Need help wording a sympathy/birthday card

[aggieamy]

I need help finding the words to write in a card. Everything I'm saying feels so clumsy and inadequate. A dear friend lost his wife of 60+ years this summer and Friday is her birthday. I wanted to send him a sympathy card on her birthday saying that I was thinking of him and that she wasn't forgotten. He's still really hurting from the loss. Once we were at a group dinner with him and he just got up and walked out because he was going to break down.

 

Any help with wording? Is this a bad idea?

[Hedgehog]

No.. I don't think it's a bad idea. My MIL lost her husband around 14yrs ago and she has always said that the worst thing was if people talked to her or wrote her without mentioning the fact that her husband had recently passed away. She was much hurt, for example, by the fact that one person in her church had phoned her every day during her husband's illness to see how he was, but the day he died, she received no more phone calls from this person - when she needed them the most.

 

Just after the 1st anniversary mark of her husband's death, she was in conversation with a local lady and as usual there was no mention of my MIL's dh. So my MIL said, did you know, it was the anniversary of -X-'s death last week, and the lady responded, yes - we did know that. We were going to send you some flowers, but then we didn't because we didn't want to remind you of it. My MIL was quite shocked and said, how could you "remind" me of something I think about several times in every day?

 

So.. I don't actually have any bright ideas about wording, as I'm not great at that. But do send the card, however simply you express yourself. It will comfort the gentleman to know that you were thinking of him.

Edited August 29, 2010 by Hedgehog
missed a word and speech marks

[1bassoon]

That's a sweet gesture.

 

How about this;

 

"Thinking of you today as you miss your sweet wife."

 

Would that cover it?

[Word Nerd]

That's a sweet gesture.

 

How about this;

 

"Thinking of you today as you miss your sweet wife."

 

Would that cover it?

 

:iagree:

 

I think it's sweet and that he'll appreciate your thoughtfulness no matter what exact wording you use.

[MariannNOVA]

I think it is a sweet and thoughtful gesture and you are dear to want to help this gentleman through this time.

 

How 'bout instead of a Sympathy card, a 'thinking of you' card and write what has been suggested in the other posts.

 

Again, it will mean so much to him. My dad passed away 20 years ago this past week - seems like yesterday, and at the same time, I feel like he has been gone 100 years, kwim? As we approached the Thanksgiving holiday just a few months after he had died, I was on the phone with the *itch who was my MIL at the time (I despise her - trust me, I cannot go into it here, but she is evil and heinous) and she was going on and on about Thanksgiving and I responded that I expected the holidays to be particularly difficult for my mom and me and my sister that year.

 

'Why?' she asked. I was stunned - this woman had stood at my father's death bed when everything was disconnected and he died......and she asks WHY? btw, I did say just that to her. People can be so self-absorbed.

 

You are wonderful to do something for this gentleman that is nice.:grouphug:

[Dobela]

I agree with the thinking of you card. One of the sweetest cards my grandmother received the year after my grandpa died was one that simply said, "We miss him too." Maybe you can share a happy memory of his wife in the note as well.

[bookfiend]

I agree with the thinking of you card. One of the sweetest cards my grandmother received the year after my grandpa died was one that simply said, "We miss him too." Maybe you can share a happy memory of his wife in the note as well.

 

Yes, some of the dearest cards I received when my Dad died were from people who shared a memory they had of him or how he had impacted their lives. Now being on the other side of grief, I understand that people want to talk about the one they loved that is no longer here. Even when that means strong emotion will be the result.

[kalanamak]

 

Any help with wording? Is this a bad idea?

 

I found a dearth of cards for this. I send "Thinking of you" cards with not a lot, just a line about how I remember them and miss them, too.

 

When my brother had been dead a year, I had extended family mail me post-cards (he loved postcards) entitled "I remember Kevin" with a funny or noteworthy story. I bundled them and mailed them all to my SIL, who was very touched.

[elegantlion]

I agree with the thinking of you card. One of the sweetest cards my grandmother received the year after my grandpa died was one that simply said, "We miss him too." Maybe you can share a happy memory of his wife in the note as well.

 

:iagree: My best friend's brother died suddenly this year. I sent a thinking of you card to his parents on Mother's Day. I shared a few of the memories I had of him.

 

It won't remind them, they're thinking about it already. It will let him know you are as well.

[NanceXToo]

How about instead of a card you invite him over for a home cooked meal on Friday? Or out to dinner? Or lunch? Call him up or send him an email or however you usually communicate and say "I'm sure this Friday will be hard for you. We miss so and so, too. We would love for you to come over and have dinner with us rather than being home alone on her birthday" or some such?

 

If you're not up to that, then I think a note or a "thinking of you" type card is a lovely gesture.

[Luckymama]

My mother's birthday was earlier this month. She died last November. My dad received a "thinking of you" type card from Mom's oldest friend who lives clear across the country. He was touched :) Lots of other people emailed him but that was the only card that came in the mail.

 

Dad, my sister and I went out to lunch on her birthday and ordered her favorites from that restaurant. We laughed and cried a little, too. Maybe you could do that with your friend?