For those of you who consider homeschooling non-negotiable:

[PinkInTheBlue]

I really need to talk to anyone who has encountered resistance to continuing homeschooling. If it's rosy at your house and your teens have never wanted to do anything but homeschool, that's great. I'm not having that experience here.

 

My 14yr old is a good kid. He's respectful and does what is asked. He's never loved homeschooling. It's also all he's ever known so a large amount of it is the grass-is-greener syndrome. He does the work and usually by the end of a school day his attitude is good and he admits it was a good day of school. The problem is he believes he's "missing out" on so much by not being in school.

 

He's been a serious skateboarder for almost 3 years and the last of our local skate parks just closed this past June. He's bored, frustrated at not being able to connect with his old skating friends (nowhere to really go), and our great new neighborhood (almost a year here) has no kids to hang with even though it looked so much like a great kid neighborhood when we were looking.

 

Between the moodiness of early teens (God save me) and the belief that homeschooling is what is making him miserable I'm going crazy. Understand he's not mean, hurtful or disrespectful. He does the work. He just constantly talks about how much he wants to go to school and not homeschool anymore.

 

Please help me. He's a guy that's always preferred to be very active and I think getting him involved in something (many things if possible) would help but if you have any advice on how to handle the homeschooling blues, I'd appreciate it.

 

It's not really negotiable, though. Our public school systems are OUT of the question and other than one, the private schools are all Christian schools and I'd really, really rather not have that battle either.

[Amy1k]

Bleh. I don't have any advice. I'm not exactly in your situation, because my plan (right now) is to enroll my child in PS when he starts high school, but he's 12 right now and pretty upset that he can't go to school with his buddies. To further complicate things, his older brother went to public school in 7th grade. I've regretted it immensely. Anyway, I'm not budging and my pre-teen isn't happy. We're fortunate in that he has a very active social life and participates in lots of activities.

[elfgivas]

clear statements are good.

 

"homeschooling is not negotiable".

 

and then help him figure out what he thinks he's missing and how he's going to get it. (this is good life experience. no job is perfect. no mate is perfect. no school is perfect. the trick to being happy is to figure out what you need and how to achieve that in a healthy way within your boundaries. and to recognize the many great things about whatever/whoever it is.)

 

in the short term, could you choose an amazing reward for successful homeschooling? like studying french and planning a summer trip to quebec or france? or studying ancient egypt and going to see the pyramids (during school time so you wont' boil).... or taking sailing or tennis or ??? for phys ed.

 

we have two adult children and two "tweens" and what stops the complaining dead is the "well, if you are in school then we can't go to (fill in the blank)".

 

fwiw

ann

[Daisy]

My brother was working a part time job at 14yo (and he was homeschooling). Can you find some part-time or volunteer work he can do?

[rootsnwings]

Maybe he just needs a new hobby/sport/interest? Are you guys part of a homeschool group or is there a local home school "teen scene" he could participate in?

 

I'm sorry. I can so see my ds being the same way at that age. I'm sure I will just have to be firm with him & tell him it's not an option. There's no sense in making himself miserable, he needs to find the glimmer of sunshine n his dark and horrible world. :glare: I think once you put your foot down & stop hearing it he will stop testing/pushng the limits. IDK, I of course have NOT btdt, but I know that's how I have to deal with my ds9 sometimes even now!! I seriously don't even want to think about 14!!!!

 

Hugs Mama!!!

Edited August 23, 2010 by rootsnwings

[amy g.]

I have a 14 year old son. I noticed that when he started getting moody, and I started getting frustrated with him, family members would mention that PS might be good for him.

 

It was worse, when I tried to explain why thyat was never going to happen.

 

Now, I just say, "Well, if he wanted to go to PS, he should have picked a different family."

 

He has tons of outside activities, and if he wants to keep them, he'd better have a good attitude towards school. We are on his taking a cc class in the spring. I think he will love that.

 

It's a hard age. I hope to survive it.

[Beth in OH]

Here are some of my homeschooling lessons learned:

 

A high schooler must be somewhat agreeable to homeschooling in order for that child to learn in a homeschool setting.

 

A 16-18 year old is able to assert his own emerging independence much more than a 14 year old. This may include what others might term "rebellion."

 

For some kids, nothing short of full-time school, not homeschooling, will satisfy their growing need for autonomy and independence.

 

A bad high school education might be academically superior to a homeschool education with a student who doesn't want to be there.

 

Some kids will mature into finding homeschooling agreeable in later high school years, while others won't.

 

The decision to homeschool a high school freshman may limit that student's ability to attend high school in later years, when the balance of considerations might shift away from homeschooling and in favor of a brick and mortar school.

 

 

While I had the student you described, I don't really fit your requested respondent profile, since we didn't make attending school 100% non-negotiable. We worked out a part-time arrangement that was satisfactory to all of us in the early years, but did not satisfy my student later on. Nothing we could have done would have helped her overcome the "homeschooling blues."

 

If you could break out a crystal ball and look into the future, your decisions would be much easier! :001_smile:

 

:grouphug: to you,

Beth

[Starr]

My dd wanted to go to school at 13 and 14 and I've had friends whose kids wanted to go to school. Most of them were doing fine at home. One carried on until she got to ps and well we won't go into that story. I just encouraged my dd to hang on and other activities availed themselves. She started taking a Spanish class at the University, was able to join the Mock Trial Team at the High School, more babysitting etc. A friend's son started a new sports program and something else. I know how hard it is but I think it will work its' self out it time. You are right about them not really knowing what they are asking to do. It just sounds like you get to hang out with your friends all the time. Maybe plan some fun field trips and keep your eyes open for some new activities. He won't be 14 forever. :D

[Starr]

Also my ds 14 needs exercise or he makes himself and the rest of us crazy. Has he found something to replace the skate boarding?

[MistyJ]

My 14 year old son just started an apprenticeship with a bicycle shop in our town. It has motivated him tremendously, since I won't let him go if his work isn't done.

 

Go to your city's website, and look for some way he can volunteer. Maybe as a skate instructor in the recreation departement?

 

Our local hospital also lets teenagers work as transporters. Give him "credit" for the hours, such as a half-day of academics the days he volunteers (within reason, of course.)

[Jean in Newcastle]

Ds13 is now going to tae kwando 4 days a week. It gives him an hour and a half of hard physical exercise (bicycling there and then the class.) It gives him interaction with other teens 4 days a week in an atmosphere that directly fosters self discipline, respect etc. It was not ds' choice to start taekwando but he has blossomed there and loves it now.

[ma23peas]

I have a 15 year old son and can empathize with your situation....I firmly believe that they need 'reasons' for school and sharing of ideas...we've met this by having several 'outlets' for him....he has his youth group at church (very small, but they do get together and swim/watch soccer/football etc.)...he's active in his scouting troop...I started teaching a writing co-op and his class of 9th-11th graders has 13 students in it...just sharing their hate for writing brings him joy! :) He also takes science with a group of students...

 

I truly think it would be isolating and hard to do all your school on your own...as they get older many families have the kids do their own work independently...teenage years are meant to be shared and learn through that....I plan on my son going to a local university for dual enrollment his last two years so he can get that class room setting and help prepare him for college....even getting a job if he has time....but they need to relate to their peers and to do that, they need to have peers...

 

Seek out as many opportunities as you can for him...it really does make a difference....

 

Tara

[Aggie]

Since his motivation for going to school seem to be all social, does he know there's not much social time at school? Lunch and the 5 minute breaks between classes are usually it. Add that to what seems to be sub-par academics at your ps, it sounds like he wouldn't like it there at all.

 

We have a 14yo freshman who would love ps just for the (small) amount of social interaction. However, she dances at a studio 30 min away 2-3 times a week. She knows dance would be impossible if she went to ps. That is her motivation for thriving at hs.

 

I agree with the pp who said to get him a hobby or volunteer position to quench the social thirst. Is he able to play sports with the school's teams? Is there *anything* in a 30 mile radius he could get involved in? Youth group at church? Scouts? Is there a way he could work to get the park open again?

 

Sorry this is so hard. He sounds like a great young man!

[Peela]

Here are some of my homeschooling lessons learned:

 

A high schooler must be somewhat agreeable to homeschooling in order for that child to learn in a homeschool setting.

 

A 16-18 year old is able to assert his own emerging independence much more than a 14 year old. This may include what others might term "rebellion."

 

For some kids, nothing short of full-time school, not homeschooling, will satisfy their growing need for autonomy and independence.

 

A bad high school education might be academically superior to a homeschool education with a student who doesn't want to be there.

 

Some kids will mature into finding homeschooling agreeable in later high school years, while others won't.

 

The decision to homeschool a high school freshman may limit that student's ability to attend high school in later years, when the balance of considerations might shift away from homeschooling and in favor of a brick and mortar school.

 

 

 

I pretty much agree with all of this. My husband does feel that homeschooling is non negotiable, but it never has been 100% that way for me, because I could not teach my kids under those circumstances, if they were unhappy and lonely at home. I am the one in the trenches with them.

Homeschooling my kids has always been dependent on whether or not we could find enough social activity for them, or at least something to look forward to. My dd16 wanted to go to school last year because she wanted to be with other kids every day. When we sat down and worked out a plan for her to attend something like our equivalent to your community college next year - so she only had one more year at home- she was able to handle being at home again this year. She could see the long term benefits of homeschooling- she gets to do things a year before her schooled friends. But she is my mature one.

My kids are very involved in various activities including a non competitive teenage gymnastic group and the Scouting/Venturer movement. My ds14 also has friends in our street- that makes all the difference. They also both work part time- and earning that money is a big motivation to stay homeschooling because they couldnt do that if they were at school.

Without at least some of those things....no, I could not homeschool them through these teen years.

[fairfarmhand]

This topic came up for discussion last week.

 

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=205064

 

Could you build him the half-pipe skating thingy in your back yard?

[Renee in NC]

This topic came up for discussion last week.

 

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=205064

 

Could you build him the half-pipe skating thingy in your back yard?

 

My father did that for my brother - it was his way of insuring that all the kids hung out at *his* house so that he could supervise a little more.

[wulfbourne]

I have no actual experience with that age group, but I can theorize a lot :)

 

Part-time job

 

If he's ready a class at the community college

 

Some other type of class (art, music, sports, etc)

 

Volunteer work

 

Do you have a local co-op that has classes?

[MamaT]

Your son sounds like my now 17yo at that age. One of the things we did that, I think in retrospect, helped the most: We (dh and I) sat down and listened to his reasons for thinking ps was the way to go. We told him we would consider seriously what he said and get back with him. When we told him that those reasons just were not good enough to put him in ps, he was disappointed, but understood that it wasn't going to happen. His attitude changed gradually after that to acceptance. It helped that he knew we had listened to him and thoughtfully made our choice. We told him to stop bringing it up - that topic was off-limits because there was no point once the decision had been made.

 

Another decision we made was to make our house very teenager friendly. He has multiple friends over every weekend (and during the week in the summer). It makes it harder on me (I have to cook for all those bottomless pits), but we know all of his friends well and know what they're up to.

 

HTH some. 14yo sons are just HARD. 16yo-17yo sons have been wonderful around here so far, so hang in there!