Harriet Vane Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 I cannot (should not) post the details here, folks, but there is someone in my life who is very, very difficult. There are specific reasons why I have to remain in relationship with this person for many years yet--reasons my dh and I fully believe in. I do not have the option of cutting off ties or choosing not to deal with this person. This is someone who has an undiagnosed mental illness (I do not say that lightly in any way--it is absolutely the truth). Dealing with this person takes ALL my diplomatic ability and emotional strength. Setting boundaries and maintaining them is constant. This person has a good heart (truly) but is hampered by an inability to process information rationally, by hyperactivity, by low IQ, and by just plain immaturity. This person alienates people all. the. time. Constantly. And is always bewildered by their reactions. This person is in total denial about their own issues. When you try to offer this person help or gifts (because there are very big, legitimate needs in this person's life, needs that affect others as well), this person's response is to start negotiating for the gift or help to be bigger, better, or different in some way. This person has an elaborate set of rules that everyone in their life has to follow. At times the rules are downright insulting and hurtful, sometimes bizarre. (I cannot explain it any more than that--I'm trying to vent without posting personal details.) This person, today, pulled the rug out from under me. This person's choices in this regard will hurt others, and cost me some work, hours, and effort as well. I am ready to tear my hair out. :banghead: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chai Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 :grouphug: I'm so sorry. However, I am impressed by your commitment to do the right thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dana Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 :grouphug: Hope you can find some ways to handle things in the best way possible. Sorry for the stress, anger, and frustration. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lisabelle Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 I do sympathize. Your description, in many ways, matches that of my mother. I think it's very brave that you are continuing a relationship--the last time my mom, in one of her rages, cut me off (it's a tactic she's always used with her kids to get us to chase a relationship with her despite whatever awful and offensive thing she's done), I let it stick. It's been about 3 years since we've been in touch. I keep in touch with her married boyfriend...he knows it's much too upsetting to me to discuss her at all...but I figure he'd let me know if something awful happened to her, or if she finally started seeing someone for her mental health issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 Oh my goodness! I could have written every word you wrote. Just today I had a phone call from my 'crazy person'. By the time I got off the phone, my stomach was tied up in knots. And I too cannot remove this person from my life - at this time, anyhow. I do understand and sympathize. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted August 11, 2010 Author Share Posted August 11, 2010 Thanks for the sympathy. I just needed to get it out there, to know that others empathize. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 :grouphug: Sorry :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 I feel your pain. I just posted about my "crazy person", my mother. I'm so sorry. It is so hard to deal with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 WOW!!! Why do you have to have a relationship with my sister for years to come???? I don't even feel that *I* have to. :leaving: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 :grouphug::confused::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted August 12, 2010 Share Posted August 12, 2010 I'm sorry for this trouble in your life, Joy.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hsm6kids Posted August 12, 2010 Share Posted August 12, 2010 :grouphug: i totally understand, I also won't go into details but :grouphug: I always tell my kids that we love, we try to understand, and we do what is right not necessarily what feels good or what is easy but what we know in our hearts in right, The lord see's all and he re-compensates. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted August 12, 2010 Author Share Posted August 12, 2010 I do sympathize. Your description, in many ways, matches that of my mother. I think it's very brave that you are continuing a relationship--the last time my mom, in one of her rages, cut me off (it's a tactic she's always used with her kids to get us to chase a relationship with her despite whatever awful and offensive thing she's done), I let it stick. It's been about 3 years since we've been in touch. I keep in touch with her married boyfriend...he knows it's much too upsetting to me to discuss her at all...but I figure he'd let me know if something awful happened to her, or if she finally started seeing someone for her mental health issues. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted August 12, 2010 Author Share Posted August 12, 2010 Oh my goodness! I could have written every word you wrote. Just today I had a phone call from my 'crazy person'. By the time I got off the phone, my stomach was tied up in knots. And I too cannot remove this person from my life - at this time, anyhow. I do understand and sympathize. :grouphug::grouphug: :cheers2: We're all in this together . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted August 12, 2010 Author Share Posted August 12, 2010 I feel your pain. I just posted about my "crazy person", my mother. I'm so sorry. It is so hard to deal with. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted August 12, 2010 Author Share Posted August 12, 2010 WOW!!! Why do you have to have a relationship with my sister for years to come???? I don't even feel that *I* have to.:leaving: :lol: I've read your posts about difficult people. I pray for you when I see your name here. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted August 12, 2010 Author Share Posted August 12, 2010 :grouphug: i totally understand, I also won't go into details but :grouphug: I always tell my kids that we love, we try to understand, and we do what is right not necessarily what feels good or what is easy but what we know in our hearts in right, The lord see's all and he re-compensates. Yes, I've had this conversation with my kids as well. I find myself repeating this message to myself like a mantra at times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted August 12, 2010 Share Posted August 12, 2010 With you all. I've got 2 in my life. We call them "special" in my house. As in "so-n-so is being special today". Most people don't understand why I don't just walk away. It's just not in me to do that. So I understand your position and join you in toasting the craziness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teachin'Mine Posted August 12, 2010 Share Posted August 12, 2010 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwickimom Posted August 12, 2010 Share Posted August 12, 2010 I have a "crazy person" too. I have tried cutting said person out, but life was 10 times worse as "crazy" couldnt let me go, and thus would stop at nothing to have me back. SIGH. :grouphug: There should be a dealing with crazies support club. I truly hate that it takes up so much of my life when all i want to do is be left alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted August 12, 2010 Share Posted August 12, 2010 I'm so sorry. :grouphug: I commend you for your resolve. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted August 12, 2010 Share Posted August 12, 2010 :grouphug: You're in my prayers! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 12, 2010 Share Posted August 12, 2010 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I'm so sorry, but I admire you for sticking with that person, even though it must be incredibly stressful for you. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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