any complaints. I think my parents did the best they could.

 

This is the way DH feels. He has a great relationship with both his mom, dad and siblings. He thinks his parents did a good job parenting. He shares with me now what things he would like to stress more or less with our children, but he is certainly not "wounded" by anything his parents did or didn't do.

[Paintedlady]

I think people have always had crappy lives. It's just that it was normal.

 

Now it's considered a right & an obligation to be happy, happy, happy! every day.

 

And we've got the wealth of leisure time to navel gaze & kvetch.

 

This might be the only time I've ever agreed with you, so I couldn't pass up the opportunity to use this little guy. :iagree: Said with tongue firmly planted in cheek. ;)

[justamouse]

wow, what a question.

 

 

After reading books like Non Violent Communication, I honestly think it was because people-for a long long time, have not been truthfully in touch with their emotions and have been compounding generational hurt on top of generational hurt. Clear communication was not extolled as it is today. And hurt people, hurt people. They know no other way. I think these generations (BBs, X, Millennial) are the first to realize something -as a society- is wrong with the way we communicate/act with eachother and as families. We now have the social freedom to turn and say, "I'm not going to do it that way. I want better for my children." Part of that is because of the Babyboomers, I think. They turned their backs on the societal norms of the times and were a powerful generation. They gave us a lot to work with and opened doors for us.

 

My mother apologizes to me all the time saying how I'm such a better mother, but you know, it's not the best salve because she's not being specific. She can't be. It hurts her too much. Why? Because it's a twofold wound. She would not only be apologizing specifically for herself, but she would be ripping open the wounds she has from her childhood.

 

The saddest thing is that there is a root to what my mother did wrong, and my girlfriends and I have talked about this at length -our parents weren't engaged with us as parents. That doesn't mean entitled, it means actively involved in parenting. And, you can be a working mom and be more actively involved with your kids, and be a SAHM and be completely detached.

Edited August 30, 2010 by justamouse

[Danestress]

My grandmother, at 92 was still venting about how her parents didn't encourage her to go to college. Just as an example. All of my grandparents had some interesting issues from their youths.

 

I think that while it used to be that you tried to get your female family members to hash and rehash these issues, now days, people want to hash them out with total strangers. So maybe we talk about it more, and because we talk more, we all think more about it. A vicious cycle? I think that's why I hated The Red Tent so much. I just imagined being stuck with these old ladies in a tent while they go through the tedious memories of 'who did Mom love more' and 'how I have suffered.'

 

And while I sound bitter, there is something good about digging up our pasts. Our youths are an important part of our stories.

[hornblower]

This might be the only time I've ever agreed with you, so I couldn't pass up the opportunity to use this little guy. :iagree: Said with tongue firmly planted in cheek. ;)

 

:lol: Ok, something is going on today.

 

For the first time, pqr & I agreed on not one, but two, different threads.

Now you & I agree?

What a day :D

[Ginevra]

Every generation has its "beef" with the generation that raised them. It's part of why we evolve.

 

One mark of maturity is that you stop the pickle-and-moan about what your parents did or didn't do that should have been better, and you do the best you can with what you have now. Doesn't mean you don't sometimes feel that disappointment that things were not better done, but you don't cry about it anymore. Wastes tears anyway.

[pqr]

:lol: Ok, something is going on today.

 

For the first time, pqr & I agreed on not one, but two, different threads.

Now you & I agree?

What a day :D

 

 

Three different threads. Like I said KNOCK IT OFF!!!!! This is too much!!

[Mama Geek]

I think the internet is a big part of it. People in general are more willing to say things when they can be somewhat anonymous. I have heard lots of stories about my grandparents and my father years after they passed away.

 

My IL's families had lots of problems when they were growing up and it is sometimes discussed with me but not often.

[AMDG]

Every generation has its "beef" with the generation that raised them. It's part of why we evolve.

 

One mark of maturity is that you stop the pickle-and-moan about what your parents did or didn't do that should have been better, and you do the best you can with what you have now. Doesn't mean you don't sometimes feel that disappointment that things were not better done, but you don't cry about it anymore. Wastes tears anyway.

 

I think that maturity can be part of it, but I don't think that you can completely write off the emotional pain of the past with a "get over it" attitude. I think the fact that most people are full-functioing members of society and attempting to do better for their families is evidence of overcoming the struggles of youth.

 

However, that doesn't mean that the pain is washed away. I am a happy and successful person and put being a mother and wife and the very top category of my life, but that doesn't mean that I don't still cry on DH's shoulder for the holes left in my heart from my past that I can't seem to fill.

 

For many, this struggles are real and must be dealt with.

[Plucky]

I think that maturity can be part of it, but I don't think that you can completely write off the emotional pain of the past with a "get over it" attitude. I think the fact that most people are full-functioing members of society and attempting to do better for their families is evidence of overcoming the struggles of youth.

 

However, that doesn't mean that the pain is washed away. I am a happy and successful person and put being a mother and wife and the very top category of my life, but that doesn't mean that I don't still cry on DH's shoulder for the holes left in my heart from my past that I can't seem to fill.

 

For many, this struggles are real and must be dealt with.

 

True, but I think in time most of us can get past our childhoods. My parents made a lot of mistakes, lots of divorces, addiction, alcoholism, poor parenting. I do think in time, one can rise above it. Counseling doesn't hurt and speaking to your parents might work, but often it really doesn't. My mom still thinks she knows everything about parenting (she was dreadful and angry, LOL).

 

However, I finally realized that my parents did love me as much as they were able and they did the best they could fairly often. Things could have been much, much worse. My father suffered a lot of abuse as a child and my mom was just not capable of handling parenthood. But we were fed and had a roof over our head. We weren't subjected to direct abuse although they had sketchy ideas about who and what was safe for kids. It was nothing like the horror stories I read about in the papers.

 

So in the end I have realized they did their best. They were imperfect, broken people. I don't blame them anymore. Anything I do or am as an adult is my own responsibility. :001_smile:

[justamouse]

 

So in the end I have realized they did their best. They were imperfect, broken people. I don't blame them anymore. Anything I do or am as an adult is my own responsibility. :001_smile:

 

You are right, I agree. BUT there are psychological bruises that you (universal you) filter through and that you don't realize are there. Those are the hurts that you act out of (unconsciously) and act from. THOSE are the dangerous ones. Sometimes when you start turning over rocks, you find one, and it takes a lot of emotional maturity to deal with them. Sometimes we're not in positions of being able to handle them, sometimes we are.

[Plucky]

You are right, I agree. BUT there are psychological bruises that you (universal you) filter through and that you don't realize are there. Those are the hurts that you act out of (unconsciously) and act from. THOSE are the dangerous ones. Sometimes when you start turning over rocks, you find one, and it takes a lot of emotional maturity to deal with them. Sometimes we're not in positions of being able to handle them, sometimes we are.

 

I wonder how much of that is just who we are genetically. I used to think that all my issues could be attributed to my parents. Then I had kids. They are all so very different. They are born the people they are and while my parenting and love does influence them, in the end they have to make their own way and be responsible for their own actions and choices.

 

 

I can't speak for all people in regards to childhood injuries, but barring child abuse, I do think we can rise above it and forgive. The forgiveness is so freeing. It's not really for them but us.

[Guest janainaz]

I think people have always had crappy lives. It's just that it was normal.

 

Now it's considered a right & an obligation to be happy, happy, happy! every day.

 

And we've got the wealth of leisure time to navel gaze & kvetch.

 

:iagree:

[Ginevra]

For many, this struggles are real and must be dealt with.

 

I'm not discounting that. I had the struggles. They were real. For years and years, I cried. Now - I'm pretty much done. At some point, you cut your losses, realize they are not going to change; move on. You can only proactively aim to do better with your own children - yet they will no doubt grow up with their own complaints. Hopefully, not too many and not to severe, but there you go.

[dangermom]

I have no idea. I am not unhappy about my childhood. It was certainly not perfect. There were a lot of difficulties. But I don't have any complaints. I think my parents did the best they could.

Well, I don't think everyone feels like their parents wounded them. I have no complaints myself either.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

I honestly believe two things have happened (and may continue because it may be a snowball effect):

 

1) I think people are generally getting more wimpy. A LOT more wimpy. Instead of giving credit where credit is due, they focus on the negative. Instead of taking responsibility, they play the blame game. It's easier.

 

2) I honestly think people are just worst parents than in generations past (which is probably caused by other aspects of life being worse in many ways also). They are stressed and scared and worried and selfish and money-hungry and mean and stuck in the moment and and and....

 

 

I agree but I also think that the belief that 'everyone is equal and everyone deserves everything they want' has fostered a lot of personal unrest. We are lead to believe that everyone - no matter how rich or poor, healthy or unhealthy, talented or untalented - deserves the best of everything and if we don't get it than we are somehow deficient.

[LibraryLover]

It seems each generation believes their pain to be unique.

 

Just as there are no new stories to be told, only old archetypes to be recreated, there is no new pain. It's all happened before and each generation has the power to understand, as well as the power to reject the path to understanding. We can think our parents/grandparents/ancestors somehow had it easier than we do, but that doesn't help anyone go forward. 'Oh yeah? You think you had it bad? Let me tell what happened to *me*!"

Edited August 30, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Alenee]

I think that maturity can be part of it, but I don't think that you can completely write off the emotional pain of the past with a "get over it" attitude. I think the fact that most people are full-functioing members of society and attempting to do better for their families is evidence of overcoming the struggles of youth.

 

However, that doesn't mean that the pain is washed away. I am a happy and successful person and put being a mother and wife and the very top category of my life, but that doesn't mean that I don't still cry on DH's shoulder for the holes left in my heart from my past that I can't seem to fill.

 

For many, this struggles are real and must be dealt with.

 

:iagree:

 

This is not to say that everyone should have a pow-wow and cry all their tears away in the name of 'dealing with it' no matter how it affects others, however as another poster mentioned, each person is unique and the way they process what happens to them is unique as well. I was one of those 'horror stories' as yet another poster mentioned. You don't just suck it up and move on. For me, doing that was creating havoc with my physical well-being and was likely to erupt emotionally at seriously inopportune times, as I'm sure some here can also attest.

 

I did post on the other thread about my mom and us dealing with my past and we both found freedom through listening to *eachother*. It wasn't one-sided after all was said and done. And even before this talk, I had grown an amazing respect for the hardship my mother bore as a single mother. But until then, I was in the mode of sucking it up and dealing with it and it just wasn't working; for the most part because we still had a relationship and some forms of the abuse were still taking place. Had we nothing in the way of a relationship, it wouldn't have changed a thing. Once mom and I got it all off our chests, we were finally able move on and truly love one another.

 

This was what worked for us. As I said above, each person processes differently.

[abbeyej]

Maybe there's less reason to go around saying, "Hey! I had a pretty good childhood!" ... I mean, if you had a tough childhood and aspects of it haunt you as an adult, maybe you need to process that aloud and with others who have regrets about their own childhoods. But if you had a basically pretty good childhood (some bumps here and there, a few minor issues, but basically had someone who loved you and provided the physical, mental, and spiritual supports you needed), there's not so much to talk about.

 

So maybe it's not so much that "so many" people have childhood regrets as that those who do need to talk about them more and are, by necessity, louder than those saying, "No, no, mine was pretty much okay."

[AMDG]

Maybe there's less reason to go around saying, "Hey! I had a pretty good childhood!" ... I mean, if you had a tough childhood and aspects of it haunt you as an adult, maybe you need to process that aloud and with others who have regrets about their own childhoods. But if you had a basically pretty good childhood (some bumps here and there, a few minor issues, but basically had someone who loved you and provided the physical, mental, and spiritual supports you needed), there's not so much to talk about.

 

So maybe it's not so much that "so many" people have childhood regrets as that those who do need to talk about them more and are, by necessity, louder than those saying, "No, no, mine was pretty much okay."

 

I think you make a really good point. I have three best friends; wonderful people. Out of the fours of us, three of us have divorced parents, one whose TOTALLY abandoned his family. Out of the four of us, I'm the only one with deep struggles. They can't relate and speak incredibly lovingly toward at least one of their parents.

[stripe]

I think the internet is a big part of it. People in general are more willing to say things when they can be somewhat anonymous.

Well, I don't think the internet is required: I have relatives who seek out that sort of purge experience with total strangers. Rather like the scene in the Alfred Brooks movie "Mother." A great movie, by the way, for anyone who needs a laugh about this topic.

 

I don't really think the idea that people are worse parents than in times past explains why people feel unhappy about their childhood; for example, I have a relatives whose difficult childhood included having a parent die -- that's not a sign of bad parenting, but it did lead to a difficult childhood.

 

I definitely think there were a lot of horrors and pain in previous generations' childhoods. Heck, even the old lady in Cold Comfort Farm saw something

as a child and it shaped her whole life! ;) It might also simply be the case that in times past, people didn't have so much leisure time to devote to reflecting about their own past, much less talking about it. And also, on a practical level, what was one to do? If that is seen as the norm of relationships (physical discipline and/or abuse, authoritarian relationships, and an emotional distance between parent and child), what would be gained by talking about it? Especially if the parent is already dead.

[Joker]

I am the OP to the childhood regret thread. I've thought about this a while. I feel I started really thinking about it because in the ten years I have been a parent my kids have lost two great-grandfathers, a grandfather and two uncles. The only ones that were expected due to age/health were the great-grandfathers. It was never a matter that I expected to always be happy or I am wimpy. Its just that I have reflected a lot on my relationships with family and what my dds will miss out on. In doing so I realized a few things. I still have a few lingering feelings from my own childhood. I have a great life now and love my family but I am able to admit/see the things that could have been different and I want to learn from them. I know no matter what I do my dds will have some regrets but I don't want them to be the same ones I had.

[Peela]

I think it is very closely related to our lack of community. We live isolated from each other and very separate lives. Go to an Asian country and see how they live...its all about community, and they are happier, I believe, because of it. Kids are brought up cherished and loved by the whole community. Expectations are clear. Everyone has many aunties and uncles. The whole community does bring up each child and then takes care of the elders. In our past, it was like this too- much more community.

I believe the depression and unhappiness in western society is very closely related to our valuing the wrong things, and putting people and community way too low on our priorities. Kids- us- grow up in this environment. And we suffer for it. Many of us grew up in families where there literally was very little love and warmth- and also, physical affection. I was not hugged as a child and I know many of English background who were also brought up by emotionally cold parents. I have done a lot of healing and therapy over the years and my kids are brought up differently...but the truth is, in my understanding, unless you do the healing work and break the cycle, you pass on the damage. And if you do the healing, you heal generations in the future because you are not passing on the damage.

Although we are self centred, we also have a lot of self hatred and loathing, as a culture, also, and then we think its wrong to love ourselves...but loving ourselves is healing and not about being self centred and selfish. Its just healthy.

I dont think blaming parents is productive...but it is very useful to see where you are wounded and to take full responsiblity for healing that so that your kids dont carry that burden for you. But we have to take responsiblity for ourselves to do that and most people are stuck in victim consciousness and blame...and you cant heal from there.

[Pamela H in Texas]

So maybe it's not so much that "so many" people have childhood regrets as that those who do need to talk about them more and are, by necessity, louder than those saying, "No, no, mine was pretty much okay."

 

Ooooh, along this line. I have another thought. What about that there seems to be a general situation of people needing something to be wrong? Everyone thinks they have the most challenging little boy. Everyone wonders if their kid is gifted or delayed. Everyone focuses on what wasn't so ideal about their childhood.

 

My childhood had some great positives and great negatives. Some child abuse and neglect was involved at certain times. There are MANY things I do considerably differently with my own kids. However, for the most part, I believe my parents tried, made mistakes, had their own situations, etc. I forgive and move on. And I chose to change a few things in regards to my own parenting. However, no doubt my own situations and mistakes will encourage some change for my children. But they know we tried. So if they dwell on the less than ideal, that's their own problem.

 

I could focus on the negatives. I could be one with "something wrong." I just choose not to be.

Edited August 30, 2010 by 2J5M9K

[MIch elle]

Every generation has its "beef" with the generation that raised them. It's part of why we evolve.

 

One mark of maturity is that you stop the pickle-and-moan about what your parents did or didn't do that should have been better, and you do the best you can with what you have now. Doesn't mean you don't sometimes feel that disappointment that things were not better done, but you don't cry about it anymore. Wastes tears anyway.

 

 

:iagree: At some point it's time to grow up, move on, and live your life to the fullest.

 

I had a wonderful opportunity to do this in college. I took many sign language classes and came to understand the culture that I grew up in - the deaf culture.

[stripe]

I think it is very closely related to our lack of community. We live isolated from each other and very separate lives. Go to an Asian country and see how they live...its all about community, and they are happier, I believe, because of it. Kids are brought up cherished and loved by the whole community. Expectations are clear. Everyone has many aunties and uncles. The whole community does bring up each child and then takes care of the elders. In our past, it was like this too- much more community.

I also think Americans have always been very independent, but in "olden times," this came out in different ways. People may have dried their own meat and so forth but they had community events. Nowadays, most people don't even know how to help other people. Take sick people, new mothers, or those who've had a loved one die. Or the process of dying itself, about which there was an interesting article in the New Yorker recently and an interview on NPR's Fresh Air, both with Dr. Atul Gawande. In the New Yorker piece he talks specifically about the lack of "protocol" of dying in our culture these days, as well as how much it's changed (from usually quick and well-defined to drawn out and debilitating), often because of our own lack of comfort with the idea that someone is dying.

[TXMomof4]

I think people have always had crappy lives. It's just that it was normal.

 

Now it's considered a right & an obligation to be happy, happy, happy! every day.

 

And we've got the wealth of leisure time to navel gaze & kvetch.

 

:iagree: I was going to say more, but this sums it up exactly, IMHO.

[angela in ohio]

Note: I did NOT read the other thread. This may not even be relevant in relation to that thread.

 

I honestly believe two things have happened (and may continue because it may be a snowball effect):

 

1) I think people are generally getting more wimpy. A LOT more wimpy. Instead of giving credit where credit is due, they focus on the negative. Instead of taking responsibility, they play the blame game. It's easier.

 

2) I honestly think people are just worst parents than in generations past (which is probably caused by other aspects of life being worse in many ways also). They are stressed and scared and worried and selfish and money-hungry and mean and stuck in the moment and and and....

 

This isn't to say I don't believe there are other things at play (such as Garga's post or the idea that it was just more accepted that everything wasn't always nice, much less perfect).

 

I think people have always had crappy lives. It's just that it was normal.

 

Now it's considered a right & an obligation to be happy, happy, happy! every day.

 

And we've got the wealth of leisure time to navel gaze & kvetch.

 

Yep. These.

 

Dh's alcoholic father left when he was little. His mother wanted to marry his dad's best friend instead. His mother worked all day and went out all evening and got married like a hobby. He had a really, really crummy childhood. For example, he once almost froze to death because he got home from school alone (at age 7) and there was no one there and he had no where else to go. They found him huddled in an abandoned shed hours later, trying to stay warm.

 

He is a successful, happy man. He said he decided as a teen that he was going to stay married, work hard, and raise his children with love. He has, by God's grace. He has every reason to complain or to hate his parents, but he doesn't. His mom herself came from a bad family and is probably dealing with mental illness. She didn't do the best she could be any means, but what is the point now? You move on.

 

I really, really do think people are worse parents now, though. I have seen over and over what selfishness and greed in the parents, even in "upstanding families" can do to children. So many children are actually truly neglected in lovely looking families. I hope they are able to turn it around somehow with their own dc.