Holly IN Posted August 17, 2010 Share Posted August 17, 2010 without sounding adversarial??? I wrote a letter addressing her as Mrs.__________. She replied stating I was adversarial by my greeting. I was taught in college's Administration/human resource to address boss or boss's boss as Mrs. or Mr.__________ in all correspondance that is professional in nature. I already explained myself and still haven't got a response back from her even though I asked her for forgiveness if I did wrong. What is the protocol???Has it changed since 15 years ago??:confused::confused::confused::confused: (crying and smacking self on head here) Thought I did the right thing....boo hoo HELP!!!! Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leav97 Posted August 17, 2010 Share Posted August 17, 2010 That depends a lot on the culture of the work place. My boss and my boss's boss would both be a little confused if I addressed letters to Mr. ____. It can also be a office culture issue if you are going over your boss's head. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted August 17, 2010 Share Posted August 17, 2010 I think name and title. To: Jane Smith, Vice President of Finance From: Alice Jones, Little Minion of Oblivion Mrs and Ms is not usually used within an organization. You would definitely use Mr. & Mrs or Ms. it outside an organization. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted August 17, 2010 Share Posted August 17, 2010 Is it possible that she is referring to the introductory lines of your letter as your 'greeting'? I have been surprised at how little some 'educated' people know about formal correspondence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GraciebytheBay Posted August 17, 2010 Share Posted August 17, 2010 Okay, so even if was a faux pas (which I am not convinced it was, btw), how in the world would that be construed as adversarial?? :confused: I know you must feel terrible about the reaction you received, but you did nothing wrong. Really.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah CB Posted August 17, 2010 Share Posted August 17, 2010 I really prefer dealing with men. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holly IN Posted August 17, 2010 Author Share Posted August 17, 2010 (edited) I stated I did that out of respect and courtesy to her to her being my boss's boss. :confused::confused: I still got no response from her. I address her and my boss is included as cc: She specifically told me I can come to her for anything....so I addressed her out of respect....sigh!! She made me feel really dumb in her response. A man used to be the big boss. He moved from a different position. Holly Edited August 17, 2010 by Holly IN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted August 17, 2010 Share Posted August 17, 2010 "O Most High & Holy One, Who Gives & Takes Away, Blessed be Your (Unspeakable) Name." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holly IN Posted August 17, 2010 Author Share Posted August 17, 2010 She specifically said the greeting of Mrs._____ is adversarial. Did not mention anything else. I have never heard of a greeting like that be considered adversarial. Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caitilin Posted August 17, 2010 Share Posted August 17, 2010 "O Most High & Holy One, Who Gives & Takes Away, Blessed be Your (Unspeakable) Name." :tongue_smilie::lol::D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holly IN Posted August 17, 2010 Author Share Posted August 17, 2010 (edited) According to google search I did the right thing... It stated: If use name such as Mrs. or Mr._______ ending with Sincerely then it is proper which I did. Also it said higher position than you should be addressed: Mr. or Mrs. or Ms. (if sex unknown) or Miss. with a sincerely. Holly Edited August 17, 2010 by Holly IN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted August 17, 2010 Share Posted August 17, 2010 Oh, Holly, I don't really know. I probably would have written the same thing if I knew her name (I'm so old, I'm of the Dear Sir/Madam ilk, if in doubt). But to be considered adversarial because you formally addressed her -sheesh. I called my last boss's boss by his first name because he called me by mine. "O Most High & Holy One, Who Gives & Takes Away, Blessed be Your (Unspeakable) Name." :lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted August 17, 2010 Share Posted August 17, 2010 If she's a doctor, maybe Mrs seemed hostile in place of Dr. If she's a doctor, judge, clergy member or senator, she might find "Mrs" robs her of her status? I don't know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holly IN Posted August 17, 2010 Author Share Posted August 17, 2010 Just wondered if things have changed....:confused::confused: Oh well, I guess I will have to wait it out and see what happens. I really hope I didn't lose my job over this. :confused: Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holly IN Posted August 17, 2010 Author Share Posted August 17, 2010 If she's a doctor, maybe Mrs seemed hostile in place of Dr. If she's a doctor, judge, clergy member or senator, she might find "Mrs" robs her of her status? I don't know. No....not a doctor, judge or non of the above. I have a friend who is a dr and I call her Kim or Mrs._______as she doesn't want to be called dr by her friends. My own dr do not want me calling him dr so so in church or public. Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Posted August 17, 2010 Share Posted August 17, 2010 Um, wow. She must have been having a really bad day. I can't imagine a rational person getting that upset over being addressed that way... I've worked at two Fortune 100 companies (plus smaller ones), and the only response I can imagine getting is, "Please go ahead and call me _____." It was common practice to use first names at the places I've worked, but I can understand wanting to be conservative when unsure. Sorry you have to deal with this silliness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted August 17, 2010 Share Posted August 17, 2010 No....not a doctor, judge or non of the above. I have a friend who is a dr and I call her Kim or Mrs._______as she doesn't want to be called dr by her friends. My own dr do not want me calling him dr so so in church or public. Holly that if you worked in a hospital, writing a letter to a boss who is the senior surgeon and addressing her as "Mrs" might seem hostile even though in a non-work setting it wouldn't be. If your boss is a clergy member and you work at a church, addressing her as "Mrs" rather than "The Reverend" might seem hostile. But not necessarily. I know .... I am scraping here. But I can't think of a situation where 'Mrs." would seem hostile. Is your boss' boss your mother-in-law? Maybe then it would be aggressive:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted August 17, 2010 Share Posted August 17, 2010 She specifically said the greeting of Mrs._____ is adversarial. Did not mention anything else. I have never heard of a greeting like that be considered adversarial. Holly My mother would say she was "speaking for herself", i.e. the lady doth protesteth too much. BTW, I dislike being called Dr. with a passion. In NYC it was such a word of sarcasm and hatred, I grew to dread it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holly IN Posted August 17, 2010 Author Share Posted August 17, 2010 Is your boss' boss your mother-in-law? Maybe then it would be aggressive:) LOL!!! She acquired this position 4 months ago. She was accountant first. Now she is over everybody. Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holly IN Posted August 17, 2010 Author Share Posted August 17, 2010 At this point, I just have to rest on the LORD...hopefully I will not loose my job over this. Holly (off to bed) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicole M Posted August 17, 2010 Share Posted August 17, 2010 I was thinking along these lines, that this woman seems to be feeling a little... overly-sensitive, and that it's probably not about you. My mother would say she was "speaking for herself", i.e. the lady doth protesteth too much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted August 17, 2010 Share Posted August 17, 2010 According to google search I did the right thing... It stated: If use name such as Mrs. or Mr._______ ending with Sincerely then it is proper which I did. Also it said higher position than you should be addressed: Mr. or Mrs. or Ms. (if sex unknown) or Miss. with a sincerely. Holly Now wait a minute. If the sex is unknown, that's another matter entirely. I once had to write a paper about an article written by Pat Somebody. The prof didn't know the author's gender, lol, so the pronouns were tricky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 17, 2010 Share Posted August 17, 2010 Holly, if this letter was about the work subject that you posted about the other night, it might really have nothing to do with how you addressed her. It may have more to do with the fact that I believe that you were planning to challenge her decision on how to deal with a work place problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda in VT Posted August 17, 2010 Share Posted August 17, 2010 Is she married? If so, did she change her last name to her husband's? Maybe she is not Mrs. at all, but Ms.? :confused: If I addressed anyone at my job by Mr. or Mrs. or Ms. (including the company president), they would likely take my temperature and send me home sick, but they wouldn't think it was "adversarial." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted August 17, 2010 Share Posted August 17, 2010 Holly, if this letter was about the work subject that you posted about the other night, it might really have nothing to do with how you addressed her. It may have more to do with the fact that I believe that you were planning to challenge her decision on how to deal with a work place problem. That's what my thought was - that it was really more about the situation than the greeting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3littlekeets Posted August 17, 2010 Share Posted August 17, 2010 Is she married? If so, did she change her last name to her husband's? Maybe she is not Mrs. at all, but Ms.? :confused: If I addressed anyone at my job by Mr. or Mrs. or Ms. (including the company president), they would likely take my temperature and send me home sick, but they wouldn't think it was "adversarial." Or, perhaps she sees Mrs. as a personal title as Ms. as a professional title. It is not uncommon for some women to see their marital status as irrelevant to work. Regardless of her reasons, she clearly overreacted though, sheesh! On another note, I've had some AMAZING female bosses, and rotten male bosses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dana Posted August 17, 2010 Share Posted August 17, 2010 She specifically said the greeting of Mrs._____ is adversarial. Did not mention anything else. I have never heard of a greeting like that be considered adversarial. Holly It doesn't sound like this is the situation at all, but at colleges, many female professors complain of being addressed as Mrs. while male professors are addressed as Professor or Dr. :glare: In that case, Mrs. is definitely adversarial (possibly out of ignorance, but it's still an issue). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holly IN Posted August 17, 2010 Author Share Posted August 17, 2010 She accepted my reason for using the greeting and realized the intent. After this I am never writing a letter to a boss or a boss's boss. :glare: I will just have to make an appt to talk to her next time. Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted August 17, 2010 Share Posted August 17, 2010 Maybe it was just that you didn't enclose some Midol or Pamprin or something with your letter. A warm heating pad. I don't know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holly IN Posted August 17, 2010 Author Share Posted August 17, 2010 Maybe it was just that you didn't enclose some Midol or Pamprin or something with your letter. A warm heating pad. I don't know. LOL!!!! :lol: This is funny!!! Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holly IN Posted August 17, 2010 Author Share Posted August 17, 2010 Well, I def. learned my lesson on this. Even though I didn't do anything wrong and I even apologize for addressing her as Mrs. ______ which I didn't mean for it to be adversarial. She wants to be first name basis which bothers me. I do not mind it but in previous positions when there is a higher boss than your boss it is always understood to address them as Mr. or Mrs or Miss. I guess I have to take her lead on this and address her by her first name. (petty, I know) Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyBlueLobsters Posted August 17, 2010 Share Posted August 17, 2010 Is her name Barbra Boxer? :001_smile:;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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