Hs'ing & church--

[Aubrey]

How important is it that there are other hs'ing families in your church? That the pastor (or *somebody*) is supportive of hsing?

 

When my bf moved, so did 1/3 of the hs'ing pop at our church. The other family is Abeka. Hard core Abeka. Mom is a trained Abeka teacher.

 

But really, my bf wasn't very involved in kid stuff at church--it's mostly the Abekas & us. My church friends came over the other day, & I said something about hs'ing, &--as if on cue--they all made a gutteral noise that I can't spell, something like: "Uargh!" The schwa sound, lol, as if the very thought of hs'ing was to them like being punched in the stomach.

 

This was followed up by the usual, "You're a brave woman," "I'm not patient enough," etc. But I looked around the room & realized that they all have 1-2 dc/ea, 3yo & under. They probably have no idea what they're going to think/feel about sch when their kids get old enough. (Although it would be nice if they at leat found the intellectual side of hs'ing to be fascinating--how can you *not* think it's cool for WWII & the Great Depression to come up in conversation?)

 

Their visit, though, made me realize how alone I really feel in that church. The pw used to be a ps teacher, & so the pastor thinks I should put the dc in ps & teach, to put dh thr seminary. He's a really nice guy, fun to talk to, etc, as long as we stay away from hs'ing topics. Even then, he's not adamantly opposed or anything, he just doesn't see it as particularly important.

 

We started attending this church because our dc were in Awanas there, & the children's leaders were just so wonderful. They made all of us feel so loved. But the church isn't paying those leaders, & they're getting burned out--one couple has taken double their normal load for over a yr now because the children's dir hasn't been replaced--at a salary of $0, I'm not sure how they expect to replace her.

 

Anyway, I just found out that they're not going to do Awanas this yr. They've replaced it w/ something called Team Kids or Kids Team or I don't know what. The budget's been a problem, & it's supposed to be cheaper. It involves some Scripture memory + a lesson, as opposed to just Scripture. The dc always complain about their SS lessons, though, because they're so shallow & boring. I really hate to see Awanas turned into Wed night SS.

 

I'm not sure what I'm saying or asking, but I'm sad. The friends I've got there, I really like. It's not easy for me to make friends, & dh & I haven't found a church we loved since we got married, so it's not something to be let go of lightly. But gosh I'm feeling lonely. Dc are starting to feel it, too, as more of the (few) friends they have there leave. New people don't come.

[ScoutTN]

Sounds like a hard situation. Are you thinking of changing churches?

 

I am thankful to have 14 other hsing families in our church, 13 of whom are ahead of me in the experience department! Plus a other great moms who join us for field trips. A variety of styles of HSing represented.

It is nice for my dd to have 4 other girls her age who are also HSing to see in Sunday school, choir etc. Just like other kids enjoy seeing their school friends at church.

[Chris in VA]

I only know one homeschooling family in our church, and I don't know them well at all.

I do have the support of the pastor...:D

 

There are a ton of churches in your area--are you picky or something?:lol: just kidding

 

I am sorry you are having a hard time. :grouphug:

I know it's hard to find a good place. I really, really do.

 

What is God trying to refine in you thru this experience?

[Aubrey]

Sounds like a hard situation. Are you thinking of changing churches?

 

I am thankful to have 14 other hsing families in our church, 13 of whom are ahead of me in the experience department! Plus a other great moms who join us for field trips. A variety of styles of HSing represented.

It is nice for my dd to have 4 other girls her age who are also HSing to see in Sunday school, choir etc. Just like other kids enjoy seeing their school friends at church.

 

Yeah, it really hit me the other day, looking around the room at the 3 women who were here--*I* am the oldie. I mean...they're all a yr or more older than me, but of the 4 of us, I've been married the longest, parenting the longest, have way more kids, etc.

 

It's...scary/weird...to have no one older to talk to. They tried a mentoring program at church, but I was assigned to a woman who'd worked all her life & had 2 grown daughters whom she admonished not to have children. When one did anyway, she bragged to me that her dd "got what she deserved." With life choices & philosophies as different as mine & hers, I'm really at a loss as to what I'm supposed to learn from her. She criticized the *bushes* growing in front of my *rental* house. There's no way she likes anything beyond the bushes, if she finds those offensive! :001_huh:

[Aubrey]

What is God trying to refine in you thru this experience?

 

My backbone? :lol:

[dcurry]

I might ask around in your homeschool group where people attend church. I'm not sure it's particularly important that others in your church choose to homeschool, but if you are unhappy with your church, you could probably find one through other homeschooling families. If you *are* happy with your church, I'd stick it out and try to find some common ground with the people who are there. Maybe you will be an encouragement to these moms with young children when it comes time for them to make a decision about their children's schooling.

 

Our church is quite small, and has about 5-6 families with children, as well as a number of older people whose kids are grown. There are probably about 100 total in the congregation. Almost all of the families at our church homeschool- I think there may be one exception. All of the families go to the same AWANA as well, even though it is not at our church. We go there because our kids were invited to AWANA by someone at the church, and we liked the one we attended so have chosen to stick with it (even though it's not the closest one to our house). So during the school year, we see these families 2-3 times/week. But they are still not the people we choose to do things with outside of church/school. I would love to have our good friends attend the same church, but sometimes things just don't work out that way.

[Carol in Cal.]

I'm Lutheran, and I am accustomed to having to piece together my friendships around my various affinities. There are no other homeschooling families in my congregation, but I am on two Lutheran homeschooling lists, and I also belong to a local non-sectarian Christian homeschooling parents' group, as well as a couple of secular loose groupings. I don't expect to find people who are exactly like me, but I do like finding people that I have at least one or two things in common with, and who are respectful of our differences while enjoying our affinities. Maybe that's the best you can do at the church you love. Don't underestimate having a church that you love!

 

One nice thing about being Lutheran, though, is that there is a marked inbred teaching of respect for various choices where the Bible is silent. Adiophora are some of my favorite things about being Lutheran. So, although I'm sure there are those at my church who think homeschooling is odd, they probably wouldn't tell me that, they certainly wouldn't think that God wanted me to do something else instead, and my daughter does have friends there.

[HayesW]

We go to a church with about 250 folks on Sunday mornings. My children have 4-6 children in their grade at church. We are the only homeschooling family. Our preacher and his wife used to homeschool, but their children are in PS now.

 

It doesn't bother me. We don't have a youth group or anything like that. The kids go to Bible class and so far it hasn't been a problem.

[Aubrey]

There are a ton of churches in your area--are you picky or something?:lol: just kidding

 

I'm sure there's probably something else. We could try to find something else. I hate to, though. It's the first time I've ever felt bad about leaving a church. The people there are...great, in their own way. I'd daydreamed about raising our dc in a church when we joined. It's that kind of place. Or...it was at one point. When we came, it was already shrinking. Apparently...they've had a lot of problems. I don't know much about it.

[KS_]

How important is it that there are other hs'ing families in your church? That the pastor (or *somebody*) is supportive of hsing?

 

 

 

 

For me, whether or not there are other hs'ing families in the church isn't really an issue. We do have one family that I know of, and another one that did (their kids are adults now), and one more that did dual enrollment (but they moved). I just don't really care if anyone else is really supportive of my hs'ing, as long as they aren't antagonistic about it.

 

We kind of bucked the trend, anyway, when we started going to our church. They have nursery through age 3, and then children's church during the sermon for kids up through grade 2, and I never left my kids in nursery or sent them to children's church. We were the only family whose kids didn't go to children's church until we got a new pastor several years ago, and they didn't sent their kids, either.

[LG Gone Wild]

How important is it that there are other hs'ing families in your church? That the pastor (or *somebody*) is supportive of hsing?

 

.

 

Not important at all. I don't know if this is a Catholic thing or if it is *me* but if the priest was anti-homeschooling, it wouldn't phase me a bit. I could easily love the Church, the parish, and happily kiss off the priest although still diligently attending and participating in Mass. I *think* that, generally, Catholics aren't as attached to a pastor, a mere human being, as we are attached to the Church. Make sense?

 

Fellowship in hsing within my religious community is nice but totally unnecessary. I have met fellow Catholic hsers in my parish but we all have different ideas of how to carry that out. So we or I still kind of alone in that regard.

 

I've always been alone in this hs adventure anyway.

 

Sorry that you are bummed. I get that.

[Aubrey]

I don't have a hs group. The people at church are usually the only people we see. And...I'm an introverted homebody. I'd be more ok w/ the situation at church if I didn't have to go. Hanging out w/ just the ladies at my house is fine, too.

 

My point is, I'm probably not going to go find friends at a coop or a hs group or anything. Church alone is hard for me, so...I guess I'd like to get the most bang for my social outing as poss. :lol: I've kind-of...quit going...for now.

 

So I guess that means as long as dh & the dc are happy, I should just leave it alone. But when the ladies were here the other day & all made that sound about hs'ing, I started to wonder if it wasn't *just* me. Maybe there's something about the situation that's making it harder, too.

 

And I also hate walking that fine line of trying to keep your mouth shut enough that you don't look like a know-it-all, but not looking ignorant (& thus getting advice for baby Christians), either.

[Aubrey]

Not important at all. I don't know if this is a Catholic thing or if it is *me* but if the priest was anti-homeschooling, it wouldn't phase me a bit. I could easily love the Church, the parish, and happily kiss off the priest although still diligently attending and participating in Mass. I *think* that, generally, Catholics aren't as attached to a pastor, a mere human being, as we are attached to the Church. Make sense?

 

Fellowship in hsing within my religious community is nice but totally unnecessary. I have met fellow Catholic hsers in my parish but we all have different ideas of how to carry that out. So we or I still kind of alone in that regard.

 

I've always been alone in this hs adventure anyway.

 

Sorry that you are bummed. I get that.

 

That's funny--I've always been jealous of the Catholic hs'ing community! And the way that hs'ing is written about in...the little white book, I forget what it's called--is absolutely stunningly beautiful. I'd think a priest who was anti-hs'ing would be misunderstanding Church doctrine.

 

I know protestants tend to attach a lot of value to the pastor. In our case, since dh has been in seminary, it's a unique situation, I think. Pastor-love is not our normal state of being, lol, but that's why I put "or somebody." There are a lot of people in the church who've...gosh, it's hard to explain. I think...it might be a pretty hs'ing-unfriendly church. I can be naive about things like that, & then when it hits me, I feel kind-of dumb. I'm naturally very pessimistic about most things, but people & their attitudes still shock the bejeebers out of me.

[athena1277]

Where we went to church in AL, nearly everyone with kids was homeschooling or planning to homeschool when their dc reached school-age. Then we moved to VA. The church we attend here has only one hs family, and their youngest will be a senior this year, while my oldest is in 2nd grade. No one is against hs'ing (as far as I know). It is hard when all of dd's friends from Bible class are in school and not available to do anything during the week. We chose this congregation for it's Biblical beliefs and are not planning to chance. However, it would be nice if there were some other hs families.

[JoyfulMama]

I go to a large church for my area (400+ on any given Sunday). I believe there are three homeschooling families that attend (including us). I know there are a lot more homeschoolers in my area, but most prefer a more conservative church.

I have never received any negative comments about our decision to homeschool. I don't know that either of the pastors have a strong opinion one way or another. The church has allowed us to use their big stapler to make books, use their big strong paper cutter, and use the piano in the chapel. I've also been offered supplies from the craft closet if I ever need something for a specific project. (My eyes bugged out at that one!)

[MrsBasil]

I don't know that supportive would be that important to me, but respectful would be.

 

OTOH, you mentioned that the women had young children. I have one child and he's 18 months old. I'm here because I think I want to homeschool and wanted to a get an idea for what I'm getting myself into.

 

I think I'm crazy and spending day in day out with my guy has me re thinking my plans. Like the other day when he was so proud of himself for getting his diaper off all by himself, peeing on the floor, and covering it up with my nice, clean handwash only shirt that I had hung up and thought was out of his reach. :glare: Or when he dumps his soup on the floor, or when he cries for 15 minutes straight when I won't stop to give him a hug while I'm trying to dice veggies for dinner, or...you get the idea.

 

Anyway, just trying to say that their perspective is completely different from yous and they may not really be in the best place to be supportive.

 

I would be unhappy if my priest was so vocally against it though. :grouphug:

[mom31257]

We left our church a year ago, and being one of only 2 homeschool families (church of about 400 people) and certain staff being opposed to homeschooling did majorly influence our decision. It was not the only aspects, but they definitely helped tip the scale concerning our decision. So you know how big a decision it was, we were on staff part-time at this church and made $100 a week extra income that we gave up to leave. When you know it is right, though, you have to do it.

 

We had very few stay at home moms in our church. I always felt that the other women didn't like the idea of staying home and seemed threatened by the few of us who did. I say threatened because they always got so defensive when it came up (not by me). Needless to say, I had no close women friends there.

 

The youth pastor was against private Christian schools and homeschooling. He had this idea that Christians leaving public schools was the problem and thought all Christian kids should be there to be a "witness". I'm not going to call my child to be a missionary. Our dd was about to enter the youth group, so we were very concerned about her sitting under his ministry, knowing that he disagreed with our choices.

 

We are in a church now that almost all the kids are either homeschooled or in private school. It is so refreshing. I've not met one adult who has had a negative thing to say about us homeschooling or become defensive about it, either. I can't say that I've made a best friend there, but I feel very comfortable with the women. I'm not sure how much it really mattered until we were in a place where it didn't matter that we homeschooled.

 

I pray you are able to come to a peaceful decision about the direction you should take.

[swellmomma]

I don't care if there are other homeschooling families at church, or if hsing is generally supported, but it is important to me that it is not condemned kwim.

[OnTheBrink]

My church has about 400 people and there are about 12 homeschooling families of all sorts. The pastor is supportive of homeschooling being a viable option for educating children. His own sons homeschool their children.

[SilverMoon]

.

Edited September 17, 2023 by SilverMoon

[Nakia]

I don't know that supportive would be that important to me, but respectful would be.

 

 

 

Yes, this exactly. At our former church, we were one of two homeschooling families. It was a very small church, and I became very very close to the other homeschooling mom. When we all got together, she and I would discuss homeschooling a lot. We were asked by the preacher to stop discussing homeschooling because it made a lot of the other mothers "uncomfortable". :confused:

 

At our current much larger church, there are several homeschooling families. The pastor is very much in favor of the public schools, but he is also very respectful of those who choose to homeschool. Respect is the key.

 

I'm sorry you are struggling Aubrey. I know it's hard to even think about changing churches. We did it in October of last year, and even though we knew it was the right thing and God's will, it was really hard and painful. But now, looking back, we are so happy we did it.

:grouphug::grouphug:

[jenL]

We became homeschoolers through encouragement from our Kids Ministry pastor who was homeschooling his kids (they have since put them in school). Currently, there are a few families that homeschool. I wish there were more with kids my kids' ages, however. I'd love to have that connection with someone from church. I know some of the moms who have children my youngest son's age are thinking about homeschooling. I'm silently praying they choose it, so I can bond with them more. :) Selfish, I know!

 

Homeschooling is respected by our pastor to our face, but I know he has made negative comments to others regarding it. Having that in the back of my mind often saddens me (today was one of those days, in fact). I completely understand your loneliness, and it has crossed my mind to switch churches to find more hsing families; however, dh is not feeling the pull to do so. It would truly be nice to share the education and spiritual values with someone from church.

[misidawnrn]

I started attending DH's church when we met and still don't feel "like family". It has about 40-50 people depending on the day. There are 9 different families that have kids and only 2 of the families don't send their kids to the school in the church....I am one of them. The other family has 4 kids that go to PS but they started in the church school and didn't like it.

 

My DD started K there and I pulled her out in April. I didn't like the curriculum, the teacher for the younger grades was way too strict IMO, the "administrator" literally asked my 4th grade neice once "Kayla, you have ANOTHER question???" when I was there to help (parents were supposed to help once a week in the school) I was mortified that this young girl had a question and he put her down like that. That to me, doesn't instill the love of learning, it instills the fear of asking questions. I didn't feel like DD was learning things by mastery and only getting passed on to the next pace (ACE) whether she was ready or not. I didn't like that the kid's desks were little white desks with big pieces of plywood that stuck out like blinders on a horse so they couldn't see their neighbor. Talk about no socialization!!! She didn't get to talk during school except their 30 minute break....WTH?

 

I talked to our preacher about my concerns with the school before I pulled DD out and was met with a "a Christian education is the best thing for our children" speech...of course...who started the school??? our preacher. Great, fine and dandy, I want my children to have a Christian education as well but I can do a heck of a better job not putting my child down, not breaking her spirit and socializing her at home, while teaching her about Christ. He isn't supportive of it but I don't need his oppinion. I am her mother.

 

I was literally not spoken to when I pulled DD out. In fact a bunch of the moms got together to take their kids to swim lessons and there was 3 lessons left when I pulled DD out but I continued to take her and just sat in the pool while DD did lessons not talking to anyone:confused:. Oh well, I prayed long and hard about my decision to homeschool my girls. I know that PS isn't an option for us as they failed my DS in school, IMO. And I didn't think that church school was for us either so home we went and home we will stay!

 

Even to this day, I still feel like a misfit because I don't support the church school by sending DD there. I don't get invited for playdates, I don't get invited to BBQ's, etc etc etc. I get talked to at church now but never about homeschooling. Our preacher quit having personal Bible study with us after I pulled DD out...don't know if it is HS related or a coincidence that he is busy. If it weren't for DH, I would have found another church a long time ago but he has went there for 20+ years and so I will stay. I stay for him and Jesus...not because I am there to make friends.

 

Do what is right for your family and if the church doesn't like it....tough!

Edited August 10, 2010 by misidawnrn
added

[Cinder]

I, too, am at a church where I *feel* like I'm the only homeschooler. Actually there is one other family that homeschools. We chat but aren't close. Her youngest is a high school senior. The pastor supports homeschooling--he and his dw have homeschooled their kids. Other than that it's all public schoolers. We've been there over 3 years and our kids are just now connecting with some of the other kids. For my ds1, Awana has had a big part in that.

 

Our church has a great Awana program. I think part of what makes it great is that so many of the high schoolers are involved. We have it Sun evening to allow for this. And at least half the kids coming don't even go to our church. But they know the Awana name from other churches. We were once at a church that did Team Kid. Dh's description: Awana Lite. It was more Sunday School-ish. We wanted to support our church so our kids attended. For a time. They didn't really like it.

 

Are you still friends with the hs'ers that left your church? I've been blessed to have a good hs friend here. We've never attended the same church, though. We moved to this town not knowing anyone, joined a homeschool group/email list, and found her through that group via one of her posts. This was a family we'd kind of known in the past but not well, and it was in another state when we knew them. God is good.

 

Thanks for letting me ramble.

Cinder

[LuvToRead]

I attend a pretty small church, and I'm the only homeschooler. But, everyone seems very supportive. We have a lot of public school teachers, and they are all very positive.

[Lilymax]

We're the only HS family in our church, too. Which is so weird considering how huge homeschooling is in our community. I know tons of HS'ers outside of church, though, so we do have plenty of support elsewhere. But I do, at times, feel like the odd woman out when I'm with a group of ladies at church and they're all talking about their kids and school issues.

 

We also have quite a few PS teachers at our church. Even our pastor sends his kids to PS. I haven't asked him directly, but I imagine he'd be supportive of any educational choice. He's never seemed negative toward HS.

[silliness7]

I have been in a similar situation. We moved out of state and are now blessed to be at a church with a large homeschool population and a nice co-op type group within the church.

 

In my previous church I felt a bit more defensive about hs'ing and I felt like I had less in common with other moms and I had hs'ing on the brain. It's all I thought about and what I liked to talk about.

 

I think I have changed over the years though. I know that I could not be happy at a church where the pastor and the vast majority of the congregants were not committed to Christian education. But I am friends with moms who send their kids to Christian school. (I have toyed with the idea myself.) I have found that there are plenty of other fun things to talk about (even with my hs'ing friends.)

 

A mom from church was over (private school mom) and was ogling my school room. She was in awe and confessed that she hated helping with homework. She thought history was sooooo boring. :001_smile: She is a sweet, wonderful lady and a fabulous mom. I think it is O.K. if she thinks history is boring. I groove on it. But hey...there are people here who groove on gardens and canning and horses, etc. I am NOT that person. But we can fellowship together and learn from each other and find common ground.

 

I think it helps that homeschoolers in our church are starting to outnumber brick & mortar schoolers and that the pastor homeschools and that we have a nice active hs group within the church. There is no reason to feel defensive when you are so accepted and I think that helps both kinds of families to bond when no one's defenses are up and no one thinks the other group is strange for doing what they do. And I know I'm very blessed to be at this place.

 

Good luck in your situation. :grouphug:

[FaithManor]

If the church family isn't the right fit, it's okay to consider another congregation. Seasons in life! We left a church that wasn't a good fit for us anymore and have been blessed in our new church home.

 

I will say that we left quietly without making waves because we didn't feel it was Christlike to drone to them about what we felt were their faults. No congregation will ever be perfect this side of heaven. But, had the powers-that-be wanted to know what was behind the move, we would have been willing to have a meeting and gently tell them. Though we gave notice, so to speak, so both the music director and children's ministries director would have time to train replacements, the pastors when informed, we not interested in our views. That's fine. We can't all worship together in one places as the Body of Christ so it's okay to choose a group that is more likely to be supportive of the decisions you make for your family and will encourage your own spiritual growth while giving you adequate opportunities to bless others in return.

 

Faith

[emubird]

We're the only homeschoolers at our church. The pastor at first thought we were nuts and kept insisting we send our kids to real school once they hit high school. He was a great guy, we just disagreed on that.

 

He's now retired and the new pastor has just had to accept us loonies.

 

As for everyone else, I figured they could just take us or leave us. They generally took us. As the years have gone by, people who originally thought we were crazy have told me they really admire how our kids turned out.

 

No, I never felt lonely being the only homeschoolers. We just are what we are. The only difficulty is that some of the kids have been a bit cliquish because some go to the same school -- but they were excluding plenty of other kids who went to different schools, so it's not like my kids were singled out.