s/o Merry's thread

[jld]

What do you want for your dc regarding marriage? Do you want them to marry someone similar to themselves? Different? Older? Younger? Same interests or different? Same values or different? Same educational level or different? Have you ever had a heart to heart talk on this subject with your teens? What did you learn from them? Do you see this differently now than you used to? What has your experience been?

[Jean in Newcastle]

I want my children to marry a person of integrity and virtue. Since they have a relationship with the God of the Bible, I want them to marry someone who has a relationship with God too. I want them to marry their best friend - someone who really understands them and who they understand - well, as well as any person can understand another.

[Renee in NC]

The only thing that I have warned my ds about:

 

If he really, truly does not want children, he needs to make sure that whoever he marries also *really* doesn't want children!

 

Otherwise, I have no expectations. I married someone that my family would never have approved of in a million years if they had been given input. He is a wonderful father and husband. I am the "pity" of my family, but I still wouldn't change him for the world.

[Joanne]

What do you want for your dc regarding marriage? Do you want them to marry someone similar to themselves? Different? Older? Younger? Same interests or different? Same values or different? Same educational level or different? Have you ever had a heart to heart talk on this subject with your teens? What did you learn from them? Do you see this differently now than you used to? What has your experience been?

 

None of the above, really.

 

I am interested in character, care and respect. Age doesn't matter within reason. Interests and education *could* be tied to areas of character, care and respect.

[ciyates]

What do you want for your dc regarding marriage? Do you want them to marry someone similar to themselves? Different? Older? Younger? Same interests or different? Same values or different? Same educational level or different? Have you ever had a heart to heart talk on this subject with your teens? What did you learn from them? Do you see this differently now than you used to? What has your experience been?

 

I want him to marry someone he can grow with, someone of the same moral value, the same religious beliefs. I want her to be his biggest cheerleader but not afraid to knock him in the back of the head when he needs a reality check. I want him to marry someone who will respect him and cherish him. I want him to strive to be the best man possible to honor and respect her. I am blessed to have married a wonderful man and he is a great father. We often point out to DS how well DH treats me and how I do the same.

 

We regularly talk about it and discuss traits in people that we like and don't like. I pray regularly for him to follow God's path in choosing a mate. I also pray that I will be the kind of in law that is honoring to their new family and to God. I pray that I have the wisdom to keep my mouth shut and my opinions to myself :D

[elegantlion]

I want my son to marry someone who loves him for who he is. I want her to be willing to accept that people change, circumstances change, and be willing to ride out the good and bad with my son in love.

 

Good jobs can come and go, money can be lost even if you think you've invested well, and health can be lost in a moment even if you take care of yourself. Lust fades, hairlines recede, and gravity happens.

 

I think the biggest compliment my husband has made is that he'd love to be on a deserted island with me. That means that everything else doesn't matter, it's just me, and boy I wish we could get away like that more often.

 

If my ds can find someone like that, I'd be very happy for him.

 

A bonus would be if she were homeschooled and wanted to homeschool the grandkids. When they start looking for their first home to buy they could walk in, see a chandelier hanging from the dining room and say "Look there's already a built-in homeschool room." :D

[HRAAB]

Someone like their dad. By that I don't mean like their dad in personality, temperment, etc., but like their dad in character: hard working, responsible, not afraid of difficult, unpleasant jobs, willing to do what it takes to care for his family, respectful of people (male and female), and full of integrity. And, of course, he must love them as they are, inside and out.

[WishboneDawn]

None of the above, really.

 

I am interested in character, care and respect. Age doesn't matter within reason. Interests and education *could* be tied to areas of character, care and respect.

 

Those three, plus intelligence. :)

[laughing lioness]

What do you want for your dc regarding marriage? Do you want them to marry someone similar to themselves? Different? Older? Younger? Same interests or different? Same values or different? Same educational level or different? Have you ever had a heart to heart talk on this subject with your teens? What did you learn from them? Do you see this differently now than you used to? What has your experience been?

 

My hopes are that they marry someone with similar values and the same belief system (committed Christian). We've talked about this a lot. I really believe that a spouse is the 2nd most important decision they'll make in thier life. My motto: choose well.

[Ester Maria]

I would love my children to marry somebody who is, ultimately, a healthy personality (the "healthy" part not being so much the description of physical health, as that of an attitude towards life, other people, themselves... I suppose what you would call a character), a stable person, that will care and respect them, and with whom they may live happily, in an emotionally healthy relationship. So, along the lines of "the most important things in life are health and happiness", this is BY FAR the most important thing in a potential spouse.

 

Additionally, well, I would lie if I said I didn't have any "preferences", but those are only preferences, while the above should be the ultimate condition. So speaking of preferences, I would like them to marry a like-minded, like-educated individual, financially stable (not necessarily "backed up" - just stable, with a job and debt-free, so they don't need to worry too much about that aspect of life), with shared values and at least some of the shared culture (linguistically, ethnically, etc.).

 

(I would also LOVE if my grandchildren were as beautiful as my children, so I also hope they marry some handsome men. :D Vain, I know.)

[nono]

Honestly, I couldn't care less about my future daughter- and son-in-laws' religion, ethnicity or the like. What I care about is more basic, like fundamentally sound character and genuine pleasantness. Very high on my list too would be the ability to do math, so as not to subject my children to the burden of a difficult marriage due to someone being fiscally inept.

[Smithie]

1. Emotionally and mentally stable.

2. Deeply in love with whichever of my children they are marrying.

3. Not tied to any strong moral or religious beliefs that would cause my children pain and worry (not sure what those would be yet, as I don't know what my kids' OWN moral and religious stances will be when they are adults).

 

 

...

 

1,000th. It would also be really nice if nothing this future spouse believes causes ME pain. I do not want to hear from my grandchildren's mouths that I am going to burn in the fiery pit or that the Earth is 6,000 years old. But ultimately, that's about me and dh, not about my child and their spouse and the happiness that exists in their relationship.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

What do you want for your dc regarding marriage? Do you want them to marry someone similar to themselves? Different? Older? Younger? Same interests or different? Same values or different? Same educational level or different? Have you ever had a heart to heart talk on this subject with your teens? What did you learn from them? Do you see this differently now than you used to? What has your experience been?

 

I want them to marry someone who can be supportive, resilient, independent enough to handle things if they have to be apart but not so independent that they don't think of each other as parts of the same whole. I would like them to be intellectually curious (which isn't necessarily dependant on level of education). To be able to stick up for themselves but not think of marriage as a competition of wills. To pick someone who thinks of others and is generous in relationships, but doesn't forget how to say no.

 

I think they should have similar values and similar faith perspectives. But that they should have a solid basis for these perspectives other than long family tradition.

 

I think that it is hard as a young person in love to even imagine the stresses that life is going to put on a marriage. Friction with extended family, loss of children, job uncertainty, illness, legal problems, financial worries. We've been generally blessed in our marriage, but we've still had four major moves (three involving a change in country with a fourth looming) and a lot of time apart. We've been pretty secure financially, but there was one horrible day when I didn't know if I'd come out the other side as a widow. And there is a real possibility that he'll still have to spend an extended time deployed in a dangerours region.

 

I have had a couple specific talks about how certain behaviors are indications of selfishness and immaturity (like the young girl who wanted to "go out" with my son so she could catch the eye of his friend - grr). And I try to set an example with my marriage and to talk openly about why marriages around us are healthy.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

1. Emotionally and mentally stable.

2. Deeply in love with whichever of my children they are marrying.

3. Not tied to any strong moral or religious beliefs that would cause my children pain and worry (not sure what those would be yet, as I don't know what my kids' OWN moral and religious stances will be when they are adults).

 

 

...

 

1,000th. It would also be really nice if nothing this future spouse believes causes ME pain. I do not want to hear from my grandchildren's mouths that I am going to burn in the fiery pit or that the Earth is 6,000 years old. But ultimately, that's about me and dh, not about my child and their spouse and the happiness that exists in their relationship.

 

 

I don't have my heart set on any certain age, ethnicity or gender for any of my kids. (my oldest came out recently. Luckily, gender was never on my list of 'must-have's')

 

Not controlling, abusive or of the belief that one spouse should submit or hold "headship" over another.

 

I would prefer not Christian, because of so much baggage that seems to come along with that lifestyle, but, of course, it's not up to me.

 

Good with money, but mostly......deeply in love and have each other's interests in mind, not selfish.

[Wheres Toto]

I don't care about age, race, religion, ethnicity or gender as long as they are able to have a relationship as equals, not one where the wife is considered subordinate in any way. Not too worried about that with my oldest since she definitely is not the type to take a secondary role in her own life.

 

I would like any future son or daughter-in-law to be intelligent (so they can have conversations beyond what to watch on tv), hard working, willing to show his feelings and non-abusive (physically, mentally, emotionally, verbally).

[Peela]

I would hope they would marry someone that they could grow and be happy with. Someone who loves and supports them just for being them, and who they truly love.

I don't really think its my business to define who I want my kids to marry...they have their own destiny. I just wish them happiness- real happiness, which comes from a fulfilled life and a caring partner- not superficial happiness of lots of money and a good house.

However, it would also not bother me if my children did not marry at all. I would like grandkids, but I want my kids to follow their own inner passions and knowing and live the best life they can- not to serve my wishes.

[mrsrevmeg]

My prayer has always been for all my boys to marry a Christian. A Christian by deed, not just by word. I really hope that they are able to find someone with the same values and interests as them and who they can have meaningful conversations with (as well as talk about goofy stuff like which Jedi is the coolest:tongue_smilie:) Their age, education, ethnicity, etc is not important to me as long as they are happy with my kiddos.