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Um. Does this person come across as selfish?


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Can a 29yo even BE a brat? Doesn't she get Promoted to Something Worse?

 

 

 

No and Yes.

 

At 29, I was just beginning my HSing journey with my eldest, and potty training my youngest...and giving what energy I had left to my middlest.

 

 

This gal is going away for 9mo...not like to war or something...she's looking for admiration for what looks like a spiritual journey. If it were truly a spiritual Holy Spirit led thing, her focus would be anywhere but on a silly party.

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I'm SOOO glad that I don't know this Entitled Princess or I would be tempted to have a conversation with her that went a little somthing like this:

 

"You will stop badgering people to have a party for you when, pretty much all you've done is suck up your parents resources while they scrimped and sacrificed to pay the rent!! You will throw your PARENTS a party to finally, once and for all, though you will owe them until the ends of your days, that you are GRATEFUL to them for still putting up with your spoiled entitled self!! Now stop harassing people and asking them what THEY are going to do for YOU!! GET OFF YOUR LAZY BEHIND AND DO SOMETHING FOR SOMEBODY ELSE FOR A CHANGE!!!"

 

Gee, that felt kinda' good.

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Guest janainaz

If my heart is not in something, it's very easy for me to just say no.

 

You don't owe anyone any explanations for not wanting to host a going away party for this girl. I would just tell them you simply can't do it. And if they don't like it and get upset or mad, oh well. Who cares?

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No and Yes.

 

At 29, I was just beginning my HSing journey with my eldest, and potty training my youngest...and giving what energy I had left to my middlest.

 

 

This gal is going away for 9mo...not like to war or something...she's looking for admiration for what looks like a spiritual journey. If it were truly a spiritual Holy Spirit led thing, her focus would be anywhere but on a silly party.

 

Um, when did someone steal my life? Identity theft doesn't normally involve so much poop, ya know. ;)

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YES... before the princess boldly PM'ed me and the (adorable) hippie gal. Her mom PM'ed me complaining that princess was upset that no one was going to do anything for her as a goodbye event. Me? Besides in shock over the PM message from her mom -- was like, uh -- why don't you and your hubby throw princess a party?? (Thoughts but never said out loud. I know. I'm a wimp. :D) Then a day later, another friend must have gotten the mom's PM complaint and she threw the princess a Sushi party at a pricey restaurant. Everyone had to pay their own meal -- which is why we gave regrets and could not afford it. But it was kind of her. And then days later... I get the PM from princess asking if I could team up with hippie chick to throw her a party? Tacky? Yes! Absolutely. :blink:

 

Wait, wait. So she's already HAD a party - at an expensive sushi place - and now she's STILL trying to force yet MORE people to throw a party in honour of her 'sacrifice'? It is so selfless of her 'follow her calling', after all [cue world's tiniest violin]. Somehow I didn't put all the posts together to understand that she complained her way into getting a posh party, and now she's trying to complain her way into another one (which she's already getting - she just wants it to be NICER).

 

Um. Wow. Take the world's tiniest violin from the preceding paragraph and beat her over the head with it, please.

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When I am declining something like taking on a responsibility, I don't go into detail about why I'm not. That will invite the other person to explain why I really can do what they want me to do.

 

I just say, "I'm sorry, that won't work for us."

 

No one is owed a going away party. Really.

 

If friends want to host a party, they can. If parents want to host a party, they can. If the departing person wants to host a party, she can. If folks just want to say, hey, would you like to go out on Olive Garden Thursday afternoon for one last lunch, they can.

 

But you aren't owed a pool party or a bar-be-que. You certainly aren't owed other people putting themselves out when they don't really want to host the thing.

 

To think that you're owed a party is selfish. To think that other people should host your daughter's party is (at least a little) selfish. And there is a good chance that neither the young woman (good grief, she's almost 30, I'd been in the military and living on my own for over a decade at 29. :rant: Sorry, that just sort of slipped out). There is a good chance that neither the young woman nor her family will see the self centeredness of her attitude or how imposing they have been. In fact they may well see everyone else as being selfish.

Edited by Sebastian (a lady)
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If they come back at you again, I rekon you should go on the attack!

 

"How dare you even ask, let alone demand, that I throw your money-grabbing self a party! I am on a very limited income, as you should be quite aware of, and I don't have time to spend on ungrateful little girls like you, I have proper children to take care of!"

 

They should be so offended they don't ever speak to you again :D

 

:)

Rosie

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OMG, this sounds SO much like my bf and her dang housewarming party!!!!! :glare:

 

Does the girl want people to give her MONEY? That's what it sounds like to me--like she's wanting all these events hosted in her honor as some sort of gift-receiving event. :confused:

 

People are weird!

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But you aren't owed a pool party or a bar-be-que. You certainly aren't owed other people putting themselves out when they don't really want to host the thing.

 

 

This could be a bad country song!

 

(think twangy)

 

I would like a pool party or a bar-be-que

Because I'm going away soon

And I'd like it to be thrown by you.

Because I know that you'll miss me,

That's why my momma said.

It's going to hurt

When Re-al-li-ty strikes me on the head.

 

(steel guitar solo)

 

You can't understand

How special that I am.

I'll grow up when I'm 30

That's what my momma said

But now I'm going someplace far

My "real" friends helped me "Praise the Lord"

at the sushi bar

 

(tiny violin, aka fiddle, solo to close song)

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I'd be tempted to reply to her momma's PM:

 

You know, I have been giving a lot of thought to your message. I think perhaps what I should do is call the admissions counselor at her new BIBLE college and see how he thinks this situation should be handled. Do you think that would be helpful???

 

I wouldn't really type & send that, but...I'd be tempted to!

 

She's asked more than once. You've said no more than once. If she asked yet again, I would have to speak the truth in love to her. "Dear, you are being immensely self-centered. One day you will realize that it's a poor character trait." Smile and walk away.

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This could be a bad country song!

 

(think twangy)

 

I would like a pool party or a bar-be-que

Because I'm going away soon

And I'd like it to be thrown by you.

Because I know that you'll miss me,

That's why my momma said.

It's going to hurt

When Re-al-li-ty strikes me on the head.

 

(steel guitar solo)

 

You can't understand

How special that I am.

I'll grow up when I'm 30

That's what my momma said

But now I'm going someplace far

My "real" friends helped me "Praise the Lord"

at the sushi bar

 

(tiny violin, aka fiddle, solo to close song)

 

:lol::lol: Paula- you are so stinking talented!!

 

the whole time I was reading the OP's post I kept thinking of that great line Dick Van Dyke kept saying in "One Night at the Museum," ..."moving on." -- so applicable here.

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You *didn't* leave it until the last minute. You respectfully declined to get involved in planning the party, and the girl who agreed to throw the party is the one who left it until last minute. I don't think you owe anyone any explanation except for "Sorry, that doesn't work for me!" You have nothing to feel guilty about.

 

:iagree: There's no reason to give any explanation, and based on what you've written, no explanation would be accepted as such. After you give your decisive, no, sorry, that does not work for me" answer, IF they push, you can respond as though you are somewhat surprised, "My goodness! I'm sorry, I am unable to do this! I thought we'd been through this!" in the same way that you would continue to deny another helping of cookies to a child visiting in your home.

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Guest janainaz
This could be a bad country song!

 

(think twangy)

 

I would like a pool party or a bar-be-que

Because I'm going away soon

And I'd like it to be thrown by you.

Because I know that you'll miss me,

That's why my momma said.

It's going to hurt

When Re-al-li-ty strikes me on the head.

 

(steel guitar solo)

 

You can't understand

How special that I am.

I'll grow up when I'm 30

That's what my momma said

But now I'm going someplace far

My "real" friends helped me "Praise the Lord"

at the sushi bar

 

(tiny violin, aka fiddle, solo to close song)

 

:lol: :lol:

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* I get a PM from the 29 yr old's mom complaining to me that no one is doing anything for her daughter.

 

Aaaaand there it is. The reason why her daughter acts, and will probably always act, like a spoiled twit. I usually make it a point to say no to spoiled, selfish people just so they can experience real life once in awhile. ;)

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Can a 29yo even BE a brat? Doesn't she get Promoted to Something Worse?

 

What were we doing at 29? (OP, would that help you to put things in perspective?)

 

I had finished my MA, taught for...nearly 15 yrs...hs'ed for 4...gave birth to my 4th baby...buried my father...bought, renovated, & sold a house...done my own taxes for around 15 yrs...been married for 10

 

I'm 29. I've been married ten years, have my own home, a college degree, two sometimes running cars, two sometimes behaving children and no one has ever thrown me a goodbye party. :)

Edited by Mimm
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I'm 29. I've been married ten years, have my own home, a college degree, two sometimes running cars, two sometimes behaving children and no one has ever thrown me a goodbye party. :)

 

Well then, it must be high time to throw a big hissy fit and demand one for yourself! :lol:

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We have a young member of our home fellowship who is leaving for a 9 month bible training school.

 

I can think of no one more in need of a Bible training school than this particular 29 yo woman.

 

But really, does anyone actually believe she's interested in studying the Bible? I'm thinking she just wants to get out of town and party.

 

It seems odd that she was happy as a clam living at home, until she had to get The Dreaded Job. Now, all of a sudden, it's Bible school for her!

 

Yeah, right.

 

Cat

 

PS. Not only would I not throw her a party; I wouldn't even attend. The little weasel is just looking for gifts, and although I know you think highly of her parents, their behavior suggests that they may not be as nice as you think they are. If they are so concerned about a party, why aren't they hosting it? Could it be that it's easier to get someone else to pay for it? (Maybe the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree...)

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This girl and her parents sound very manipulative to me. I haven't heard their side, but what you say reminds me of some things I have been through.

 

Some people could make an art form out of getting nice people to commit things to them... Once, I found myself in Walmart with the only money I had to buy groceries for me and my newly married husband for the next two weeks, buying a chick who had four closets full of clothes even MORE clothes because she had convinced me she needed them for a job interview... when she chose skin tight pants she could wear to the club and insisted that's what she needed for the interview, I thought to myself, "Never again..."

 

(I didn't know about the four closets of clothes until the same chick also roped me into helping her move out of her apartment she hadn't paid rent for... as I was moving bags and bags of business suits to her car, I thought to myself, "Never again...")

 

And, another time, I found myself standing in my kitchen for hours cooking fancy, stuffed jalapeno peppers wrapped in bacon for another girl who hadn't eaten in days... because after days of not eating, that's what she wanted. :confused: Really? Okay...

 

I figured out quick enough that her money-strapped husband just wouldn't agree to buy all the fancy, impractical and expensive ingredients necessary to make this dish for her. It was her favorite, after all, and they had plenty of mac and cheese and ramen noddles at home while we did not. :glare: With cream cheese all over my fingers, while she was stuffing her face with peppers, I thought to myself, "Never again..."

 

You owe these kind if people no explanation when you say "No"... even when they expect one from you, even when they cry or get mad and when they and everyone else knows you are saying "no" just because you "don't want to." It's okay not to want to... You aren't mean or wrong for making these kind of people mad or uncomfortable.

 

"As far as it is possible, as much as it depends on you, live at peace with all men..." meaning... Some people are just going to be impossible to live at peace with. That's not your fault.

 

Good luck. :001_smile:

Edited by VBoulden
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I think you are doing the right thing by just saying no and not making up an excuse, you don't owe them one. I just wanted to add, you might want to distance yourself from the parents a bit while the gal is away at her training camp. Because she may end up meeting a man, and planning a wedding/shower/engagement party, and since you are apparently their go to person for party hosting... watch out!

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Ever heard "he who excuses himself, accuses himself"?

You don't owe explanations to her and you shouldn't behave as if you did owe explanations to her. There is a certain "predator" profile of people (not saying that that's the case, it just looks like that to me :D) who sense insecurity and then try to push you this way. The bottomline is to step away and look what exactly is being asked and what is it that you feel you need to elaborate on to those people. Your apartment for a party. Ahem, NO - it's a private property that YOU decide whether you're going to host the party, and you're also not obliged to inform other people of your reasons for refusing to host a party. It's totally irrelevant whether you can't do it for "objective" reasons or you "can't" do it out of your own personal comfort only. Etiquette-wise (:D), they aren't supposed to even inquire into your reasons - and I don't think in this particular situation you should volunteer to elaborate.

 

:iagree:

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This whole thing baffles me! None of it makes any sense!

 

They are living in their own little world and must not understand earth etiquette! Maybe in their world this is normal??? Don't become involved, they may try to beam you up, and I don't think you'd want that, cuz then you'll start acting like them, and that would be scary!

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This whole thing baffles me! None of it makes any sense!

 

They are living in their own little world and must not understand earth etiquette! Maybe in their world this is normal??? Don't become involved, they may try to beam you up, and I don't think you'd want that, cuz then you'll start acting like them, and that would be scary!

 

Oh, it gets even better -- today, the Hippie Chick FINALLY replied back to the Princess saying if she wants the party done a certain way -- then she needs to do it herself. Wow. Go hippie chick! :D I then replied to hippie and princess saying hippie girl has a good point. And then politely gave a long list of excuses why the party can't be at my place and I'm too busy to do it.

 

(Guess what happened next...?)

 

An hour later -- the princess shows up at my door. I knew why she showed up. She was not pleased. But she did not raise a stink or yelled. She looked upset and kind of pouted. I held my ground (thanks to the Hive!!) and did not waver. I told her exactly why I posted the message -- and pointed to my calendar that was jammed pack full. At that point, my hubby came by and said to princess, "Oh yeah. She is overcommitted at this point." Which princess look peeved but didn't say anything. ;)

 

Hubby left for a meeting. I expected princess to leave too. She stayed and to my surprise, there was not an argument. I could tell she was not happy -- but I smiled and acted nonchalant. Finally, she did unload a lot of drama that was going on in her life. (i.e. she didn't have enough $, she didn't know where she was going to stay once there at the school, Hippie Chick doesn't know how to throw a party, her brother called to yell at her for being foolish to do this, the Sushi party hostess offended her by not keeping her in on the party list, etc.) I ooohed and awwwed while she talked. Passed her the kleenex box. And acted like a therapist.

 

I then asked her polite questions as to why it was that important she be in control. She said it was an issue in her life. I suggested she try to relax, let go, and trust people. (I did not feel it was the time to judge her on her choices with this new path in her life.) I then said she needs to go to Hippie Chick and apologize. Hippie Chick will do a good job with the party. I also suggested she try to call the church sponsoring the school and tell them she is in need of room/board. Maybe a church family will rent a room to her? Yadda, yadda, yadda. She finally left. *SIGH* Now I have a headache... :glare:

Edited by tex-mex
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This could be a bad country song!

 

(think twangy)

 

I would like a pool party or a bar-be-que

Because I'm going away soon

And I'd like it to be thrown by you.

Because I know that you'll miss me,

That's why my momma said.

It's going to hurt

When Re-al-li-ty strikes me on the head.

 

(steel guitar solo)

 

You can't understand

How special that I am.

I'll grow up when I'm 30

That's what my momma said

But now I'm going someplace far

My "real" friends helped me "Praise the Lord"

at the sushi bar

 

(tiny violin, aka fiddle, solo to close song)

:lol::lol::lol:

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She's asked more than once. You've said no more than once. If she asked yet again, I would have to speak the truth in love to her. "Dear, you are being immensely self-centered. One day you will realize that it's a poor character trait." Smile and walk away.

 

Ooooh, girl! Where were you 2 hours ago?? That is a good line! ;)

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Oh, it gets even better -- today, the Hippie Chick FINALLY replied back to the Princess saying if she wants the party done a certain way -- then she needs to do it herself. Wow. Go hippie chick! :D I then replied to hippie and princess saying hippie girl has a good point. And then politely gave a long list of excuses why the party can't be at my place and I'm too busy to do it.

 

(Guess what happened next...?)

 

An hour later -- the princess shows up at my door. I knew why she showed up. She was not pleased. But she did not raise a stink or yelled. She looked upset and kind of pouted. I held my ground (thanks to the Hive!!) and did not waver. I told her exactly why I posted the message -- and pointed to my calendar that was jammed pack full. At that point, my hubby came by and said to princess, "Oh yeah. She is overcommitted at this point." Which princess look peeved but didn't say anything. ;)

 

Hubby left for a meeting. I expected princess to leave too. She stayed and to my surprise, there was not an argument. I could tell she was not happy -- but I smiled and acted nonchalant. Finally, she did unload a lot of drama that was going on in her life. (i.e. she didn't have enough $, she didn't know where she was going to stay once there at the school, Hippie Chick doesn't know how to throw a party, her brother called to yell at her for being foolish to do this, the Sushi party hostess offended her by not keeping her in on the party list, etc.) I ooohed and awwwed while she talked. Passed her the kleenex box. And acted like a therapist.

 

I then asked her polite questions as to why it was that important she be in control. She said it was an issue in her life. I suggested she try to relax, let go, and trust people. (I did not feel it was the time to judge her on her choices with this new path in her life.) I then said she needs to go to Hippie Chick and apologize. Hippie Chick will do a good job with the party. I also suggested she try to call the church sponsoring the school and tell them she is in need of room/board. Maybe a church family will rent a room to her? Yadda, yadda, yadda. She finally left. *SIGH* Now I have a headache... :glare:

 

You did good.

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Oh, it gets even better -- today, the Hippie Chick FINALLY replied back to the Princess saying if she wants the party done a certain way -- then she needs to do it herself. Wow. Go hippie chick! :D I then replied to hippie and princess saying hippie girl has a good point. And then politely gave a long list of excuses why the party can't be at my place and I'm too busy to do it.

 

(Guess what happened next...?)

 

An hour later -- the princess shows up at my door. I knew why she showed up. She was not pleased. But she did not raise a stink or yelled. She looked upset and kind of pouted. I held my ground (thanks to the Hive!!) and did not waver. I told her exactly why I posted the message -- and pointed to my calendar that was jammed pack full. At that point, my hubby came by and said to princess, "Oh yeah. She is overcommitted at this point." Which princess look peeved but didn't say anything. ;)

 

Hubby left for a meeting. I expected princess to leave too. She stayed and to my surprise, there was not an argument. I could tell she was not happy -- but I smiled and acted nonchalant. Finally, she did unload a lot of drama that was going on in her life. (i.e. she didn't have enough $, she didn't know where she was going to stay once there at the school, Hippie Chick doesn't know how to throw a party, her brother called to yell at her for being foolish to do this, the Sushi party hostess offended her by not keeping her in on the party list, etc.) I ooohed and awwwed while she talked. Passed her the kleenex box. And acted like a therapist.

 

I then asked her polite questions as to why it was that important she be in control. She said it was an issue in her life. I suggested she try to relax, let go, and trust people. (I did not feel it was the time to judge her on her choices with this new path in her life.) I then said she needs to go to Hippie Chick and apologize. Hippie Chick will do a good job with the party. I also suggested she try to call the church sponsoring the school and tell them she is in need of room/board. Maybe a church family will rent a room to her? Yadda, yadda, yadda. She finally left. *SIGH* Now I have a headache... :glare:

 

 

You are far too kind, Lady. :grouphug:

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Guest Cindie2dds
You are far too kind, Lady. :grouphug:

 

:iagree:I wish you were my neighbor!

 

You handled it with grace, Tex-Mex! :hurray:

Edited by Cindie2dds
snarky comment removed...
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Please I beg you, let us know how the party turns out (if it happens).

 

LOL -- At this point, I think Hippie Chick is bailing out. Can't say I blame her. Princess mentioned to me (while dumping on me that day) how it would just be easier to have it at a restaurant. I thought to myself, "With what money? We can't afford it. Hippie Chick can't either. And princess will make everyone pay for their own meal." :glare: Will keep everyone up on the Drama.

 

BTW -- today hubby and I finally compared notes. Princess stated on FB how she needed prayer -- her stresses in life -- etc. :rolleyes: To get people to feel sorry for her, basically.

 

Hubby finally said he doesn't want to know any more drama on princess. :D He did tell me that (secretly) princess' father (hubby's boss) shared how disappointed he was in her that she is not staying to help $$$ her parents out. Hubby and I think she will get a wake up call and hopefully grow up. She does have a emotional issue tho'? Yikes.

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He did tell me that (secretly) princess' father (hubby's boss) shared how disappointed he was in her that she is not staying to help $$$ her parents out.

 

Princess is a real piece of work! :willy_nilly: Thank goodness you aren't throwing the party, and Hippie Chick is coming to her senses, as well.

 

I do find it distressing, though, that her father thinks she should be staying at home and helping him financially. I would never expect my child to support me, particularly if I were still able-bodied.

 

Sounds like Princess isn't the only one in that family who's looking for a handout... but I suspect that that father will have a L-O-N-G wait before Princess ponies up any cash! ;)

 

Cat

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Princess is a real piece of work! :willy_nilly: Thank goodness you aren't throwing the party, and Hippie Chick is coming to her senses, as well.

 

I do find it distressing, though, that her father thinks she should be staying at home and helping him financially. I would never expect my child to support me, particularly if I were still able-bodied.

 

Sounds like Princess isn't the only one in that family who's looking for a handout... but I suspect that that father will have a L-O-N-G wait before Princess ponies up any cash! ;)

 

Cat

:iagree:

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