Aaargh! SIL gripe!

[OhM]

I'm biting my tongue (or fingers, as it were) to keep from responding to SIL in front of dh's extended family! (Though, I think I would be cheered if I did.) So allow me to unload on you, understanding hive.:D

 

The situation:

Dh's family (his mother's 3 siblings, spouses, their combined 17 children and all of their offspring) have reunions every 2-3 years. A different group of family members takes responsibility for organizing each year. The locations are varied since the family is spread between coasts, with a group around OH/MI, another sizeable group in New England (CT, MA, and VT), and a smaller group around DC/VA. Two families are west coast; one actually has to come from Hawaii! Most locations so far have been close to the midwest - one in OH (the hometown of the siblings), Gettysburg, western PA, NY finger lakes are ones I've attended.

 

So this year, part of the New England family is doing the planning, and they'd like to have it in their neck of the woods, as several other groups wouldn't mind a trip up that way. (Our family is planning to extend it into a Boston trip!) This decision was based on conversations at the last reunion, and the fact that no one else wanted to step up and take responsibility. So the planners sent a "here's what we're thinking" e-mail - the reunion is next summer - just to keep everyone posted and get some opinions of the sites they're looking at.

 

After receiving back several, "Yeah, great!" "We'll be there!" messages, SIL sends this:

All,

 

We are in favor of increasing the duration of the reunion to 3 nights, but feel that $250.00 per night is too steep. Those of us from Ohio and Michigan who are driving will likely need to stay one extra night each way due to the distance to the Vermont places mentioned. Although we will attend no matter the location chosen, we suggest a more centrally located venue; Stowe is about 760 miles from Columbus and Woodstock is about 710 miles away.

 

We were looking at the map and thought that the Shenandoah National Park area and the Adirondack Mountains would be possible sites closer to Michigan and Ohio. There would be many activities in these areas.

 

I agree with her on the hotel rate, but I think she went too far in hijacking the location. I want to put in my $.02 that we were looking forward to a NE trip, and hope they don't change it! Would that be construed as argumentative at this point?

 

Here's the funny - this SIL has stated that she would never want to be in charge because, "Everybody else always picks apart the decisions...":lol:

Edited August 24, 2010 by OhM
clarification

[FlockOfSillies]

I think it depends on how you word your response. Dh always tells me that in these situations you draft a response quickly, then take the paragraph order and invert it. Why? Because when we're tense/angry, we usually put all the logical/this-is-how-it-is stuff at the beginning, and all the flowery, nice stuff at the end. But you need the flowery stuff to go first, where it would soften the blow. Then you remove every trace of snark from your wording and voila! You speak your mind, sweetly.

[OhM]

I think it depends on how you word your response. Dh always tells me that in these situations you draft a response quickly, then take the paragraph order and invert it. Why? Because when we're tense/angry, we usually put all the logical/this-is-how-it-is stuff at the beginning, and all the flowery, nice stuff at the end. But you need the flowery stuff to go first, where it would soften the blow. Then you remove every trace of snark from your wording and voila! You speak your mind, sweetly.

 

You know, I need to keep this in mind for so many situations. Thanks for the tip!

[Wendi]

If your SIL can share her opinions, and the planner seems to want some input, then I don't see anything wrong with you sharing your opinion.

 

"I can understand SIL's point about the hotel; maybe we can find something a little cheaper? But my family is really looking forward to visiting New England this time!"

 

What's wrong with something like that?

 

Wendi

[SonshineLearner]

Maybe the hotel for $250. has more to do? So the total cost will be less? Hopefully it's something like "Great Wolf Lodge" where you can do water park type things etc.... I think it sounds lovely to be in a different location.

:)

[Melinda in VT]

If I were the organizer, it would be nice to know that SIL's opinion was not universally shared.

 

Also, I think if you rotate the location, it's nice if it gets to be in everyone's home location at least once, even if that is a bit farther for other people to travel.

[Greta]

If I were the organizer, it would be nice to know that SIL's opinion was not universally shared.

 

:iagree: If I didn't receive input that differed from hers, I would assume that meant people agreed. If you disagree, I think you'll be doing the organizers a big favor by saying so. . . . nicely of course. :001_smile:

[3lilreds in NC]

I have to say that I agree with her that $250 per night is steep! Wow, does that sound like a lot of money to me! It would depend on where you're staying, I guess, and I suppose it's in the height of tourist season. Hence, the reason we are not good tourists.

 

However - FLAG ON THE PLAY for her hijack of the location. Definitely speak up and let people know you guys are looking forward to a NE vacation. Surely there is someplace to stay that is less expensive. Maybe put them at a campground?

 

To give her the benefit of the doubt, perhaps she was thinking that NE is an expensive location (that's how it seems in my mind, too, and I've never stayed there) and was offering lower-cost alternatives. Of course, she could just be annoying, but I like to try to offer the benefit of the doubt. :D

[OhM]

To give her the benefit of the doubt, perhaps she was thinking that NE is an expensive location (that's how it seems in my mind, too, and I've never stayed there) and was offering lower-cost alternatives. Of course, she could just be annoying, but I like to try to offer the benefit of the doubt. :D

 

Yeah - I think my main objection is I've had to listen to her gripes in the past and am reading an undertone into her comments. And it just occurred to me that we spent Saturday afternoon with dh's brother (her husband), who had not complaints whatsoever about the plans at that time. She's just one who likes to have her own way.

 

I'm going to let dh send the e-mail (it is his family, after all) that says, yeah, $250 is pretty steep for us, too, but we were looking forward to the NE trip and hope they don't change those plans. Someone else has already chimed in and recommended Tripadvisor as a source for more reasonable rooms.

[Caraway]

Does that price include a group rate at the hotel? If booking a block of rooms you should be getting a discount. Perhaps you could find a B&B who would rent you the whole place for cheaper?

[K-FL]

Does that price include a group rate at the hotel? If booking a block of rooms you should be getting a discount. Perhaps you could find a B&B who would rent you the whole place for cheaper?

 

Or a large vacation rental home. You never know what's on VRBO.com

[Carol in Cal.]

Stowe is beautiful! It will be a wonderful trip! You will love it! Go!

 

(So, lobby. Be nice about it, but lobby!)

[Melinda in VT]

Stowe is beautiful! It will be a wonderful trip! You will love it! Go!

 

(So, lobby. Be nice about it, but lobby!)

 

And I was thinking of the two locations, I'd choose Woodstock.:lol:

 

(Not that Stowe isn't beautiful, too. I just really love the look of Woodstock.)

[Carol in Cal.]

They can go to Woodstock another year. When the SIL steps up and organizes something. This year it's Stowe.

 

Stowe is so great!

 

If I went to Stowe, I would visit the Trapp Family Lodge. Yes, the original Trapp family of The Sound of Music built it and runs it. I met the original, actual Maria there in 1979. There is a quaint and lovely Austrian coffee shop there.

 

I would take the tram up one of the local ski areas (I forget which one) and ride the roller cars down the track to the bottom. Too much fun!

 

I would hike on Mount Mansfield, the tallest mountain in Vermont. Even so, it's only about a mile high, so no altitude sickness. It's green and beautiful, and there are no rattle snakes there because the winters are too cold, so you can stride around freely.

 

I would visit an auction if possible. And go antiquing.

 

I might visit the Ben and Jerry's ice cream factory, which is within cruising range. Or possibly the Cabot cheese factory, ditto. I would definitely buy some local maple syrup and have it shipped home--Grade B always wins taste tests, and it's cheaper than the rest. Half a gallon and a maple syrup cook book sounds about right.

 

I would go on a road trip to Zack's On The Rocks if it's still around. A stunningly good restaurant in an obscure little town, only open during the summer. Pretty roads to get there, too.

Edited August 25, 2010 by Carol in Cal.

[zaichiki]

Are Stowe and Woodstock SIL's suggestions? Is the OP's family looking for something closer to Boston?

[Melinda in VT]

They can go to Woodstock another year. When the SIL steps up and organizes something. This year it's Stowe.

 

Stowe is so great!

 

If I went to Stowe, I would visit the Trapp Family Lodge. Yes, the original Trapp family of The Sound of Music built it and runs it. I met the original, actual Maria there in 1979. There is a quaint and lovely Austrian coffee shop there.

 

I would take the tram up one of the local ski areas (I forget which one) and ride the roller cars down the track to the bottom. Too much fun!

 

I would hike on Mount Mansfield, the tallest mountain in Vermont. Even so, it's only about a mile high, so no altitude sickness. It's green and beautiful, and there are no rattle snakes there because the winters are too cold, so you can stride around freely.

 

I would visit an auction if possible. And go antiquing.

 

I might visit the Ben and Jerry's ice cream factory, which is within cruising range. Or possibly the Cabot cheese factory, ditto. I would definitely buy some local maple syrup and have it shipped home--Grade B always wins taste tests, and it's cheaper than the rest. Half a gallon and a maple syrup cook book sounds about right.

 

I would go on a road trip to Zack's On The Rocks if it's still around. A stunningly good restaurant in an obscure little town, only open during the summer. Pretty roads to get there, too.

 

Maybe I misunderstood. I thought the families organizing the NE reunion were looking at Stowe, VT, and Woodstock, VT. I've been to both, and I think Woodstock is the cuter town.

 

(But, if the OP ends up in Stowe and she drives down to Ben & Jerry's, she should stop at the Cold Hollow Cider Mill and buy some of the apple cider doughnuts. It's in between B&J and Stowe.)

[Carol in Cal.]

Maybe I misunderstood. I thought the families organizing the NE reunion were looking at Stowe, VT, and Woodstock, VT. I've been to both, and I think Woodstock is the cuter town.

 

(But, if the OP ends up in Stowe and she drives down to Ben & Jerry's, she should stop at the Cold Hollow Cider Mill and buy some of the apple cider doughnuts. It's in between B&J and Stowe.)

 

I thought they meant Woodstock, NY. But maybe not.

 

Woodstock, Vt. is indeed cute, but I think that there is more cool stuff to do in and around Stowe, isn't there?

[Melinda in VT]

I thought they meant Woodstock, NY. But maybe not.

 

Woodstock, Vt. is indeed cute, but I think that there is more cool stuff to do in and around Stowe, isn't there?

 

Woodstock has the Billings Farm and Museum, a branch of VINS (raptor shows), and Quechee Gorge. It's also close to the Calvin Coolidge birthplace (where VP Coolidge was visiting to help his parents with the haying[!] when he found out the president had died and he was now POTUS).