If you had to choose (big picture and smaller picture)

[milovany]

PART ONE:

If your family was in a situation where the mom was offered a full time job that she would enjoy, and it would pay more than what husband/wife have made both working part time for the last couple of years, which means the husband would be the one home more with the kids -- would you do it? (Husband likes being home; in fact they have a property that he'd love to work on more whereas the wife is not so much into property care). The position the mom is considering is one that would need to be thought of as a long-term thing; not just a temporary one. On the other hand, the husband while not quite back up to a full-time income since being laid off more than a year ago is building his business with some good contracts as possibilities; plus HE has some applications in for full-time work (although they won't pay as much as the job at which the wife is looking). Hypothetically speaking ;), the kids are 2, 4, 8, 10, 12, 14 and 16 years old. Home life is stable and it's a close-knit family; all are homeschooled and that will continue.

 

 

PART TWO:

If your family had a little extra money in the budget, would you choose to do more lessons for the kids (piano, tae kwon do, etc.) OR would you save that money up and travel a bit more?

[Rosie_0801]

Part One: I am not in any way qualified to do any job that I would enjoy, other than what I'm doing right now, this motherhood gig, so I am having trouble imagining. Would this hypothetical Mum still get to do the stuff she likes/ needs to do with her kids? Or would she end up feeling like an outsider in her family?

 

Part Two: If we're talking far away, going overseas every few years travel, it'd be the travel. If it was a camping trip every two months to the national park we went to when I was a kid, it would be the lessons.

 

Good luck to hypothetical mum :)

 

Rosie

[Jean in Newcastle]

If Mom really doesn't mind giving up the gig at home, then she should take the good job.

 

I'd choose the lessons.

[Nature]

Part one: Yes, I’d work full-time IF my husband was willing and fully able to provide the kids with a good education and run the household.

Part two: travel

[milovany]

Part One: I am not in any way qualified to do any job that I would enjoy, other than what I'm doing right now, this motherhood gig, so I am having trouble imagining. Would this hypothetical Mum still get to do the stuff she likes/ needs to do with her kids? Or would she end up feeling like an outsider in her family?

 

I think the mum might be energized by her work and so would be MORE involved with the kids when she was home. Plus dad would be here to provide for the stuff they need and like to do.

 

Part Two: If we're talking far away, going overseas every few years travel, it'd be the travel. If it was a camping trip every two months to the national park we went to when I was a kid, it would be the lessons.

 

Good luck to hypothetical mum :)

 

Hypothetical mum has seven children, so the potential travel would be things like spending a week instead of just 3-4 days at the beach house each year; doing more travel around the state; MAYBE flying to the southwest to visit family, etc. Nothing "major" -- and yet stuff we're not doing now.

 

.... just thinking out loud ....

[Rosie_0801]

Hypothetical mum has seven children, so the potential travel would be things like spending a week instead of just 3-4 days at the beach house each year; doing more travel around the state; MAYBE flying to the southwest to visit family, etc. Nothing "major" -- and yet stuff we're not doing now.

 

.... just thinking out loud ....

 

Is it against the laws of language to have a double hypothetical? :001_huh:

 

Hypothetically, if I were Hypothetical Mum (:001_huh::lol:,) I'd reflect on my past and see whether I had done those sorts of travels during my pre-child life. If I hadn't, I might choose the travel for my own sake, since I have a life to live too. If I had been there and done all that, I'd choose the lessons with the rationale that my kids can travel when they are big enough to pay for it, and it will be my turn to travel again when there are less of them still home to pay for.

 

Rosie

[ktgrok]

Well, up until 6 months ago I was working at a job that I am passionate about. But it never once made up for being away from my child. I stay home now and I have yet to regret it, although I guess it is possible down the road. It was just way to hard to connect in the few hours between getting home and bedtime. With the youngest still only 2 years old I'd stay home....but I suppose it depends on the child and everything else. It's just way to easy to become dependent on the money and feel you can't quit if down the road you think your family life is suffering. For me, full time work meant part time mom, and I wasn't ok with that if I didn't HAVE to do it.

[Dobela]

I gave up being the primary wage earner to stay home almost 10 years ago. It has been a struggle, but I don't want to change a thing. However, the job dh has now has terrible benefits. And dh is a much more organized housekeeper than me. If the benefits and insurance were great, I might just go back to work for awhile if he wanted to come home.

 

And travel, yea, I would like to do that some too.

[Barb_]

Part I: I would do it in a heartbeat. I love what I do, but given the scenario you describe I'd totally be open to an exciting new experience. While you mention it would be a long-term change, I'm of the opinion that everything is open to re-evaluation.

 

Part II: Travel. Definitely the travel. I dropped most all activities years ago and we are much happier for it.

 

Barb

[LibraryLover]

1. Absolutely.

 

2. Just a little extra? I would opt for the more and frequent enrichment opportunity.

[bookfiend]

I'd wonder if it were possible to do it all. Hypothetical Mom takes the job and enjoys it for the longish term (3-5 yrs). Meanwhile, hypothetical Dad is at home, working on property and continuing to develop business to level that will provide needed income. Mom trades places back with Dad to enjoy schooling littles and maturing middles.

 

Poster wonders how much responsbility will be transferred to 16 and 14 yr old, and are they ready/able?

[katemary63]

1. I could never leave my kids at those young ages so I wouldn't do it. I am madly in love with little kids and could not imagine not being their primary, full time caretaker. But, that's me. I couldn't do it because of what I would miss, not because I think it would be wrong or bad for them. I don't see anything wrong with the mom taking the well paying job if it is what's best for the family and she would enjoy it and would not miss the kids too much. A great Daddy is certainly capable of doing the stay at home thing. My own DH would have done as good or better job with the kids as I have, I must admit. (My own son is getting married soon and plans to be a stay at home dad while his wife works.) (And I would, however, consider taking the job if all my kids were over age 10ish. )

 

2. Enrichment

[hsbaby]

1. Such a personal choice. I would not go back to work. I worked until my middle was most 3. It was a great job with great co-workers.....but it never made me feel as complete or happy as being home with my kids does. My youngest is now 3 and being with her full time since she was born has shown me what I missed with the older two.

 

2. Depends. If they aren't doing any extra curriculars now, I would do that. If they are, and you would just be adding more, I'd opt for travel instead.

[Chris in VA]

2. I'd save the money and not do either.

 

1. I know I'm old-fashioned or whatever, but I believe it's better for a committed mom to be home. It is case-by-case, for sure, and extremely personal. My opinion is not based on anything rational, so no flames, please. I personally couldn't be the bread winner (could never make enough with my backround), but I wouldn't want to be unless my husband were disabled or gone. And yep, dh would be a good homeschooler as far as teaching (he did ds' 11th and 12th math), and he would do the dishes everyday/keep everything organized, etc. He's a good housekeeper if he needs to be. There would be something missing, tho. I would miss my kids, too--I'm already missing them and they aren't even gone yet (to ps and college). You don't get time back. I have been deeply wounded by not getting the two years with ds18 due to his rehab. You just don't get time back.

[Rebecca VA]

1. Who will homeschool the kids? My husband doesn't get a chance to be home that much, but when he is, he does house repairs and almost ignores the kids. He's a wonderful person, but he's more likely to give out assignments and run off, saying "let me know when you're done," than I am. Since the hypothetical kids are young, they may need a lot of hands-on attention. Is the husband willing to work with them full-time?

 

2. Lessons, when the kids are young *if* they really want them. I can't tell you how much money I've wasted on lessons that my kids never really wanted. Travel, when the kids are older (over 10).

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Part one: Mom take the job.

 

Part two: Travel.

[Impish]

Part One: btdt. Wolf and I swapped. I worked evening shifts, 3-11, so was still homeschooling the kids. Wolf was starting his own biz.

 

It worked beautifully. I had the best of both worlds...At home, teaching the kids, spending the majority of their waking hours with them, only missing 4 hrs of their day (bedtime was 730 and 8) and a career that not only did I *love* but I was darn good at.

 

Being assaulted by a resident put an end to it all, leaving me disabled for the rest of my life.

 

Part 2: I'd do enrichment for the kids, while socking away $20 a pay for vacation. Even $10 adds up.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

From my experience - if the wife wants the job and would be happy working and if the husband supports the idea 100% than the wife should take the job.

 

I would save the money for family vacations. Those would be more memorable. We gave our kids the enrichment stuff and never travel. I would much rather have used that money to 'give' them life experiences and to see the world. Now that the horseback riding lessons are over what do we have? A girl who can ride, chooses not and that money is gone. Had we spent that money (and it was a lot) on a trip or two we could of had shared experiences and grown as a family.

 

(I hope that comes across like I mean it to.)

[Pretty in Pink]

1. If my husband were truly amenable to staying home FT with the kids I would take the job.

 

2. Since we're not talking European travel, I'd go with the lessons.

[justamouse]

Part One: I would do it. Who doesn't want to have their cake and eat it too? If life presents that possibility, grab it with both hands. If Dad is that type of Dad, you are GOLDEN.

 

part Two: Whatever the kids wanted. If one had a talent for Tae Kwon Do, and it was something they had a future in, I would do it. If it's a way to kill time? No. Travel will stay with them their whole lives. I would choose that any day and Sunday over sports classes. Even if it's the states. We have some gorgeous areas that are rich in history. I've traveled all over the US, and I loved every minute of it. I can't wait to do more.

Edited August 20, 2010 by justamouse

[brehon]

Part One: My family is living this reality, except my dh retired and is not interested in looking for work (outside the home, that is ;)). My situation is probably a little different because I don't have a 9-5 type job. Mine is more the work for 24 hours every 3 days type job. Homeschooling works fine.

 

Part Two: This is harder for me to answer. Right now any extra money we have pays for TKD for 2 of the kids and dh (the other kids aren't yet old enough for extracurriculars). We'd also love to travel, but are working on debt reduction right now. In future, yes, we'd love to be able to sock money away for travelling with the kids.

[Mandamom]

I'm the only wage earner in my family after dh got laid off and has been unable to find a job that would pay more than daycare.

 

If the job will be that good -- interesting, pay, good people, nice benefits, etc. than taking the job seems to be a no brainer. It would also give dh the time to build his own business which may allow more flexibility in the future.