Who should pay for the .....

[katemary63]

Bride's maid's dresses? My DS is getting married. His fiance's family is wealthy and has stated that they are paying for our three daughter's dresses who will all be bride's maids. The bride and my daughters picked the dresses out together. They are shorter dresses that can be worn again easily. We don't need them or expect them to pay for the dresses. Shouldn't we thank them and politely insist on paying for the dresses ourselves? Each dress will be about $200. I'm not really up on what's normal in weddings, but I remember being in my girlfriend's wedding 25 years ago and I paid for my own dress. What do people do now? Thanks!

[Alphabetika]

My dd was in a wedding this summer which involved getting a dress, shoes, petticoat and other undergarments, as well as having the dress steam-cleaned when we got to the (out of state) wedding site. We paid for it, but if the bride's family had offered and it wasn't a hardship for them, I believe we would have accepted. It got rather pricey.

[Liz CA]

I suppose I would thank them and pay for the dresses myself and point out that the girls will be wearing them on many other occasions and thank them for all the things they are taking care of.

 

Of course, the frugal voice in me says:"Let them pay and save $600.00..." but I know I would feel better if I paid for it. Just a matter of principle. There are likely lots of other occasions where they can foot the bill.

[MorganClassicalPrep]

I was in my best friends wedding just a couple months ago and her mom made and paid for all the dresses (including the wedding dress!).

 

Then again, all 3 bridesmaids are college students without a lot of extra money, so I'm not sure if they would have done the same if we were able to pay for our own dresses.

[Aggie]

In the wealthier circles (so I've heard:D) the bride's family pays for these expenses.

 

If it is going to be an expensive wedding, you'll incur other costs. :001_smile:

[Mynyel]

I would say pay for them.

 

I was in a wedding (as the maid of honor) and had to pay for my own dress. I couldn't afford it and had to work overtime to get it.

 

I am already married but after being in that wedding....boy... I will never want a wedding... ever. We were married by a JoP and I am sooooooo glad! :)

 

Anyway, little sidetrack there...but my vote....don't make them pay for them :)

[Chris in VA]

My girls each paid for their own dress. It was their gift to me as the bride.

'Course, mine were $20 JCPenney Outlet bridesmaids dresses...:D

[mrs.m]

My parents paid for them. My parents would not have accepted the money. Why not give it to the bride and groom instead to give them a nice start?

 

I've been in weddings were I had to pay for the dress. It just depends on the bride's financial situation.

[LauraGB]

We've always paid for our own (as bridesmaids - I've been in 3 weddings). And the shoes. The bride paid for the jewelry and any other accessories that could be used post-wedding.

 

At my own wedding, I tried to choose dresses that would easily be shortened (altered) for a classic evening wear grab so my bridesmaids could get more from the investment. I'm not sure I succeeded, though (I mean, who wears "teal" anything out to a fancy dinner??? :001_huh:)

Edited August 8, 2010 by LauraGB

[snickelfritz]

I've been in weddings where both happened. My dh has also been in weddings where both happened (he paid or groom paid) for renting his tux.

 

I (deep down) think that outside of a bride who leaves the outfit(color, fit, price) completely to the person.... The bride should pay. But I never put up a fuss when they told me I was paying.

[Mom2J112903]

My parents payed for both my sister's and my own wedding dress.

 

My parents payed for both of our brides maid dresses as well.

 

In each wedding, all the other brides maids payed for their own dresses.

 

My wedding was $5K, my sisters was $7K+. My sister payed for a portion of her wedding. ;) Yet if you look at our weddings, you would think *mine* was the more expensive one.

 

My sister has been in two weddings (besides mine) and in each one she has bought her own dress. One wedding was upwards of $20K+ and the other was similar to ours.

[Crimson Wife]

Ettiquette states that the bridesmaids are responsible for purchasing their own dresses. But often when the bride's family is well-to-do and the bridesmaids aren't, the dresses are given as gifts to the bridesmaids.

 

I got married 2 weeks after college graduation and my friends were all broke. My folks weren't rich but they weren't poor either. So I included the purchase of the dresses in my overall budget. However, even adjusted for inflation they were nowhere near $200 each.

[MamaT]

Years ago when I was a bridesmaid a few times, we were expected to pay for our own dresses. My bridesmaids paid for their dresses for my wedding.

 

My ds is getting married in two weeks and all the girls bought their own dresses.

 

If the bride's family can afford it though, and wants to, I might be tempted to let them pay for the dresses since they seem to be quite expensive.

[elegantlion]

I suppose I would thank them and pay for the dresses myself and point out that the girls will be wearing them on many other occasions and thank them for all the things they are taking care of.

 

Of course, the frugal voice in me says:"Let them pay and save $600.00..." but I know I would feel better if I paid for it. Just a matter of principle. There are likely lots of other occasions where they can foot the bill.

 

:iagree: I would probably do this.

[amyco]

Money aside, I think the larger issue here is that you don't want to do anything that might peeve the future in-laws or get things off on a bad foot. You are not "making them pay for the dresses" as a previous poster said--they have graciously offered. It's up to you, as you can see that all manner of things have been done by bridesmaids. (It's true that traditionally, bridesmaids were expected to pay for their own dresses).

 

Either way, I hope you can find a way to figure it out where everyone is happy! If it were me, I'd probably take them up on it, and maybe find a way to take care of something else.

[Carrie12345]

My sister got married last year and my cousin is getting married this month. All bridesmaids paid for their own dresses.

 

Personally, I'd politely decline. Then, if she insists, I'd politely accept. After all, the bride is always right! ;)

[kpnick in nc]

I've paid for dresses when I'm a bridesmaid, and my bridesmaids paid for their own as well.

 

I would probably let them pay for the dresses and consider them the bridesmaids' gifts. If you're paying for the rehearsal dinner, maybe you can put more $ towards that?

[dirty ethel rackham]

In every wedding I have been involved in, the bridesmaids paid for their own dresses and shoes. But then again, I have never been involved in a wedding involving any wealth, so I do think that might make a difference.

[Parrothead]

Ettiquette states that the bridesmaids are responsible for purchasing their own dresses. But often when the bride's family is well-to-do and the bridesmaids aren't, the dresses are given as gifts to the bridesmaids.

 

 

:iagree:Wedding attendants traditionally pay for their own attire.

[coffeegal]

Personally, I'd politely decline. Then, if she insists, I'd politely accept. After all, the bride is always right! ;)

 

:iagree:

 

If it were me, I'd probably take them up on it, and maybe find a way to take care of something else.

 

:iagree: Upon accepting, you can think of something special for the parents of the bride. :001_smile:

[WeeBeaks]

I paid for the dresses for my bridesmaids. (DH and I paid for our own wedding expenses.) It was a gift to them.

 

If the family wants to offer, I would graciously accept given they can afford it without really hurting financially. I'm sure there will be instances where you can offer to assist in some other way, financially or otherwise.

[SOCKSINFOX]

I agree with the last couple of posts. First politely decline, letting them know that the dresses are ones the girls will be able to wear again. If they insist, then graciously accept their generosity. This was if they are offering to pay just to be polite they can let you go ahead and pay, but if they really have their heart set on paying then you won't offend.

[Ellie]

Bridesmaids pay for their own dresses and shoes.

 

The groomsmen pay for their clothing (whatever that is--tuxes, suits, whatever).

 

It has become customary for the groom's parents to pay for the rehearsal dinner; it's optional, though, and they get to decide what it is--IOW, they don't need to confer with the bride. And it really should be a small gathering, just the people who are actually part of the wedding party (and their spouses), and not a big dinner.

 

The bride's parents pay for everything else, because they are the hosts, although it is thoughtful of the groom's parents to pay for the flowers.

Edited August 9, 2010 by Ellie

[Brindee]

I've been in a few weddings, and mostly paid for it myself. One was while I was still working my way through college, and the mother of the bride INSISTED on paying for my dress, since I really didn't have the money. I bught my own shoes.

 

My bridesmaids paid for 1/2 their dress & shoes cost, that's all I could afford to help them with.

 

None of those weddings was very big budget-wise. I don't know if ours even hit $2000. But it was beautiful, I loved it! :D My dh's parents paid for the rehearsal dinner, but we chose together what to have, they would NEVER have presumed to do THEIR thing on their son's (and my) day!

[EmilyK]

When my friends and I were getting married 20 years ago or so, most of us brides paid for it since we were generally picking out matching dresses and in many cases they would be something unlikely to be worn again, and from the bride's perspective you didn't want to be a jerk sticking a friend with a bill to buy a dress they didn't even like. But I might have paid for one or two of my bridesmaid dresses. I'm certain I didn't pay for two of them since they were sewn by a seamstress who was altering the wedding dress as well.

 

More recently I've been in two weddings where a friend was getting married for the first time around 40. In one case -- which was great -- I was the only person standing up and I got to pick out my own dress. ( I think the mother of the bride wanted to pick it out, but I was too fat for the dress they pulled for me as a suggestion.) That was actually my first experience with bridal shops -- if I had wanted to order a dress with them I would have had to go in months ahead of time.

 

The other wedding was easy too -- the bride picked out an inexpensive dress at Nordstrom (as inexpensive as they get there) and had us just buy one at our convenience. I was happy to pay for it and wore it again.

 

It is sort of like paying for the hotel rooms for the wedding party -- a nice touch if you can afford it but don't if you can't. If someone wanted to do that for me and they had more money than I do, I wouldn't be offended.

[JenC3]

I've been in 5 weddings and never paid for the dress. Some were inexpensive, some were not. I chose to have only a MOH and my best friend chose a dress she felt comfortable in and paid for it, although I tried to pay for it, she said no since she could wear it again.

[elfgivas]

hi -

 

its not only a wedding; its the beginning of a relationship.

 

so its your call. i'd be tempted to err on the side of being agreeable rather than sticking to protocol.... so i'd say "thank you so much". bridesmaids often give a shower for the bride, and extra money could be spent there if you chose.

 

i suspect the bride and groom talk by times ;), and she is aware that $600- is a bit much for your family, but that she wanted those dresses and so made that choice. when our oldest got married, i offered to her that we would pay for any of the bridesmaids dresses where she thought that was appropriate. we ended up only buying one, but that was definitely the right call. on the other hand, she picked a length and a colour, and then let each bridesmaid pick a style she would be comfortable in and would wear again. it also allowed them to choose how much they might spend. it worked out really, really well, as one bridesmaid was almost 6 feet tall, and one was 5 ft. 2, and one style would definitely not have fit all ;).

 

having recently lived through it, i would really suggest you focus on being the kind of inlaws you'd like to be, and let protocol go.

 

enjoy,

ann

[Starr]

Whatever is protocol I think it is a lovely thing for them to do. I think you should accept graciously. You will find many other ways to show your love and kindness.

[ma23peas]

I would accept their gift graciously and thank them with some token to welcome them into your family (flowers, massage for the mom of the bride, she'll need it! :)) You will still need to buy shoes and perhaps pay for hair styling or such..

 

What I would do in lieu of paying $600 for the dresses, is giving the couple a large cash gift to help them with expenses....

 

Congratulations on gaining a daughter, that's lovely!

Tara

[katemary63]

Why not give it to the bride and groom instead to give them a nice start?

 

Haha! The bride's parents are giving them over half a million in cash (her trust fund) and property. I guess I could throw in $600!

 

Just kidding and all. It's just a funny comment considering the circumstances. :lol::D

 

Thanks all, for the info and sharing your experiences. It has helped a lot. I am sure we will offer to pay, but I think if they insist, we won't argue the point too much.

[Brindee]

it worked out really, really well, as one bridesmaid was almost 6 feet tall, and one was 5 ft. 2, and one style would definitely not have fit all ;).

I know how you feel--only not so much in height but in weight. I had one bridesmaid that was 5'2" and skinny, and one who was 5"6" and very large. Picking a dress that fit them all was so hard! I really wanted all of them as bridesmaids, but to get a dress that fit them all, I couldn't have my first, or even 2nd choice.

 

Back then it was the thing for them all to wear the same thing. Wish I would've thought to let them choose the style! I like that idea, it would've been great for our wedding, though I like how it cam out anyway! :D Glad it worked out well!

 

BTW, I have some friends who have had more expensive weddings, and the parents of the bride DID pay for the bridesmaids dresses. I think it is whatever feels the best for those involved in this wedding. If they feel that really want to do this, I wouldn't refuse them! But I'd happily pay for the dresses if they didn't! That way it's not an issue!

[mrs.m]

Haha! The bride's parents are giving them over half a million in cash (her trust fund) and property. I guess I could throw in $600!

 

Just kidding and all. It's just a funny comment considering the circumstances. :lol::D

 

Thanks all, for the info and sharing your experiences. It has helped a lot. I am sure we will offer to pay, but I think if they insist, we won't argue the point too much.

 

:smilielol5:

 

$600 would have been a life saver for us. We (DH and I) were broke even though my parents paid for the dresses. And I'm pretty sure my parents were tapped after my wedding.

[edithcrawley]

Normally the bridesmaids buy their own dresses. My bridesmaids bought their own for my wedding next spring, but I made sure it was a style and a color that they thought they could definitely wear again.

[leighp]

I think the bride or brides family should pay. I paid for the dresses that my bridesmaid wore, but I had to pay for the dresses for the weddings I was in.

[Cindyg]

When I and all my girlfriends were getting married, we were all in many weddings, and we all paid for our own bridesmaid's dresses.

[Kari C in SC]

I have seen it both ways. When I was maid of honor in my best friend's wedding, her mom insisted on paying for my dress and shoes. She said it was because I was paying for myself and dd to fly up for the wedding and that she just wouldn't let me pay for another thing. Of course, I have known this woman since I was 2 years old, so it didn't seem strange to take the gift. When I got married, they each paid to have their dresses made. I don't remember how much they were.

[Hannah C.]

I got married in January, and my bridesmaids (two sisters, one friend) paid for their own dresses. I wouldn't have been able to pay for them! My mother actually paid for my two sisters' dresses, I believe.

 

I purposefully looked only for dresses which were more like semi-formal dresses. I didn't want to make people buy a dress that would only really be wearable once. We ended up finding a beautiful red semi-formal dress which was actually being sold as a "special occasion" dress, for $89. It was at least $20 cheaper than any actual bridesmaid's dress at the store. I was going to let them each pick their own dress originally, but it turned out everyone liked the red one and everyone looked good in it!

[duckens]

The only wedding I have been in was my sister's.

 

I was a poor college student, and I worked at least two jobs (as a nanny and weekend babysitting) just to be lucky enough to go to college and provide housing for myself. I also had car expenses. No such thing as being paid overtime.

 

Sister told me what dress to order, and although it was only $70+ shipping + alterations, it was a hardship for me. There was also the plane ticket, wedding gift, and time off from work with no income. I lodged in my parents' hotel room.

 

Of course, there was the comfort of, "Oh, and you can wear it again!!!" which I never did. :glare:

 

If Loverboy and I ever marry, we're just going down to the courthouse. If we change our mind and order a big to-do, I will NOT put others through what I did. It's MY party; I can pay for it.