How to handle this?

[Haiku]

My husband gave me a very beautiful, very nicely bound, very expensive copy of The Lord of the Rings as a wedding present.

 

The kids are currently listening to LOTR on CD. My son just came to me as I was making lunch and asked whether he could look at my LOTR book. I said no, and he asked why. I said, "Daddy gave me that as a wedding present, and I don't want anything to happen to it." (I probably could have phrased that better, I know.) My son asked, "Why do you think something would happen to it if I looked at it?" Through my mind flashed all the times my son has promised to be careful with something and then ripped, spilled, stained, or broken it. I said, "It's very special to me, and I don't want anyone else to have to worry about taking care of it."

 

My son is now in the other room crying because I apparently don't trust him to be careful with the book (and honestly, I don't). I told him that after lunch we can look at it together, but that's no longer the point for him.

 

What to do?

 

Tara

[justlittleoldme]

Maybe get him his own book? I'd probably also explain how special it is. Some things are just off limits, and I think it's ok not to share it and have that stress if it is ruined.

[Renthead Mommy]

Does he have anything super special he wants to keep his sibs out of? Tell him it wouldn't make a difference if it was him (a child) asking or another adult, you'd tell them the same thing. It's your super special thing and you don't want other people using it.

 

Take the issue off of him and put it on people being entitled to have super special things that they don't want other people to mess with.

 

Anybody with sibs should be able to understand that! LOL!

[Gwenhwyfar]

Could you set him up somewhere safe - somewhere that he could look at the book on his own (feeling proud that Mum trusts him ;) ) but there's nothing nearby that could cause any accidents? Have him sit on the couch, no other kids around to bug him, no food or drink in the room, no pets to jump up, etc etc... just sitting quietly, turning pages. :)

[Heather in AL]

I have had something similar happen.

 

I did explain that accidents do happen (that's why they are called 'accidents' and not 'on purposes'), and that the XX is *so* special to me that even *I* am nervous when handling it. Because XX was so special to me, and dc knew that, I didn't want to make them nervous when handling it, which could *cause* something to happen, and therefore, make them feel horrible.

 

I didn't articulate that well, but hopefully you get the gist of what I am trying to say. It's definitely tricky, so I hope all goes well for you!

 

Oh, can you find a used copy of the book at your library or a thrift store for your son to poke through without fear?

[Mejane]

I said, "It's very special to me, and I don't want anyone else to have to worry about taking care of it."

 

 

Tara

 

I think you were very gracious in this answer, and I also think sometimes we just have to say no. Like the time my daughter wanted to wear my wedding band for dress-up. I like the idea of getting him his very own copy.

[Haiku]

Have him sit on the couch, no other kids around to bug him, no food or drink in the room, no pets to jump up, etc etc... just sitting quietly, turning pages. :)

 

I did that with the vintage reader that my dad used in first grade ... and he ripped two pages just turning them. :(

 

Take the issue off of him and put it on people being entitled to have super special things that they don't want other people to mess with.

 

Thanks. :)

 

Tara

[Aggie]

I think you were very gracious in this answer, and I also think sometimes we just have to say no. Like the time my daughter wanted to wear my wedding band for dress-up. I like the idea of getting him his very own copy.

 

 

Yup. Not everything of ours is theirs. Even though his tears make you feel badly, you're not responsible for his feelings in this instance. You didn't intentionally hurt his feelings.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

[Gwenhwyfar]

I did that with the vintage reader that my dad used in first grade ... and he ripped two pages just turning them. :(

 

Ahhhh. Okay, get Mr. Destructive his own LOTR book. :D

[sibbis]

I vote for getting him his own book and then committing to get the book down sometime (when YOU want to) and looking at it together. Some things are very special to us and that's ok. They will understand some day!

[elegantlion]

I agree, get him his own copy. It could be his own special copy.

[hornblower]

It's ok for you to say no.

 

It's ok for him to be sad.

 

Nothing needs doing. You can get a copy out of the library, or buy him his own but I don't think that's what the tears are about anyway.

 

It's about that you have special things & he's not part of them. It's part of growing up & the realization that parents have their own lives & interests & stuff & that he's not the center of the universe :)

[Haiku]

he's not the center of the universe :)

 

Wait ...

 

He's NOT???

 

:lol:

 

Tara

[Garga]

Has he ever been to a museum? A train museum, an art museum, or anything like that?

 

If he has, then he's seen the "Do Not Touch" signs that apply to EVERYONE.

 

If it were me, I'd do this:

 

(On my lap, being cuddled.)

 

Me: Remember when we went to Washington DC and saw the Van Gogh paintings?

 

Him: Yes

 

Me: Do you remember that we weren't allowed to touch them? Not kids or adults?

 

Him: Yes

 

Me: If no one can touch them, then how did they get there?

 

Him: (Whatever he says)

 

Me: There are certain people who own those paintings, or are hired specially and trained in how to hold them veeeery carefully, and they are the ONLY people allowed to touch them. I am NOT allowed to touch them--ever. Because I have not had the training.

 

Those paintings are too important to be accidentally broken. If I touched one and accidentally broke it, I would feel awful. And no one else would ever be able to enjoy them again.

 

 

 

 

You could go on from there with your own words, but I would show him that there are things that NO one can touch--not until they've been specially taught.

 

 

Or you could maybe talk about someone like the crocodile hunter, who handles snakes but doesn't let anyone else touch them.