Do you ever worry that your children will resent you..

[4kiddies]

for breaking from the mold and homeschooling and not being "normal"?

 

 

Thanks

[Annie Laurie]

No. In our family, we embrace creativity, doing our own thing, and thinking outside the box. They all think it's good to be different. :001_smile:

[VaKim]

Nope. My kids have a blast talking about how "not normal" they are. They love it, and so do I. :)

[Ginevra]

No. My children think they have a pretty special thing in homeschooling. They do not want to go to a B&M school.

 

I have known of hsed children (just a very few) who did not like hsing because they felt abnormal. One has graduated and said she would never hs her own children; that she would let them "experience the world." I haven't ever gotten a hint of my kids feeling like that. If they complained about that a lot, I would give it consideration. I love hsing, but I would not do battle with my children continually and long-standing to keep them from school.

[Ellie]

One of my dds is a little resentful, although not because she wasn't "normal."

 

However, even knowing that, if I had it to do over again, I'd still homeschool. I hope someday she'll understand...maybe when my little grandson is school age and she sends him off to school and sees that he isn't reaching his potential, or that he is terribly unhappy, or whatever. :-/

[justamouse]

No. They take pride in being strange. Not that homeschooling is strange, but, like my siggy says, normal doesn't cut it in our house.

[angela in ohio]

Nope. They tell me all the time that they are happy with our lifestyle. I have no reason to think that will suddenly change.

[Abigail4476]

No. They take pride in being strange. Not that homeschooling is strange, but, like my siggy says, normal doesn't cut it in our house.

 

justamouse - I love your signature (the Practical Magic part)! I just ripped it and put it on my fb page--hope you don't mind. :D

 

In fact, I may paint it on my girls' bedroom walls! :lol: (or at least put sticky notes on their mirrors)

[Daisy]

My brother used to resent being homeschooled, but once he had a child he changed his tune a bit, though his daughter goes to full day preschool at this point (I think that is his wife's decision though).

 

I don't know if my children will resent it or not. I hope not. Honestly, I don't make my decisions about their welfare based on what they may or may not resent. I make decisions based on what I feel is in their best interests.

[SailorMom]

One of my sons decided last year he wanted to go back to PS (as an 8th grader) - so we let him. Up until then he had really liked homeschooling.

My other son (going into 7th) has absolutely no desire to go back to ps - so I'm still hs-ing him :)

I think as long as my kids felt they had some say (not all the say), they will not resent me later.

[sweetbasil]

Nope, I don't worry about that at all.

 

DH and I, however, are a little resentful concerning our weak and boring PS educations. ;)

[Moxie]

Yes, but I worry about EVERYTHING (what am I missing, what if they never leave the basement and become productive adults, what if they get to college and don't know enough, what if I'm not pushing them hard enough, what if I'm pushing them too much, is there some hidden talent one of them has that I'm missing, etc. etc.).

[NanceXToo]

No! My daughter was thrilled to death when I pulled her out of public school in third grade. We have so much fun homeschooling, and so much more time for things WE want to do, and I think it brings us closer. I don't see them resenting it.

 

Unless maybe they got to high school age and wanted to go to high school and i refused to let them or something, I guess I could see a kid resenting that.

[Pretty in Pink]

No, not really. I am doing my very best to provide an excellent education for my kids. Maybe they'll resent being HSed one day, maybe not. I am sure one of them, at some point, will resent something that I have or have not done, but I kind of figure that that is just life. I don't worry about it. I just do my best.

[Mimm]

Of course. They went to a private school that they loved until this year. My fear is that they'll resent that we couldn't afford to keep them in it. I hope they'll grow up and realize that I did the best I could.

[Mad Jenny Flint]

I am one of those who worry about everything. But they're fine. I guess if I am going to make a parenting mistake, this is the one I would most choose.

 

We tell them all the time, "one day it will be your turn to make mistakes on your kids."

[hsbaby]

Not at all!! My two oldest were in PS. One until 3rd and the other only lasted two months in Kindy:). They love homeschooling. In fact, they freak at the mention of PS. However, homeschooling is SO prevalent in our area that it's not considered "abnormal".

[MelanieM]

People who want to be resentful of their childhood will find a reason, no matter what their parents did or did not do. So no, I don't worry about that. I just do the best I can at any given moment and let that be enough... it has to be enough, as it's all I have to offer. ;) If my kids grow up resenting me for doing my best, well... <shrug>

 

Ultimately I figure they must have known what they were getting into when they chose us as parents, and that will be the answer I give them if they ever complain about it. :tongue_smilie:

Edited August 18, 2010 by MelanieM

[Ester Maria]

We started to homeschool more out of convenience than out of a thought-out decision to lead such a lifestyle. It was supposed to be a temporary measure, a few years only, until we get back home and put the girls in the brick and mortar school that we had preselected long time ago.

 

However... Life got into our way. Trusting our children's educations to the local and nearby schools, even private ones, was not an option after we researched them, looked up the professors' qualifications and where obtained, had the girls spend a day or two there. It wasn't a good fit - neither educationally, neither socially and culturally and we did not feel comfortable about our daughters assimilating into such a surrounding.

 

We discussed the option of having them live with my parents, then we looked into high quality private boarding schools in at least five European countries and a few states, and almost made a decision, but... But they were so small. :( We felt terrible about sending an 8, 9 or even 11 year old to live away from us. It felt like giving up on them as parents, at such a young age, and "letting other people deal with them". We didn't want to be one of those parents (and we know such examples) who have kids, and then have governesses take care of them for the first 7-8 years of their lives, they minimally attend a school nearby while they're very small, or are even tutored at home - and then, as soon as parents deem that the child "has toughened up enough for a separation", sent to boarding schools for the next 10-11 years. And in summers, possibly to more camps. We saw examples of resentment amongst kids raised that way, and we just couldn't make that decision, wondering whether ten years down in the row they would come to us saying, "You didn't want to deal with us so you sent us away."

 

IMO, keeping them at home was a good decision. We get to form a meaningful relationship with them and IF they decide to go away to a boarding school, it's their conscious choice at an older age. I don't think they'll resent me for wanting to take care of them and educate them personally, for wanting to be home with them and living my daily life with them - at least while they're small. High school aged, I would feel more comfortable about sending them away if it were for their own good and educational profit of the kind they could not get home. But so far, they haven't requested. ;)

[jujsky]

I worried about this a lot more before I actually started homeschooling than I do now. I'm a worrier though -- I worry about everything! Neither of my kids have expressed any desire to go to a B&M school -- especially when I told them that the kids only get to run around for maybe 20 or 30 minutes/day and have to sit at their desks the rest of the time, and they can't talk to their friends much or they'll get in trouble. Oh -- and when I told them they barely do any history or science in most elementary schools that was the clincher for DS. Being denied his 2 favorite subjects? Forget about it! They're very content doing school at home. I don't think I'm giving them anything to resent me for since they're over-scheduled if anything, have ample time each week to be around other kids, and (they'll appreciate this when they're older) are learning so much more than their friends at school.

[leighp]

They'll resent me for something I'm sure. :lol: Might as well be something that is good for them.

Edited August 18, 2010 by leighp
typo

[Mynyel]

for breaking from the mold and homeschooling and not being "normal"?

 

 

Thanks

 

 

Nope, my kids don't want to go to school and get "scared" if I mention it :) (Can be a great incentive!).

 

I ask them a couple times a year, seriously, if they want to go back to school. We don't even need to list pros and cons. They won't discuss it.

 

Especially with what's in the news, ds8 doesn't pay much attention to the news but dd12 does. It doesn't escape her how other kids act and what goes on. (I do know not all schools are like that).

 

Anyway... no I don't worry, I figure if they want to go bad enough I will send them. However getting up early enough is plenty incentive as well for them to not want to go! :)

[LauraGB]

No. Every year I offer them the opportunity to see how "real" school goes...every year I receive a collective "No!", and just this past year, dd actually thought about it. (FYI, the offer isn't whole-hearted on my part, just checking the water)

 

As for my end of things, I try my darndest to be certain they have everything educational that is offered elsewhere, then I times it by 3. In the end, if they resent me, it won't be for homeschooling.

[Corraleno]

No. In our family, we embrace creativity, doing our own thing, and thinking outside the box. They all think it's good to be different. :001_smile:

This is us, too. My kids do so many cool things they would never get to do in "school," they would go crazy being stuck at a desk all day. Every homemade Mother's Day card I get includes "thanks for homeschooling me!!!!" among the sentiments. They've even asked me if I'll homeschool their kids someday — DD7 has it all worked out, lol. She and her family will live in the main house, and DH and I will move into the little guest house, and I'll homeschool her kids every day while she runs a giant corporation or a pet store or works as a bug scientist. She's still undecided about a career — but quite certain about homeschooling. :D

 

Jackie

[Laurie4b]

I wouldn't say I worry about it, but I do take their feelings into account. Dh and I decided that we would give our kids the choice come high school as to whether to continue to homeschool or not. The oldest two decided to go to a public school option this year that will enable them to take more community college courses than they would have been allowed to with dual enrollment. I am happy with their decision. I think that allowing them some choice in high school will help with their future reaction to homeschooling. Homeschooling is an unusual choice and being unusual can be a blessing or a curse (for instance, if a child really did feel like he/she was more isolated than was best for them, etc.) By the time they are in the logic stage, i want to be listening to their reasoning; by the time they leave the house, I want them to have experience about making major life decisions such as where and how they get their education.

[Crimson Wife]

I think basically all adults have things they wish their parents had done differently. I do know that I became a LOT more understanding of my parents once I became a mom. I came to better realize that they did what they thought was best given the circumstances they found themselves in and the knowledge they had at the time. Hindsight is 20/20 and it's easy for me to look back and say my parents should have done X instead of Y. But it's a whole lot harder to make the correct judgment call when the future is unknown. So while I have regrets about certain things, I don't resent my parents for the choices they made.

 

I hope my kids feel the same way when they're grown :)

[abbeyej]

Oh, I worry plenty that they'll resent me -- but not for home schooling. ;) ... I'm one of those grown-up home schooled kiddos, and while I gave my parents plenty of heartache (as so many kids do) for a couple of years there, we're very close now. And even at my worst, I certainly never resented them for home schooling me.

 

I think my kids could, potentially, resent me for a whole host of things (real and imagined). I doubt home schooling will ever be anything but a secondary issue though. I mean, maybe they'll say I pushed them too hard or coddled them too much or smothered them or was too demanding or... Any number of things. And perhaps they could cite home schooling as an example... But that wouldn't be the core issue, you know?

 

I just try to do my best. Knowing I have made and do make and will make plenty of mistakes. And hope that someday they'll forgive me. Ya know?

[at the beach]

for breaking from the mold and homeschooling and not being "normal"?

 

 

Thanks

 

ETA: Let me clarify to express myself better. I should have said I sometimes worry about them having to defend our homeschooling and worry about kids being being intolerant of them and our choices and hope they won't resent having to deal with things like that. I don't really worry about them resenting me because they love homeschooling. They know what public school is like. But now as I think about it, I also know that if in school, they'd still face kids being intolerant and judgmental. Below is what I posted initially re: why I sometimes worry about how homeschooling will affect them.

 

My 13 yo told me today that when homeschooling was mentioned at her dance camp, the other junior high age girls acted horrified at the thought of doing something like that. The younger girls expressed excitement, though. And I just felt this twinge of concern for my daughter and worry about how this will play out as she gets into her high school years. I'm hoping high school kids are less judgmental than junior high. But she is happy at home, and frankly, I just don't think she could get the education at school that she can at home. Nor would she have the freedom. Homeschooling also allows us to make our family relationships a priority. I don't know, I got the impression those girls thought that being at home with their parents would be the worst thing ever. They are so caught up in their peer relationships. I find that sad, really.

Edited August 19, 2010 by Violet
clarifying my thoughts

[Mom22ns]

Not in the slightest. My kids both started out in PS and they love homeschooling. They have the option of going back if they want to. One never will, the other doesn't think so. I think they are grateful that I was willing to take the out of the box step and be different!

[LibraryLover]

First thing: Hsing is very common here.

 

That said. I don't think my children would resent it because we are always talking about our needs as a family, as well as indivdual need. We are all unique and what fires us up will vary. We're open to changing needs, and I think that makes everything work 'ok' for us. (Ok, as in 'not -looking -for -perfection-as-there -is-no -such- thing lol).

 

My 16 yr old ( who chose to go to high school) said to me the other day, after we had discussed some changes in plans, "Thank you for taking my needs into account and switching things around. I really appreciate that". Ok, it was only about a small period of time, and not something so big as hsing, but it made me a little teary. He got that we care about him. Sometimes that is not obvious to people.

 

I think resentment sets in when people feel marginalized and ignored. So, today, this moment...lol...I don't have any worries that my children will resent us. I hope all of my children understand that we are all currently in this life together as a family, and that we all care deeply about each other.

Edited August 19, 2010 by LibraryLover

[PinkInTheBlue]

I so hope not! If I assume my 14 year old's attitude stays the same, he will resent it and not homeschool his own children. All I can do is my best and make the best decisions I can. I hope he will look back with more maturity, mature and relax or just make his own mistakes in the future. :) I try to have interesting, enjoyable subjects and curriculums. I try to have lots of conversations and open doors. However after much thought I did decide that making our local public schools an option was out of the question. If it isn't this he resents me over, it'll be something else. ;) I sure do love him though.

[pqr]

No, and even if I thought that they would resent me it would not in any way change our decision to HS.

[Homeschooling Hannah]

I don't worry about that.....I'm excited about giving them a better ecucation than what they will have in PS.

[mama2cntrykids]

Not at all. They would much rather be home with me than at PS. They (especially the boys) would be VERY unhappy children if I shipped them off to PS.

 

My "worry" is that they will grow up and say, "Why didn't you push me harder" or "How come my education wasn't as good as______? They know so much MORE than I do". It's probably silly, but true.

 

My boys LIKE being abnormal and frankly, so do I! I'm curious to see though how they'll like HSing when they're in MS or HS. I often wonder if, at that point, they'll want to give PS a try. They both have been in PS (one for K and 2nd and one for just K), so they have an idea of what it's like. They may change their minds at some point, but I will cross that bridge when/IF it comes!

[Sue G in PA]

We let our 3 oldest go back to ps last year after 4 years at home. The 2 oldest wanted to and the 3rd didn't have a choice. They all had a great year. Dd13 chose to come back home for high school, ds10 didn't really care and ds12 was adamently opposed to coming back home. He had his "freedom", school was easy, he had his friends around him all day long and...his attitude about home changed for the worst. So, he's coming back home and yes, he does resent me for it. A lot. In fact, I would venture to say he hates me although he would never say it. It bothers me, but not enough to send him back to ps. We are different anyway in so many ways...homeschooling is just a piece of it. My youngers have never known anything different although ds7 talks frequently about mom "not letting me" go to REAL school. :glare: Oh well...that's why I'm the mom and they are not, right? :D

[Dobela]

We are not normal in more than one way so I don't necessarily wonder if our children will resent homeschooling for that reason. I do however wonder if they will resent it because they are the only minorities here that homeschool and they 'stand out' so much. But even if they public schooled, we are a mixed race family so they would still stand out.

[Aubrey]

My kids never had a chance of being normal. We just saved them from knowing what that's like in ps. Instead, they think nonconformity is like a superpower. And Mama is Superwoman. :D

 

ETA: My kids feel sorry for kids who don't hs; they feel lucky to get to do so.

[WiseOwlKnits]

Nope. We live in a very homeschool-friendly area and know tons of people who HS. And the stories DD hears from her PS friends makes her tell me fairly often how happy she is to get to stay home. If she was ever really that miserable, I'd probably put her in PS.

[Rosy]

Nope--I'm pretty sure they'll thank me for allowing them to learn in the way that's best for them, for choosing to parent intentionally, for valuing our time together, and for protecting them from some of the negative ps experiences.

[Rosie_0801]

People who want to be resentful of their childhood will find a reason, no matter what their parents did or did not do. So no, I don't worry about that. I just do the best I can at any given moment and let that be enough... it has to be enough, as it's all I have to offer. ;) If my kids grow up resenting me for doing my best, well... <shrug>

 

Ultimately I figure they must have known what they were getting into when they chose us as parents, and that will be the answer I give them if they ever complain about it. :tongue_smilie:

 

Good answer :) That's how it is here too. They would also be told that anyone older than their early twenties who is still blaming their life on their parents is a heck of a wuss and deserves to be looked at distainfully.

 

Rosie

[Peela]

I have considered the issue many times over the years. I have had to have a good look at why I am homeschooling...for me, or for them. In a big way I have loved homeschooling and my life has revolved around it...and it has been a big part of my identity for the last 8 years.

It really hurt when my kids would make noises about going back to school and being dissatisfied about homeschooling. I really didnt want them to resent me. Somehow we got through those times without putting them in school.

Now they are teens...and my life is more diverse and homeschooling is not my main identity or even my main interest any more...and its just what we do....I think I can say, we are doing it because we do feel it is best for them. And I think they would ultimately agree, although on a bad day, they may not. Our original reasons for homeschooling are jsut as valid as they were when we began- ds's learning issues (dyslexia and basically falling through teh cracks of the school system) and dd's being strongly influenced by her peers. Homeschooling still works for us.

I think there is plenty of time between elementary and end of school years to work on the issue, anyway. I dont think we could have homeschooled these teen years with resistant kids. They develop a strong mind of their own (um, we encouraged that but then it happened and...now we have to live with it! :)). If either desperately wanted to go back to school...we would have to allow it. The trick has been to make homeschooling a much better option for them personally (free time, access to part time work and therefore money, flexible hours, many social activities and many weekends away on camps, and access to courses earlier than schooled kids etc).

So no, I dont really expect them to resent it because the issue has come up and been discussed and dealt with many times over the years.

[texasmama]

for breaking from the mold and homeschooling and not being "normal"?

 

 

Thanks

 

No. I think they will thank me once it is all said and done and they are adults.:001_smile: PS is not an option here (horrible district), and ps is expensive.

Edited August 19, 2010 by texasmama

[Renee in NC]

My 12yo already does, but I figure he will get over it eventually.;)

 

He hates being "different" by homeschooling. He hates being "different" because we are "the poor people" in the homeschool group (his words, not mine.) No, he has never been to school and in more rational moments he doesn't want to go to school.

 

He also hates that he isn't "normal" because he is into motors and fishing rather than video games and girls. *I* have nothing to do with that one!:tongue_smilie:

 

We *might* let him go to high school in two years - we'll have to see how it goes. If he stays home, he'll start dual enrollment at the cc in 3 years.

[Lizzie in Ma]

My kids know that we have given up much to be together as a family and raise them in this manner. In the 9 years we have home-schooled I have never heard from them that they might like to go to a brick and mortar school.

Perhaps it helps that they have been raised knowing that we are committed to this and there is no option B but I think, they are just happy.

[Mommyfaithe]

Nope, I don't worry about that at all.

 

DH and I, however, are a little resentful concerning our weak and boring PS educations. ;)

 

:iagree: yep.....That is how I feel...and no, my kids are not resentful, they are thankful....and they are the only ones around encouraging me to continue homeschooling my little ones....everyone else seems to be heading back to school due to parental burnout...My older kids have offered to help teach my youngers.

 

Faithe

[FO4UR]

Do I worry about it...no. I realize they may resent me for something down the road. If not HSing, it'll be something else.

 

As of now, they like HSing. Last year, ds7 noticed the time of day when the school bus drops the kids off and realized he had a ton more free time than most kids. He values his free time. It's my hope that as they grow they will develop their own interests in unique ways during their free time...and thank me *profusely* for the opportunity to grow in their own way.

 

That may not happen that way...for all 3 dc...but if they hate their high school experience, it will be largely their own faults b/c they will be choosing much of it...I will happily take the credit/blame for elementary/middle school years though.

[emubird]

My 15 yr old hates that she doesn't fit in, and recognizes that it's homeschooling that has made her this way. But she doesn't want to change. She wants all the other kids to change and be as mature as she is.

 

Every year, I've told my kids they could go back to school. Every year, they've refused.

[cdrumm4448]

No. My children think they have a pretty special thing in homeschooling. They do not want to go to a B&M school.

 

I have known of hsed children (just a very few) who did not like hsing because they felt abnormal. One has graduated and said she would never hs her own children; that she would let them "experience the world." I haven't ever gotten a hint of my kids feeling like that. If they complained about that a lot, I would give it consideration. I love hsing, but I would not do battle with my children continually and long-standing to keep them from school.

 

DS was in private school through the end of first grade, so he got a big dose of the real world. That's what made him beg me to homeschool him. He was a popular kid because he was a jokester. So, he wasn't being picked on or anything like that. He knows very well that he has a great thing going at home.

 

He told me recently, after I asked him why he likes to homeschool, that he likes being with me (30%), the work was too easy and boring at school (35%) and he doesn't want to be stuck in school all day (35%). The percentage breakdowns are his.

 

ETA: We were talking about going back to school when the conversation above occurred. He followed it up by saying,"Mom, you're the best mom I've seen." He meant that he knows homeschooling can be a sacrifice (a worthy one!) on my part, and that he appreciates that I make it for him. As far as other people's opinions, I preach he doesn't need to worry about what other people think. Unless it's me.

Edited August 19, 2010 by cdrumm4448

[DawnM]

No. But I ask them every year if they want to go to school. They are emphatic about homeschooling so it is THEIR choice......

[dirty ethel rackham]

I think basically all adults have things they wish their parents had done differently. I do know that I became a LOT more understanding of my parents once I became a mom. I came to better realize that they did what they thought was best given the circumstances they found themselves in and the knowledge they had at the time. Hindsight is 20/20 and it's easy for me to look back and say my parents should have done X instead of Y. But it's a whole lot harder to make the correct judgment call when the future is unknown. So while I have regrets about certain things, I don't resent my parents for the choices they made.

 

I hope my kids feel the same way when they're grown :)

:iagree:

There are so many other things I am worried that they will blame me for. Homeschooling isn't even on the radar. In fact, threatening to send them to school still works to get an attitude change around here:). I think I may have screwed up in that my oldest is afraid of school - he is taking classes at the local liberal arts college and he is somewhat nervous about it.