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I'm in tears.

 

I talked to Wolf about having another baby. Its something that's been on my heart for a long time. We're far better off financially than when we had Tazzie and Princess.

 

Wolf admitted that the only reason he doesn't want another baby is because of my disability.

 

Just one more thing that RSD has stolen from me.

 

I know all the arguments. I'd have to go off all my meds. The pain would be roaring. But the heart wants what the heart wants, and I'd be willing.

 

I'm praying that God either takes this longing from my heart, or places it on Wolf's too.

 

It hurts too da*n much.

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I'm sorry. I don't want to sound insensitive, but have you two thought about adoption? I have had a couple of friends go through the adoption process and it was extremely positive for them. Is that a possibility?

 

It sounds like your husband is just worried about you - you know, worried about your health. :grouphug:

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Thank you all. Wolf has tried to explain all the logical reasons, that our kids are getting independent, that when we move to an acreage they'll be big enough to start helping, Drs appts from an acreage will be an all day affair...I get all that. I do. But it doesn't change how I feel.

 

I asked him, "Haven't you ever wanted something that didn't necessarily make *sense* but you wanted it so badly anyways?" He told me no, that guys don't tend to think like that, women are more emotional.

 

He's right, at least as far as he and I go.

 

I offered to call off our engagement after I had my ectopic pregnancy. We didn't know if I could have a viable pregnancy, and I didn't want to rob him of the experience of going through a pregnancy and having a child that he could look at and see himself in. He told me not to shoot myself for him (reference to 'The Highway Man') and that he was content to be a Dad to the children I brought into our marriage. He even argued against having another child.

 

We had Tazzie just before our 2nd wedding anniversary...and it had a HUGE impact on him. Then Princess followed.

 

I'm just praying that one of us changes. I don't want to hurt like this anymore.

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Maybe a private adoption? I know years ago there used to be horror stories' date=' but I think that's changed a bit and I've heard some very good stories.

 

:grouphug:[/quote']

Private adoptions tend to be very expensive, and again, its unlikely I would pass the home inspection.

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by just trying to go off the meds for six months and show him that it is possible and that you are willing to do it? I am sure Wolf is mostly worried about you and how a pregnancy would affect your health and your pain levels. It must be hard to see a wife suffer.

 

I assume there aren't any meds that you can use for pain while pregnant?

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My pain specialist has me on meds that are the least likely to affect a baby, and can be counteracted after birth if there are any issues. He does that automatically for women of child bearing age.

 

Its not the meds that concern Wolf. Its that I'm basically one armed. He's mentioned that he wonders how I'd manage to care for a baby.

 

Thats what he's said out loud. Whatever else he might be thinking, I don't know.

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I'm sorry, but your dh is right. You've got three dds. Count them everyday.

 

:iagree: You're lucky to have someone who cares so much about you as to be able to see past the emotionality of the moment and keep his eyes on what he feels is best for your health. I would venture to guess that most good men who love their wives don't want to risk their health or lives over having another child.

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Imp, my dh does not want any more children because he does not think that I would have the stamina and health to take care of another one. And despite my hormones and my longing for another, he is right (don't tell him I said this). I already see how my two are impacted by my health - there are many ways in which they've been "short-changed" on things because I was not able to provide certain things for them (not material things but ways that I have not been able to be available to them). I've had to deal with feelings of guilt about that - though I realize that God only asks me to do the best with what I have and He has taken care of my children. If we did have a surprise baby then I do believe that God would help me even as He's helped me with the two I already have, but I am not going to bring a baby into this situation on purpose. I do believe that God made dh and me with different personalities and roles and gifts to complement each other - one of those is the way that my dh (and I think yours too) can see the "big picture" with wisdom and objectivity.

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I went through something similar. I developed preeclampsia with my DS that resulted in 3 months of bedrest followed by an emergency c/s with DS being born at 34 weeks and having to go into the NICU because he couldn't breathe on his own. My DH was incredibly gun-shy about having any more kids. He was terrified that I would die, only later he told me he would lay in bed at night and pray that I would wake up in the morning.

 

Eventually he relented and said we could have 1 more. And then I wore him down again to have 1 more. I did have complications with #2 and #3. I developed post partum preeclampsia and had to go on BP meds for a while. I also got hyperemesis with all my pregnancies resulting in vomiting the entire 9 months. And I got post-partum depression after #1 and #2. So 3 is all I am going to get and we've taken steps to ensure that. I am happy with my 3 though had circumstances been different, I would have gladly had 12.

 

It did take a long time for me to come to a place where I could admit that having more children would almost be reckless and a detriment to my family. It was risking my health--preeclampsia was not just a one time thing, and every pregnancy resulted in 9 months of misery from puking all the time and ended in up to a year of crazy mom until the PPD went away. My heart has room for more, but I don't think DH would ever consent to adoption or foster care.

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:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Praying that your health will improve in the future so that pregnancy or adoption will be something that you all feel comfortable pursuing.

 

God has a plan for each of us and He won't give you any crosses that you cannot bear with His help.

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:grouphug: Praying that God will comfort you during this hard time
:iagree:

 

I am sorry. I understand your pain as we have a similar situation here.
:iagree:

 

I'm sorry, but your dh is right. You've got three dds. Count them everyday.
:iagree:

 

Imp, my dh does not want any more children because he does not think that I would have the stamina and health to take care of another one. And despite my hormones and my longing for another, he is right (don't tell him I said this). I already see how my two are impacted by my health - there are many ways in which they've been "short-changed" on things because I was not able to provide certain things for them (not material things but ways that I have not been able to be available to them). I've had to deal with feelings of guilt about that - though I realize that God only asks me to do the best with what I have and He has taken care of my children. If we did have a surprise baby then I do believe that God would help me even as He's helped me with the two I already have, but I am not going to bring a baby into this situation on purpose. I do believe that God made dh and me with different personalities and roles and gifts to complement each other - one of those is the way that my dh (and I think yours too) can see the "big picture" with wisdom and objectivity.
:iagree:
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My pain specialist has me on meds that are the least likely to affect a baby, and can be counteracted after birth if there are any issues. He does that automatically for women of child bearing age.

 

Its not the meds that concern Wolf. Its that I'm basically one armed. He's mentioned that he wonders how I'd manage to care for a baby.

 

Thats what he's said out loud. Whatever else he might be thinking, I don't know.

 

 

First :grouphug::grouphug:

 

Second, there was a woman born with no arms or legs and she had a baby and I remember thinking as I watched the news segment that she was the most amazing, strongest woman ever. You should have SEEN her flip that baby around with no arms.

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I am so sorry. I know what it is like to yearn for a child and have something in the way. I suffer with infertility. The desire for a child can be so strong and it is not one that can easily be 'reasoned' with.

 

My mother suffers with RSD and I have seen first hand what it can be like, so my sympathies really go out to you. I pray that there will be a resolution for you, that something will give or change. :grouphug:

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Guest janainaz

:grouphug:

 

I hope you find some peace in this. My dh does not want another one at all and I know all the reasons why. If he were on board for a third, I would be also. But I only want a child if it's mutual. Otherwise, I'd have to examine all my reasons why I want another one. But honestly, my MIL and FIL adopted five children and it has been wonderful, but they have also missed out on fully experiencing grandparenthood (MIL passed away a few years ago). I force myself to be brave and to accept what is, be grateful for my boys (that causes me deep pain to watch grow up), but I also remind myself that I have to go through the seasons of life. I decided, mentally, to STOP being hurt by their growth, but to relish every moment and enjoy it. It's a gift. I don't believe adding a third child would add anything wonderful to my life that it does not already have. Adding a third would bring stress to my husband and that does not give any gifts to my sons. I want them to experience my dh full of life and as happy as this life can allow (life has it's burders still). My 'babies' are and will grow up. And someday I hope to be such a good mom, that I get to fully enjoy the next phase of life and hold my grandchildren and do much better than what I had growing up.

 

And if my words are of no help, here's at least a :grouphug:

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I understand that you are hurting -- honestly I do, but I really think you need to try to put his feelings on the same level of importance as yours. I am not trying to be hurtful, but I've seen you post this a few times on the forum. It sounds like he doesn't want to add any more stress to his life, and I really think you need to come to a place where you honor that need of his. I'm afraid that he will end up feeling like he has let you down and that you are not content with what you already have with him and your children.

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I understand that you are hurting -- honestly I do, but I really think you need to try to put his feelings on the same level of importance as yours. I am not trying to be hurtful, but I've seen you post this a few times on the forum. It sounds like he doesn't want to add any more stress to his life, and I really think you need to come to a place where you honor that need of his. I'm afraid that he will end up feeling like he has let you down and that you are not content with what you already have with him and your children.

 

:iagree: Excellent wording - I share this opinion.

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I understand that you are hurting -- honestly I do, but I really think you need to try to put his feelings on the same level of importance as yours. I am not trying to be hurtful, but I've seen you post this a few times on the forum. It sounds like he doesn't want to add any more stress to his life, and I really think you need to come to a place where you honor that need of his. I'm afraid that he will end up feeling like he has let you down and that you are not content with what you already have with him and your children.

 

:iagree:

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My pain specialist has me on meds that are the least likely to affect a baby, and can be counteracted after birth if there are any issues. He does that automatically for women of child bearing age.

 

Its not the meds that concern Wolf. Its that I'm basically one armed. He's mentioned that he wonders how I'd manage to care for a baby.

 

Thats what he's said out loud. Whatever else he might be thinking, I don't know.

 

 

I didn't read the rest of the responses, yet, but I'll chime in here.

My mom is deaf and disabled due to polio. The left side of her body is weaker than the right side. When she was pregnant with me at age 30 (an oops! :) ) friends and family told her to have an abortion. At the very least, told her to give me up for adoption. Needless to say, she didn't.

 

She took care of me BY HERSELF. I slept near her and she would wake up at night to feel my basinette to see if I was awake. I have one memory of asking her to pick me up when I was sitting on a counter. She said she couldn't. She tells me now that it broke her heart. But, it didn't bother me!

 

It really bothers me when someone says that someone else shouldn't have a child due to a disability. If they are LIVING, then apparently they can take care of themselves. Even if they have help from someone else, then that person can help with a baby.

 

But, I know THAT doesn't help you. I'm praying that either the need is lifted from your heart or put onto your husband's as well.

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Bless you, Imp. I am so sorry that your heart is hurting. I really am. I think it is really special that your husband loves you so much that he is putting you first. I know that doesn't change your hurt and longing, but I pray it does become a source of comfort for you. He is a really good man.

 

On another note, you do not want to be pregnant and have a baby that is addicted to pain medication. You just don't. I am a mother-baby nurse, and I have taken care of countless moms that have taken pain medications during their pregnancies for chronic pain. Even with very mild pain medications (and other meds), the babies do have severe withdrawal periods the vast majority of the time. It is very hard to watch. The moms are guilt-ridden and often hysterical. The babies are miserable, and often end up on methadone or an anti-seizure drug to keep them comfortable and to stop the withdrawals. It is a really sad situation. I don't tell you this to make you sad or to make you feel guilty, but to give you another perspective. I know you would never want to go through that with your baby.

:grouphug: Joining the others in prayer. May you find comfort and peace where you are now.

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Bless you, Imp. I am so sorry that your heart is hurting. I really am. I think it is really special that your husband loves you so much that he is putting you first. I know that doesn't change your hurt and longing, but I pray it does become a source of comfort for you. He is a really good man.

 

On another note, you do not want to be pregnant and have a baby that is addicted to pain medication. You just don't. I am a mother-baby nurse, and I have taken care of countless moms that have taken pain medications during their pregnancies for chronic pain. Even with very mild pain medications (and other meds), the babies do have severe withdrawal periods the vast majority of the time. It is very hard to watch. The moms are guilt-ridden and often hysterical. The babies are miserable, and often end up on methadone or an anti-seizure drug to keep them comfortable and to stop the withdrawals. It is a really sad situation. I don't tell you this to make you sad or to make you feel guilty, but to give you another perspective. I know you would never want to go through that with your baby.

:grouphug: Joining the others in prayer. May you find comfort and peace where you are now.

Which is why I've said I would go off all meds. There's no way I would risk a baby.

 

I know that up until a few wks of the due date that pregnant women can get a shot of demerol with no side effect, since my OB encouraged me to do so if I had migraines. But to take anything on a regular basis? No way.

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:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I lived this a few months ago, minus the disability/medical issues. . .

 

We struggled for several years to come to a meeting of the hearts/minds. Each of us tried *very hard* over about 4 years to change our own hearts/minds so we could meet the other. We'd each waver for a few weeks/months and even tried to get pg for a few months. . . But, poor dh just *so* did not want it. And I *so* did.

 

FWIW, I, too, withheld permission/approval for a vasectomy periodically. . . but ultimately I told him to "just do it" if he was certain that was what he wanted. . . I respect his right to choose whether to become a parent again. . . and I do not want that issue to interfere with our . . . uhhhh. . . private life. . . for years to come. ;) Not to say I was not hurt, angry, sad, grieving right up through and after driving him to the procedure and nursing him at home afterwards. . . But, I accepted it (with little grace, but at least I did it.)

 

I had always *said*, "It's better to have one too few children than one too many," but it was extremely hard to live with that.

 

For many, many years, I had set a deadline of my 40th birthday to be "done" having children, so 9 mos ago (turned 40 Friday) to be pg. . .

 

I am actually glad I set the deadline b/c it forced the issue, dh got his vasectomy 6 mos ago, and we can *move on*.

 

I was hurt, sad, grieving. . . and would have very much liked/loved a 4th child. Dh was hurt, sad, grieving (to see me so hurt and know we weren't on the same page.) The hardest thing was that we weren't "on the same page" b/c in every single important other thing in our lives, we always have been! We are absolutely best friends and eachother's biggest supporters, so to be on opposite sides of this fence was agony. It felt so lonely! I felt so greedy! OUCH!

 

By going ahead and putting an end to *my* dream, I think I made more room in our marriage for *our* other dreams. . . and our actual *lives*. . .

 

In truth, it has gotten much easier already, 6 mos into it being "done." I am glad the issue is closed and we can move on and let go of that painful subject. I'm saving up my baby-lust for grandkids. . . and enjoying the extra room in our basement and bookshelves as I begin to let go of baby/toddler/etc stuff. . . Trying to be grateful and appreciate the advantages is definitely a key to acceptance & happiness for me.

 

A few months ago, a dear friend, who is precisely my age, lost her 2nd pg in a row (after 2 healthy kids / easy pg back in her early 30s) and the 2nd loss was a really rough one. . . and it made me *very thankful* that I didn't have to face the decisions she had to face. . . or the losses she was facing. . . I thanked dh for protecting me from that. . .and told him that he had been right to say "No". I just was so thankful to not be in those shoes my dear friend was walking in. . .

 

Maybe he knew something I didn't. We both feared the risks of "advanced maternal age" and also have both just become more cautious and fearful as we've become older and seen more families struggle. . .and we have these 3 amazing dc to protect/nurture/finance. . . So, there is more to lose now (if something went wrong) than there was when we started our family 14 years ago.

 

So, anyway, I hope it helps to know you aren't alone. This is a rough issue. I vented to a couple dear friends & that helped some. Although I didn't withhold my feelings from dh, I do think it is advisable to try to minimize the quantity of venting to him. Honestly, the best thing about going ahead and getting it over with was that it put an end to my torturing of dh (well, after a couple months of crying/second guessing/etc). That was definitely not a good thing.

 

Another thing I have noticed. . . In general, the dads who say "No" are also very involved, wonderful, caring dads. It seems that their intention is to preserve the quality of their relationships with the kids they already have. One mom I know has 5 kids close together, and her dh was the one to push for #4 & #5. . . Well, y'know, he was/is a neurosurgical resident working 70-100 hrs/wk while she was home with 5 kids! (and no extra $$ either, so no paid help, etc.) It seemed ironic to me that he'd want so many kids so bad but honestly saw them very, very, very little. (Not to say that all dads who want lots of kids are that way, of course!) So, I try to remember that dh's heart is definitely in the right place. . .

 

(((hugs)))

 

Hang in there. It does get easier with time if you "count your blessings" frequently.

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Which is why I've said I would go off all meds. There's no way I would risk a baby.

 

I know that up until a few wks of the due date that pregnant women can get a shot of demerol with no side effect, since my OB encouraged me to do so if I had migraines. But to take anything on a regular basis? No way.

 

Oh gosh, I hope you didn't think I was being hard on you. I was trying to be helpful, but I don't know if it came across that way. I'm sorry if it sounded harsh. I know you would never want to risk your baby. :grouphug:

 

ETA: I was responding to the part of one of your posts about being on meds least likely to affect a baby. Again, I'm sorry if I upset you.

Edited by Nakia
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Another thing I have noticed. . . In general, the dads who say "No" are also very involved, wonderful, caring dads. It seems that their intention is to preserve the quality of their relationships with the kids they already have. One mom I know has 5 kids close together, and her dh was the one to push for #4 & #5. . . Well, y'know, he was/is a neurosurgical resident working 70-100 hrs/wk while she was home with 5 kids! (and no extra $$ either, so no paid help, etc.) It seemed ironic to me that he'd want so many kids so bad but honestly saw them very, very, very little.

I know some like that too. One that is denying his wife several forms of birth control that he disagrees with while their kids get less and less good attention.:mad: IMO they are neglected and abused because mom can't handle it and he doesn't mind adding more.:cursing:

 

In truth, it has gotten much easier already, 6 mos into it being "done."

I have found that true as well.
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:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I lived this a few months ago, minus the disability/medical issues. . .

 

We struggled for several years to come to a meeting of the hearts/minds. Each of us tried *very hard* over about 4 years to change our own hearts/minds so we could meet the other. We'd each waver for a few weeks/months and even tried to get pg for a few months. . . But, poor dh just *so* did not want it. And I *so* did.

 

FWIW, I, too, withheld permission/approval for a vasectomy periodically. . . but ultimately I told him to "just do it" if he was certain that was what he wanted. . . I respect his right to choose whether to become a parent again. . . and I do not want that issue to interfere with our . . . uhhhh. . . private life. . . for years to come. ;) Not to say I was not hurt, angry, sad, grieving right up through and after driving him to the procedure and nursing him at home afterwards. . . But, I accepted it (with little grace, but at least I did it.)

 

I had always *said*, "It's better to have one too few children than one too many," but it was extremely hard to live with that.

 

For many, many years, I had set a deadline of my 40th birthday to be "done" having children, so 9 mos ago (turned 40 Friday) to be pg. . .

 

I am actually glad I set the deadline b/c it forced the issue, dh got his vasectomy 6 mos ago, and we can *move on*.

 

I was hurt, sad, grieving. . . and would have very much liked/loved a 4th child. Dh was hurt, sad, grieving (to see me so hurt and know we weren't on the same page.) The hardest thing was that we weren't "on the same page" b/c in every single important other thing in our lives, we always have been! We are absolutely best friends and eachother's biggest supporters, so to be on opposite sides of this fence was agony. It felt so lonely! I felt so greedy! OUCH!

 

By going ahead and putting an end to *my* dream, I think I made more room in our marriage for *our* other dreams. . . and our actual *lives*. . .

 

In truth, it has gotten much easier already, 6 mos into it being "done." I am glad the issue is closed and we can move on and let go of that painful subject. I'm saving up my baby-lust for grandkids. . . and enjoying the extra room in our basement and bookshelves as I begin to let go of baby/toddler/etc stuff. . . Trying to be grateful and appreciate the advantages is definitely a key to acceptance & happiness for me.

 

A few months ago, a dear friend, who is precisely my age, lost her 2nd pg in a row (after 2 healthy kids / easy pg back in her early 30s) and the 2nd loss was a really rough one. . . and it made me *very thankful* that I didn't have to face the decisions she had to face. . . or the losses she was facing. . . I thanked dh for protecting me from that. . .and told him that he had been right to say "No". I just was so thankful to not be in those shoes my dear friend was walking in. . .

 

Maybe he knew something I didn't. We both feared the risks of "advanced maternal age" and also have both just become more cautious and fearful as we've become older and seen more families struggle. . .and we have these 3 amazing dc to protect/nurture/finance. . . So, there is more to lose now (if something went wrong) than there was when we started our family 14 years ago.

 

So, anyway, I hope it helps to know you aren't alone. This is a rough issue. I vented to a couple dear friends & that helped some. Although I didn't withhold my feelings from dh, I do think it is advisable to try to minimize the quantity of venting to him. Honestly, the best thing about going ahead and getting it over with was that it put an end to my torturing of dh (well, after a couple months of crying/second guessing/etc). That was definitely not a good thing.

 

Another thing I have noticed. . . In general, the dads who say "No" are also very involved, wonderful, caring dads. It seems that their intention is to preserve the quality of their relationships with the kids they already have. One mom I know has 5 kids close together, and her dh was the one to push for #4 & #5. . . Well, y'know, he was/is a neurosurgical resident working 70-100 hrs/wk while she was home with 5 kids! (and no extra $$ either, so no paid help, etc.) It seemed ironic to me that he'd want so many kids so bad but honestly saw them very, very, very little. (Not to say that all dads who want lots of kids are that way, of course!) So, I try to remember that dh's heart is definitely in the right place. . .

 

(((hugs)))

 

Hang in there. It does get easier with time if you "count your blessings" frequently.

 

Thank you for a wonderful post. Not being the OP you had no idea, but this helps me a lot right now.

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I'm really sorry. I know how awful it is to long to have another baby. I'm so sorry RSV has stolen this from you. I understand Wolf not wanting you to be miserable.

 

Dh didn't want me to have anymore babies. I had huge babies and have a slight scoliosis. My pregnancies were VERY hard on me. My last, with dd10, caused me so much back pain that my legs went out on me several times, and she was my small baby at 8 pounds! My boys were over 10. Anyway, he couldn't watch me suffer again. He had tears in his eyes as he gently told me, "No more." He got the plumbing rerouted.

 

I prayed for our adoption for 4 years. I cried and cried and cried. I prayed for God to remove that longing from my heart or for dh to have the DESIRE in his to no avail. I couldn't understand why God didn't help me, that desire grew stronger and stronger. One day I was crying and dh wanted to know why. WHen I told him he said, "I don't know what to say, Denise. I keep asking God to remove that desire from your heart." :svengo: I said, "WHAT??!!! You're not praying for God's will in BOTH our hearts?" I think he was afraid to. A short time later we were in the adoption agency.

 

Be strong,. Pray for God to remove that desire or for him to make a way. Pray for Him to reveal His will to both you and Wolf. Then just keep praying and praying,.

 

You know my story now about my dd. I now have faith issues because I felt so sure it was God's will for us to adopt. I had NO idea it would come at such a horrendous price. I am away from my family for 5 days right now, with younger ds this time. I usually go alone. But RAD is so hard that I just NEED to get away periodically (sometimes I go away for a weekend alone or iwth one kid or dh) I still have hope, but I've lost faith.

:grouphug: I'm here if you need to talk. ANYTIME. I'll be back home on Thu.:grouphug:

 

ETA: I only read your initial post and nothing else. I need to get ready now.

Edited by Denisemomof4
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Thanks, Denise.

 

I know all the logical reasons. *sigh* Praying hard, still.

 

Btw, RSV is a respiratory virus. I have RSD, Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. ;):lol:

 

ETA: I've never told Wolf not to have a vasectomy, in fact, I've brought it up. He refuses, which confuses the heck out of me. If he was so against having another baby, why not have a vasectomy? Its like having hope for another...

Edited by Impish
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ETA: I've never told Wolf not to have a vasectomy, in fact, I've brought it up. He refuses, which confuses the heck out of me. If he was so against having another baby, why not have a vasectomy? Its like having hope for another...

 

My husband definitely doesn't want any more children (nor do I -- just don't feel like we can do our best with any more). But, my husband doesn't feel right having a vasectomy, and honestly, he's scared it will mess something up. Just because a man doesn't want to have a vasectomy doesn't mean he wants to have more children.

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My husband definitely doesn't want any more children (nor do I -- just don't feel like we can do our best with any more). But, my husband doesn't feel right having a vasectomy, and honestly, he's scared it will mess something up. Just because a man doesn't want to have a vasectomy doesn't mean he wants to have more children.

 

 

Very true. My dh and I were done having kids 10 years ago, but he doesn't want a vasectomy for the same reason as your dh, Dawn. I respect that. Vasectomy IS an invasive surgical procedure, and I don't think anyone should try to "convince" another person to do that when they say they don't want to do it. There are many other options for BC.

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Very true. My dh and I were done having kids 10 years ago, but he doesn't want a vasectomy for the same reason as your dh, Dawn. I respect that. Vasectomy IS an invasive surgical procedure, and I don't think anyone should try to "convince" another person to do that when they say they don't want to do it. There are many other options for BC.

To explain further: Wolf was the one that kept bringing up a vasectomy, first when I was pg w/Tazzie, the again w/Princess. He's the one thats mentioned it as an option now and again. So yes, I ask when he say no more, b/c he's the one thats always brought it up as an option before. I'm not pulling it out of the air and asking him to do something that I wouldn't, but asking him if he's really, REALLY sure that we're done, and if so, perhaps its time to do what he's mentioned.

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To explain further: Wolf was the one that kept bringing up a vasectomy, first when I was pg w/Tazzie, the again w/Princess. He's the one thats mentioned it as an option now and again. So yes, I ask when he say no more, b/c he's the one thats always brought it up as an option before. I'm not pulling it out of the air and asking him to do something that I wouldn't, but asking him if he's really, REALLY sure that we're done, and if so, perhaps its time to do what he's mentioned.

 

I really wasn't assuming your situation, Imp. I was replying to Dawn because it's a similar thing for her dh and mine.

 

If your dh brought it up in the first place, then by all means, talk about it with him. It might be the discussion that helps you both settle your dilemma after all.

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