Shelly in IL Posted August 9, 2010 Share Posted August 9, 2010 My staunchly anti - school ds14 went to a religious retreat this weekend. Many of the kids there go to the local Catholic high school that we have tried to get him interested in previously. The same school that I called and cancelled his enrollment for just last Thursday. Guess who now wants to go? Doesn't that just figure? I'm assuming we will send him after we get to talk about it as a family. Now what to do with all of the books? This is now the next day - I didn't sleep at all last night except for the bit of time where I woke myself up crying. I want to send him, because he now wants to go. However, it just seems so last minute and knee jerk to me that he has changed his mind. I have 2 weeks-if we send him- to buy uniforms, send him to cross country practice and have him read the Odyssey for Honors English. I'm trying to calm down, but I just don't know what to do about this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted August 9, 2010 Share Posted August 9, 2010 For me this boils down to "whose decision is it?" In our home, education decisions are still the parents'. I will consider input, but it's our decision. Is this his decision? Or yours? Is he able to make this decision - with full understanding of ramifications educationally & socially? (that one, I have a hard time with LOL & I'm 43. I don't see how kids could make this decision.) What happens if he changes his mind again 4 weeks from now? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 I dunno, sounds like it might be too late to change his mind. He can't chop and change right up to the last minute; a deadline is in order. If it's not too late, then be sure he realizes that this has to be a final decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 What happens if he changes his mind again 4 weeks from now? That would be my biggest concern. Actually going to school is very different from hearing about it from some of the boys at camp. I suspect your ds will change his mind again pretty quickly, and wish he were being homeschooled again. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I hate sleepless nights -- I am such a worrier (about everything) and I feel so badly for you! Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 His slot at the school may have already been given to another family. If not, he should be told he has to reimburse you for the cost of the books you bought for homeschool back when he refused to go to the school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tampamommy Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 I'd have to agree with the other folks who ask, "whose decision is this?" and "it sounds like it's too late." One of the things we stress with ds13 and dd11 is that when they've made a commitment, they need to follow through with it, even if it is hard. And even if they have changed their minds. It sounds like following through with your plans to homeschool him this year would be a great lesson for your young man in learning to trust Dad and Mom's wisdom and judgement for a big decision next time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenL Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 Starting school is not something he should take lightly, especially since he had no interest prior and had you cancelled his spot just last week. I would tell him it's now too late, but if he really wants to go, then you will see to it that he gets in next year (if this is feasible). He's still your child, and you are still in charge, imho. Best wishes!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 His slot at the school may have already been given to another family. If not, he should be told he has to reimburse you for the cost of the books you bought for homeschool back when he refused to go to the school. :iagree: The nicest compromise I think I could manage would be to suggest I sell the curriculum and he could do jobs around the house to work off the difference. I think most would rather homeschool than clean out the shed and repaint the bathroom on the weekends so as to be able to attend school during the week. Then, if he finishes his books early, perhaps he can start school sooner if he still wants to. Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelly in IL Posted August 10, 2010 Author Share Posted August 10, 2010 Could be that I DID want it for him and he convinced me otherwise. Private school is expensive. Curriculum has been bought (and enrolled in Great Books Academy and co-op expenses). It will be a HUGE lifestyle change for our family - dh is an airline pilot - we don't have compatible schedules for spring break/vacation, so when do we go on vacation? We do spur of the moment travels mid-week when my husband is home, he has been gone for 2/3 of the summer. I am hormonal, I am sleep deprived, I have been taking care of 2 kids, 6 acres, managing a kitchen redo and planning high school for my son, running to camps and managing volunteer hours for his high school experience. I am spent. I am done. I can't think about this clearly right now. I hate that I am giving up my freedom. Two bright spots...ds11 will get undivided attention (but more so anyway this year due to afore mentioned classes eldest is signed up for) and ds 14 will get to run competitive cross country. I"m sure there must be more good, but in my state of mind that is all I can see. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freetobeme Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 something similar (though maybe not as costly financially!) happened with my oldest dd. three weeks before school was to start (and after her first year of high school curriculum was purchased), she wanted to go to high school. we knew she was ready to "go out into the world" and, for this particular child, she wanted to experience what most others experience and we did follow her lead in this. she was told that she had to finish the entire year and if she ever wanted to come home, she could but she couldn't change her mind again -she would stay home. she will graduate after this year with honors. she has made good friends. she is getting some things in her education i couldn't give her. i have seen growth and maturity in her that confirms this was a good decision for her. does she ever regret it? yes. does she ever wish she had stayed home? sometimes. do i ever wish she had stayed home? yes, sometimes. but it has been part of her journey and she is better for it. her beliefs have been challenged and strengthened. i never imagined this for her but it became our reality. she is a super young woman, none the worse really, and probably a stronger person for it. and, just to tell the rest, her younger sister will begin her sophomore year at home this year and has no desire to leave home until college. . .each one is so different! best wishes and much wisdom for your decision-making! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 Have you decided what you're going to do? Does your ds still want to go to school, or is the excitement from camp starting to wane? Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 I think it's fine for your family decision to be : at such and such an age, we will heavily weigh our child's decision as to what kind of schooling is best; we may even allow the child to make the decision entirely. I would focus now on clarifying the decision and its ramifications You are having to change on a dime and that doesn't feel good; your ambivalence is quite understandable on that alone Why did he not want to go to this school before? Are those reasons still valid? Or did he have an underlying fear that he didn't express or lack info on some positives that he now has? What are his reasons for wanting to go now? Is it even possible for him to go now? If not, could he plan to enter the school next year? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 Sorry, but it's YOUR decision, not his. Our son was allowed an opinion, but knowing that it was also a fact finding thing for helping us make our decision. He shadowed at the Catholic highschool last year for a day and I took a private tour. We knew kids that went there, we knew the school's reputation, and the school was able to answer my questions about teaching, curricula, etc. Including our son was more of: is he emotionally ready for this, what was his in classroom experience (and changing classes) like the day he shadowed, and do we send him this year or wait till next year. But once everything is starting to come together, no balls are going to be dropped. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 If you thought it was a good idea until last Thursday, and now it is a good idea to him too...I would call and try to enroll him. If his slot is taken, then you know the answer. If it is still open, enroll him. If nothing else it will take one more decision off your plate. It will lesson your load. Vacations can and will still happen, you will just need to work out a schedule like every other public school family. It is a different lifestyle but it isn't undoable. Sell the curriculum or sent it back. You will loose the shipping fees, but get most of your money back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snickerdoodle Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 This sounds like a reaction to peer pressure and the "it's so cool" factor on his part, instead of good reasoning that this is really what he wants. What will you do when he comes home for Christmas break and doesn't want to go back? Would it be ok for him to come back to homeschooling in 10th grade? Basically, is this really what he wants, or is it just that he has been influenced by being with the group for an intense week. I remember camp and how intense it can be. If he had more time to calmly think about it, he might change his mind again. I would be suspicious of this change of heart. I wonder how much girls factored into this new decision. ;) Hey, he's a young man, and perhaps he's imagining new possibilities in his life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary in VA Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 This sounds like a reaction to peer pressure and the "it's so cool" factor on his part, instead of good reasoning that this is really what he wants. What will you do when he comes home for Christmas break and doesn't want to go back? Would it be ok for him to come back to homeschooling in 10th grade? Basically, is this really what he wants, or is it just that he has been influenced by being with the group for an intense week. I remember camp and how intense it can be. If he had more time to calmly think about it, he might change his mind again. I would be suspicious of this change of heart. :iagree: I would want to know WHY he changed his mind. Mary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 Shelly -- have you made any decisions? I hope you have, because this must be so stressful for you! Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelly in IL Posted August 13, 2010 Author Share Posted August 13, 2010 No decision is made. We thought it was. We went to visit family for 4 days. During that time, he reasoned out everything he wanted - and homeschool came out to be his choice. Now we get home and his best buddy who came out of the retreat in the same boat - is going. Now we have upheaval - completely again. We will have to wait til Monday to make any calls -if we do- because well, it's Friday afternoon and we just found out. I don't know what is going to happen. I have approx. $500 worth of Freshman material purchased for Sept! wish us luck. Pass the Steve's. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 13, 2010 Share Posted August 13, 2010 I have to be honest with you, Shelly. I'd keep him home this year. He's just too wishy-washy about the decision, and I have a feeling that the minute he gets a little bored with going to school or anything even remotely stressful happens, he will demand to come back home for school. If you really want him to go to school (regardless of whether or not he wants to go,) then go ahead and send him; otherwise, I would forget about it for this year. And just because his friend has registered for school, doesn't mean he won't be headed back home in 2 weeks, either. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5LittleMonkeys Posted August 13, 2010 Share Posted August 13, 2010 When he had time to think things through logically while visiting family he made the choice to homeshcool...but because his friend is going he has changed his mind again. It sounds as if he wants to go simply because he wants to do what his friend(s) are doing.? It sounds to me as if he isn't mature enough yet to make the best decision for his education. If he were my dc he would be staying home. JMHO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelly in IL Posted August 14, 2010 Author Share Posted August 14, 2010 You know... all the old arguments to send to school come up - even though they are easily argued away. One thing that makes me the most sad is that he is a great runner and has no outlet. Family wide indecision. YOu know, the kind where you don't want to screw up your kid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted August 14, 2010 Share Posted August 14, 2010 I don't think you're going to screw up your kid. :) You'll make a good decision. You do continue to say that away from peer pressure he chooses to stay home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tampamommy Posted August 14, 2010 Share Posted August 14, 2010 If he really is dedicated to being a great competitive runner, he will find an outlet for it. He will research it, he will develop a training/racing program and execute it. That is, if he really wants it. If he doesn't really want it, it's still a great hobby. Either way, you do not need to go to a school building to be a great competitive runner. In many ways, it is a solitary pursuit. If he does shorter distances, there are running clubs (or he could start one if it's important enough to him), or he can train independently. I began running on my own at age 15. I developed my own training program (and in those ancient times, I did not have the internet or a computer!!) At 16, I entered my first road race. I won my age group. I continued running competitively in road races for many years after that. We have a friend who did not run one bit until she reached college. At that point, she discovered she liked to run. She was incredible, and actually made it to the US Olympic trials twice. She never ran in high school. I would agree with the last few posters who commented that his personal flipping and flopping indicate a lack of maturity. It sure sounds like he is being overly influenced by his friends in this decision. That in and of itself may be a good reason to keep him home another year. Extra family time certainly can't hurt. A great weekend to your family.:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelly in IL Posted August 14, 2010 Author Share Posted August 14, 2010 I woke up with more peace about the homeschool decision. He was peaceful yesterday, it was just me - oh - please don't let me rob him of any experiences, etc... I appreciate the posts. So, I"m thinking that we are keeping him here with us! Thanks again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teachin'Mine Posted August 14, 2010 Share Posted August 14, 2010 It sounds like you've made a good decision. Just because his friend has decided to go to the school, that doesn't mean he'll stay there. If he's been home schooled as well, he may change his mind when he gets there or a year or two later. They'll have plenty of time to get together outside of school. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 14, 2010 Share Posted August 14, 2010 I woke up with more peace about the homeschool decision. He was peaceful yesterday, it was just me - oh - please don't let me rob him of any experiences, etc... I appreciate the posts. So, I"m thinking that we are keeping him here with us! Thanks again. I know how you must have been feeling, Shelly. You want him to be happy, and you don't want him to miss out on any fun. It's hard to feel that we're disappointing our kids, but I think you're doing the right thing by keeping him home this year. Personally, I'm amazed that the other kids are making school sound so great. Most kids aren't that excited about going back to school! Could it be possible that they're exaggerating the fun so they can impress the homeschool kids? I'm just curious, because the majority of the average school day isn't particularly fun or entertaining, and I have a feeling that these kids may not have been giving your son an accurate impression of what school is really like. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5LittleMonkeys Posted August 14, 2010 Share Posted August 14, 2010 I'm glad you have peace about this. I know what you mean about not wanting them to miss any experiences. However, they do have their whole lives ahead of them. There are many, many things that my parents could not afford or didn't have the ability to allow me to participate in. Once I became an adult I was then able to pursue many of those interests on my own and actually had a better appreciation for them. As a pp said if he has a passion for something he will find a way.:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tampamommy Posted August 14, 2010 Share Posted August 14, 2010 It sounds as if you and your family will have a happy weekend.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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