Talk to me about tandem nursing

[extendedforecast]

I am due to deliver any day now, and I am starting to get nervous about nursing the new baby while still nursing my DS at naptime and bedtime (though he's been asking to nurse more often these past few weeks). Since getting pregnant, I've tolerated nursing my son. It has been very uncomfortable and sometimes downright painful. I've entertained the idea of bottle-feeding the baby, but I know deep down I will do what I need to do to make sure my baby is 100% breastfed. DH is my main support, and while he strongly advocates BFing, he doesn't do a good job of motivating me. He's more likely to tell me to suck it up because it's best for the baby, which is NOT what I want to hear. I want him to sympathize with me and make me feel better. Anyhow, I was wondering what I should expect when this baby finally does arrive. How much more difficult can I expect it to be? Should I be concerned about my son being jealous of the new baby nursing? Will the baby get the colostrum the first few days? What are your experiences, good and bad, and do you have any advice for me?

 

Thanks so much. I've been cleaning like a maniac this past week, and I haven't been on the boards as much, but I'm really interested learning about tandem nursing, so I will be :bigear:.

[Sara in AZ]

:bigear: I may be in this situation in a few months. Interested in the replies, and I sympathize with the uncomfortable/painful nursing. I know just where you're at!

[Tress]

. Anyhow, I was wondering what I should expect when this baby finally does arrive. How much more difficult can I expect it to be? Should I be concerned about my son being jealous of the new baby nursing? Will the baby get the colostrum the first few days? What are your experiences, good and bad, and do you have any advice for me?

 

I have tandem nursed twice now. In my experience, nursing while pregnant is way more difficult than tandem nursing. The uncomfortable and painful feelings you have now, go away after the birth of your baby.

 

Nursing your DS will help with milk production and will also help with minimising jealousy.

 

My eldest dd needed to still nurse very very frequently and I let her nurse when she wanted, but after a few weeks she still kept nursing very much and started to totally refuse to eat anything solid (she was almost 3yo!) so I set some limits. From what I remember: at waking up, twice during the day, at bedtime. And *no* nighttime nursing anymore:tongue_smilie:.

 

My second dd was still nursing a lot when I got pregnant, but my milk supply stopped when I was 5 weeks pregnant (I'm very nauseated and vomit constantly for nine months, getting enough fluids in is a problem) and she had to be weaned very fast. When the baby was born, she insisted on nursing again, but I did not want a repeat of the first experience, so I only let her nurse at waking up and at bed time. She had no problem nursing after stopping for so many months.

 

This time, my youngest dd was only nursing at bed time and she gave that up very easily when my milk stopped. I do not think she will be interested when the baby arrives, but we will see. My 4yo was really sad when my milk stopped this time and she is still asking when my milk will be back, so that may become an interesting situation :D.

 

There is a good book about tandem nursing, maybe you can get it from the library.

 

http://www.amazon.com/Adventures-Tandem-Nursing-Breastfeeding-Pregnancy/dp/0912500972/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1281508384&sr=1-1

 

BTW, I always have a lot of milk. But if you have problems with low milk supply, it might be a good idea to ask advice from someone from LLL or a lactation consultant.

Edited August 11, 2010 by Tress
typo

[extendedforecast]

I have tandem nursed twice now. In my experience, nursing while pregnant is way more difficult than tandem nursing. The uncomfortable and painful feelings you have now, go away after the birth of your baby.

 

Nursing your DS will help with milk production and will also help with minimising jealousy.

 

My eldest dd needed to still nurse very very frequently and I let her nurse when she wanted, but after a few weeks she still kept nursing very much and started to totally refused to eat anything solid (she was almost 3yo!) so I set some limits. From what I remember: at waking up, twice during the day, at bedtime. And *no* nighttime nursing anymore:tongue_smilie:.

 

My second dd was still nursing a lot when I got pregnant, but my milk supply stopped when I was 5 weeks pregnant (I'm very nauseated and vomit constantly for nine months, getting enough fluids in is a problem) and she had to be weaned very fast. When the baby was born, she insisted on nursing again, but I did not want a repeat of the first experience, so I only let her nurse at waking up and at bed time. She had no problem nursing after stopping for so many months.

 

This time, my youngest dd was only nursing at bed time and she gave that up very easily when my milk stopped. I do not think she will be interested when the baby arrives, but we will see. My 4yo was really sad when my milk stopped this time and she is still asking when my milk will be back, so that may become an interesting situation :D.

 

There is a good book about tandem nursing, maybe you can get it from the library.

 

http://www.amazon.com/Adventures-Tandem-Nursing-Breastfeeding-Pregnancy/dp/0912500972/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1281508384&sr=1-1

 

BTW, I always have a lot of milk. But if you have problems with low milk supply, it might be a good idea to ask advice from someone from LLL or a lactation consultant.

 

Thanks for sharing your experience as well as for the book recommendation. I too have a good supply of milk, so I don't think it'll be an issue, but I'll definitely remember to ask a LC for help if I need it.

 

I've noticed that the past couple of weeks my son has been swallowing occasionally. Does that mean my milk is coming in? I can hear him swallow once or twice each nursing session.

 

 

:bigear: I may be in this situation in a few months. Interested in the replies, and I sympathize with the uncomfortable/painful nursing. I know just where you're at!

 

Congratulations on your pregnancy. If it helps any, the pain has subsided substantially since the third trimester began. I am still uncomfortable nursing, and can only tolerate short periods, but it is much better than during the second trimester. How far in your pregnancy are you?

[SABE]

I tandem nursed my first two kids for 15 months, at which point the older child weaned on his own. The boys are 20 months apart. I highly recommend the book Adventures in Tandem Nursing by Hilary Flower and also the information found at http://www.kellymom.com/bf/tandem/index.html

 

First off, I found tandem nursing to be a lot easier than nursing through pregnancy discomfort. Not always easy, but definitely easier. My biggest piece of advice is to not feel bad about setting limits on the amount that your toddler nurses. He may very well want to nurse a lot more often once the baby is here and your milk returns. For me, nursing both kids on demand made me feel overwhelmed, resentful, and wanting to wean both of them on the spot. Nursing the baby on demand and limiting the toddler to the handful of times each day that were most important to him was a lot more manageable for me. As long as I was consistent (although I did make exceptions for sickness and injury), my son handled the new nursing rules very well.

 

You should have plenty of colostrum and milk for your baby in the early days as long as you are nursing frequently. Nursing toddlers are great for helping out with engorgement! The delivery of the placenta releases a hormone that tells your body to start producing colostrum/milk, and from there on it's just a matter of supply and demand. I actually tended towards having an oversupply while I was tandem nursing. I ended up assigning each kid his own side permanently (right for the toddler, left for the baby, and the baby could finish on the right if he was extra hungry) so I wouldn't have to worry about who had nursed where the last time and whether the baby was getting enough milk. My body quickly adjusted to the 2 levels of milk production and I was actually lopsided for some time, but it was worth it. My infant gained weight quickly despite only nursing on one side most of the time.

 

I nursed the kids simultaneously out of necessity sometimes, but the 2 different suck strengths were a strange sensation. I nursed them separately as much as I could. When I did need to nurse them together, I would position the baby comfortably, then have my toddler contort himself however was necessary. He always loved the challenge! Side lying worked well (with the toddler leaning over my back) as did sitting on the couch with the baby in the cradle hold and the toddler putting his head in my lap and danging his legs out to the side on the couch.

 

My toddler accepted his brother pretty quickly and was surprisingly happy to share nursing with him once we got the kinks worked out. I have fond memories of the two of them holding hands while nursing and of my toddler lifting my shirt so his baby brother could latch on! Really, my only regret is that we don't have any pictures of the two of them nursing together.

 

Best wishes to you, and please let me know if you have any specific questions that I haven't addressed.

[Tress]

I've noticed that the past couple of weeks my son has been swallowing occasionally. Does that mean my milk is coming in? I can hear him swallow once or twice each nursing session.

 

I think it is. I always (even with my first pregnancy) started having (a little bit of) milk/colostrum weeks before the birth.

[extendedforecast]

I tandem nursed my first two kids for 15 months, at which point the older child weaned on his own. The boys are 20 months apart. I highly recommend the book Adventures in Tandem Nursing by Hilary Flower and also the information found at http://www.kellymom.com/bf/tandem/index.html

 

First off, I found tandem nursing to be a lot easier than nursing through pregnancy discomfort. Not always easy, but definitely easier. My biggest piece of advice is to not feel bad about setting limits on the amount that your toddler nurses. He may very well want to nurse a lot more often once the baby is here and your milk returns. For me, nursing both kids on demand made me feel overwhelmed, resentful, and wanting to wean both of them on the spot. Nursing the baby on demand and limiting the toddler to the handful of times each day that were most important to him was a lot more manageable for me. As long as I was consistent (although I did make exceptions for sickness and injury), my son handled the new nursing rules very well.

 

You should have plenty of colostrum and milk for your baby in the early days as long as you are nursing frequently. Nursing toddlers are great for helping out with engorgement! The delivery of the placenta releases a hormone that tells your body to start producing colostrum/milk, and from there on it's just a matter of supply and demand. I actually tended towards having an oversupply while I was tandem nursing. I ended up assigning each kid his own side permanently (right for the toddler, left for the baby, and the baby could finish on the right if he was extra hungry) so I wouldn't have to worry about who had nursed where the last time and whether the baby was getting enough milk. My body quickly adjusted to the 2 levels of milk production and I was actually lopsided for some time, but it was worth it. My infant gained weight quickly despite only nursing on one side most of the time.

 

I nursed the kids simultaneously out of necessity sometimes, but the 2 different suck strengths were a strange sensation. I nursed them separately as much as I could. When I did need to nurse them together, I would position the baby comfortably, then have my toddler contort himself however was necessary. He always loved the challenge! Side lying worked well (with the toddler leaning over my back) as did sitting on the couch with the baby in the cradle hold and the toddler putting his head in my lap and danging his legs out to the side on the couch.

 

My toddler accepted his brother pretty quickly and was surprisingly happy to share nursing with him once we got the kinks worked out. I have fond memories of the two of them holding hands while nursing and of my toddler lifting my shirt so his baby brother could latch on! Really, my only regret is that we don't have any pictures of the two of them nursing together.

 

Best wishes to you, and please let me know if you have any specific questions that I haven't addressed.

 

My son and the new baby will be 21 months apart, and my oldest DD and her younger sister were 20 months apart. I'm trying my best to remember what it was like, but that was over 10 years ago. Also, I was told by my OB to wean my DD when I got pregnant with her sister. I was naive and weaned her practically cold turkey, something I very much regret to this day. I wish I wasn't so young and dumb. Anyway, I typed all that out to say that I especially relate to your account due to the age similarities. One thing I am worried about, which is also a question about your older son, is that my DD was very verbal at 20 months, yet my DS is not at all verbal, though he does understand what we tell him and ask of him. Did you have any communication problems due to a lack of verbal skills? I have more questions, but I need to go to sleep now. I'll be back in the late morning.

[Peela]

I can suggest not to do it like I did :)

I got pregnant with ds when dd was 8 months old, and was only disappointed because I had wanted to long term bf dd. Then my sil told me about tandem feeding and I thought, yay. So, although dd only fed part time, and was also on goats milk in bottles, she continued to feed through the pregnancy- she was night weaned by the time the pregnancy was finishing, as well as sleeping nearby but in her own cot.

We had only recently moved house when ds was born, and I was very isolated. I had no support except for a craft group I attended once a week. I knew none local. It was horrible and I was lonely. When ds was a week old.....dh and mil both told me to stop being ridiculous and wean dd. She was 17-18 months old. I had no other support....I felt overwhelmed...I literally weaned her overnight. I felt desperate.

She is the most easygoing natured kid...but it was still not a nice thing and terrible timing. She handled it apparently very well though.

Her dad and her had this funny thing going where when I was bf ds, he would try and get dd to bf from him. It was hilarious- she would have none of it! But he tried so hard!

Anyway...fast forward 3 months, we moved back to the area we had moved from originally, and I found a support group for attachment parents. I was shamed for having ds use a pacifier :glare: however I was totally encouraged to put dd back on the breast. I asked her...she was an early talker and quite articulate, and she was eager. So...she then breastfed until she was 5, and ds was 3.5 and they had a talk and decided to wean themselves together.

 

So...I know many people tandem feed. I know the colustrum is important for the newborn, but as long as you have plenty of milk I dont think its a problem. The 2nd feeder helps keep the milk supply up anyway, and I do think it helps with the jealousy and bonding.

 

Enjoy! I still did find those first couple of weeks of a newborn sucking quite painful, even the 2nd time around. But it passes, and the years of having 2 toddlers breastfeeding hold such beautiful memories for me, and my kids have very healthy immune system and very few health issues. It is a great way to provide that extra nutrition, as well as comfort, during those notoriously fussy eating years.

[rootsnwings]

My last two were 20mos apart. I tandem nursed them for 9 months & swore to never get pregnant while nursing again!!! It's just not my thing and I ONLY did it because we don't vaccinate and I wanted ds to have protection and immunities until his immune system was fully developed (which doesn't happen until well into the 2nd year. He was 29mos when he weaned (with my guidance & suggestion) and he has transitioned very well!! But like I said--I won't be expecting anytime soon, until dd is ready to wean! It's just too stressful for me (& I'm a pretty laid back gal!)

[tabrizia]

I have tandemed nursed DS for 17 months now, and I am now pregnant and nursing two, though I do hope to wean DS before the new baby is here.

 

Nursing while pregnant is 100 times worse then tandem nursing. I loved tandem nursing in the early days, I have major oversupply, DS was able to nurse off enough milk that I didn't get engorged and made life so much nicer. It also helped regulate my supply so much faster then with DS. My milk come in by day 2 rather then day 5 when DS was born, thanks to tandem nursing. DS did ramp up his nursing after DD was born, but I was able to get him back on a schedule so he only nurses when waking up and going to bed now. Really nursing through pregnancy was far worse then tandem nursing for me. Nursing DD never really caused jealousy in DS though there were a few times he told me, "Nurse Ise, then Des turn!" or "Des nurse first!". He didn't mind overly much being restricted to two minutes or less for nursing, he was just happy the milk was back and that he got to nurse.

[chris's girl]

Thanks so much for posting this! I have been meaning to look up articles on this and just haven't gotten around to it. I nursed while pregnant one other time--those 2 children are 12 months apart--and do not feel that it did any of us very much good, but my baby was 3 months old when I got pregnant. She was weaned by the time she was 7 months, after gaining no weight for 2 months. :(

 

My current baby will be 17 months old when the new baby comes and I have nursed her the whole time. I am SO SO SO encouraged to hear that nursing while pregnant is harder than tandem nursing. Frankly, I have hated nursing while pregnant. Doesn't help that my little one is a pincher and puller. Just makes me so irritable sometimes! But nor is she at an age (14 months) where I feel like I can just so "no more", nor would I even want to. It would make me really sad. But she's also nursing only at nap time and in the middle of the night since DH took over putting her down, so that's taken alot of stress off me.

 

Good luck when your new one comes! :)

[abbeyej]

In my (limited) experience, the hardest part was while I was *pregnant*, not after the baby came. Once the baby was there, it was the normal adjustment, engorgement, working to get latch right, all that. But nursing a toddler (occasionally) wasn't really the tough part. He did nurse more for a little while (after all, there was suddenly a plethora of milk, which there hadn't been before), but not all the time or anything.

 

Really, you can do this. I think from now until baby is about two weeks old will be the toughest. Mostly because of your physical discomfort and exhaustion. Once baby is here and you've had a few days to recover from the birth and baby has gotten established as a nurser in his/her own right, it'll get easier. It won't be so overwhelming.

[duckens]

I've noticed that the past couple of weeks my son has been swallowing occasionally. Does that mean my milk is coming in? I can hear him swallow once or twice each nursing session.

 

 

Yes, it could mean colostrum. The nutritionist at WIC told me last week that colostrum can "come in" any time after the 20th week. She told me to watch dd's bowel movements for a change to indicate if the colostrum had arrived. (Dd3.5 is still nursing).

 

It was such a joy to have someone at WIC be so encouraging of me nursing my preschooler! The dental hygenists there don't like it at all!!!

 

----------------

It looks like I will also be tandem nursing when our new baby arrives. Dd3.5 shows no interest in cutting out the breastmilk. :bigear::bigear::bigear:

 

---------------------

I have a friend who tandem nursed her two. Her family prepared for the new baby by having the toddler wait before nursing. Mommy would sit for a few minutes and "pretend nurse" a babydoll or stuffed animal before the toddler could nurse because, "The baby needs to nurse first."

 

Of course, there were funny times when mommy was busy downstairs with work, and daddy "nursed" the doll before mommy could join them and truly nurse the toddler.

[SABE]

My son and the new baby will be 21 months apart, and my oldest DD and her younger sister were 20 months apart. I'm trying my best to remember what it was like, but that was over 10 years ago. Also, I was told by my OB to wean my DD when I got pregnant with her sister. I was naive and weaned her practically cold turkey, something I very much regret to this day. I wish I wasn't so young and dumb. Anyway, I typed all that out to say that I especially relate to your account due to the age similarities. One thing I am worried about, which is also a question about your older son, is that my DD was very verbal at 20 months, yet my DS is not at all verbal, though he does understand what we tell him and ask of him. Did you have any communication problems due to a lack of verbal skills? I have more questions, but I need to go to sleep now. I'll be back in the late morning.

There's a 20 month age difference between my 1st and 2nd children and also between my 2nd and 3rd children. #1 was a very late talker, yet it amazed me what all he could understand. That age gap is challenging regardless of nursing status, in my experience, but nursing is a great tool to have in your box to be able to deal with the challenges. My 2nd son weaned at 18 months while I was pregnant with #3, and there were countless times after the baby was born when I wished I could have nursed the toddler to sleep or nursed him through an illness!

[hornblower]

It looks like I will also be tandem nursing when our new baby arrives. Dd3.5 shows no interest in cutting out the breastmilk. :bigear::bigear::bigear:

 

 

Mine are 3.5y apart & I tandem nursed.

It's all gone by so fast! Treasure the moments.

[JVA]

My middle boys are 23 mths apart. I had weaned the older one 6 wks before the due date as it was just getting HARD to nurse a toddler around a BIG belly. I didn't really experience any pain nursing during the pg.

As soon as we brought the baby home, our older son clamored to nurse again and was jealous of the baby. So, I jumped in and we did this for 3 months when the older one naturally weaned himself again. Because the new baby was voracious and large (and rarely satisfied- thus nursing a LOT), I limited the toddler to naptime and bedtime and he always nursed on the same side. I HAD to depend on a steady supply for the baby while the toddler learned to repeat after Mommy- "You're a big boy now and you can drink cold milk from the refridgerator". We knew the emotional need was great for him when the new baby showed up and were willing to go as long as he needed the comfort. My dh was VERY supportive and helpful. He's amazing.

[JenC3]

You should have plenty of colostrum and milk for your baby in the early days as long as you are nursing frequently. Nursing toddlers are great for helping out with engorgement! The delivery of the placenta releases a hormone that tells your body to start producing colostrum/milk, and from there on it's just a matter of supply and demand. I actually tended towards having an oversupply while I was tandem nursing. I ended up assigning each kid his own side permanently (right for the toddler, left for the baby, and the baby could finish on the right if he was extra hungry) so I wouldn't have to worry about who had nursed where the last time and whether the baby was getting enough milk. My body quickly adjusted to the 2 levels of milk production and I was actually lopsided for some time, but it was worth it. My infant gained weight quickly despite only nursing on one side most of the time.

 

I nursed the kids simultaneously out of necessity sometimes, but the 2 different suck strengths were a strange sensation. I nursed them separately as much as I could. When I did need to nurse them together, I would position the baby comfortably, then have my toddler contort himself however was necessary. He always loved the challenge! Side lying worked well (with the toddler leaning over my back) as did sitting on the couch with the baby in the cradle hold and the toddler putting his head in my lap and danging his legs out to the side on the couch.

 

My toddler accepted his brother pretty quickly and was surprisingly happy to share nursing with him once we got the kinks worked out. I have fond memories of the two of them holding hands while nursing and of my toddler lifting my shirt so his baby brother could latch on! Really, my only regret is that we don't have any pictures of the two of them nursing together.

 

All this! I have nursed since 2003 nonstop and thus tandem twice. No bad experiences and it was VERY good for engorgement since I have a ton of milk and my milk came in within 24 hrs with both.

[Joanne]

I nursed, tandem nursed and for a while triandem nursed.

 

Nursing while pregnant was the biggest challenge. The antsy, and even angry feelings I developed nursing in pregnancy dissipated after the baby (or the next one) was born.

 

It was, on a practical level, easier than I anticipated.

 

What I would do different would be encourage more of a schedule in the older nurslings than I did at the time. There is a point at which I don't believe every personality (mother OR child) is best served by "on demand" nursing (thought I believe it's best for infants).

[jld]

Tandem nursing is great! No jealousy from the older kids, and the baby gets what he needs. Much less stress and more peace and quiet for you.

 

I would encourage you to nurse until your child decides on his/her own to wean.:)

[EthiopianFood]

however I was totally encouraged to put dd back on the breast. I asked her...she was an early talker and quite articulate, and she was eager. So...she then breastfed until she was 5, and ds was 3.5 and they had a talk and decided to wean themselves together.

 

This is so beautiful. I literally have tears in my eyes. I'm such an idiot. :tongue_smilie:This is just everything I hope nursing will be once I have another child. Bf'ing has been great so far, so I'm hopeful. Thanks for sharing.